Tsubei

[Yaruka]

Yaruka gave me this new journal today. It's a pretty little book with an embroidered satin cover that has a style she calls 'oriental.' She says the style fits me. I'm not sure why, but it is pretty and I plan to use it.

Something big has happened. I think it would be described as 'monumental.' Yaruka has been teaching me more about vocabulary and I'm fascinated that there are so many words that you can use to describe certain things. And a lot of them mean exactly the same thing. She says that different ones are more 'eloquent' than others and make your statements sound better. I'm not sure that I understand, but I think that it will improve something.

What was I saying? Oh yes....the big event. Another change....I think. I can't quite be certain except that I am still a child. I'm just different somehow. Everything is different. Nothing is the same...which is repetative of me to say. Despite that, it feels as though this is how it should be, or rather how it has always been. I can't be sure. I know something is vastly different (vastly...another interesting word) because my memory seems...off.

I don't know how else to describe it. I have vivid memories, a lot of them important, but there seem to be holes in them. Blank spots where something should have happened, but didn't. At least, I think it did. I can't be sure anymore. Though, in the end, I suppose it doesn't matter. I could take this as another chance to make things better for myself.

Yaruka has also been trying to encourage me to speak the words that I learn from her. I admit, it's interesting to speak. I don't like doing it a lot, though. It is a bit of a strain and not really needed so much, at least to me. I can express my thoughts to others just as well as they move their mouths. Still....there is an appeal to actually being 'heard.' My voice sounds strange, but kind of cute.

I still don't know what the future holds for me, or the others. I can only hope it's brighter than what it was before.  

[Yaruka]

Today, I met a few interesting people.

Yaruka and I headed to the new location, where we met Setsushi. He's a Porcelain, but he's much taller than any I've ever known. He's very nice, but obsessed with cleanliness. At least he's a friendly face. Along with him, I met another human who called himself Lynod. He was quite nice as well, but had to leave quite quickly. I do hope it wasn't an emergency.

I also met another Porcelain girl named Cho. I had seen her around the old place a few times, but never talked to her. She's interesting and we have a few things in common. She likes crafts and gardening like me. She hasn't seemed to have gone through the changes that the others have. How odd. I suppose that things happen for a reason, though.

Something happened, though, that I didn't expect. In her thoughts, she mentioned a name; Tsukiba. I don't know why, but it seemed a bit familiar. When I tried to think about it, though, my mind started hurting. Everything was a blurr and it hurt the more I tried to make it clear. I don't know what's going on, but I hope it doesn't happen again. It made me a bit sad, though I don't know why.

I hope that I can see Cho again, and maybe meet others. Maybe Silver is one of the others that changed, as well. I thought I saw him while we were there. I hope Setsushi likes the gift I left him. A pretty thing to decorate his new place.  

[Yaruka]

Another day passes in odd interest. Though, now I find myself in a strange sort of tumultuous calm, with the threat of rising again in a storm.

My emotions are in a whirl right now, all from the upstart of a little girl. Another Porcelain, aparantly a princess, named Shuuken was at the shack today. She is a rather...odd one, I should say. She believes with all her might that she is a boy. She was quite the snob and, to say the least, we did not get off to a good start. I do not care if someone is royalty; undue disrespect is not tolerated.

Still, I didn't expect the end to come as it did. Setsushi and Shuuken's guardian, Lynod, had to come and pull her off of me before things got too ugly. I don't know why, but my anger turned into frustration and I started crying. I didn't want to...but it turned out for the better that I had. Shuuken apologized...and so did I. I did not have a right to say the things that I did and I do regret it. It seems now that we are on a path towards friendship, which I am glad of. I do not need enemies now, nor ever. I prefer to have more friends than I did to begin with.

I still feel frustrated. Apart from Yaruka, I do not think that others know or see me for the adult that I truly am inside. All they see is the child body and that is what they think of me as; just a child. While I know I should see it as a chance to make better the things I did not at my true childhood age, I can't help but feel that some things might be different if I were my true age in body. Such as the fight today, I do not think it would have happened were I truly an adult. I had not been an adult for very long before the first big change. I feel as though the things that adulthood brings were never in my grasp and I missed that chance to experience them.

Though, when I think about it now, I realize that I was probably not ready for adulthood. I still have much to learn and a lot more growing to do inside. I have a chance to truly do what I should have so long ago. I grew up too quickly back then. Now I feel like this is where I should be. And, despite of it all, I am happy. I will do my best to keep it that way.  

[Yaruka]

Things have been quiet lately. It leaves much time to think about the things that have passed...and even more time to learn.

The more Yaruka teaches me about ancient cultures of these places called China and Japan, the more enthralled I become. It amazes me and I feel such a connection to it. The dancing....kabuki, it's called in Japan. Performers are mostly men, even when playing the part of women, and it's mostly silent. Music and dance are the centerpieces. I love it. I'm learning to dance much as they do. I even demonstrated some for Setsushi the other day. He told me it was a lot like the dances of the ancient Porcelain culture.

All of this has piqued my curiosity. I want to learn so much about my heritage. From what I understand, Jilan went to a placed called the Silver World, where he learned a lot about Porcelain culture. He even brought back books about it. I wish I could read them. Though, I think between my dancing and my needlepoint, I might not have any time to read them. xd

I've been thinking about a lot of things; mostly my past with the others. I still find a lot of it to be fuzzy, like certain things were taken out; like cutting out an object or a person from a photograph. I realize, though, that I was blind to a lot of things. Mostly about the people around me. I missed signals that I should have grasped at. Though, thinking about it, I was still so much of a child despite my age. I wasn't mature enough to grasp it, so caught up in some kind of fantasy or another....childish infatuation, though I can't remember who or what. I wish I could turn back the hands of time so I could redo things; perhaps I might have been happier if they were different. Though, I don't really know that. Yaruka has said that certain things happen for a reason.

Amidst all my thinking, I got a package. Imagine my amazement to find the sweet treats inside. It didn't say who they were from, but I think I may know. It brought a smile to my face. I thank whoever it was that sent it.

I really should practice my Porcelain script alphabet that I remember. That way, I have at least one link to my heritage until I can learn more from someone. I would ask Setsushi, but he's so busy with his new house and trying to please everyone. I think he tries too hard, sometimes.  

[Yaruka]

It's been a few days since I last wrote. Much has happened and.....I'm not quite sure how to take it all in.

More Porcelain are coming over to Gaia from some place called the Golden World. I'm curious to know what it actually is, but I don't want to bother anyone. Maybe I can learn on my own. One of the Porcelain is a boy who has come to stay with us, named Ren'i. I'm not quite sure what to make of him. He seemed so nice, but then he became so angry with me for no reason. I don't know what I did...all I was doing was trying to help. He had looked like he was in a fight. I was only trying to make sure he was feeling alright. Maybe the shock of coming into a completely different world made him angry....but why take it out on me?

Two others had come over, a little boy named Hikari that Atlas is taking care of......and a High Priest named Kouyo. He's like Setsushi......beautiful and with a lot to hide, aparantly. Something about him made me feel uncomfortable...like I shouldn't look at him. I went back a day later and found him alone in the house, trying to write a poem. It was odd....listening to him and trying to comprehend what he was thinking and then his outburst. It frightened me. But it turned out alright. He even made a flower on my needlepoint hoop. I'll give him the piece once it's finished.

He asked me a lot of questions. I didn't mind answering..but it brought up a lot of painful memories from my past. Things that I couldn't even remember much....but it was frightening. It brought up a heartache that I couldn't describe..but it's linked to this man with green hair that I remember taking me away from the place that frightened me. I don't know why....it made me so sad and my thoughts were sad. There's still so much I don't understand about this change....and the more I try to find out, the more pain I feel in my heart. I only know one connection; a flower. I got a vision of a striped carnation. I think I know the meaning, but I can't remember it. Maybe Yaruka has a book on the meaning of flowers in the library.

I want to know the truth....but I'm also not sure I want to know the whole truth.  

[Yaruka]

It had been a couple of days since Tsubei's personal meeting with Kouyo. Since then, she had had bad dreams; waking nightmarish memories that she had thought were locked away rising to the surface. And still, she could not put a name to the green-haired man that had rescued her. Still, she had a feeling it was connected to the name mentioned by Cho and Silver; Tsukiba. Of course, she had no way of proving it. She hoped that, in time, she would once again banish the bad memories and return to beautiful dreams once more.

Today, she was rummaging through her room, in the drawers of her dresser and the clothes in her armoire. Though she tried to neatly pull things out of their confinements as she searched for whatever had been illuding her, but it was not to avail. Clothing items and other such miscellanea were strewn about in a neatly-chaotic manner. What was it that she was searching for? A book of some sort....she couldn't quite remember the title, but it was important enough for her to be tearing her room apart.

It wasn't until she got to her bedside table drawer, where she kept her important trinkets, that she finally found what she had been searching for. She pulled it out of her drawer and gazed at the cover fondly. As she turned to start picking things up, however, she noticed something odd. As she had pulled the book out, she had pulled with it a piece of velveteen fabric that was wrapped around something. Her curiosity had been piqued; she hadn't remembered having such a thing in her trinket drawer. Setting the book down, she carefully picked up the wrapped object.

It was light and felt quite delicate. Gingerly, she peeled back the fabric to reveal a rather interesting sight. Nestled amidst it was a dried flower. The petals were ruffled and curled, fluffing out in a trumpet shape. It looked like a carnation, but it had strange light markings upon it; thin candy stripes. A striped carnation? She thought to herself. She had seen this flower somewhere before....somewhere in her dreams and visions. She thought hard as she stared at the dried up little flower.

And then she felt it; a searing pain in her head and a throbbing ache in her heart. Her eyes had widened as she was lost to the reality around her and thrust headfirst into a whirpool of long-lost memories. She could remember it all; her childhood, the people around her........and she finally remembered Tsukiba. That familiar adoration and love that grew from simple childish admiration to infatuation beyond her control. She remembered how kind he had been and how wonderful he was throughout her childhood. And then, as she grew up, he became so distant.....his eyes became so cold when he looked at her. And still she did not turn away. She only did when he had given her a beautiful bouquet of candy striped carnations. Even before she had asked Yaruka for the book on flower meanings, she knew what it symbolized. I'm sorry. I cannot be with you. She could still feel the hot aching as her heart had been stabbed by a hot knife of cruel heartbreak. She could still feel the hot tears that had streamed down her face that night when she returned home, despite how composed she had kept herself during that day.

The tears felt so real. Only then did she realize that they were; fresh tears streamed down her face with abandon as it all flooded her mind so fast that it felt like a pulsating headache that would never cease. She remembered her resolve that day; she would keep the flowers and as they each died, so would her love for Tsukiba. One by one the flowers wilted and she scattered them to the wind, imagining and feeling her infatuation for him being carried away from her fragile heart. But when the last flower began to wilt........she couldn't do it. She couldn't let it go. No matter how hard and how determined she was, she knew that she could never let go or forget her first love. Secretly, she had wrapped it up in that very same velvetee fabric and had placed it at the bottom of her trinket drawer. She would use everything to press it and dry it, forever preserving it so that she would never forget. But she had forgotten. And now she knelt there over the dried blossom cupped in her small pale hands, her tears wetting the paper-thin petals as her heart swelled to bursting with the emotional pain of trying to let go.

She had always known that it was never to be. Even as a child, she had always known.....but her heart had never stopped hoping. That hope was what would become her searing dagger that would damage her heart and soul. A searing aching that was plaguing her now in great waves.

Stop.......please stop.... "Stop! No more!" Her thoughts screamed at her memories to cease and to recede. Her voice had spoken aloud what she wished and had tried to will. She wanted so desperately to build that wall; to restore the dam that had served to protect her from the heartache.

And it was then that she could see it; she could hear the falling rain and see the drops pattering against the glass. That glass; so cold and frosty....so unforgiving in its cruel confinement, laughing as it tormented you for it knew how much you longed to feel the rain. She could see her hand smashing through the glass, breaking it away as she broke free and felt the chilling rain so sweetly against her skin as it soothed the sting of the gashes in her hand. Sweet freedom.......sweet feeling.......and then she wished for warmer rain to wash away the chill of regret and offer forgiveness.

At last.....she understood. A feeling of hopelessness washed over her then. Carefully, she wrapped the velveteen around the fragile flower and set it upon her bedside dresser. She crawled upon her bed and clutched one of her pillows to her chest, burrying her face into it as her tears seemed to come in endless founts. For now, she longed for nothing more than the burning ache in her heart to leave. She knew that it would in time.....but its sting would forever remind her of that which she had, at some point in time, wished to forget.

In that moment, as she trembled from the force of the memories' reawakening, her mind and the walls seemed to echo with nothing but silence. A sweet silence that would give her a moment to heal.  

[Imperial Princess Rika]

Tsubei, growth from Child II to Youth I



The strange masculine woman (or feminine man?) named Jin guides Tsubei from the portal in the air into the Capital City, helping her navigate the winding city streets to the central district, where many of the civil servants have been given cramped but conveniently located apartments. That of the low-ranked, single Reisho looks especially small on the outside to Tsubei; perhaps she wonders if she did not escape an impoverished tutor after all...

... But the interior of the apartment is impeccably decorated and completely clean, with its lone resident looking finely groomed but rather nervous. He bows low to Jin, then to Tsubei. He opens his mouth as if to greet her aloud, but after a moment decides against it and instead projects his greetings. He begs her to allow this one to be Miss's humble servant; he will do for her anything he can.



Tsubei is in the Capital City of the Silver World; it is Parturition of the year is Toutei 1001. She is staying at the apartment of Reisho, a male secretary who works in the Imperial Palace. Though not an expert in the dance or the visual arts that interest Tsubei, he is widely learned, and will surely be able to connect her with books and specialists. Furthermore, he is an expert in calligraphy and formal writing, and may be able to train her in these disciplines himself.

Tsubei has three years before she will return to Gaia: '01-'02 (physical age 6,) '02-'03 (physical age 7), and '03-'04 (physical age 8.)  

[Yaruka]

Though aprehensive at first at the though of leaving Yaruka, which she had not done since she came into her care, her willingness to learn all that she could drove her to accept the invitation. Saying her goodbyes, with only her most important posessions kept to a minimum so as to not crowd whom she would be staying with. She took with her her journal, her needlepoint hoop and some ribbons as well as her practice fans.

Upon entering the Silver World, she is amazed by what she sees and quite confused by the androgenous Jin, though politely refrains from her natural curiosity. Though slightly frightened by the outside of the apartments, she is impressed by the interior and moreso by her tutor. Sensing his nervousness, she keeps a gentle smile on her face as she bows in respect to him.

Tsubei was more than willing to learn whatever could be taught to her. She is only slightly disappointed by his lack of deep knowledge in the arts, but she believes that learning more about the culture is important. She gratefully accepted any help he could offer, all the while concerned for his nervous and yet somewhat stand-offish attitude. Throughout it all, she is kind and gentle, trying to be as understanding as she could possibly be.

As she grew in her studies, she became curious of his knowledge in writing. She was especially impressed by his expertise in calligraphy and wished to learn more. Her natural curiosity had a tendancy to override her natural shyness and she quickly became much more sociable than she had been in the past. She somehow manages to balance being engrossed in her studies and being social with those that she meets. She ventured where she was allowed and where was deemed safe, though curious of other places she knew well to stay far from those that were dangerous.

As she stayed with Reisho, Tsubei was sure to eventually notice his stuttering problem, which she took with gentle sympathy. Despite his named place in the world, she believes he has the true potential of a Lucid and believes in him, though respectfully refrains from going into it more than he is comfortable with to avoid an onset of any kind of outburst. She kept a rather calm demeanor, at times slipping into gloomy state of mind where she kept her thoughts mostly to herself to avoid unnecessary worrying, but she would, in due time, come back to her smiling self. She took her studies to heart and did her very best to enforce them in her everyday life as she remained in the Silver World. When it would come time to return to Gaia, she knew she would miss the Silver World but she would be glad to return home, eager to share what she had learned and continue to practice what she had learned religiously.  

[Imperial Princess Rika]

Toutei 1001



Parturition

Tsubei arrives in the Silver World and takes up residence with Reisho.

Soon after her arrival, Reisho takes her to see the dancers at the Red Festival. Though she sees some similarities between the Porcelain dance and the ones she has studied, the male dancers at this performance are wild and active, bursting with energy and motion. Reisho manages to get the head choreographer, a woman, to stop and chat with Tsubei for a while.

Ascent

Though Reisho is very busy in this month, he tries to introduce Tsubei to as many of his colleagues as he can, looking for experts in embroidery and dance... unfortunately, Reisho's social circle consists mostly of those who have studied the courtly arts, a few the scholarly, so he doesn't find an expert right away.

Sovereignty

Reisho is even busier in this month. Unable to stay with Tsubei very much, he gives her primers on Porcelain writing and borrows a great deal of books on the history and theory of the beautiful arts for her to read. The language is quite academic and difficult; perhaps Reisho recognizes that Tsubei's mind is more adultlike than childlike.

A group of boys approach Tsubei, hoping to become her friends, but at the last second they chicken out and run away. Tsubei might mistake their behavior for teasing or a botched attempt at bullying.

Celebration

Reisho's work lets up a bit, so he spends a great deal of time at home with Tsubei, whose reading and writing he tries very hard to improve. Though she has often seen him be strict and demanding with his male underlings, he is accomodating and supportive with her.

Reisho finally manages to find an expert in the beautiful arts; not a dancer, but a master tailor and designer of clothes, a gentle and intellectual woman named Kyouren. She is busy preparing for the Mid-Year Festival, but promises she'll come give Tsubei some lessons later in the year.

Caesura

Reisho is off work for most of the Mid-Year Festival and takes Tsubei to see the many dances, dramas, demonstrations, and markets that spring up in the streets during the celebtration. Among the dancers she sees Genka performing music to accompany Jin's dance, though she might not recognize the former.

Fruition

Kyouren comes by with a lovely color-illustrated book on dance-drama that includes pictures of the traditional costumes for the various archetypes -- the 'hot' maiden and the 'cold' maiden, various types of heroines, villains, 'the mother and father,' and so forth, and explains how their costumes are designed to accentuate the personalities they portray and to interact with the dancers' movements. She makes a gift of the book to Tsubei, and suggests that next year, or maybe the year afterwards, Tsubei make or help make a costume set for the Mid-Year Festival.

Submission

Reisho is extraordinarily busy during this time, as it is apparently tax month. The stress causes him to come down with a nervous cold in the later weeks of the month.

Redress

Another very busy month for Reisho, as this is the month to compensate the contractees of the government and make economic policy for the next year. He realizes that the pressure is making him unduly irritable, and so he suggests Tsubei go stay with his aging mother, Kori, who studied (and still studies) literature. She is a kind and quiet lady, but her relationship with this son (one of three) seems a bit cool...

Extinction

Reisho's work becomes less frantic, so he can be a gracious host to Tsubei again. He takes her on another tour of the city, this time showing the wintertime training of the Imperial dancers, as well as several different grades of school within the city. He would like to know if she wants to attend one of these schools, as they can give valuable lessons... even though Tsubei may not fit easily into any of the age groups.

Descent

Setsushi visits briefly. Shocked to find it is already approaching New Year's, he cooks for Tsubei and Reisho as an impromptu gift.



Toutei 1002



Quiescence

Reisho lectures Tsubei, in his usual pedantic way, about the deep spiritual significance of the New Year, which takes place in between the death of the year in Extinction and its reincarnation in Gestation. To honor the solemnity of this month, he puts away the books on the beautiful arts and tries to teach her the "real, ladylike" arts of calligraphy and formal writing.

Gestation

After a month of oppressive sobriety, Reisho starts acting oddly vain.




All Year

Reisho can't cook very well...

Though Kyouren isn't able to make much time, she occasionally meets with Tsubei and Reisho for meals. She seems an incredible font of knowledge who can answer almost any question Tsubei can imagine on the history of drama.

There don't seem to be a lot of children interested in becoming Tsubei's friends. Perhaps this is because Reisho's social circle consists mostly of young adults who are unmarried, do not have children yet, or only have small babies... because the local children are afraid of the strange-acting Gaian?... or because she is so grown-up and ladylike, they all get shy and fluttery around her and run away? Who knows.

 

[Yaruka]

Parturition

I am amazed by this place and the people. Reisho is a strange character. I canot get a proper reading on his personality. He comes off as cold as a woman, but under that I sense a caring heart iced over by something. It is probably not right for me to ask so soon. I shall merely observe.

Reisho kindly took me to see the performers at the Red Festival. I stand in awe at their skill. Their style is not quite like I imagined; the men dance around in such a boistrous way. It's refreshing, actually. You can feel the energy. Afterwards, Reisho introdced me to the choreographer. She was busy, but she did manage to speak to me for a while. I tried not to ask TOO many questions. After all, I do not know these people very well. I would not want to annoy them.

It's become quite obvious to me that Reisho cannot cook all that well. It is alright, though. I accept what he can offer, though I am more than willing to help him. I do hope he will accept my help.
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Ascent

I do not wish to be a burden Reisho in any way. He seems to be trying so hard to find me a mentor within his contacts in the beautiful arts. I do not mind meeting those within his circle. They are quite interesting people, though just a bit stuck-up. The courtly arts do seem to be quite interesting, as do the scholarly. Then again, I find many of the studies here quite interesting. Reisho has been quite busy, so I do feel quite badly for taking up so much of his work time.

I have noticed that most of Reisho's piers seem to be rather young adults, either not married or with very small children. It seems that he almost regrets that there are no other children close to my age. I do not mind, though. I feel more equal to the adults he is around than to children.......although, it might be nice to play with someone.
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Sovereignity

Poor Reisho is so very busy. I have tried not to ask too much of him and manage to cook some simple meals for him and myself. It seems the stress has aggitated up a more icy part of his personality. I try not to take it personally, but it is hard at times. I have delt with it so much before. I am glad, though, that he has given me a start in Porcelain writing, as well as books on the beautiful arts. I'm so grateful; I need a practice aid so that I can further my knowledge of Porcelain script. I am having a bit of difficulty trying to understand the language. It seems much more complex than the books that Jilan had brought back. Perhaps these books a more adult-oriented. I quite enjoy trying to crack them.

I did manage to meet some children; a group of young boys. They seemed so friendly, but then they ran away from me. I felt disappointed. What did they want? Were they just teasing me or did their friendliness mask some kind alterior motive......one of the more mallicious kind. I'm not sure what to make of it.....and, honestly, I feel a bit afraid.
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Celebration

*All of the writing from this point is in neat Porcelain Script*

It's been a rather good month, so I'd like to think. I think I may have had a bit of a misconception with Reisho. Since his work let up, he has been staying home to help tutor me in my reading and writing, which I have been trying so hard to manage. I admit, I have been working perhaps a bit harder than necessary, but I did not want to let him down. However, I was surprised to see how gentle he was with me. He is so demanding and so strict with his other students, which are mostly male, but he has been quite supportive of me. Still, I shouldn't shirk my work. I will still try hard for him. I read and practice what I've learned as much as I possibly can...but not to drive myself insane.

I'm so excited to meet someone who is an expert in the beautiful arts. Her name is Kyouren. She seems very kind, but she's awfully busy getting things ready for the Mid-Year Festival. She has promised to help me and possibly give me lessons in tailoring and design. I think it would be interesting to see how much more I can do with sewing. Perhaps I can create something even greater than my rose dress.
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Caesura

The Mid-Year Festival is truly a wonder of music, drama and food. I'm finding that I enjoy the food here.....it may not all be sweet, but it's delicious and robust. Very flavorful. I don't think I've eaten so much before......I hope I don't get fat. I'm glad that Reisho had the time off to take me to see as much of the performances as possible. Dance and drama seem to go hand-in-hand. I even saw some fighting demonstrations. I'm amazed by their skill, although I compare their speed to Setsushi's and it's not quite that fast.

While we were walking, we saw a couple of performers, one of which I recognized as the one named Jin who guided me to Reisho's earlier this year. The other man I didn't recognize, but Reisho told me that his name was Genka. I recognized the name as one Setsushi had mentioned of my possible tutors. I look at him now and realize that I made the right choice. Perhaps in the future, I may ask him or Jin more about their arts.

One thing I have noticed about Reisho, though, is the way he talks and lectures. He tries to sound like he knows absolutely everything and, at times, can be rather patronizing to me at my lack of knowledge. It can be tiresome at times, but I try not to let it show. I do still have a lot to learn.
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Fruition

I absolutely adore Kyouren! She gave me the most wonderful book about dance-drama, which includes designs for the many costumes of the various characters. It's all so fascinating that I never want to put it down. I have found myself, at times, accidentally skipping some of my other studies to read more on it. I feel a bit ashamed......but I can't help it! This book is just amazing. Kyouren even suggested that I could help make a costume set with her for the next Mid-Year Festival. I would be more than happy to. It would give me a chance to test my skills and see if they are up to parr here.
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Submission

I feel terribly for Reisho. He is so busy with work and the stress has been so hard on him. It must have been too much because he caught a cold. I put my studies aside for a while so I could help take care of him. I tried to use what resources I had at hand to incorporate what I learned from Yaruka to help him get better. I did everything that I could so he would rest and get well. I did not mind. It made me feel useful, because I ohterwise had felt like I was being what they call in Gaia a 'mooch.' I do hope he gets better soon.
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Redress

This has been a rather.......depressing month. Though Reisho did get over his cold, his work came back on him at full force. He snapped at me a couple of times, which I took to heart. As much as I tried not to, it stung. I think he felt this and sent me to stay with his mother, a kind lady named Kori. She's rather quiet, but that is perhaps because she spends most of her time reading. I don't mind. I like reading.

I did notice something, though. Her attitude towards Reisho seems a bit.......standoff-ish. They don't seem too close and, honestly, I sometimes wonder if she feels that he just dropped me in her lap and she is only kind because she feels obligated. As such, I have taken to try and keep to myself as much as possible so I do not burden her unnecessarily. I spend most of my time studying and reading, staying in my allotted space and helping out when I can.

I feel very alone right now. I miss Gaia.....I miss Yaruka and everyone at the house. I miss Setsushi and the other Porcelain in Gaia. I even miss seeing Kyouren when she managed to come over and eat with us. The children I chance to meet around here don't seem to want to talk to me. I do not know why. I feel quite strange hanging around the young adults that Reisho knows. I do not think that they see me as Reisho does. I'm trying not to cry right now. It's hard. I feel so lonely......
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Extinction

I'm glad to be with Reisho again, even if he is sometimes rather snooty. At times I find it endearing. He has taken me on another tour, which I'm glad of. I've been seeing how the Imperial dancers train for wintertime. It looks rather rigorous, but I suppose it helps to stave off the cold. I also got to see some of the schools, which put a smile on my face. I'm thinking I would like to attend one of them. I could learn a lot from them, perhaps more than just what books can offer. It may be difficult to fit in with the other children......but I hope that I can only do my best. Perhaps I may make at least one friend.
*******************************************
Descent

The year is closing. I can't believe it has almost been a full year since I came here. Time passes by rather quickly. I did receive a pleasant surprise when Setsushi visited. I don't know how he got here, but I am glad to see him. I told him to give Yaruka a message for me so that he would know I was fine....and that I missed her. Setsushi cooked for us to celebrate the approach of the New Year. I'm going to miss him when he leaves.
*******************************************
Quiescence, Toutei 1002

I am getting rather tired of Reisho's patronizing pedantic attitude. I do understand that there is great significance to the New Year, but he does not seem to believe me. He insists on lecturing me as if I was another one of his male students. I endure it, though, and try to keep a simple smile and respective attitude. I am disappointed that he has put away my books, but I am starting to become intersted in calligraphy. He is very skilled at it. Having tried it now myself, I find that it takes a lot of concentration and an understanding of the flow of the brush, as well as having a steady heart and hand. It can be theraputic. I think I will try and learn more about it, since I seem to be fairly good....but my brush strokes are a bit rigid. I wonder if that means that my heart is not as steady as my hand.....that I still have some sort of emotional turmoil. I can believe it. Considering the events that ocurred before my arrival here......
********************************************
Gestation

Reisho has been acting very strange lately. He has been spending a lot of time preening himself and making sure his clothes, hair and makeup are impeccable.....even moreso than the cleanliness of his house. It concerns me a bit.....but I think he may be trying to court someone. I think it would be marvelous if he found himself a good wife. I believe that he could be a wonderful and supportive husband, if he would only just let down his seriousness a bit and learn to have a broader sense of humor. He should smile a bit more, as well. Perhaps if I do see him attempting to get close to the ladies, I may try to give him a helping hand.

I can't help but feel......envious. Spring is approaching and I have seen many young men flirting with young women. Even some of the children have been playing the coy game of cat and mouse in love. I feel as though I were standing outside, looking through a window into something wonderful......but far out of my reach. And then I remember Tsukiba...and the heartache it brought. I feel afraid. I do not think there is much hope for me as far as all of that goes. Perhaps it is for the best. I would much rather see Reisho happy with someone that he deserves.
************************************************
*End of First Year*  

[Imperial Princess Rika]

Toutei 1002



Parturition

After more weeks of primping and preening, Reisho informs Tsubei that she must attend the New Life Festival alone (or perhaps with Madame Kyouren,) as he'll be occupied during that time.

... But he returns after the Red Festival looking wilted and sad.

Ascent

Kyouren recruits Tsubei to help her finish a very elaborate and beautiful costume for a Mid-Year play; the character who will wear it is an archetypal Queen. Kyouren mostly gives Tsubei the less important sewing work on it, but Tsubei does get a chance to handle the fine fabrics and study the patterns, the embroidery techniques, and the special thread that glitters and flashes as the actress moves, and explore Kyouren's shop and meet her various apprentices and underlings.

Sovereignty

In this very busy month, Reisho is again unable to tutor Tsubei much himself, so he shows her two small neighborhood schools for girls just a little bit older than Tsubei appears. One is a general school that teaches literature, writing, calligraphy, mathematics, natural philosophy, history, rules of decorum, and so forth; the other is more of a gymnastics class that incorporates dance as well as other physical exercise. Both aspiring dancers and military-artists (and Tsubei may be surprised to find more girls of the latter kind than the former) attend, to increase their strength and coordination. Both schools are small, with an intimate and friendly atmosphere, and Reisho arranges with both teachers to allow Tsubei to attend classes whenever she feels like it; they charge him by hours instead of requiring a single sum for a whole year's instruction.

Celebration

Kyouren introduces Tsubei to the troupe that has commissioned the costume. Apparently, Kyouren's mother-in-law was its founder, so the group has a long relationship with this particular master-tailor.

Reisho becomes less depressed and starts grooming well again, wrapping flowers and packages in fine paper and ribbons at home and then carrying them to work.

Caesura

This time it's Kyouren escorting Tsubei around the Mid-Year Festival. The troupe for which they worked put on an excellent semi-informal performance in the marketplace, winning a prize from a local official. Kyouren duly gives Tsubei some of the tailors' share, as pocket money.

Reisho gets invited to one of the Imperial Dancers' formal performances in the Palace, which the Silver Empress herself attends, and he brings Tsubei as his guest. The event itself might be something of a disappointment; they are seated very far away from the stage, and the Silver Empress's box is completely obscured by white veils (can the Empress even see through them...?) However, Tsubei has plenty of opportunties to meet high-ranked officials, and many of those attending are enthusiastic about the beautiful arts as well.

Fruition

Kyouren suggests that, using the experience she's gained so far, Tsubei make a costume entirely on her own. She suggests making a "generic" costume for an average-height male representing either the hot maiden archetype -- the passionate, sensitive, and courageous youth, who tends to be the hero in comedies -- or the cold maiden -- the submissive, gentle, and sad youth, who tends to be the hero in tragedies. Both types are very popular in both Mid-Year and New-Year plays, so Tsubei is sure to find an actor to wear it in either Mid-Year '03 or New-Year '04.

Disaster for Reisho. He comes home from work one day absolutely crushed, hiding himself in a closet and quietly weeping for hours. He would rather not talk about it, but Tsubei might hear from someone else that another secretary embarrassed him in front of the Minister and many others by requiring him to read a register aloud.

Submission

After the bad experience last month, Reisho finally picks himself up, though he doesn't seem to be interested in courting anymore. He devotes himself to his work.

At the general school Tsubei saw earlier in the year, a 7-year-old boy named Kan'i, begins attending. He is very bright and interested in the scholarly arts and the teacher seems willing to accomodate him, but the girls treat him coldly. This may be a surprise to Tsubei, as they were very friendly and non-cliqueish towards Tsubei...

Redress

Kyouren hopes that Tsubei has picked out a project by now, and she takes her to the market to pick out fabrics and threads, then to a small, appointment-required museum attached to the Palace which displays 200-year-old robes of queens and king consorts, carefully preserved with magic. Tsubei can look at the outfits of Emperor Consorts and Princes to get ideas.

Kan'i can't take the unfriendliness of the other students and quits the school.

Extinction

It is a quiet month, giving Tsubei time to work on her own projects.

The only exciting thing that happens is getting playfully chased by a bunch of masked young men during the Death of the Year. Perhaps Tsubei wonders why they picked her this year but not the last? Could it be that she is getting taller and starting to look more like a young woman...?

Descent

Another quiet month, though Reisho is very grumpy about a letter he receives, mentally muttering something to the effect of 'how does he deserve it when I don't?'

But the delivery of a box of rice cakes, somewhat resembling mochi, cheers him up; it is from Kori. Reisho recruits Tsubei to help make stir them into a tasty New Year's soup.



Toutei 1003



Quiescence

Kyouren takes Tsubei to a New Year's drama performance, so that she can observe how the actors portraying maidens move, and so what parts of their costumes have to accomodate their (very different types of) dances.

Gestation

One day when Reisho is not home, Jin drops by briefly, asking after the secretary. Finding him not there, he thanks Tsubei, leaving some sweets for her but departing before they can chat.

Tsubei finally meets Kyouren's husband, Kenji, who is (perhaps shockingly) much younger than his wife and a member of the army. It seems he spends a great deal of time away from home.




All Year

After Tsubei became known to the other girls at the schools, it seems that all the children of the neighborhood became less afraid of her. Though no one really approaches her hoping to become friends, they are much warmer overall, and perhaps Tsubei can pick a friend from among them.

 

[Yaruka]

Parturition

Seeing Reisho being so concerned with his looks has gotten to me, a bit. I have been becoming more aware of myself...my looks, at least. I try to keep my hair as neat as possible and my makeup as flawless as I can. It is an odd feeling to be so concerned about something that once seemed so trivial. I am also disappointed that Reisho will not come with me to the Red Festival, but I suppose that business can take up fun in ones life.

I did go with Kyouren, though, and I did have quite a bit of fun......perhaps more fun than I did with Reisho. He can be so serious at times. Though when I came back and saw him, he lookes so sad. I can only imagine that his intended did not receive his courting well. I have not asked him about it, though. No need to bring up unpleasantness.....I have a feeling this will lead to quite a tense time for a while.
*********************************
Ascent

I am truly excited. Kyouren has asked me to help her finish perhaps the most beautiful costume I have ever seen. It's for an actress in the Mid-Year festival. Mostly I just help to sew the costume, but Kyouren has been teaching me about the patterns, embroidery and the threads with which it's sewn. All of this information is so mind-boggling that I have come to start taking elaborate notes. I have even sketched a few things to help me comprehend them better.

I've met a few of her apprentices as well. They seem quite nice and are very talented at what they do. I compare their work to my simple needlepoint, as well as my rose dress, and feel quite humbled. I do not know if I should, but part of me wants to show Kyouren the pattern I made for my rose dress. Perhaps I will, when the time is right.
**********************************
Sovereignity

Reisho is busy again, but I'm glad that he has taken me to these schools. I have been attending the general school more than the physical class, but I do go as often as I can....but not too often. I do not want to run Reisho's funds down.

My note-taking from Kyouren's shop have spilled over to taking notes for both of the schools. I'm finding that I'm getting stronger and more graceful as I attend the physical classes, though I do often get strange looks from the other girls. I think they wonder why I'm choosing to dance rather than to fight. Still, they have been very friendly with me. I feel welcomed by them and the teachers, who have been very patient with my lack of knowledge. I'm getting better, though. My notes have helped.

Everything is so different here, but I can't help but feel engrossed by it all. This is how it has been....and I feel as though a part of me will never leave this place, even if my body does.
*********************************
Celebration

I actually got to meet the troupe that commissioned the costume I helped Kyouren make. They all seemed quite nice and treated each other like a family. The founder is actually Kyouren's mother-in-law....no wonder they trusted her with the job of making it. I feel rather honored that I had a hand in its completion. I have certainly tried my hardest to make sure that no flaw can be found....for Kyouren's sake.

I had been quite worried about Reisho ever since the Red Festival. He seemed to lose interst in taking care of himself and his home, so I have been trying ti pick up his slack. Lately, though, he seems to have come out of his depression. I'm glad. I wonder who all of those presents were for?
*********************************
Caesura

I'm rather excited that Kyouren took me around the Mid-Year Festival this time. I get to see a lot of beautiful things when I'm with her. We stopped to see her mother-in-law's troupe perform in the marketplace. It was marvelous seeing the costume I helped make be used so effectively. It was beautiful with how it moved and shimmered in the light. They even won a prize. Kyouren did not have to give me part of her share of the money, but I accepted it gratefully. I will save it for something important. No need to waste it frivolously.

I could hardly believe it when Reisho was invited to the Palace to watch a performance by the Imperial Dancers. I found it even harder to believe that he took me with him. I did my very best to keep myself as composed as possible and behaved the very best I could. The Silver Empress herself was attending, so I could not let myself falter for even one moment. It was so thrilling, though, that my heart fluttered far too fast for my breath to catch up with. We did sit quite far away from the stage, so it was a bit difficult to see, but I still enjoyed it. Their skill is far superior to anything I have ever seen. I did not get to see the Empress, though, for her box was veiled in white. She must be very beautiful, I imagine.

I did meet many high officials and I did get a chance to speak with them about the beautiful arts. It seems that many of the attendees are as enthusiastic as I am, if not moreso. Again, I put on my very best behavior. I do hope I made a favorable impression and did not shame myself or Reisho.
***********************************
Fruition

I cannot explain how I feel this month without making it seem a bit....gloomy. I find myself on a downward slope, though not too steep. It is hard to smile at times, but I put my best effort so I do not worry others.

Kyouren is allowing me to make a costume on my own, which I am both grateful and happy about. I am also a bit frightened, though, for I do not know if my work will be completely up to parr. I will try, though. I have decided to go with the 'cold maiden' costume. I feel that, in my current mood, I will best connect with its meaning and be able to put my best effort into it thusly. I am excited to think that it may be worn for either the New Year or Mid-Year Festival.

How can people be so cruel? Poor Reisho came home one day and hid himself in a closet. I could feel and hear him crying, though he wouldn't tell me why through his tears. I did hear from someone else, though, that he had been terribly embarassed in front of the Minister by another secretary. How could they even think to make him speak aloud with his stuttering problem? How utterly horrible of them! If only they could feel how angry I am. I do hope Reisho will be alright. I can only offer my silent support and help even moreso with the household duties. I do hope that shows and means something to him.
**********************************
Submission

I understand that there are cultural differences between Gaia and the Silver World.....I even understand the matriarchal system in which women are higher in rank than men. What I do not understand is how the other girls can be so heartless to Kan'i. He only just started attending and they are rather cold to him. How can they be this way when they do not even know him? Do the differences in gender status really denote that they behave to this extreme? I will try to maintain the culture, but I will try to be warm and friendly to him. At least he may have one friend here.

I am glad that Reisho has been getting better after last months complete disaster, but he is not quite the same. He doesn't seem to be caring much about courting anymore....rather focusing on his work more than anything. That could be good, I suppose. All things considered, he may need this time to recover.
*********************************
Redress

I am glad that Kyouren is helping me to study for my costume project. She took me to the market and helped me to pick out the necessary fabrics and threads. I do hope she likes the colors I've chosen. I think it suits the role quite well. We even went to a museum linked to the Palace where I got to see ancient robes of queens and consorts. They are all so beautiful, but I did like the Prince's robes the most. I have taken extensive notes and a few sketches of them, so I think I will design the costume after the Prince robes. I do hope that Kyouren likes it when it is finished.

This month has not been that much better than the last. Apart from Reisho's exeeding grumpiness, Kan'i also left the school. I can't blame him. The girls were being so cruel to him and even some of the boys had started into it. I tried my best to make him feel welcome and be friendly with him.....I even tried to talk him out of leaving, but in the end I think it may have been better for him. I do hope that, wherever he is attending now, he is fairing much better. Perhaps I will see him again in the future.
*********************************
Extinction

This month has been quiet. I have had a lot of time to myself, apart from some homework from the schools, so I have been working as hard as I can on my project for Kyouren. I have also been doing some of my needlepoint again. I am getting much better since learning from Kyouren and her apprentices. I have an eye for detail now that is much improved from before. I'm glad. Now I do not feel so nervous about making my costume.

After studying about the roles of maidens in plays and dances, as well as the cold maiden which my costume is for, I realize that it reminds me of Kouyo. I feel saddened, yet it puts a smile on my face. I consider it an inspiration to be reminded of him. I will use the visual of him as more of an inspiration so that I can get down the role of the cold maiden properly.

Something strange happened, though. I had been talking to a couple of other girls when a group of young men in masks chased me a bit. It was a little shocking and a bit frightening.......but, oddly enough, I was actually laughing. I have learned before from Yaruka that sometimes boys pick on the girls they like. Perhaps this is a way for them to show that they like me a bit. I wonder why, though? Apart from my schooling, I haven't changed that much. I have noticed, though, that I am much taller than before...and I actually enjoy putting my makeup on and primping my hair. I seem to care more about how I look and how others see me. It is an interesting development....and I am still smiling.
***********************************
Descent

Another month of unsual quietness. I have had more time to work on the costume and practice some calligraphy, which I seem to be doing better at. My brush strokes are more fluid, but I still notice some jagged edges ocassionally. Messy brush strokes equal messy thoughts, or so I'm told. I can only wonder what my heart is feeling.

Reisho had been a lot grumpier than usual and I was not quite sure. It started after he gotten a letter, which seemed to trigger his anger. I could ocassionally feel him mutteing about someone deserving something more than he did. I can only wonder what it could possibly be and who could be more deserving than Reisho. He has endured so much. Certainly he deserves something to improve his life, does he not?

I admit that I may not have been making it easy for him. I have been a bit irritated with him and his patronizing lectures. I even have expressed it a bit. I will try my best to be more tolerant and be nicer to him. He has done so much for me and I feel as though I have been ungrateful. I will do everything in my power to be as understanding and as helpful as I can be. Goodness.....I may need a vacation when I return to Gaia. He did cheer up quite a bit when he received a box of rice cakes. They looked and tasted like mochi..and they were from his mother, Kori. I'm so glad to see that there is at least some affection in their relationship. I was more than happy to help him make them into a delicious soup for the New Year. I did keep a few of the rice cakes as they were, though, for a side dish. It was delicious. Perhaps I will ask Kori for her recipe. I would like to make these for others in Gaia.
*************************************
Quiescence, Toutei 1003

It was rather interesting to be with Kyouren and see one of the New Year's performances. I was a bit disappointed I could not finish my project in time, but I think it will be ready by the Mid-Year Festival. I watched closely to the maidens and how their costumes moved. I took as many necessary notes as I could. The costume seems to need to be loose in just the right places and snug in only the right places to allow for the best movement. They have so many different dances to do that it seems almost impossible....but I think with Kyouren's help, and the help of the books I've studied, I will make a wonderful costume. I'm still nervous, though....

I have tried not to read too much about the beautiful arts around Reisho, since he seems so keen on putting them aside for the month. I still practice my calligraphy with him and it seems that I've improved quite a bit. I still manage to sneak the books out to study at night. I hope he does not catch me.
*************************************
Gestation

Jin stopped by one day looking for Reisho. He wasn't home, though, so I told Jin that he may be back later on. S/he did not stay long, though, but s/he did give me some sweets. They're quite delicious and nothing like what they have in Gaia. I think I may like these even more. It was nice of hir to give them to me. It's a shame we did not get a chance to talk. Maybe later on.

I got to meet Kyouren's husband, as well. His name is Kenji, a very nice name, and he's quite a handsome young man. I'm a but surprised to see that he's younger than Kyouren, but apparantly young men marrying older women is quite common. He's also in the military, which keeps him from home quite a bit. I wonder how Kyouren copes with the loneliness she must feel? Perhaps she seeks comfort in her tailoring.
**************************************
*End of Second Year*  

[Imperial Princess Rika]

Toutei 1003



Parturition

Neither Kyouren nor Reisho can accompany Tsubei to the New Life Festival, Kyouren being "busy" with Kenji and Reisho being busy with his grumpiness. Might she go with some of her acquaintances from school instead?

During the Red Festival, while Tsubei is wandering the market and mostly minding her business, one of the male dancers from a nearby performance leaps down off the stage and pulls a cloth flower off his costume, giving it to Tsubei. She gets gently teased about the incident for days.

Ascent

Ascent is supposedly a Spring month... but a surprise blizzard hits and shuts down the city for a couple of days.

Later in the month, several of the girls from the gymnastics school get together with girls from other schools to organize a little all-girls dance-drama incorporating (blunt) weapons demonstration, as a private event for themselves and their families. Tsubei is invited to participate, though as she is still rather younger-looking than the other girls, she won't get a very glamorous part.

Kenji leaves again.

Sovereignty

Kyouren's client troupe reports that the drama they planned to perform was rejected by a Festival organizer, and they have been ordered to put on a different one. Though this doesn't affect Tsubei herself, as the 'cold maiden' is present in this new play as well, the performers' nervousness is still somewhat unsettling.

A very well-dressed young lady peeks into Reisho's apartment while he's out, but if Tsubei asks her if she'd like to stay and wait for him she seems to get nervous, politely declines, and hurries away.

Celebration

It seems Tsubei's costume will be ready for the Mid-Year festival, so this is her last chance to make modifications to it.

There is some sort of festival involving flowers this month, and two huge bouquets arrive at Reisho's house, from anonymous givers.

Caesura

One of the young men from Kyouren's client troupe wears Tsubei's cold maiden costume for their Mid-Year performance of a rather depressing drama: the cold maiden is a Sorcerer who surrenders his Chaos to a woman who does not love him, who then uses the Chaos to wreak havoc on the common people. She ends up defeated and the Sorcerer dead of heartbreak.

Originally, it was understood that he was renting the costume, but after the Festival he reports to Tsubei that he no longer has it. It seems that someone in the crowd offered to buy for a large amount of money, more than it would normally be worth, and he accepted lest the customer change her mind; he gives the entire payment to Tsubei, but she might still be upset that she'll never see her hard work again. On the other hand, she could spend that money on the fine materials for a new project...

Fruition

Tsubei starts feeling some changes in her body... Though probably not so strange and scary this time, after being through it once already.

Kori starts visiting her son in the evenings. They quietly argue about something; though much of their conversation is veiled, Tsubei can catch something about 'Kouwa' and 'Lucid', and she can tell that their mood is more anxious than angry with one another.

Submission

There's a fire in the apartment complex. Nobody's hurt, but it gives the residents quite a scare. Perhaps predictably, Reisho names himself the building's fire inspector and spends a couple week snooping around other people's houses.

Other than that, it's another quiet month.

Redress

Tsubei gets an eloquent letter in neat, pretty calligraphy that seems to be some kind of formal love letter, full of praise of her 'sweet eyes' and 'noble mind,' and other things Tsubei didn't know she had. It ends with a plea to consider the writer's courtship request, but... it looks like he forgot to sign his name...

(If she asks Reisho, he'll tell her that this month boys write such letters to girls more as an exercise of eloquence than as actual confessions.)

After the month's most strenuous tasks are completed, Reisho begins spending a lot of time at the city's temple, contemplating the altars and sifting through the libraries.

Extinction

That noble-looking young lady stops by again and once again declines to wait for Reisho.

Some of the girls from the general school invite Tsubei to come play with them in the year's first snow. A number of them are eleven or twelve, and so the freedom of their childhood is slipping away. Unfortunately, Tsubei catches a cold after this excursion...

Descent

When Tsubei has almost recovered, Setsushi appears again. He once again cooks for the apartment's two residents, adding extra hearty ingredients for Tsubei's health. But after the meal, he asks Tsubei in a nervous whisper if she finds the people here 'strange'?



Toutei 1004



Quiescence

If Tsubei tries to make a great show of introspection and seriousness this month, Reisho will tell her gently that his opinion has changed over the months he's lived with her; the beautiful arts, he now thinks, are just as valid a route to understanding the Name as any other.

Tsubei receives a New Year's present from a lady of the court named Hiko. Apparently they met at the Mid-Year Festival of '02 and had a conversation about dance-drama, though that was a while ago and Tsubei cannot remember clearly. Hiko remembered Tsubei when she saw the costume she made for Mid-Year '03, and after finding out that Tsubei is soon to leave the Silver World, she sent along the gift: a bolt of dark violet-red, silk-like cloth.

Gestation

Even more presents pour in from friends Tsubei may not have even known she had: cloth samples, envelopes of money, spools of thread, boxes of incense, bound blank books (which seem in this era to be quite a luxury,) as well as smaller knickknacks, seeds, pressed early Spring flowers, and candies.

Reisho himself presents Tsubei with a very fancy book of mythological and ancient history with colored illustrations just before she goes to be picked up by Yaruka.




All Year

Although Tsubei did not manage to make a bosom friend among the children close to her physical age, she seems to have been quite well-liked, and no one seems afraid to talk to her anymore.

Despite his unfortunate time last year, Reisho must have gotten promoted as the quality of goods he buys has increased, making it much easier for Tsubei to make good meals.

 

[Yaruka]

Parturition

I am disappointed that I could not go to the New Life Festival with either Kyouren or Reisho, but I understand. Reisho needs some time for himself, especially after the last few months' events and Kyouren is catching up with her husband. I wish the best for them both, but I am still happy that I could go with a few of the girls from school. I had quite a lot of fun with them and we saw many pretty things. I used some of the money I got from Kyouren a while back to buy some perfume.

During the Red Festival, while I had been shopping for some materials for finishing touches and such to my costume, a male performer lept down and gave me a beautiful fabric flower. I know for certain that I was blushing and, perhaps, I still am. Perhaps it was part of the act, but it was a lovely gesture. The girls teased me about it, but I didn't mind. It was just hard not to blush whenever it was brought up. I plan to keep it.
***************************************
Ascent

Snow in the springtime? I know that it has happened in Gaia before, but it never ceases to surprise me. I kind of like the Winter; the snow on the ground is beautiful when the sunlight reflects off of it. The one drawback is that most of the city is pretty much closed because of it. It does give me some time to do some touch-ups on the costume and practice some more of my calligraphy, as well as study up on my schoolings so I can catch up quicker with the other girls. They seem much more eager to help me now that they have come to know me.

A lot of the girls from the gymnastics class decided to plan a dance-drama with girls from other schools. It's a small event for just the girls to perform for their families. I'm honored to have been invited to participate. I don't mind not having a big part, it was still fun. I just hope that I did well. It seemed that they all enjoyed it, at least.

I feel a bit sad for Kyouren. Kenji had to leave again. I can only imagine how she must feel, but I do hope she is not too lonely. I wonder if they plan to have children?
****************************************
Sovereignity

I'm a little bit concerned for Kyouren's clients. Their original drama was rejected by the Festival organizer (for reasons I'm not sure of) and now they have to perform a different one. I'm glad I do not have to make another costume, but they all seem anxious. Perhaps because they have not rehersed it and have very little time to do so? I will try to be as encouraging as possible. They are so talented that I think it will not matter. I do wish I could be on stage with them, but I still feel as though part of me will be. After all.....it is my costume.

It was quite odd to see a woman come by besides Kyouren, but a very pretty young lady came over and asked for Reisho. He wasn't around, though, but I did invite her to come in and wait. She declined, though. She was very pretty and looked as though she was one of noble descent. I think perhaps Reisho may have a lady suitor. I feel so excited for him! I wonder how he took it when I told him...at least he seems to be doing much better. Apparantly he got a promotion, which he rightfully deserves. I made a very special meal for us when I heard the news. I hope he enjoyed it.
*****************************************
Celebration

I am so glad that my costume will be finally done for the Mid-Year Festival. I am just about done. I just need to take it in a little bit so it will fit the actor in a comfortable way. Other than that, it's perfect. I don't think I have ever felt so proud of completing a project apart from my rose dress so long ago. But this.......this, by far, outdoes it in so many ways. The elaborate way it's constructed and the movements it's required to accommodate are all a part of the thrill. I find that I am loving dance-drama AND tailoring and design. Perhaps there may be a future for me in this.

There has been a small festival that involves flowers, but I have not been able to attend. I have been busy with my homework and my project, but two very large bouquets of flowers were delivered to Reisho. We do not know who sent them.....perhaps it was that young lady I met last month?
*****************************************
Caesura

This month almost has me at a loss for words. It's been an amazing journey and I am floored with the results of it.

First, the performance. My costume was used for Kyouren's client troupe for their drama and it was absolutely fantastic. I have never seen such a sad performance, even when I read the Gaian play called 'Romeo and Juliet.' The story was beautifully depressing and so visually moving; I was in tears for most of the performance, but I did somehow manage to maintain a sense of composure. I do so wish I could see it performed in Gaia. I have no doubt that it would bring them to tears such as it did for me.

I later found out that the young man I had rented the costume to ended up not having it when I went to retrieve it. He explained to me that someone in the audience had offered to buy it and he had accepted for me. He gave me the entire amount she had paid. It was a rather large sum and, aparantly, it's more than a costume like that would be normally worth. I'm a little sad that I may never see my work again....but I feel proud and happy to know that it was enjoyed so much that someone wanted it. All in all, I feel good. I wonder what I will use this for....perhaps a gift for someone? I wonder if there truly IS a future for me in tailoring. If a random person is willing to pay for my costume, just imagine what the future could hold.
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Fruition

I have been feeling strange lately. Familiar changes are happening all over again. It's still odd....but a bit of a relief. I feel as though I'm finally starting to piece together completely.

Kori, Reisho's mother, has been visiting him lately. I'm not sure what to make of it. They seem to be arguing and yet are worried. Someone named Kouwa and something about being Lucid. I can only assume that Kouwa is one of his siblings. If I'm thinking right, perhaps they are worried about the Naming Ceremony, which I have learned is a crucial part of life and the path in which you go. This has me wondering about the future....and if/when I have to participate in the Naming Ceremony. What will become of me? Perhaps it's too early for me to worry....but I can't help it.

At least this month has been fairly uneventful so I can focus on my homework. I have taken a liking to calligraphy and find that it helps me to focus. I think I will continue it in Gaia.
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Submission

There have been ups and downs this month. There was a fire somewhere in the apartment complex. Though Yaruka is a phoenix, so I have been around fire before, this was quite frightening. I'm glad that no one was hurt and hopefully there is no major damage. I'm sure Reisho will know.

He seemed to want to be the fire inspector. I think he did it just so he could be nosey with reason. Tut tut, such a snoop my tutor has turned out to be. Apart from all of that, it's been quiet once again. I have had some time to practice more calligraphy.
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Redress

I do not think I will ever be able to banish the blush from my face. I received a very beautiful letter that was written in lovely calligraphy. Whoever wrote it was quite eloquent and well-versed. The things that they said within it were like a love letter, praising me for things that I never really noticed or thought of. Although, the mystery of who sent it will probably plague me for quite a long time, for they seemed so sincere in their request for me to consider them. Reisho told me that the boys typically use this month to practice eloquence and their calligraphy and write letters to girls, so I shouldn't take it too personally. Still....I feel rather honored that I was even considered. I will keep it somewhere safe.

I'm glad that most of the stressful things have passed. Perhaps Reisho can relax more.....if he ever comes back from the city temple! He has been spending so much time there. I had asked him what he was doing, but he gave me a really cryptic answer. Something about the altars and something to do with the libraries. Perhaps I am better off not knowing.

I wonder how Yaruka and everyone are doing?
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Extinction

One thing that I have discovered.......I hate being sick.

Some of the girls from the general school asked me to come play with them in the snow. It was the first snow of the year, so I agreed. It was a lot of fun, too. I noticed that quite a few of the older girls were there, too. I can imagine that they must be feeling as though this is their last chance to be children. I now realize that I have been given an amazing opportunity that I'm sure most of them will dream of. To be able to become a child once more, twice in fact, it has given me a chance to learn more about myself and grow in my heart and soul. I feel as though I am finally where I should be in myself. Now....to wait and see what will come my way.

Reisho's recent lady-caller came looking for him again. Unfortunately, he wasn't here again. I hope she is not too disappointed. I told her that he is usually around more during the evening. I do hope that, if this is a potential relationship, that it turns out well for him. Reisho deserves someone in his life.

Ugh. I hate sneezing and coughing. I HATE BEING SICK!!
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Descent

I'm so glad that this cold is just about over. Setsushi came by and I was very glad to see him. I think it surprised him how much I've changed. He cooked for me and Reisho for the coming of the New Year. It tasted extra good. I felt much better when I ate, too, so I think he must have put something in there to help me with my cold.

I was a bit confused, though, when he pulled me aside and asked me if I thought the people seemd a bit strange. I wasn't sure how to answer that. I'm sure that, compared to the Golden World, this place is a bit differnent in many ways. I think they even use a slightly different dialect than Setsushi is used to. But, apart from that, I don't think they are odd. If anything, I find them endearing. I feel at home here, despite my slightly rocky start. In time, the people embraced me and I feel as though a part of me will always feel welcomed here.

I'm going to miss this place. I can't believe it's almost time for me to leave.
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Quiescence. Toutei 1004

Reisho greatly surprised me this month. I was fully ready to take on his usual goals of focusing on the more serious ventures of life, my calligraphy tools out and ready to be used.....but he told me that his views have changed. Ever since I came to live with him, he has started to see the beautiful arts as something just as important as any other means of understanding the world. I am amazed to see that I have had such an impact on him. I still want to practice calligraphy, but at least now I had a chance to be freer with it. I am glad to see him embrace art and beauty moreso into his life. Oh how I will miss him when I return home.

I received a present for the New Year from a lady of the court named Hiko. I don't quite remember amongst the others I met at the Mid-Year Festival back in '02, but I think I recognize her. She said in her note that we spoke of dance-drama before. Apparantly she saw the costume I made for this last Mid-Year Festival and she was reminded of me. I wonder if someone told her that I had made it? She found out that I was leaving the Silver World and she sent me this beautiful cloth as a present. The color reminds me of fresh blood.....and it's gorgeous. I have sent her a proper thank-you letter and expressed my hope to see her again perhaps in the near future. I will save the fabric for something VERY special and hope that she may see it.

I feel so sad now. I still cannot believe that I am leaving next month. I will miss everyone here, especially Reisho and Kyouren. I know that the passage of time is different from here and Gaia.....but I do hope it does not pass too quickly for me to see them again. I will be even sadder if I never see them again, should I return. I am actually crying as I write.

Reisho.....Kyouren....how I will miss you dearly. *small drops of water seem to litter parts of this page*
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Gestation

I received so many presents from other people. I will keep them all dear to me and in special places. Some of them I know are meant to be used and I will take great care to use them properly.

I tried to remain as composed as possible as I received my gifts and said my goodbyes, but it was when Reisho gave me the beautiful book on history that I felt myself giving way. I think I may have let a tear shed. As I stated before, I will dearly miss this place and everyone I have come to know. A part of me will always remain here in the Silver World and it will now always be a part of me. I will have many times where I will long for the beautiful landscapes and the festivals with friends and acquaintances, seeing the bustling marketplaces with the street performers and the smiling faces of the patrons and procurers....I will even miss Reisho's grumpy serious face. I will miss it all so much.

Still.....it's good to be home. I am happy to see Yaruka and everyone at the house again. It's nice to know I was missed. Even Ren'i missed me. I have yet to stop by the shop to see Setsushi and the others, but I'm sure I will soon enough.

Farewell, Silver World. Till next we meet.
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*End of Third Year*  

[Yaruka]

Tsubei had spent most of the day after her return from the Silver World redecorating her room to incorporate her many gifts and treasures she received while staying there.

Three long years in the Silver World passed by in Gaia in just 4 days. The workings of the Water-Wheel of Time confounded her...but then again, they did to many, so she did not feel alone. Still......it concerned her in a few different ways.

Tsubei had dedicated a corner of her room to nothing but her works with tailoring. All of her fabric swatches, embroidery samples, threads and fabric bolts were arranged in special drawers and special shelves that Yaruka had installed. Sitting upon the highest possible shelf was the bolt of beautiful fabric that Hiko had sent her. The color was like fresh blood and the best-tasting wine......but it reminded her of something else. Just what, she wasn't sure. Everything was set up perfectly so she could access it any time, with one of her many blank books (gifted to her by friends in the Silver World) sitting upon the desk part so that she could sketch any designs she thought of.

Another corner of her room was made to be for more serious things. A simple, but large dark wood desk sat with her many books about the beautiful arts, history and other such subjects from school shelved neatly in the built-in compartments. Sitting upon the main writing area were more of her blank books and her books upon calligraphy. She would honor Reisho this way; she would practice calligraphy every day to improve and calm her soul. It was her study and writing corner.

Everywhere else, particularly around her sleeping area, were all of the other gifts she had received. In a beautifully carved fragrant wood box she had decided to keep the money she had received, adding a small but sturdy lock to it. In another such box she had kept the candies she was given to be enjoyed sparingly when she wanted a sweet reminder of the Silver World. A small basket kept the seeds she would plant in a small garden to enjoy. After it was all in place, she stopped in front of her full-length mirror and twirled about in her new robes, giggling quietly to herself. She rather liked the design of them. She sat upon her bed with a sigh of accomplishment. Yes, it seemed as though everything was in place.

Well.....almost everything. Her amethyst eyes happened to glace to her bedside dresser and fell upon a familiar piece of velveteen fabric wrapped around a familiar delicate object.

Her pale hands reached over to pick it up, cradling it in her palms ever-so-gently without unfolding it. She felt the heaviness in her heart again.....but this time, it was not nearly so heavy. It still weighed a great deal, though. A wave of sadness washed over her as she had thought of the past....and the present.....and the future. She thought of her time in another world and how she had grown in many ways...how she had learned to tolerate and forgive.

So many things she could feel, then. In that simple instant, she built barriers around her gentle heart. She could never let this happen again. She touched the wrapped object gingerly to her heart as her mind focused on a single, sharp phrase...

It's time to let go.