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 Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 8:34 am
Jesus walked on water but Chuck Norris swims on land
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Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 9:22 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 8:55 am
If Chuck Norris has five dollars and you have five dollars, Chuck Norris is richer than you.
ooo burn
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Posted: Wed Apr 22, 2009 1:11 pm
1. when chuck norris does push ups he is not pushing him self up he is in fact pushing the world down.
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Posted: Wed Apr 22, 2009 1:21 pm
1.Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
2. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
3. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
4. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
5.When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
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Posted: Wed Apr 22, 2009 1:28 pm
1. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
2. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
3.Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
4. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
5. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
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Posted: Thu Apr 23, 2009 4:13 pm
Holy crap.... those were great!
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 5:25 pm
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
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Posted: Wed May 27, 2009 10:23 am
ok, i know you said one joke only, but i cant resist biggrin
like all you have are the crap ones so far XD
Chuck Norris can stretch a diamond back into coal
Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd...no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and craps them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
and my all time favorite:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:51 am
Jesus can turn water into wine, but Chuck Norris can turn men into women.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:54 am
Toxicsocial Jesus can turn water into wine, but Chuck Norris can turn men into women. haha! nice one
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:18 pm
Chuck Norris is a Christian and hates his own jokes because they make him appear better than God when he is truly more humble than that.
Best joke ever 'cos it's true!
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 4:47 am
Once a horse was bad mouthing Chuck Norris,
he uppercutted him and ever since then there have bee giraffes
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Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:24 pm
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 10:14 pm
I agree never has there been such high levels of Fail.
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