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 Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 12:55 am
THE MISTS
Chapter I (unus)
Gray Haze
[Roleplay: none]
At first there was only darkness.
During that time, that period of time that I don't remember how long it lasted... there was only darkness.
Or rather... you would call it nothingness more so. Because darkness indicates that there is a light source, hence space and the ability to uncerstand the concept of space. I'm saying this, because during that time I don't believe I had the ability to understand or conceive anything, I don't believe there was any instict in me either. No matter how bizzarre this might sound, it is the only truth. The only thing I know for sure about that time.
Then came the mist.
It was around the time I came to, meaning, the time I started beeing aware of myself -even though I don't remember how long it was ever since I first woke up- that I started seeing the shape of things through my eyes. The way I was viewing them up to now, I suppose was simply the result of my vivid imagination slumbering inside of me. Everything was wrapped in a haze though... no shape was definnite and as I kept journeying I would see matter change shape in front of my eyes all the more. This kept hapenning and kept happening and just kept hapenning, indefinitely and I was beginning to wonder if there was just me -the only thing I could use to measure my environment up since I didn't seem to shift and change according to my environment- and the ever changing matter in the world. It was around that time that I first saw them, the lanterns in the hazy world.
And then there were flames.
The small flickering lights of the lanterns were the first thing I noticed changing in the world wrapped in mists. The lanterns would sway, back and forward, back and forward, back and forward, beckonning my frightenned lonely self to follow after them. Having nothing to lose I was convinced to follow them since the small flames of the lanterns seemed unchanging, such as myself. I don't know for how long I kept following the lights in the distance but at some point I started drawing closer to them. The light, intensified slowly as I came closer and at first it would hurt my eyes that were for so long used into but the faintly glowing grey of the hazy world. It was sooner or later that the ever-changing shapes of matter around me started becoming solid and I could soon identify minor things of matter such as a rock or a tree. It was also around that time that I finally stumbled onto the flickering lantern flames and the creatures carrying them. Creatures that, oddly, looked just like me. Those creatures wouldn't speak so, no matter how I wanted to ask a thousand questions I held my tongue and just followed them. I don't know how exactly but soon I realized that I, as well, was also carrying a lantern...
And after all of this... independency...
I was finally aware of my surroundings and myself. A single question remained though. Why was I following the flock of silent creatures carrying lanterns...? Soon this question became agonizing as I found out that all that I was, was slowly becoming focused to this eternal march. I couldn't allow this pointless lantern-carrying wandering become me not when I had just found that there was more to me. Even so I didn't have the courage to leave the group. I feared I might get lost in the mists of the hazy world I had left behind. Even so, with fear in my heart I pushed forward one fine day -or night I am not sure, I could not distinguish night and day at that time- and left the group still carrying my lone lantern. For some reason I couldn't let it go. It was a part of me by now... and how do you leave a part of you behind...?
And the journey...
I travelled far ever since then. I saw a lake where beautiful creatures swam, they paid me no mind sitting down to rest close to some lillypads and so I stayed there for a little while, silent even if someone would speak to me, silent as if the grand march and the hazy world before that had had destroyed my ability to speak. I didn't stay for too long though as it wasn't a long time after that that I departed to go elsewhere. I crossed a barren territory and even though I met none in my journey sometimes I would see some figures far away in the horizon but none would come close enough and I never got close enough either. After that I came to a forest. There I met more creatures, again none that looked like something I've seen before.
Finally my journey brought me to a small hill rising towards the stars, just out of the forest. I thought it was a beautiful sight at night -yes, I understood what 'night' was by then- so I just took my lantern and climbed up there. And I lied up there. And I looked at the stars from up there. And I wondered what and who I was from up there. But there was no one else but me up there. It was lonely up there...
It is lonely... up there...
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Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 9:48 pm
Chapter II (duo)
The Finding
[Roleplay: [x], [x]]
It was early morning. I had, once again, woken up after a night of dreamless sleep. I did not, do not despise this dreamless sleep. It somehow is soothing, comforting. It is rather reassuring. Reasuring me that I have nothing to fear, nothing to hide from. I am still so very new. I have no past... or do I have a past? A past that I cannot yet remember? I don't worry... if this is the case then it will come to me sooner or later, just like the recolection of language and logical thinking as well as my ability to recognize things for what they are. Anyway... I managed to stray from the subject here. The horizon was painted a thousands colours, almost as if someone had set the distant cloud remnants to fire. At such a time he came to me.
Who came?
He called himself Lavi. He took care of me in a sense. He seemed concerned of me and asked me to go with him to his home. I agreed more or less... I guess I just didn't want to cause trouble for him. He really is a person that it is fun to be around. He makes me smile a lot. He calls me 'moyashi', a beansprout. Honestly I can't see the reason for that! It's not as if I am THAT small, already... I mean, okay... I may be small... but beansprouts are, like, really small, aren't they...? I decided I could pout for that later though. Around that time a panicked person who Lavi called Rynl came along with another wisp. Lavi seemed to stay together with him, so I was really happy when he offered to let me stay with them.
Even so... Even so things didn't quite turn as I had wanted them to. I mean, I assumed my actual form after a night's sleep. I was scared, scared to death. I remembered things, and I was sleeping with someone who I didn't know. It felt all messed up. Everything. I couldn't remember why. I didn't remember the other person, Lavi... he said to have been a stranger I encountered but once. It felt wrong. I can't say why, but it felt all wrong. And Lavi, Lavi seemed to look at me, expecting something from me. I hate that kind of stare. Expecting something as if I am supposed to know anyway. As if I am supposed to be able to know without being told. As if it is something mandatory that anyone would know- or is it really...?
I was right though, Lavi's words actually were a lie. He said he was a friend. But again, it felt off, in my heart. Wrong. But why, I cannot tell just yet. What was I expecting from Lavi? And why was I, so selfishly, doing the exact very thing I don't like being done to? I have to admit it was a selfish reason. It's this hole in my chest that is sucking everything out of me. It feels empty, like something is missing... I can't say why I am looking for that in Lavi... I hust feel like I can't settle if this hole is not filled. And Lavi... why does Lavi lie to me? -is he, even? I can't but assume... But there's definitely something missing... And I won't remember... but I want to remember... because I have this feeling that it's very important. That it's something I shouldn't forget...
Then, then I sort-of went back in my room and that very gentle person came... the usagi yokai, Dino. He makes my heart feel at ease when he's around. I wonder if he always had this calming quality, even in life, I bet he is a good person, fun to be around if nothing. His words felt like medicine for my heart, so I am going to treasure them. He said when I remember I have to say it, not to miss my chance like he had. For some reason those words were also so hurtful, just as much as a cure they were for me. But I am going to treasure them. Nobody ever told me anything like this while I was alive. I feel grateful. Grateful to have met him, to have heard those words he had to say.
I want to know. I need to know what this all means.
Why can't I remember things?
What do those black patches of nothingness mean?
What do the people around me mean?
What am I to Lavi?
What is he to me?
And just, why is this all hapenning?
I mean why now?
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Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 9:49 am
Chapter III (tres)
The Tide
[Roleplay: [x]]
I have never been so mad at anyone in my life, death... I have never felt so angry... so hopelessly angry. I had never felt the need to kill someone just so they won't say those things they do and I have never... never felt the need to cry so strong inside of me. The reason isn't hard to guess. It's Lavi, of course. Who else...? It's always about him, isn't it? It would appear so... this time... this time things got serious though... more than other times...
The words he said... they were hurtful words, the words I said too... hurtful... attempting to strike the other dow. Not help, no... strike, kill, make him shut up... just shut up...
What does it mean?
What did he mean, Lavi?
No heart...
unnecessary...
discarded...
Bookmen can't feel...
they lock away all emotions...
discard their hearts...
And still Lavi took me in without knowing I was bound to his past. And still Lavi conforts me when iI feel down. And still he came for me when I left the house. He said he wanted to see my face and blushed. Doesn't this mean that he has feelings after all?
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Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:12 am
Chapter IV
Bridge
[Roleplay: [x]]
It was the first time... the first time I hoped something would never end. Those quiet moments... those times when it is just you and someone else... I hoped I would never... never wake up.
I slept for two days straight after the incident. I was tired, having used most of my powers to protect Lavi. However, I woke up to a changed home, a home that didn't feel like home. There was tension lingering everywhere around. One was almost able to touch it. It made me rather scared. I wanted to ask how Rynl was but Lavi wouldn't let me. I get the feeling he is hiding something from me. He told me Rynl was changed since the incident, however I don't understand how someone can act like a whole different person all of a sudden. Then again, Rynl IS bookman.
I wonder... will the same happen to Lavi too? It makes my heart ache even more when I think of it... Oh yes... my heart is always in pain. Lavi says it is missing something and that is why. I wonder if claiming back my lost memories will fill this hole up so it won't hurt anymore...
Another interesting thing happened... I smiled for the first time. I mean really smiled. I don't remembering smiling like this ever. I hope I can keep smiling. Because I need to keep going. I need to keep walking. I can't stop. I can never stop. I know this for sure. I need to reach to the end of my own mystery and that I will do. I will make it. I will try to with all I have. It's the only thing left for me to do. I will bridge the gap of my memory and I will find out the things lost from my past. And I'll find out about Lavi... and then... then... I don't know. We'll see when it is time, I guess.
I worry about the others however... Dino seem all alone and Rynl is not himself anymore... at least Kaito and Len have each other. And that dark person... I wonder about them too. Shall we encounter them again I will protect the others, not like last time, that I proved myself useless... I will try and protect them. It's not only them that need it, I need this as well, to prove to myself that I have not failed yet. There is a lot to be done... yet there is little time.
I only can wonder what the future will bring...
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Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 10:52 pm
THE CURSE
Chapter I
Breathless
[Roleplay: [x]]
As of lately... things have been hapenning. The one day I just fainted, now I'm seeing things? I can only wonder what that means... I don't... I don't understand. And it makes me fearful, fearful and scared. Am I halucinating? And if it is a halucination how can it have such impact on reality? Why am I bleeding? I don't understand... and it makes me wonder if I should understand, if I'm meant to... same way as remembering. It confuses me.
I wonder what mirrors mean. They must mean something right?
But I don't want to look at them, even though the Musician kinda supports me knowing he's always there. Some things never change, that is sort-of comforting... to me.
So I will walk on, I will do the best I can.
I will keep on walking, no matter what happens...
if I'm broken along the way
If I die along the way... it doesn't matter.
It will hurt but I must still go, can't rest, no time to rest but walk.
Before time catches up on us.
I must keep strong. Must do this for those around me. Those that I care about.
I must do this. Even if I don't remember why anymore...
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