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 Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 1:18 pm
B-Mel One other very good one is to go to the shampoo and unscrew all the tops and just lay them in place. twisted Ooooooooooooh! That's EVIL! xd
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 2:40 pm
I get things all the time from my sister.
Here is one From a few days ago.
LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up
quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first
because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I
like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is
smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch,
mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got
to
shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,
etc. but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant,
pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit
by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds
you til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys
can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant
says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to
tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox
at
home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice but awful flat.The sergeant is like a school
teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors
and
colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This
next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for
shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk
head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys
at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You
don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to
wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they
break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm
about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in
Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me,
but
I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers
get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Loretta
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 3:47 pm
bubba billy ray Your loving daughter, Loretta I thought it said somewhere in there that the Loretta was actually a boy! I guess I just assumed xd architect_eyes B-Mel One other very good one is to go to the shampoo and unscrew all the tops and just lay them in place. twisted Ooooooooooooh! That's EVIL! xd Ooooh...Now THAT'S an idea...-snickers-
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Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 1:48 pm
The Top Reasons to Go to Work Naked
* Your boss is always yelling "I wanna see your a** in here by 8:00!"
* Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
* Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources.
* "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
* To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
* You want to see if it's like the dream.
* So that -- with a little help from Muzak -- you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
* Splattering grease from deep fryer is really hard to get out of your uniform.
* People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
* Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned.
* Keeps that snooty Ruth Bader-Ginsberg on her toes.
* Because the President insists when Hillary's out of town.
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Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 2:37 pm
architect_eyes The Top Reasons to Go to Work Naked * Your boss is always yelling "I wanna see your a** in here by 8:00!" * Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. * Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources. * "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants." * To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse. * You want to see if it's like the dream. * So that -- with a little help from Muzak -- you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume. * Splattering grease from deep fryer is really hard to get out of your uniform. * People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them. * Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned. * Keeps that snooty Ruth Bader-Ginsberg on her toes. * Because the President insists when Hillary's out of town. * People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them. * Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources. * "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants." * To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse. * You want to see if it's like the dream. * Your boss is always yelling "I wanna see your a** in here by 8:00!" * Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. xd My absolute favorites are * Your boss is always yelling "I wanna see your a** in here by 8:00!" and * "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.". The others that I didn't post...I dont' really understand O-o
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Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:28 pm
bubba billy ray I get things all the time from my sister. Here is one From a few days ago. LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc. but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Loretta
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 2:27 pm
Things to Do in an Elevator
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap him or her on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
cool Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if he or she has an appointment.
9) Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask him if he can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing him occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
1 cool Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
20) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:34 pm
Top Ten Things Columbus Would Say About America If He Were Alive Today
10. "I discovered the New World, but who discovered these delicious Cinnabons?"
9. "Hey, my fo'shizzle thing finally caught on"
8. "Flu outbreaks, political chaos, vermin--this place hasn't changed a bit"
7. "It's humbling to realize that because of me Americans are getting 20% off on a mattress"
6. "How did you come to choose the leader you call 'Oprah'?"
5. "It's nice to see Cher is still around"
4. "As a fellow man of sea, I join you in mourning the death of 'Gilligan'"
3. "The finest chefs in Italy can't compare to Olive Garden"
2. "I discovered the continent and the only thing named after me is a city in Ohio?"
1. "Those 'Desperate Housewives' babes are sluttier than Queen Isabella"
[From the Late Show with David Letterman]
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 6:57 pm
architect_eyes Top Ten Things Columbus Would Say About America If He Were Alive Today 5. "It's nice to see Cher is still around" 2. "I discovered the continent and the only thing named after me is a city in Ohio?" [From the Late Show with David Letterman]
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:08 pm
architect_eyes [From the Late Show with David Letterman] Oh! I saw that book before. My friends and I looked at it when we were in a cottage (it was just there xP) Once it said the top ten things to do in court and one of them were "Let me talk to the little man that lives in my pants." We were thinking...we're girls though O_o xd
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 11:27 pm
Here is another one I just got from my sister.
Old farmers wisdom
*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumblebee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don't take very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop
diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with,
watches
you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad
judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it
back
in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try
orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
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Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 8:41 am
Ooooh surprised eek surprised heart
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 1:10 pm
Bumper Stickers for Women
* IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
* DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.
* GOD MADE US SISTERS; PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
* PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.
* COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN: SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
* HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
* AND YOUR POINT IS...?
* WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
* OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
* DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
* YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP
* MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.
* I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.
* SORRY IF I LOOK INTERESTED. I'M NOT
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 1:19 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 3:31 pm
Got another one from my sister today.
This has got to be the best yet.
Put this in an e-mail to someone with a large space between the paragraphs.
In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of
Fruits
on it.
They are:
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange
Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush
into it. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot
about
you!
Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN
If you have chosen:
a. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
b. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
c. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat
strawberries
d. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
e. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges
I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it
bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other
profound stuff.
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