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 Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:12 pm
Her body language spoke the words she did not, tensing and shifting as she moved unconciously. He held steady beside her, keeping close, still leaning over her shoulder to listen as she spoke. Her stuttered protests made him feel stirred to reply. "I will admit, I don't know you very well," he began steadily, quietly gazing into her eyes. "But I know you well enough, my Cassiel, to know that I want to be with you, shelter you from your demons, comfort you when you cry, and share new joys with you."
He nuzzled her tears as they fell. He did not scold her for crying, or beg her to stop. His heart ached for her, but he was sure that her tears had been held back too long. How she trembled beside him! Her protest was plaintive, but less despairing, perhaps, than she had sounded so far? His heart rose with hope. Could she be listening to him after all? "I don't mean to make things difficult, and I am sorry if I have. But why should I not be kind to you? Is not the sun smiling down upon us both this very moment?" For the sun had risen above the trees, streaming golden goodness down upon them, warning their hides and sparkling against Cassiel's tears. "If the sun can be so pleased to see you, giving you light and warmth as it does all the creatures, why then can I not give you my love and kindness?" He smiled shakily at her. This was tough on him too, this striving to turn her heart to him, coaxing her to trust him, while all the time he felt her pain, even if he didn't know what had begun it.
His smile was warm and genuine, for all it's shakiness. He curled his neck around hers, laying his cheek next to hers with a soft whicker. "If you will but let me, Cassiel, I will shower you with more kindness than you've ever imagined, and gladly. It is all here, within me, ready to give to you."
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:42 pm
Share new joy. . . ? What joy?! Her life held very little joy, from what she recalled, but at that same token the good times she did remember all harbored a violet furred, white maned foal. That certainly had to mena something. . . . . .
And what of her discomforts? Would he truly wish to be there for her? Somehow Cassiel understood she might very well stumble a lot; progress would be slow and change difficult to understand. But already he had done his part, sticking beside her through the night, following her as she ran . . . He had comforted her in the past so it seemed he wanted to do so now.
Shelter her from her demons? Oh. . . . oh if only he knew what lurked within her heart. If only her understood exactly the demons that could so easily render her nothing. She had demons all right. . . sins from the father as well as her own. Could he really mean such promises? Could he really, strangely enough, care as deep as he claimed?
. . . . . no.
No he couldn't but he seemed far too stubborn to heed her words. And she had no right to turn him away. So perhaps the only way to get around this situation was to let him prove her right. If she ran he claimed he would follow; if she tried to drive him off he would only stand through the storm. So if nothing she could do would turn him away perhaps she could only accept what he had to say with a grain of salt; perhaps all she could do was let him stay and watch as he realized his mistakes.
She wouldn't blame or begrudge him. . . But she understood it would hurt. Mmmm. . . but perhaps that would be the best way? He couldn't argue against what she still believed he soon would feel. The quiet mare said nothing as he spoke, unable to argue as her tears fell. With every touch, with such a close proximity, Cassiel had no where to go.
Where would she run that he could not follow? Better to just throw in the towel and stay. Besides which. . . was it truly all that bad? She had taken comfort in his presence before, a long time ago. Had things changed so much that she couldn't take comfort in him once again?
Cassiel glanced from Tobi to where the sunshine landed around them. She almost wanted to glare at nature for taking his side, for allowing him to use its light against her, but how was she to argue? No, the sun wasn't pleased to see her. . . . but maybe she could humor him. Maybe. Just this once, without complaint. Nostrils flaring slightly, trying to shake off the tears that seemed ot threaten her at every word and every corner, Cassiel turned back to face him.
His smile seemed forced but . . . . but it was meant for her. And should she doubt such an expression, curling his neck around hers and readily resting his cheek nest to hers was almost too much. Part of her screamed in need to flee and yet she had no where to go and doubted hse could move. Besides. . . it was his choice, his CHOICE. Not hers. So she better just suck it up and accept it.
As Tobias once again confirmed his desire, Cassiel felt her body quake again. How on earth was she, or anyone, supposed to respond ot that? Oooooh - she just didn't know! But then again, the little mare did remember and understand one thing quite clearly. Heaving a shuddered sob, she turned to bury her face against his neck. Let him feel the tears. . . let him know this was exactly what he was asking for. But most of all, like she had a shy little filly, she sought out the comfort of her violet and white haired friend. ". . . don't you understand? You've already been more than kind to me . . much more than I deserve."
Somehow Cassiel couldn't understand how much more kind Tobias could be and was thoroughly and wantonly grateful. He'd already done so much for her before. . . . he couldn't possibly offer her more!
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Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 10:26 pm
They spent most of the morning laying there, talking quietly. He, trying to convince her of his love and it's lack of transitory natures. She, staving off the idea while longing for it. He did indeed love her, but trying to communicate that to ears that didn't want to believe it was a tough job. Finally, as the afternoon blossoms began to open and the sun's rays began to slant, he decided it was time to move.
He gave her a very loving nuzzle along her neck before groaning and rolling to a kneeling position. He hovered there for two or three heartbeats before lunging up onto his feet with another groan. "How long have we actually been talking?" he mimed looking astonished. "Are you sure we haven't lain here for ten years or so? My joints are aching as if I'd become an old nag." He hobbled around to face her, his expression one of pained exasperation. "And my back, oh my back... I've grown to be an old geezer. Just call me Tobi van Winkle!" Then he grinned and wniked at her playfully.
Reaching hiz muzzle down, he nosed her under the chin, urging her up with him. "Come on, Cassiel. We need to get food in our bellies before we waste away, and all they find of us is a pair of ancient skeletons!" He paused suddenly, placed his hooves carefully apart, then arched and twisted his back, resulting in a rather loud and sickening 'POP' from the middle of his back. Giving a great sigh of relief, he relaxed his body and flicked his tail. "Aaaah, there we go. Much better." With a reassuring smile, he waited for her to rise and situate herself before making the slightest move to step away from her.
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Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 10:50 pm
Exactly how long the pair had been together, Cassiel didn't know. In fact, the young mare hardly realized the passage of time. Though her words were eternally whispered and few, Cassiel found she couldn't just up and walk away. Not again, not with her best friend placed back in to her life. Leaving him and Luca had been difficult enough once, to ask her to do it again was far too great a task for the mare. Especially with the devotion that she witnessed in his gaze.
Cassiel understood that Tobias deserved the best, the absolute best. She understood that she had been lucky to find a friend in him at such a young age, to be guarded and loved by Luca and himself. She had been granted a chance for happiness, for acceptance, for all sorts of good things. . . and then what did she do?
Run away.
But here he lie beside her, gently offering her assurances, reiterating the fact that he did indeed love her. Oh, such a foreign thing. . . . Her darker half told her she wasn't worth the effort and yet, on the same hoof, what right did she have to deny him the choice? He could leave any time he chose, she certainly offered enough breaks in conversation and yet he stayed.
All right. . . give it a day. . . maybe by tomorrow he'd be gone. So shouldn't she try to appreciate the time they had now?
Cassiel wasn't a notorious fighter. She was far too apathetic and jaded to put much faith and trust in anything, even her own anger and fear. Though Tobias concerned her with his sudden declaration of devotion, she had fought his friendship once as a filly. There really was no reason to do it now. . . . They had talked of foalhood memories, reminding her of those few months when she actually felt normal. Accepted. Wanted.
She had found a best-friend in Tobias, so why was it so hard to look upon him as one now?
But all her thoughts broke as he groaned and rolled to his feet. Black eyes watched warily as he rose, expecting the worst. Was it time to say good bye. . . ? Was this it? Had he changed his mind, had she driven him off with her cool nature, had she - - -
Ears pricked forward in concern as his bones crackled and popped back in to place. Her expression strained to stay neutral but his good humor was attempting to elicit some sort of smile. As it was, the mare compromised. . . despite a twitching of her lips, her brows furrowed as she followed suit and lunged on to her own feet.
So much for grace and dignity, especially as her own bones creaked. Ignoring them, her ebony tail swished and she slowly walked around Tobias, stretching her own legs in the process. ". . . It's from all your running as a foal. It seems your age has finally caught up to you." Her words were lighter than her typical serious and terrified nature. . . in fact, it was indeed a bit of a tease on her part. Foreign as it was.
But this was Tobias she was talking to. . . he was different. He had placed himself firmly in her heart as a filly long ago, which meant he was about the only stallion or mare she could trust, she relax around. He had entered her life at the right place and the right time to give him access to her heavily guarded and polluted heart.
Hesitating, for just a moment, she canted her head as she stepped a bit closer. She half-reached out to poke at him with her nose but at the last minute shied away. Nope. . . too soon for that. She couldn't bring herself to nuzzle him first. . not yet, even though she wanted to. "Are you. . . you all right?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:30 am
He chuckled and nuzzled her. "I could ask you the same thing! Are we both growing so old, Cassiel?" His tone was both playful and mournful. "Old and creaky, that's us." His eyes smiled at her, loving her for her almost-nuzzle. With a light nibble at her mane, he turned and led the way to a sun-strewn meadow. All the dew had long since dried, but the grass was sweet and juicy, the lovely thick stuff that lingered long into the summer in just the right meadows.
He paused to look back and make sure she joined him before lowering his head to begin grazing. His stomach rumbled loudly in appreciation, and cast her an amused grin, a mouthful of grass half-hanging out out of the corner of his mouth. He made quick work of it before speaking again. "I guess we should have done this earlier, but... we were rather otherwise occupied." He again smiled at her, as if sharing a wonderful and lovely secret about their time spent together, a secret noone else but them could know. He was tired, but he felt the time with Cassiel was well worth the struggle. There was no other mare he could share this bond with.
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Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:13 am
Cassiel was just as surprised at his nuzzle as she had been since crossing his path the day previous. For some reason she felt as if every time he did it there was some sort of mistake or fluke. It would take awhile to get comfortable with such affection, but a small part of the mare couldn't help but want to smile inside.
No matter how shy she was, Cassiel still was a mare and still harbored all the wants and desires of her kind. Affection and love was something she craved over all else, but at the same time it was something she greatly feared. She felt firsthand the pain rejection of love could bring and never wanted to feel that way again. . . . But living a life that was empty hurt too. Cutting her mother out had been a terrible thing, and Cassiel feared Eponine would never forgive her, so she knew she could never face that side of her family again. Still, the mare was beginning to understand that perhaps her tears came by living her life so secluded; the pain came by knowing she was truly alone. . . . furthermore, the tears fell out of regret.
But the fates weren't so cruel as to keep her alone for long. Tobias had miraculously found her and, even more surprising, seemed to want nothing more than to be in her life once again. Was this how it was supposed to have been all along? After purging her life of all her agony, only to find it hurt all the same even without her family, Cassiel had to wonder if the violet coated stallion was sent to give her a second chance. . .
But was she strong enough to take it?
No. She was weak, always had been, and always would be. She didn't understand love and affection, not like many a soquili did. But Ezriel had loved. . . it was his love for Nimue that had driven him out of her life forever. And Eponine had wanted so hard to love. . . so it coldn't be that bad, could it?
Ah. . . but she knew little of such an emotion and couldn't even see it when it stared her in the face. Averting her gaze, tail swishing a bit nervously behind her, the mare responded to his jest ever so softly. "Quite the pair we are, don't you think?"
The pair. . . . . . . . we . . . . . . us. . . . . . It felt odd to use such a term and she almost wanted to apologize for it. But she wouldn't, not yet. She was walking on new territory but refused to run away.
She did enough running in her life. . . Maybe, for now, she'd walk a bit in to the unfamiliar if only to see what would happen. She thought pain, Tobias promised anything but. . . so who would be right? Only by walking down that path would she ever see or know.
Following Tobias lead, she stuck close to the stallion, afraid that if she left too much distance between them something might part them again forever. Nibbling on the grasses, Cassiel swiftly found herself devouring them by the mouthful; unladylike, perhaps, but her empty stomach demanded she eat and eat now! Ears pricked and focused on his word, and her ebony gaze caught his smile. She paused in her eating, feeling her nose colour a bit and turned her head in embarrassment. Why did he have to be so darn sweet? Otherwise occupied by chattering and allowing their joints to stiffen. . . she wasn't much of a conversationalist, really; she was about as enjoyable to speak to as a brick wall!
So why did it seem so special to him? Unsure what else to say, she gave her head a shake and picked at a few more grasses. "Next time I'll make sure we take leave to eat a little sooner. . . We'll be no good to anyone half-starved."
Not that Cassiel had anyone to impress. . . but had she really just said 'next time'? As if there actually was going to BE a next time? Well, there might be, and in all logic if he was going to stick around there might be a time or two they'd actually speak. . . but. . well. . . .
Oh bother. This wasn't any easier on her than it was him!
Deciding it was best she didn't speak, Cassiel focused on eating, though every now and then she did glance over at Tobi as if making sure he was still there.
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