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Well, that was interesting. I was supposed to be looking for Castor (and I did find him in the end), but I got rather distracted on the way.

The mare I asked for information was one of the newer tacticians, and she was doing one of their little game things. It was fascinating; I can't believe they can make sense out of all those rocks and twigs. It took quite a bit of concentration to see them as being Nequus and trees! She seemed to be pretty good at it. At least, the Hellenes-rocks won her mock battle... and she didn't make any obvious mistakes that I could see.

It was good of her to let me watch, too, and to answer my (probably quite obvious, to her) questions. Maybe I'll be able to impress Castor with my knowledge! But probably not.

Her name was Jocasta. I must remember that. I owe her a favour one day.

Today has been incredibly up and down.

Castor's sister tried to kill him. Didn't even manage to touch him, thank the gods - he ran, and I came across him when he was well inside the territory. She didn't seem to have followed him, but I stuck around while he rested, anyway.

I don't want him to get hurt. The amount I care worried me at first - because really, there are at least three reasons I can think of why I shouldn't get involved - but now, I think, maybe it might be okay. Castor doesn't think there's anything wrong with relationships between council members, not that he knew quite what I was asking in reference too. And he knows I don't want to court Iris any more. (I don't really know when that happened; it just did. I think the fact that Castor seems to at least like me, when she's not shown any sign of even wanting to be friends... it feels good to be liked, accepted.)

Honestly I like him. A lot. And after today, having made a fool of myself (I don't think he noticed, really), I think I've made the decision to act on it. I have an idea. It may need some planning before I can put it into practice, but... I hope it works, and that he doesn't take it the wrong way. I don't just want to dive in head first, not with this. Castor's logical, and I don't think he'd approve. It just seems appropriate that I want to get this right. ...I want to impress him. That probably sounds stupid, but even though I'm herdleader and a warrior, I'm not very good at this kind of stuff.

And I don't know what he thinks about me. I need to find out. I need to do something, because I'm falling for him. And that could turn out very badly...

He makes me nervous, and he makes me feel like an incompetent youth again. But I don't mind it, not from him. I might have been nervous today, but it went well... Almost as well as could have hoped. Although he needed a little prompting, and I was scared for a moment...

Gods, this is going to be different. Castor's certainly not like anyone I've been with before, aside from being male. It's wonderful to finally be able to expresse myself to him, and be close to him.

...I'm happier than I've been in a long time.

I knew it had to happen sometime, that we would disagree over something. I just didn't expect to be quite so soon, or something quite so fundamental to me.

I am meant to be a father; I've always known that. Castor can't give me children, but without having more foals at some point, I don't think my life will be complete. I wish it was; I'm afraid of making him feel inadequate, which he's not, at all.

He's very good at persuasion. I do believe him that he has no ulterior motives to this... and I can see where he's coming from. That's the problem. I wish I couldn't - but then I'd have to get mad at him, and I'd hate that.

I'm not sure how I ought to feel. As much as I love him, he's been rather confrontational about this. I don't like that. And I had such ideas... I don't like to just throw those away.

Can't believe I have to talk to Jocasta tomorrow. If she doesn't back down. This is going to make it more complicated, since I'm... not quite sure what I think any more. I have a feeling it's not going to be that enjoyable.

I do still really want children, but some of my enthusiasm for this has gone. Damn.

I got a chance to talk to that strange newcomer today - Sanue, the one who likes to eat meat. He seems to be settling in reasonably well, although it can only be expected to take a while for one who's been used to being solitary. He's joined the Alpha force, but he wanted to know if there was anything more he could do for the herd, some way he could use his skills.

That was a tricky one, since I don't really know his talents - in fact I must spar with him some time - but I think he may become a bodyguard, like Ignatius. But for an ambassdor. It's not as if we have much need of the ambassadors at the moment, or much need to guard them, but he will certainly make an imposing sight to allies or enemies. I've promised to mention him to Iris, and I hope she can find a use for him and his skills. He could be a great asset to the herd - it would be a shame to waste his skills, and a shame to lose him if he doesn't feel at home here.

That was a stroke a luck! The border patrol brought in a stranger, a gold-coated Jala who was found wandering around muttering to himself. I must admit he acted very oddly to start with - I thought him mad, as did they, as did he, I think.

However, while we were talking he seemed to have a realisation. He told me he thought he could hear the thoughts of others. Of course, I didn't believe him... but he did seem rather perceptive. Then he described Castor perfectly, even knew of our relationship, and I had no choice but to believe him - because no one knows about that. Very few, anyway, and all of them trustworthy. I'm not sure this Diego can control his powers, but he hopes to learn how. He's going to be staying in Hellene land for a while, and if it goes well for him I have promised to ally with his herd - in return for his skills, if necessary.

I don't want anyone who can read minds to be against me in a fight, so the agreement had to be made, really. The herd he comes from is small, I've had it comfirmed - they are not a warrior herd, so they will bebefit just as much from the protection of the Hellenes as we will from Diego's help.

I hope so, anyway. I'm not yet sure how a Seer could be useful - but I'm sure he will be.