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 Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 8:54 pm
It was not an unfamiliar thing, the touch of fingers in his feathers, tugging and straightening, relieving aches and itches. Autsu could almost lean into it, could almost lose himself to the comfort of it. Perhaps, even, follow the intimate sensation into other intimacies.
Almost.
Kian's words were level and free of any clear edge. Autsu listened to the rise and fall and the sharp points anyway. And maybe he still didn't hear what Kian was saying. He didn't sometimes.
"I want--" An outsider perhaps, would have interjected the proper phrasing here. It would be easy, wouldn't, for him to say 'I want you'? But, he didn't. "I want to keep my memories sharp."
He paused a moment, turning over words. It was not easy to admit these things, he did not share easily, even with Kian. "You have made me stronger. I would be a fool to forget it."
'I would take you with me, if I could'. He should have said. But he didn't.
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Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:15 pm
When Autsu didn't lean, and then he spoke, Kian did instead. One hand slid to the bed, the other resting against the base of Autsus wings. He didn't press the full weight of his body against his friends - that would just have been stupid, Autsu was smaller, lighter then himself - but he leaned all the same. Kian shifted just slightly, allowed his lips and nose to brush against the curve of Autsus ear.
He probably should have spoken, then. Should have voiced something he didn't know how to, didn't recognize as his own. Something. Anything. Maybe it made him the idiot, this time around - the powers that be knew of his stupidity, tenfold.
But, no. Kian simply gave himself that scarce space of time to lean, to give a shadow of what could be called a nuzzle, and to breathe. To anyone else, it very likely could have been creepy. It may have even been creepy to Autsu. It was the closest he could get to saying anything. After that brief moment, though, Kian found himself pulling back to his original position, kneeling behind Autsu, his fingers once more in those wings.
"You were always strong, Tsu." A feather was gently pulled out; it had been on it's last legs and it was better to get rid of it now before it became a bother. "You just didn't know it wasn't all physical."
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Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:50 pm
Autsu's breath hissed through his teeth. He understood things best in the physical. And he was carried away easily by sensation, could get lost in the brush of warm breath against his neck.
But the truth still hung in the air. Even with Kian so warm and close, Autsu had been honest. He was bad at forgetting. And though he leaned back against the weight at his back, it was soon enough gone, and those fingers had returned to their appointed task.
Autsu stared at the soup, which he'd been sipping at, off and on, as they spoke. He did not touch it now. He only looked at it blankly, as Kian's words came to him.
Earlier statements made it impossible to refute new ones. He did not think that Kian would take kindly to his speaking against his own strength, not after what had been said earlier.
Instead, he twisted in place, pulling his wings out of Kian's hands unmindful of feathers he might lose. The black bedspread was sprinkled with them anyway. Sitting sideways now, he pulled Kian closer to him, not gently.
His fingers were tight around the others arms, perhaps painful so, but he seemed unaware of it as he hid his face against Kian's neck. He shook, but perhaps that was only from frailty.
"I do not--" But he couldn't say that, not even as a hissing whisper against the others dark skin. It wasn't true anyway. Because he did want to leave. And he didn't. And he did want to stay. But he wouldn't. And what use was there in admitting it twice. And finally, as Gaian words failed him, he slipped helplessly into his native tongue.
"Dammit. Kian if you could only be him. I'd be your shield till worlds ended. Blade At My Throat (Note: In fact, an endearment, if you speak the language) I'm a fool, you shouldn't be so ******** understanding. I don't deserve it. I'm still leaving. You save me. I leave you. Anne, he's my prince. I served him first. And I am that weak."
Of course, it was little more than rough, furious hissing, and perhaps the recognizable name, even two. But Autsu's shaking stop, and his fingers eased slightly, though he made no move to pull away.
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Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:21 pm
... Was Autsu hugging him?
Well. Yes.
Autsu was, indeed, hugging him.
It could be classified under 'clutching', also, or perhaps 'clinging'. But there were hands on him, a body against him and, strangest of all, a face pressed against his neck. Oh, there had been faces in his neck before. Younglings, back on his home, back at his new Parentals place. Autsu, when he was spent and they were tired, for brief seconds before thinking returned or a towel was needed. This was unprecedented, however. Except for those times, there was never an Autsu face against his throat and, even more rare, a voice to follow it.
Nor had there been such intensity.
Once again, the question returned: What do you do, when you do not know what to do?
The answer finally hit him. Whatever you damn well please.
Despite the pressure on his arms (Autsus nails, he noted, had broken skin even over his shirt), and the face in his necck, and the awkward way they were bent, he was able to move his arms to touch Autsus hips, just gently.
"Tsu, what are you--" Wrong move, Kian. Four words into it and that slight movement, the barest shift of his weight towards his sideways friend, pushed the heavier alien over the side of the bed. He missed the soup and the bread as his back hit the ground solidly, a wheeze of a breath leaving his chest.
Unfortunately for Autsu, he had been holding Kian, and Kian him. The three-eyed alien had a lighter being on his chest (again, not an altogether new sensation) while he attempted to breath.
"Not fair, Tsu." Each word was a hoarse breath as a hand found its way up to clutch at Autsus short blue hair. The other alien, it seemed, wasn't allowed to get up. "Stay, right now."
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Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 9:15 am
Gah! Look, a floor. That hadn't been quite so close a moment ago. Lost as he'd been in his own hissing mutters, Autsu was at first confused by the sudden shift in positioning. Ok. Now he was on top of Kian.
He knew what that meant. It, in fact, ran through him like a jolt. Either, A. He'd just won a fight, and it was time for sex. Or B. It was simply time for sex, regardless of the lack of earlier fight. That was what happened when he was like this, pressed against Kian on the floor.
Except...
Except...
His head was still dizzy with exhaustion, his body was weak from lack of care. And his mind was tangled with the push pull of impulse the words he'd just spoken leaving him bruised by honesty.
He did not, in fact, want sex at that moment. Which was fine, except he was not entirely sure what one did on top of Kian, when one was not allowed to rise, and one was not using ones tongue.
"Stay." He echoed, and whether it was a request, or an indication of obedience it was hard to tell. Nonetheless, he made no attempt to move away.
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Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:34 pm
Sexy funtimes could most definately wait. After telling someone you - erm. After telling someone (physically?), the emotional draining would leave one.. bare. Kian felt naked, stripped of his energy to fight anymore. This was not the time for fighting. Or sexy funtimes.
The weight of Autsu felt comfortable rather then sexual, the warmth of his body soothing instead of arousing. He didn't want sex. No. Instead, he tilted his head, allowed that nose-lips-touching-ear thing to happen again. It could be brushed off this time; it was a position that had happened before, could be excused as something.
Instead, his hand remained in (on?) the short hair, his other arm draped across Autsus waist and back. He wasn't allowed to move. His eyes closed.
"Sleep, Tsu." His voice was still a bit rough from the previous wheezing, but the words quiet. "We are both tired."
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Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 9:05 pm
Autsu relaxed further into the arms holding him, and if he was confused by this change in their states, he didn't say so. They'd never cuddled before. It wasn't a part of what they were. But still, he didn't object to the arms around him.
He was tired. He'd been sleeping when Kian arrived, and he was, well he wasn't in the best of shape. And it was a comfort to be held so. He had thought he had lost Kian. And that had been enough to send him lost, faded and spinning and not thinking clearly until now, and only just.
He needed the one he lay against. That much was clear. He had begun to fall without him.
"Blade at My Throat." A whisper this time spoken with what might... almost... be heard as affection. "It means... to stand with another's blade at your neck, unconcerned. It is... the one you trust beyond any other."
"Blade at My Throat."
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Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 9:30 pm
It took Kian a long moment to even think of a response to that; his fingers had started flexing into an almost-petting movement against Autsus hair and scalp. Soft. Colorful. He let himself concentrate on that for a moment, eyes still closed, as Autsus words sunk in.
"There is no equal to that, where I am from. No need to trust.. for weapons. To fear others." Another pause in his words, a quiet silence, and still he continued to stroke. "The closest... Would be to tell a person they are Gray. Between the black and the white, the whole. The everything. If there had been such thing as trust, it would have been that."
A tired murmur then as his fingers kept with the steady pace. It was calming to him, even if it did nothing for his counterpart. Blade at his Throat. Affection. Body-pressing with no sex. The night just got more and more different.
Didn't make it bad.
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