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 Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 11:51 am
Vohamanah looked back away from her. She reminded him of rosebushes. They were so beautiful to look upon, but when you got too close, their thorns would get ya. He wondered why she was being so stubbornly solemn. Unless something about him had just been setting her off, without him even trying. He wasn't sure how to respond to it.
He lifted his head a little and looked around. He scraped one of his hooves on the ground. Well, apparently, he wasn't going to be anyone's hero today. At least, not without conquering a mountain as it seemed to him. She seemed to build up walls and make it hard for him to talk to her; and yet, she had told him she never talked about stuff to people. Here she was talking to him.. even if her words were full of hurt and jaded beliefs. He sighed from feeling a bit frustrated for not knowing how he should respond. What could he say to her?
"I suppose I am not of much help to you. I don't know what it feels to have been betrayed by someone close to me. I don't know at all what it felt like to walk in your hooves even for a day. I don't know what it feels like to bear such heavy emotional burdens. I don't. You really got something on me there. I could try to pretend and imagine some lavish answer to convince you, but I don't have it. I try to be honest, and in measure of honesty, I stand here falling short of the apparent thing you'd need that would even feign a miracle."
He took a breath in through his nostrils feeling the fresh breezy air. He could smell rain coming in the air. Wouldn't that just be icing on the cake. Still, he remained there. Why he hadn't just decided to leave her since she seemed to act and talk like she didn't want him there... He mused over this. What would his mother do? His mother would sit there patient and calm.
He took another deep breath and sighed. He wasn't tired of her. She just seemed to think everything had to be a big deal. Why did looking at some water have to become a thesis for one's entire life? why does the solutions to life have to sit in one moment? why can't htey just be found on the way? He shook his mane to the side a bit. Such level of seriousness...
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Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 12:08 pm
Sohalia looked at Vohamanah.
'Given up on me have you? I wouldn't be surprised if you had. I suppose it would be difficult to rescue someone when you can't see a path for them.'
She let out a long breath, her own nostrils flaring as she too scented the damp on the air. It almost seemed as though the weather was reflecting her inner mood. She wondered if rain was a problem for flutters, did it impede their ability to fly at all? She couldn't recall seeing butterflies when it rained, but maybe it was different for the Soquili.
'I am glad you're being honest. It suits you far more than trying to be perfect. ' she shook her mane out, before speaking again. She could walk away from him, and hope that he wouldn't speak of her again to other Soquili. It wasn't as if she had any true friends in this area; she had been friendly but had never made that connection. Who would he tell after all? There was a chance they'd never meet again either.
'Whilst we are being honest with one another, I shall tell you something. I am afraid of who I am. I don't want to be alone forever. Your own company is fine..when it is broken by seeing other people.'
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Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 5:27 am
After looking at the water and glancing at her numerous times in his silence. While he was frustrated, he wasn't entirely given up. Rather, he decided that some things maybe you can't rescue in just a moment or with one wonderful proclamation of hope. Obviously, she is affected through personal betrayal. Abandonment seemed to be a key here. Why should he expect her to just allow him to come trotting through? He chewed it over inside.
Being the optimist he was, he did still believe there had to be a way. He just had to figure out what it was. Looking at her, and hearing her own stating of honesty. He smiled meekly towards her. His heart began to swell with compassion and empathy for her. He flittered his wings up and down a bit. She emanated such heavy emotion. Much of which he was completely unfamiliar with. Still, something in him was starting to somehow see. Maybe it was something he inherited from his grandmother. He then started to not consider what his mother would say; rather, what would Glory do? He knew right away. She was always filled with kindness.
He looked at her again, and he boldly and yet meekly started to gradually inch closer and closer to her. Until he was right up next to her. He moved his neck to gently nuzzle against her. If he had been a human, he might have been trying to hug her. He didn't wanna freak her out. He wasn't sure she wouldn't run off or get mad at him for doing this.
"I won't leave. At least, not yet. If I have to go eventually, you can come with me. I won't leave you by yourself. But, it is your choice. I'm really not in a hurry either way."
He didn't bother to mention that he would stay even if it rained. He was never too fond of having his wings too wet. He could brave it. He would try his best.
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Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 12:58 pm
Sohalia liked the quiet that had settled between them, maybe it had finally gotten through to him that peppiness wouldn't be solving this one as he hoped it would.
She didn't really dislike the stallion, doing that would be akin to kicking a puppy, or trapping a bird in a dark cage. It would hurt and dim his light. But why did she care? She was trying to fathom out why she even cared about Vohamanah's feelings. After all, they would part and she would never see him again, as it had been with all the others she had met.
The mare tensed, her ears going back and her tail swished, her body language showing that she was on edge, not completely welcoming him as he got closer. She stayed still though, curious as to what exactly he was hoping to accomplish. When he actually brushed against her, she had to stop herself from jumping, not expecting any kind of physical contact from someone she had just met.
'Vohamanah..' she whispered, her voice cracking.
'I don't know..I..I.. Thank you.' she finally said, uncertain as to how to express herself any further, her ears going forward a touch as her muscles slowly untensed. She fell quiet again.
'Do you have someone that you - are close to?'
She seemed unable to stay silent with him. And she didn't know why.
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Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 5:03 am
Vohamanah looked sideways to her. Ah, so this was the right way. He thought he might need to one day give Glory some thanks. He felt so glad he had people he could look up to. It had never once occurred to him that not everyone had it.
He let a soft sigh release. The broken in her voice gave him a little hope. Maybe even crying and brokenness had their place sometimes. Making them go away wasn't the answer. Maybe her bitterness had to be drawn out.. Like poison from a wound. He knew she could freak out at any moment and give him a what-for.
He stepped his hooves to make his stance more solidified, and he held his last nuzzle against her softly. He moved his head a little, so that he was almost walking towards her. Just as his head had passed hers, he leaned it back against her. He was careful to not let too much weight sit. He tried to press his wings against himself as to not bother her.
"Oh... It's all right Sohalia. You just be yourself, ok? I'm not sure what you mean by close to? I have a very big family if that's what you mean." Then, he closed his eyes gently as he wondered. He considered the way she said it. Then, it started to set in on him.
"Oh... that. Well... no. I can't say I've struck a bond with any soquili outside my family as of yet." Then, he felt concerned. Was she afraid that he had a someone at home, and would leave her for them? He frowned a little. Then, he figured another answer.
"Sohalia, you can lean on me. If you wish... I won't force it. It is of course your decision. There isn't any promise I can tell you that can offer you any proof as to why you should trust me. You can choose to even distrust me should you feel that's best for yourself. But... if you wanted to still lean on me anyways... That's ok too. I won't run out on you. And, I can shush my trap if you want."
He moved his head from side to side gently against her. Then, he walked around her to the other side, and as he walked up along side her. He layed his wing over her back, gently. He leaned his head against hers and looked away. He smiled and let his tail flick.
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Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 12:16 pm
Sohalia felt drained almost, as though the discourse so far had taken all the energy from her. Who knew that being frank about yourself was so tiring?
She still felt herself tensing, it was an involuntary reaction every time he moved against her side, against her body. And it didn't seem to want to stop, though after the intial tense, she would slowly relax again as he stopped moving.
'Not family.' she began, but he had already realised what she had actually meant and she made a small noise at what he said.
'I am surprised..I am sure there are many who would be attracted to you.'
Her ears twitched, falling back at his words. Why would she need to lean on him? Did she look like an invalid to him? But then..she supposed that to him she seemed very fragile right now. She felt very exposed, like a raw nerve.
The wing on her back felt - peculiar. It was a gentle feeling, as though an overly large petal had drifted across her.
'I don't know if I can trust anyone. But I want to.'
Sohalia was confused. What she wanted was to put her trust into one. One who would never abandon her, never betray her heart. So what was she doing with this stallion? He couldn't be that one could he? If she did let herself trust him and he went away. She felt that she would probably close herself even tighter. No one would ever see the true her again.
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Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 9:41 am
Vohamanah started to feel a tad puzzled again. She kept bringing up if he was close with other girls. and... trust... Why did those two topics seem to go hand in hand with this one?
Still, he was a tad more focused on how she had been tensing up sometimes still. He just gently spoke to her. "Do you not want me to touch you anymore? Would you rather that I go? Personally, I want to stay. And... I think you're really not at all as bad as you make yourself out to sound like. For some reason, you sure wanna fight me on something that I'm not sure what it is."
He swayed to the side to brush his head up against her neck some more. He hadn't really waited for her to object like he in words offered her the chance. He did notice. When he brushed close, her mane did smell pretty nice. Her pelt was really very soft.
So then in an even gentler and almost cooing sort of voice. He called to her again. "Sohalia... Sohalia... I have all the time in the world for you. Right now... I really don't want to consider all this other stuff from my life. And... I think we should try to alleviate your mind from all these stresses. Let's take a breather... Or something. If you're not rejecting me or casting me away... then why don't we sit down on the grass, ok? What do you say?"
He had completely avoided the point of trust, but he didn't really know what to say to that. He knew it was a point she had brought up earlier when they were first talking. His mind hadn't yet gone to the point of thinking how exactly he was supposed to handle that. What could he say or give her... as any kind of proof he wasn't untrustworthy? None that he could think of... at least not yet.
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Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 11:55 am
What Vohamanah didn't seem to have gotten was that it was exactly that sort of relationship, and the souring of it through betrayal, was what had made her the way she was.
There was a difference in the trust between family members and the trust between partners. There was much more to lose in the former, especially with children involved.
She had every reason to equate trust with mate relationships.
'And what would you say if told you that I didn't want you to go? I can't stop what my body is doing because I am not used to being like this with anyone.' she shut her eyes this time as he brushed against her once more.
Because she'd not been used to this kind of affection, she wasn't sure of his motives. Why did he want to stay with her, coddle her and talk to her? Sohalia had no idea if this was still part of his personality or if he was hoping for something further from her because she had let part of her wall slip away.
'I can sit for a while,' she answered carefully, trying to sound as though it didn't matter one way or the other.
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Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 1:48 pm
He slowly sat himself down as gracefully as he could. He tried to sit close by, but he wanted to be able to see her and watch her. "I perceive that this conversation may have been at least a little vexing to you. Now, we can let ourselves unwind a little."
He just smiled at her in his way that he naturally did most of the time. His eyes smiled too, but behind their smile, they were searching her. He was trying to get on the same page as her.
He mused to himself as he looked at her. "If you said you didn't want me to go, then I guess I will just stay right here. Though the way you say you didn't want me to go.. I am not sure if you mean right now... or if you want me to stay longer than that?" He looked at her quizzically.
He had never really even contemplated the idea of having one mare around all the time. To actually just... stay with someone the way his father was always with his mother. On the one hand, he completely believed whole heartedly in that sort of thing. He believed that two could come together and have everlasting love that conquered everything. Though despite that infallible belief, he hadn't actually began to want it for himself or look for it. He was just being him.
Then he thought about her "like this with anyone". What did "like this" mean? She never sat with anyone. He decided to explore this even though he thought it was dangerous as it could push her towards more emotional upheavel. Still.. he wondered. Did noone show her affection? Was she really without anyone to care about her?
"Sohalia... I will just say firstly that... I am entirely willing to accept you just as you are. Not just who you are.. but in whatever place you find yourself in your life. I have to admit. This wasn't at all like I've been accustomed to either. But... I think that voice inside you that keeps wanting to talk to me. I like that girl. She's honest, straightforward. She's certainly courageous. It takes courage to tell someone what you want or need, especially the more afraid you feel to do it." He looked at her, his eyes moving between shades of compassion and admiration.
He then looked forward towards the water.
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Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 3:51 pm
'I'm not entirely sure that 'vexing' is the right word.' Sohalia said as she folded her legs below herself whilst lowering onto the ground.
'It wasn't easy. I haven't spoken to anyone in such a revealing way since I last spoke to my mother. And that was many, many moons ago. I don't do the emotional thing, as you might have guessed, I can be happy, but happy for others and because of what they are saying. For myself? I'm not sure..'
She shook her head;
'I don't even know myself. I. I like you being here. But worries me as well. And I don't want to. I suppose cling would be the best description.'
Sohalia flicked her tail, letting it fall in its natural waves along one hind leg, her eyes watching him in between his words. What was he thinking when he didn't speak?
'Oh..' she looked out at the water herself, unable to reply to his latter words. How did he see all that in her? She chewed on her lower lip, teeth stark white in contrast to her black pelt and looked at the stallion. She wanted to say much to him, thank him for being the one who she let almost everything out to. For not bolting as though she were some messed up mare whose problems were too much to handle. Even though at first he had irritated her, maybe it was what she needed. If he hadn't, she would have made small talk and merely gone her way again. And nothing would have changed.
She moved ever so slightly and pressed her nose against his neck, one small gesture that might express more than she could manage to say.
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Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 6:40 am
To Vohamanah, this all seemed to feel perfect and sublime. Though it seemed to take them a while to get here; something in this emotional climate was seeming to feel right. His inner optimism was starting to flourish again. He decided it might be best to keep that in check for a while. No sense in getting her all riled up again with talk of idealism and whatnot. He had met enough soquili to realize not very many were actually that way most of the time.
He was a tad surprised to feel her touching him. He turned his head a little bit and looked at her with warm eyes. Then, he smiled gently and broadly. "Oh... the lovely Ms. Sohalia... If I couldn't guess better based on things you've told me today. I'd have to say this is an unusual treat. I thank you very much."
He was feeling more and more relaxed here. He flicked his tail a bit as his wings started to twitch and flutter sometimes. Then came that smell of rain again. He found it curious that the smell of it was so there; yet it hadn't started to pour yet. Maybe he should.... take her somewhere.
He did want to go somewhere; but he was feeling certain of the fact that he wasn't going to leave her. He was hoping maybe.... He could just take her. Where would he take her?
Then, he looked at her with deeply warm eyes. "I think everyone needs someone to ... cling to sometimes. I really don't think there's anything wrong with it. I can't really tell you anything why you should trust me. If you've been that badly burned; I'm sure words or a single passing promise isn't anything to really suffice."
He then paused briefly growing a grin and something of a twinkle in his eye. "Moreover, I am thinking. The only way you would really be able to know for yourself whether I am or not.. You would just have to spend time with me. So you can see for yourself whether or not I have integrity through my actions."
With his head facing her, he gently nibbed his mouth against her forehead just below her horn. He used his horn to move the strands of hair from in front of her eyes. "I want that Sohalia in there to come out, so I can get to know her better. I want her to be able to tell me anything she needs to say to anyone."
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Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 7:30 am
Sohalia twitched a little bit. She didn't chastise him for his sudden florid language and the fact that..well she had to correct him just a little.
'Please. Just Sohalia will suffice. Ms sounds, oddly formal. And I think I've bared myself a little too much to be going down that road.' she had withdrawn her nose from his neck, but hadn't moved much farther back, whilst she was not entirely relaxed, she was sufficiently comfortable enough to stay in close proximity.
'Do you? I assumed that a working partnership required both to lean on the other during times of need. Clinging just sounded desperate.' she looked at Vohamanah.
'I think you're right. I would need to know, in my blood and in my bone that the one I was with would never do what has been done to my mother.'
She mulled over his proposal. His logic seemed sound; trust didn't just happen, besides it wasn't as if she had anything else to do. Before meeting the stallion she had become rather aimless, listless in herself.
'I suppose you are right, I should stay with you - for a while at least.' she said, going cross-eyed as she tried to work out what exactly he was doing. She almost flinched then, the gesture the most intimate one she'd ever experienced.
'I'm sure she wants to come out as well Vohamanah. I think only time will tell.'
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Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 7:49 am
After his mouth had touched her forehead, he began to feel something else inside. Now, what was that? That was something different. He inwardly was querying over that. Was it because of her? Her...
He smiled at her as he bend his head and rubbed the side of his face against her. "I'm glad you have agreed. I will take you with me then. Whenever it's time to go visit some of my clan. It is a bit of a walk from here."
He then smiled more and his eye glinted up at her. Then, what he was about to say next; even before he said it. He felt it stirring him up inside. It was vigorous, and he found that sensation to be rather fiery and enjoyable.
"It could take a few days even. I think that'd be pretty great. We can have a small adventure together." As he mused on the idea, he found he was liking it more and more.
His tail started to flick more, and his wings flickered as well. He almost wanted to go right away. Why wait? "If you find me unacceptable or completely terrible. You are free to leave me where I am... and I will not be too upset with you. Disappointed that I failed my lovely Sohalia.. but... Maybe..... I will not disappoint."
He really was hoping he wouldn't. His optimism was then at full throttle. He could feel it welling up within him. It was soon to run over. This was why he always had that and believed for so much. Who knew running into her could procure... whatever this ... new and curious feeling he had.
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Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 8:33 am
My lovely Sohalia? She arched a brow at him when he said that, not sure how to respond to that. The part of her that was still iced over railed against his words, would have liked to make fun of them or just even laugh them away as if they hadn't touched her. But they had..
'Your clan?' Sohalia wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to meet a whole herd of Soquili so soon, she felt a little frayed right now.
'Right away you want to do that?' she asked, straining to sound casual as she did so.
The unicorn could sense something, different about him. At least he'd stopped spouting on about trying to save her, but now he was talking about 'we'. What had changed? And had she done this? Now she was vexed because she had always felt herself to be in control. Since meeting Vohamanah that had been stripped away, she had been exposed and now felt that she was looking to him for the answers!
And she still didn't know what it all meant.
'I'm still not sure what it is you..' she almost said 'want' but changed it at the last moment.
'What it is you see in me. What keeps you to me? I ask because I don't know what keeps me to you. I suppose, well I suppose affection would be the right term if I were a normal, sunny mare.'
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Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 9:38 am
Vohamanah smiled gently. "My clan.. that's.. well. I guess you could say herd. We aren't very big. But I was more meaning my family... and my grandmother."
He then thought maybe that was too sudden for her. If she was hardly opening up her shell to him. She wouldn't be ready for big gatherings their family went to. His natural inclination was that he had to fix that. It didn't have to be an instantaneous fix. He would be patient about it.
He then looked at her when she was asking. "well.. We don't have to do that... RIGHT AWAY.. like this very second... but... soon couldn't be too bad? I mean.. after you have a chance to rest and feel a little more refreshed."
He then started to look at her quizzically. He wasn't sure exactly what she meant. "Well, I think it'd be too presumptuous of me to just say that I am keeping you to me. I hardly think I have any right to outright say that. However.. If I wanted to keep you.. I can't tell you why that exactly is yet. It's just a feeling. My mother always says to follow your gut instincts. They ultimately lead you where you need to go, pleasant or not."
He then layed his wing on her back and nuzzled the side of her face. "I haven't really thought it out that much yet. I know that I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to give me affection. If that's what you mean.. You are free to give what you want... or to not give.. if you don't want to. If what I'm doing is bothering you, and you want me to stop. You just have to say so. But.. I see before me... a mare who though dark on the outside is strikingly beautiful. Inwardly, you have yet to really show me all of your true self. I do already detect someone who's very headstrong. You can think for yourself. Decide for yourself. You obviously are wanting something for yourself. Even though you're waivering to even let me be in your company.. I think the real Sohalia is very strong. She just needs a little confidence in herself. Confidence she should just have by virtue, but maybe she hasn't been properly nurtured through her life. Maybe she can't see it yet. The real her glimmers like a diamond peeking out of the dark dirt that hides it."
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