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 Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:47 pm
I want to be asexual...The thought of wanting sex scares me...the thought of sex scares and disgusts me...But I still doubt my asexuality. I'm only fourteen...But I don't want my aversion to sex to change...I don't want to be like that...And I don't care about the fitting in.
The lack of closeness might bother me though...But I can get so close to my friends; I'm sure I'll manage.
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Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 6:32 pm
The thought of having sex is frightening. 'Tis really scary for me. Squishing, things going in and out...oh my.
Well, you've got time to decide who you really are. I'm still kind of young myself, but by the time we get to what, twenty or twenty-five years of age, we'll probably decide who we really are. There's no rush to label yourself.
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:00 am
Xumbra The thought of having sex is frightening. 'Tis really scary for me. Squishing, things going in and out...oh my.
Well, you've got time to decide who you really are. I'm still kind of young myself, but by the time we get to what, twenty or twenty-five years of age, we'll probably decide who we really are. There's no rush to label yourself.
Yeah...I can stick with the label I've asigned myself until then; I'm fine with that, even if it changes and it turns out I was wrong.
And there I go throwing labels around again...I'm supposed to hate them.
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:21 am
*hates labels even though some are unavoidable*
I'm thinking that marraige would be nice. Of course, I would almost garuntee-edly have to marry and asexual, because most normal people couldn't stand not doing it at all. I could be close to them, but I would have to truly love them and all.
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 11:00 am
Yoder *hates labels even though some are unavoidable* I'm thinking that marraige would be nice. Of course, I would almost garuntee-edly have to marry and asexual, because most normal people couldn't stand not doing it at all. I could be close to them, but I would have to truly love them and all.
Especially if it's simply because you don't want sex...
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Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 11:16 am
I know. It is natural for humans to want to be around other humans. Something in us draws us to it. Those who claim they don't, have merely stifled a basic urge and feeling within them. People go crazy without people. Everyone has at least one someone.
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Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 1:17 pm
Yoder I know. It is natural for humans to want to be around other humans. Something in us draws us to it. Those who claim they don't, have merely stifled a basic urge and feeling within them. People go crazy without people. Everyone has at least one someone.
I mean...my crowd-fear seems to have escalated to a fear simply of being with people. Any people. I hate the prospect of having to see people. They annoy me...the idea's even starting to scare me. But I know I still need them...
I'm not constantly like this though; I've just recently started feeling like I can't handle that weird guilt-anger-saddness type emotion I get after I've been with people...
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Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 5:43 pm
Ikonik Angel Yoder I know. It is natural for humans to want to be around other humans. Something in us draws us to it. Those who claim they don't, have merely stifled a basic urge and feeling within them. People go crazy without people. Everyone has at least one someone.
I mean...my crowd-fear seems to have escalated to a fear simply of being with people. Any people. I hate the prospect of having to see people. They annoy me...the idea's even starting to scare me. But I know I still need them...
I'm not constantly like this though; I've just recently started feeling like I can't handle that weird guilt-anger-saddness type emotion I get after I've been with people...
Ecks dee.
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Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 11:50 pm
Xumbra Ikonik Angel Yoder I know. It is natural for humans to want to be around other humans. Something in us draws us to it. Those who claim they don't, have merely stifled a basic urge and feeling within them. People go crazy without people. Everyone has at least one someone.
I mean...my crowd-fear seems to have escalated to a fear simply of being with people. Any people. I hate the prospect of having to see people. They annoy me...the idea's even starting to scare me. But I know I still need them...
I'm not constantly like this though; I've just recently started feeling like I can't handle that weird guilt-anger-saddness type emotion I get after I've been with people...
Ecks dee.
The prospect of people is less frightening for I feel loved.
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Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:53 am
Ikonik Angel Yoder I know. It is natural for humans to want to be around other humans. Something in us draws us to it. Those who claim they don't, have merely stifled a basic urge and feeling within them. People go crazy without people. Everyone has at least one someone.
I mean...my crowd-fear seems to have escalated to a fear simply of being with people. Any people. I hate the prospect of having to see people. They annoy me...the idea's even starting to scare me. But I know I still need them...
I'm not constantly like this though; I've just recently started feeling like I can't handle that weird guilt-anger-saddness type emotion I get after I've been with people...When I get around the group of people who crossed me, I leave feeling horrible. They just seem to drain all my happiness and energy from me.
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Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 7:52 am
Yoder Ikonik Angel Yoder I know. It is natural for humans to want to be around other humans. Something in us draws us to it. Those who claim they don't, have merely stifled a basic urge and feeling within them. People go crazy without people. Everyone has at least one someone.
I mean...my crowd-fear seems to have escalated to a fear simply of being with people. Any people. I hate the prospect of having to see people. They annoy me...the idea's even starting to scare me. But I know I still need them...
I'm not constantly like this though; I've just recently started feeling like I can't handle that weird guilt-anger-saddness type emotion I get after I've been with people...When I get around the group of people who crossed me, I leave feeling horrible. They just seem to drain all my happiness and energy from me.
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Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:05 pm
And when I'm all drained like that, I get grouchy and ornery. Something I don't like to be. heh, no one wants to be around me when I'm in a bad mood, but they only happen when one or more aspects of myself is/are really drained.
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Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:14 pm
Yoder And when I'm all drained like that, I get grouchy and ornery. Something I don't like to be. heh, no one wants to be around me when I'm in a bad mood, but they only happen when one or more aspects of myself is/are really drained.
I tried so hard to get away from them today...they just followed me...
But it's mainly after I leave my friends I feel all drained and icky.
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Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:26 pm
[rant]Mine don't switch unless circumstances provide for it. I'm usually one of two personalities that depend on what group of friends I'm around. [even bigger rant]Before I go on, I must say that it isn't me being a complete hyposcrite and showing them bth masks that they like. It is more of the two sides of me. They're opposite, and such, can't be present at the same time. I hate it when people from both groups of friends are talking to me. I don't exactly know how to act, and such don't say much. The reason all of this has to be done is that the people in one group have hard feeling towards some in the other group, because of some things that happened a while ago. They can't let it go, while the other group is far too carefree, lenient, and apathetic about it. It's never any huge conflict, but I end up beign the mediator between them.[/even bigger rant] When around one group I'm very laid back and conserved. With the other group I laugh and joke. I ejoy both groups of friends, and feel incomplete without spending some time with both. Yet, there is another side of me that is completely irrational and insane that I never lshow to anyone.[/rant]
Same. I sub-conciously act better and feel better when I'm around people. It's like I can't totally relax, like around my home, or my best friend's. The, once I unwind, I feel like crap. The depression is worse than any of the other things I've mentioned.
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Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:59 pm
Oh man...I know what you mean...about the two sides of you thing.
[rant]Thankfully, my two groups don't, and probably never will, meet (except one).
There's my school friends...I'm not close to them, I don't want to be (except maybe two) and I never will be. I'm more reserved around them. I don't hug (often) and I feel I have to hold my tongue a lot.
Then there's my outside school friends. I'm really close to a lot of them, they're much more fun to be with, I can relax more; say what I want without fear of rejection or ridicule or whatever.
Then there's CC (initials)...He annoys me, I don't like spending too much time with him, yet he belongs to both groups now. He's wormed his way into my outside friends and it scares me.
And then there's the fact my outside friends group has grown and split into two groups which merge occasionally. I really don't like some of them. Others I get annoyed by if I see them too often. And it really gets to me sometimes...
Then there's DH...He doesn't live here, yet I think I'd consider him my best friend now.
[/rant]
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