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 Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 6:01 pm
"Do you have a name?" Andor questioned randomly, he'd found it awkward telling all his secrets to someone he didn't know. A name wasn't going to change anything but it was a piece of the puzzle he still didn't have. His name was of no importance now, although he didn't often give it out, he often surprised himself when finding he still remembered it. Past memories, origins and lessons learned were mostly forgotten but he could still recall his name. Perhaps it was the one piece of himself he still held on to...
He was having problems listening to the mare, she didn't seem to understand or take things the way he did. She didn't understand that his darkness wasn't hate and dislike, it was confusion, fear and a muddle of emotions. Some things she said were reassuring though, he didn't need to trust and he didn't need to open up to others. Andor was unable to tell if she was lying or being truthful, was he able to continue on without liking company? Sadly, wherever he went he was bothered by somebody and didn't have much of a choice.
Watching the mare with the anchor attached to her leg, Andor stared down at the ocean, wondering if she would have preferred for them to talk closer to the water. He never would have guessed it but deep down he was kind soul and cared for others when he wasn't trying to avoid them. Humans, on the other hand... he had no compassion left for such creatures. Sighing, the stallion snapped back into reality and shook his head, "I have no feeling left... just... fear..." He hadn't admitted that to anyone, hadn't let himself believe he was captured by a single emotion but, when he said it aloud he knew it was true...
He didn't flinch or shrink away as she approached him, mainly because at that moment his body felt too heavy to move. He did watch her carefully though, his mind running off to wonder how painful it would be if she drove her horn into him. Shaking his head slowly he stared at her, face void of any emotion, "Brightness I don't even notice... it's probably some sort of sign of how worthless I really am." Pessimism wasn't new to Andor but it wasn't a regular thing either... he always tried to see the light in every situation... it wasn't his fault he just couldn't pick it out...
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:05 am
Name... name. Delmare shivered slightly, before raising her eyes to the stallion once again. A name wasn't important, her's wasn't even natural. It only existed out of conflict, and she sighed before speaking out about her miserable word. "I have been called Delmare by many, but I have no idea what it actually means. And you? Do you carry a word or something?" Names were disgusting.. they were a forced branding, a terrible account of history that helped creatures exist in the worthless game of life. There was a falseness to names, a right that someone created out of power or something. Forcing words on creatures was disgusting, and Delmare hated the fact that everyone followed such a trend. "Names.. hah!" she then responded, while silencing herself for a moment or so. Her outburst was random, but what wasn't random with her?
When the stallion spoke out again, he was admitting something very deep. Delmare wasn't sure how to interpret his words, since he seemed so distant only a moment ago. She was only quiet for a few seconds, since she wasn't sure how bold it was to admit any flaws about oneself. "And why does fear consume you?" her voice was light, and her eyes were pulled away from his, since she knew it was probably killing him to discuss this with someone so not ordinary. "Fear comes in many shapes and forms, it can be powerful and weak in feeling. That's why I ask.." she then commented, while shuffling her hooves a bit. The stallion was continuously admitting his worthlessness, and Delmare was starting to get annoyed for some reason. He wasn't as worthless as the many she had seen or killed, and she shook her head after declaring such to herself.
"Its not that you are worthless." she then said, with a sterner tone. "You are just confused, you are lost in trying to find yourself. Or, you've probably given up at this point." Everyone went through that pain, she had given up on herself ages ago! It was why she let her emotions do what they wanted, she had no control over the way she was. She was purely physical, with emotions that were unreal to her soul. "I don't know why, but you shouldn't just give up like this."
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 10:01 pm
Andor always had a hard time sorting out emotions, especially when they were expressed by another but it seemed Delmare really didn't like her name or maybe names in general. Names were something he'd never really had time to think about, did he like them or dislike them, did he feel anything toward them? That was hard to decide for it was rare that Andor felt emotion for anything, it was just how he was. So, he highly doubted he felt emotion about something as simple as a name. Sighing, the stallion looked to the ground debating what to say next... was he to offer his name, the thing she referred to as a word? Something hurt deep down, he was beginning to like this new stranger... even if she was a bit... strange...
"Do you like to be called anything in particular...?" he questioned softly, not knowing how to bring up the seemingly touchy subject. "The word I'm called by would be Andor, not that it much matters... nobody gets the chance to learn it really," he continued, his voice still soft. His eyes had darkened after that last comment, he never let anybody get close enough to learn his name... no, not anymore... Something puzzled him though, why did he offer this stranger so much information when he had no real intention of seeing her again? More questions added to his pile and he felt more lost and confused than ever.
"I'm afraid..." he trembled, unable to complete his sentence. His blue eyes closed, covered by golden lids and ears flicked back, plastering to his skull, and for once his tail lay limp behind him, unmoving. He wasn't listening to what she'd said, didn't care for her explanation of fear... In his mind he was experiencing that same day, the same exact events... all over again. Finally shaking himself from the image, he kept his eyes firmly closed, his voice cracked and he spoke at a whisper, his voice barely sounding over the rain, "They're coming back."
Finally opening his eyes, he stared at the strange mare, his eyes filled with emotion, need... longing... something far away. "What's the point...?" he asked softly, "There's nothing else to live for..." After that, all that was heard was the sound of the rain, falling down from the sky and splattering on the things around them.
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Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 9:50 am
"Delmare, I suppose." she then answered, with a stale aspect to her voice. Ah, so his name was Andor? "Andor." she then repeated, while trying out his name for sound purposes. "I'm just playing with how it sounds through my voice, and hm, the word suits you." she nodded to herself, before shrugging lightly at his other comment. "Its alright, I don't tell my 'name' either. I don't find it important, but I know for social functions it is important or something. I'm still discovering why." she chuckled to herself, while then focusing her attention back on Andor.
She remained quiet and still until Andor finished everything he stated. What a complicated situation, Delmare was soaking in the tenseness that the air carried. Andor's struggles were more then just physical or emotional, they were deep in his heart. They were locked away, and just being revealed so openly now. Delmare wasn't sympathizing with him, that wasn't her style as creature. She was only trying to help, since that was something she could actually do from her scattered mind.
"If you are this afraid, then why not train yourself to be ready for any sort of ill return?" Her question was simple, and she stared deeply into the stallion's eyes. "If you continue to dread such a return, then you will lose your mind. Why not change your thoughts, and prepare yourself mentally and physically for anything that may happen?" Delmare was a believer in violence.. and it solved the most horrible of situations. But, Andor training himself would bring a new kind of strength to both his body and mind. There wasn't a down-side to training, it was most definitely the greatest option. It could change his life forever, but the question became, was he ready for that sort of thing himself?
"It just depends on where you want to go from here in your life.. that decision is all on you, I can't force you to do any of these things. I can only hope you'll think about it." With an exhausted sigh, she only shook some water off her head before returning her eyes to his.
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Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 8:54 pm
Names... they weren't all that important were they, nobody wondered the name of random strangers. Unimportant words, Delmare was right. So, as if to repeat her, Andor too said her name softly, "Delmare..." He stopped for a moment, standing in silence before he nodded, "It suits you," he agreed softly.
He no longer had hope for anything, the smile that had been creeping into his features faded once again. The stallion was drowning in his own self pity and didn't know how to deal with it. He was a loner, he shouldn't have been here discussing these things with a stranger, why was he telling her his life story? Something told him it was because he craved the attention, craved hearing the voice of another but he quickly banished the thoughts. Instead, he looked up to the rain as it began to pour down even harder than before. Perfect, the weather suited his mood, what was to be expected next? Instead of replying to Delmare, Andor turned to look down at the ocean and slowly moved away from the mare, closer to the water before stopping once again.
Andor stared at the water, watching the waves crash up against the sand with great force as the rain fell into the raging ocean. His eyes were far away, whatever he was thinking about obviously pained him but he refused to let it show. Showing your emotions often led to another taking advantage, and that was what the world did... exploited your weaknesses.
"There's no point, we'll all die someday," he said with a monotone voice, as he took another step toward the water. "Nothing can prevent it..." he spoke softer now, his head lowering, his ears flattening against his skull. "All I can do..." he paused, "..is wait."
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Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 4:13 pm
Delmare turned herself to follow the stallion, and from the mud-filled ground she found it easy to move even the anchor on her leg. She kept moving, even past the stallion's spot. She kept dragging and dragging until finally she had made her way back on the beach. She sort of assumed he would follow, and even if he didn't, she wouldn't be upset. She found moving incredibly convenient at the moment, so she would take advantage as much as she could. She was THAT self centered anyways.
"Death.. what a stupid reason." she then muttered, while glancing back at the stallion. "Now you are just making petty excuses for yourself, betraying your life even! Whoever 'did' such to your life, you are sitting here and letting them win! What kind of coward are you? They would be laughing right now." her voice was heated, but she wasn't trying to stop it. Delmare knew she was right, the stallion was as worthless as she thought. She had put up with much of what he said, but she couldn't take it anymore. He was spewing nonsense at this point. He really had given up. She wasn't someone who ever gave up, since she was so stubborn. Goodness, what a headache this was!
"If you want to wait, then so be it." Finally, her hoof was by the water again. The water was fierce, and it was tense at the same time. She felt exactly the same way, especially around this stallion. What the hell was his problem? She thought she could understand him, but she really didn't at this point. "I thought maybe I could respect you." she then growled, while narrowing her eyes back on his figure. "But what the hell was I thinking, right? Isn't that what you would say?"
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Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 7:36 pm
He watched her move in silence, it was obvious she was upset and he had been the one to bring upon the foul mood. This was the reason he refused to socialize, this was the reason he never took a moment to stop and act polite. He no longer knew how to make conversation, he no longer wanted to, he spent his time alone and maybe that was the way it was supposed to be. Innocent conversations backfired and he was left in situations like these, hopeless situations he had no chance at fixing. The conversation had spiralled in a direction he hadn't expected and now any chance of enjoying the company of the mare... had been lost.
Following along behind Delmare, Andor once again felt sadness, hopelessness, confusion, the only emotions he'd grown accustomed to. Feeling no need to talk any longer, he just listened... He no longer knew what to say or do, he no longer felt even the slightest hint of belonging. No, he was lost, drowning in his own dark emotions as his lifeless eyes watched the anchor trail through the sand after Delmare. He felt like the inanimate object, being dragged through life slowly with nowhere to go except for whatever strange force he didn't know about was leading him. When she moved into the waves he stopped to look up at her, dripping wet from the rain and having no sort of emotion in his features.
Finally, after a long silence, the stallion spoke, "Betraying my life...? I haven't much of a life left..." He sighed and spoke again, softer this time, "They mock me daily... I hear them, they laugh and mock me..." starting to sound a bit like a whiney foal he shook his head and looked away, "I haven't the energy to fight any longer but... I can see I'm angering you so... I'll take my leave. I should be alone... that's where I belong..." Keeping his head low, he turned away from Delmare and hung his head, tail tucking between his legs, "If it makes any difference... I still respect you... and I thank you for giving me some hope... if only for a moment."
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:15 pm
After the stallion muttered his pitiful words, Delmare only turned her neck to shout at him some more. "I didn't ASK for you respect." she then said, while gritting her teeth. "Go now, continue to live as you do, see how I ******** care! And your right, if you REALLY feel that way, go be alone, forever! I doubt you will need any reason to live then." With a finishing spat at the ground, the mare then turned herself back to the water, while hoping to cool down some. Ugh, why did she even TRY to become emotionally involved with such a creature? He had no idea how life worked, and Delmare couldn't put her hoof on why she was so bothered. It was probably the fact that she couldn't help him that was eating away at her mind, and with a grunt, she only lowered herself to feel the waves diminish on her body.
"Idiot." she then whispered, while watching the waves move back and forth around. The mare wasn't doing him a favor by keeping him alive, and that fumbled against her soul. But he didn't deserve any favors at this point, she had already used as much emotion as she could to try and help his putrid existence. What hope had she given him? His last words made no sense!
She once again experienced a worthless soul, and usually she could walk away and laugh from those experiences, but now she was only pissed off. Maybe it was because she had wasted her own energy on such a project... but when she really thought about it, it was because he had proven to her that not all things are curable by strength. Some were just left alone to be swallowed by the fear they possessed, and Delmare was nauseous while thinking about it. All she knew was, thank goodness she wasn't like that.
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 10:02 pm
It was happening all over again, the reason he avoided anyone and everything in the world. His heart pounded in his chest as he stared at the femme, motionless. Pained eyes watched the female he'd thought had been safe to trust, unable to hold the emotion back. His lion-like tail curled around his hind leg for a moment as if to offer him some sort of comfort. It didn't help but that was no surprise. The stallion continued to stare and listen to her harsh words until the last of them came. Idiot. That's exactly what he was, an idiot, hoping for something that no longer existed in the world.
After that, he no longer cared to glance at the mare, back to his usual self he turned away. The world was as he expected, full of lies and traps, and worst of all... full of those who weren't what they seemed. Yes, that was his biggest fear in the world, finding somebody to trust. He'd trusted... for a small moment... and once again it crumbled before it even began. These were the reasons he no longer trusted, and these were the reasons he spent his time... alone...
Without another word, Andor placed one hoof firmly in the sand and looked down as it left an imprint in the muddy sand. The rain continued to fall, and by now he was soaked to the bone. Not that it mattered... nothing mattered anymore. So, with a slow swish of his tail he trotted off along the beach, leaving in the opposite direction he'd come in.
..and never once did he look back.
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