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 Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:56 am
I'd do anythingFebruary 21, 2008 I squeezed the tiny doll in my hands and enjoying how soft she was. My thumb traced over that dainty smile that I stiched onto her face and I couldn't help but feel pain strike my chest. I tried to imagine Evana smiling at me like how she smiled at Kana. I sighed and dropped down onto my queen sized bed with one arm draped over my eyes. Why Kana? Why not me? Why did she not like me? I would do anything for her. Anything!!
Evana's rejections have always hurt me. Not only could she emotionally abuse me, she had also manage to physically abuse me without even lifting a finger. Just recalling the past makes me realize how stupid I must have been. I would have gone through great lengths just to impress her. Did they ever work? Never. She would just laugh at my face and then walk away.
I turned my head to the side to stare at my left hand, the hand which I burnt myself on purpose. I didn't know why but I began to laugh as tears started to form in the corner of my eyes. Damn it. Why am I laughing and crying at the same time? I don't know what was wrong with me. But I realize that burning myself was one of the most stupidest things I have ever done.
It was probably the third rejection when it happened. They always said third time was the charm. So I did just that. I asked her to go out after school...
"You want me to go out with you?" Evana asked with an amused look on her face. It was as if me asking her to go out was one of the funniest and absurde things ever. "I don't know..." She continued and then folded her arms across her chest as if she was actually thinking about it.
"P-please...?" I asked with a small blush spreading across my face and stared at my feet. I sounded a little desperate although I wasn't really.
"How much do you really want me?" She asked with a sly smirk.
I looked up to look at her face. She had a small glint in her eyes but I was too much of a fool in love to understand what it meant. "I'd do anything for you!" I answered with confidence.
I watched as Evana slowly reached into her pocket and then threw something at me. She scoffed when I wasn't able to catch it in time. "Keita, your too much of a wimp for me..." She paused for a moment, probably enjoying that disheartened look in my eyes. "But if you prove to me that you are actually tough.....then...we'll see..."
I tilted my head in confusion at Evana's words. Then I looked down in my hands to see that she had thrown a lighter at me. "W-what am I suppose to do with this? Light a cancer stick and then smoke it?"
She rolled her eyes. "Hah. As much as I would love to see you smoke, that isn't the case." SHe smirks at me and then says, "Prove to me how tough you are. Burn yourself."
My eyes widened when I heard her request. Or perhaps, it was an order. I stared at the lighter and swallowed. I couldn't do this...no way....Then I heard a dissapointing sigh coming from her.
"I knew it. You couldn't do it at all." She sucked her teeth and held out her hand. "Give the lighter back to me so you can stop wasting my time."
"NO! I can do this! I can!" I cried out and then stared at the lighter in my hand. I flicked the light on and watched as the flame appeared. I gulped as I held the lighter a few inches away from my hand. I looked back over towards Evana who had her hands resting on her hips. I gulped and then placed my hand over the flame. Then I quickly dropped it several seconds later and held the hand close to my chest.
I winced and then looked back up at Evana. She walked over to pick up the lighter that I had dropped and then turned around to walk to her next class. I bit my lip and continued to cling onto my injured hand. "Good job Kaine. You really are a fool..." I muttered to myself and I was pretty sure that Evana thought the same thing.
I clenched my hand into the fist and then grasped onto Alice's tiny body even tighter as I stared angrily at the doll. "Why wasn't I ever good for you?!" I shouted at the doll as I scrambled over to the drawer that was close by to me bed. I pulled it open and began to fumble through everything and managed to find an old lighter in the very back. I played around with the wheel and was satisfied that it still works.
I held Alice by her feet and held her above the flame. I smiled as I stared at the helpless doll that seemed to just smile despite what I plan on doing to her. It was so close...so close. But then, much to my horror...I saw Evana's face on that doll. I shut my eyes and turned off the lighter, tossing it into a nearby garbage can.
I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it!
No matter how much Evana has hurt me...
I could never hurt her...
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Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 5:20 am
She is always watching me... February 23, 2008I began to flip through the pages of my textbook with very little interest. Yesterday, I had to work with my new teacher and it was rather uneventful. Really, all I kept hearing from her mouth was "blah blah blah" and if I ever heard one more "blah", I am so ready to shove Alice right into their mouth to shut them up. Speaking of Alice, I gave her to my mother the other day. She seems to be amazed that I was able to sew something up.
I can sew.
I just don't want to admit it.
It just seems to weird to know that a guy can sew.
I drummed my fingers against the hardwood of the dining table and gently pushed the book away. Slowly getting up, I counted the steps as I began to walk into my room and then counted the steps until I got to my bed. I flopped onto the soft mattress and closed my eyes for a little while. Studying was tough and I need some rest....
*~*~*~*~*
I have no idea what time it was now but when my vision cleared after opening my eyes, I just let out a scream and then hurled whatever was sitting on my chest across the room. My mother just bursted into my room, nearly knocking it off its hinges. "What?! WHAT'S WRONG?!" She asked and began to panic as she checked to see if I hurt myself anywhere.
"W-what was that?!" I asked and then pointed at the spot where the thing had landed after I threw it against the wall.
"Aww, dear. You are over reacting. It's just Alice! When I came to return her, you were asleep so I placed her on your chest..." My mother quickly explained as she walked over to the doll and picked her up.
I could help but glare at Alice. When I woke up, I was met with shining lavender eyes and a small demented looking smile just staring at me. Her hair was covering her face and she reminded me of the blonde version of The Ring girl from that movie I watched. It was creepy. Thank god, that wasn't the case though. I became to afraid of watching any videotapes that might have been lying around and not answering telephone calls.
I quickly grabbed Alice from my mothers hand although it was a much harsher action than I had really intended. "Thanks mom...." I said in a monotone before heading downstairs to make myself a snack before heading out for some fresh air.
I grabbed a chocolate candy bar and began to chew on it lightly and then made a turn to head back into my room. Somehow, I must not really be paying attention since I dropped Alice somewhere on the floor and didn't realize until after I just reached my room. I made a small grunt and decided that I would just pick her up while I'm on my way out of the house. I had to change first though...
*~*~*~*~*
"I'm going out now!" I called out using a slightly higher pitch voice than I normally would. not like it mannered anyway. I have always have a high pitch voice and I wonder if I had ever even hit puberty yet...It makes me wonder really...
I wasjust about to take another step when I stepped onto something and slip, falling on my chin. "GYAH!" I shout out in pain and made a grab for my wig that fell off. I looked over towards the object that tripped over me. laying on my leg while looking like she was hugging it possessively was Alice, giving my her small dainty smile again.
I just stared at her lavendar eyes and she stared at my dark eyes for a long while.
I wonder if the doll is trying to kill me at that very moment....
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Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 12:58 pm
I like youFebruary 27, 2008 "So, now do you understand ionic and covalent bonds?" My tutor, Ellen, asked after pointing to to the symbols she had drawn on my notebook. I stared at the page for a little before giving her an affirmative nod. She was checking the time on her wrist watch before she looked up at me and smiled. "Okay then. Our session for today is over, but you can work on these problems for homework. Don't forget that math assignment as well!"
I nodded again as I began to close my books and placed them ontop of each other in an orderly fashion by size. Then I slowly stoof up to walk Ellen out like I always do. She'd give me a polite smile and I'd smile right back before shutting the door as she made her way down the steps. I wasn't happy over the fact that mom had pulled me out of my old school and then hired me a tutor. But it's not like I hate Ellen or anything. I'm more upset of being so far away from...well...she isn't somebody I should think about right now since I look foward to seeing her this afternoon.
I checked the time on the wall. Just a few more minutes and I'll just casually walk down the sidewalk and accidentally brush past her while she is coming home from school. I suppose it's a good thing my tutoring would end earlier than the school that I used to go to. I sighed to myself as I thought about what our brief encounter would be like. Perhpas this time, she'll actually notice me!
I opened my eyes and I felt something was staring at me really hard. I turned my head to see Alice, who was just sitting straight up on the dining room counter, facing my direction. If she were Evana, I wouldn't be so creeped out by her button-eye stare. But she wasn't, much to my dissapointment. So I walked over to the doll and then knocked her over and off the counter. She landed on my side without making a single noise. But I suppose even that didn't satisfy me because in the back on my mind, she was still watching me...somehow.
With a sigh, I picked Alice up and gave her a good long staring contest. Then I turned my attention back towards the clock. It was time and Alice was making me waste it. So I turned my attention back towards the doll and gave her a sickenly sweet smile. "It's been a while since you've seen Evana, right? Maybe I should take you along to see her!" I told the doll. I wonder how cruel I was to Alice if she knew what I was going to do next.
*~*~*~*~*
"There...do you see her Alice...?" I asked and I held her up a little higher so she could see a teenage girl standing by the school gates, talking to her friends. The two of us were hiding behind a wall that was across from the school. Even so, we still had a pretty good view of her. Today, she was wearing a lot of make up today and of course, her hair sported a different hair clip. Evana was busy chatting her friends, everyone once in a while, she would twirl or flip her hair.
I let out a sigh as I duck back into my hiding spot when she turned her attention to the area I was hiding in. When I took a peek back out, Evana was back to talking with her friends again. Then I looked back down at Alice as I began to play with her blood stained hair. My blood. I smiled and I held her up so we were eye-level.
"Do you know why I love her so much Alice?"
No Answer.
"She's pretty...just like you...but more..."
I was met with more silence.
"I like you, Alice. But not as much as I love her..." I felt my voice crack a little as I stared at her smiling back at me. I wonder, if I hadn't stitched it onto her, would she give me a look of sorrow? Would she be in grief like how I was evertime Evana rejected me?
I felt tears sting my eyes and my chest felt very tight.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." I muttered and I hugged Alice close. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." I repeated but yet the pain still didn't go away. I felt guilty, yet I didn't know why. Why was I so guilty? Alice isn't a live. There is no need. But I was and it hurt. A lot.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Alice..."
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Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 7:47 pm
The Feeling of Disgust March 3, 2008Tick...tock....tick...tock...
Ba-bump...ba-bump...ba-bump...ba-bump...
I didn't know why it seemed that my heart beat seemed to have been in synch with the sound of the clock on the wall. The house was just too silent since my mom had left the house. Lately, she has been seeing someone but she wouldn't tell me who. Not like it mattered anyway...I found out eventually. Though I wish I hadn't. I don't like the man that she is currently with. He keeps leering at me everytime he just "happens to come over for dinner". But then again, mom is happy.
It hurts to see her the way she is when dad "mysteriously" dissapeared. I hated him from the very beginning and I curse him to this very day. Apparently, it was my fault. I was the mistake that was born. The reason why their relationship had just falled out. I wasn't suppose to know about this either. But it leeked out during the time mom had gotten drunk from drinking.
She's been kind to me ever since...I assumed she felt guilty for saying those words to me. But I didn't care...not anymore. It just didn't seem to matter anymore, really. I had...more important things to worry about.
I raced around the whole house to make sure that nobody was home. I even doubled checked and I was confirmed to be in the house. It was just me...I can't say I was alone really. Alice was by my side as always. I quiockly raced back into my room and began to dig into my closet. I pulled out a golden blonde wig, a red mini skirt, a padded bra, a box full of cosmetics, as a nice looking black tank top a pair of black tights and a pair of black leather boots.
Since mom wasn't around, I can freely dress up as Kana without having to worry about her scolding me. She doesn't like it when I am Kana...apparently, I looked like a whore. But if only she knew...that "Kana" was really modeled after Evana....I wonder if she would think that Evana was also a whore as well.
I have no shame in admitting my rather feminine looking body. I'm not very muscular at all. If it weren't for my obviouse male body parts, I could have been considered a very flat-chested girl. Okay...technically, I'm wearing a padded bra so I looked like I had some sort of breasts...Whatever the case was....I was now strutting around the house in a mini skirt looking like the girl that I have set my heart out for.
I noticed that Alice was busy "watching" me. I strutted over to the doll and smiled giving a few turns. "How do I look, Alice?!" I asked in my natural high-ptched sounding voice. I recieved no answer but Alice continued to give me the smile she would always give me everytime I looked at her. I beamed happily and gave the doll a pat on the head.
Suddenly, I heard the front door being opened. I cursed in my head as I grabbed onto Alice. I didn't count on mom returning home. I quickly rushed down the stairs to greet her, forgetting to change out of my clothes. Much to my horror, he had also come over too. I bit my lip as I stared at the disgusting man, my hands gripped tightly onto her soft body. He was looking me up and down, I knew it.
"I didn't know you had such a beautiful daughter...." He tells my mom in a sickenly sweet voice. It was fake. This stupid old man...
"No dear. I don't have a daughter. That is my son!" SHe emphasised on the word "son". Her boyfriend wouldn't answer immediately. I watched his lips form a smirk and I swallowed.
"Oh...I see...." He muttered and gave me another look before turning away.
I quickly turned around to quickly change, I turned back to notice that he was looking at me in the corner of his eye. I visibly shuddered and held Alice very close to me in a protective manner. I know it wasn't Alice he was really after...but the image of Alice...was the same image as mine...and the image of her.
I just had to protect us all.
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Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 4:57 pm
Please....March 5, 2008 I swear it has been nothing but a nightmare these past few hours. The 15 years of my life had suddenly came crashing down after I ran out of my house with nothing but the clothes on my back and Alice in my hands. I refuse to return what was once home now that mom was with that man. There was nothing to return to...I thought to myself and cuddled Alice close my body. Because all that was worth taking was what I had now.
The very cold wind sent shivers down my spine as I pulled onto my thn jacket as close to me as possible. But while doing so, I made sure that Alice stayed warm as well..I'm sure that she would like it. Or maybe I'm just being a being too obsessive to care over a doll. Sniffling, I rubed my cold and, probably, red nose with my hand and sighed sadly as I was sure that I was far away from my house. No way...I can never turn back. After I just called my mom's boyfriend a pig and a lying b*****d...I'm sure I was no longered welcome. Even if all I did was state the cold truth...
I tried to relax a little. I needed to find a spot to hide but there didn't seem to be anywhere to turn. I wiped beads of sweat away from my face and ran over towards a rather narrow alleyway. As soon as I got closer to the area, a horrible stench assaulted my nose.
"Ughhh..." I groaned realizing that it was coming from garbage bags. Infact, it was torn in several places and some of contents inside was leaking out. But I didn't care. Infact, I actually jumped ontop of it trying to make it into a comfortable bed because starting tonight, I am officially a homeless kid with a little doll. I was begining to pass out from either the cold or the smell. It didn't matter. But I tried to stay awake because, who knows, tonight might be my last night as well.
"....Kaine.....you......?"
I heard someone call out to me. It sounded like a girl...but who could it be? My vision was blurry and I was looking through half opened eyes. My breathing began to slow down. Long blonde hair....pale skin......lavender eyes....So familiar...It wasn't Alice....Who could it be...?
"Kaine....." The voice called again.
I laughed bitterly to myself when I realized who I was thinking about as this figure approached me. I was always thinking about her...even while I was drawing my last breath. Please...let it be her. Let it be Evana! I pleaded so hard. If I was going to die here...atleast I wanted Evana to know even if she didn't cared much about me at all.
"Evana...?" I called out weakly and passed out there.
Please...let it be you, Evana...
I never got my wish as sad as it is to say...
But things just seemed to have become a rollercoaster ride after that.
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Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:59 am
Awakening I groaned as I awoke with a pounding headache. Where was I? The last thing I remembered before blacking out was that I had been running away from home and I ended up laying down in a pile of garbage. Then…somebody was calling out to me. She looked like Evana….could it really be her? I looked around my surroundings and noticed that I was currently in nothing but my stripped boxers. It appeared that I was brought into a guest room since it was rather bare. I blushed at the though that Evana might have stripped me while I was asleep. But I shook my head and realized that I was probably more embarrassed about my appearance more than anything else.
But it seemed that I wasn’t the only one that was alone sleeping in the bed. The blankets began to move a little and I see a small bulge on the blankets. Curiously, I poked the little bulge and it started shaking even more. Then I could have sworn I heard a giggle coming from it. I wasn’t sure what I was suppose to feel. Amusement or disturbance? Finally, I wrenched the blankets away to see what was under it. My eyes widened and I see a doll that looked exactly like Alice. She tilted her head to the side and giggled as her arms reached out towards me….as if asking me for a hug.
Not knowing what to do, I let out a scream of horror and then I fell of the bed landing on my butt. Then, immediately, I tried to crawl away from the doll. It was alive. It was freakin’ alive, damn it! And if it was anything like that demented horror movie doll, Chucky, then I swear, all hell will break lose. Suddenly, I heard sniffling and whimpers. Was it crying? Guilt began to welt in my chest and I slowly got up the floor to see that the doll was rubbing away at her lavender eyes. I didn’t know why but seeing the doll cry like that broke my heart. This sense of rejection must have hurt her so much. Just like how I felt when Evana had rejected me. My body was moving on its own and I scooped up the whimpering doll and hugged it close to my chest. “Alice…?” I breathed a sigh of relief when the doll’s sniffles began to slow down. I realized that this doll, is without a doubt, Alice. “Don’t cry anymore. I’m sorry…”
At that moment, the door busted opened and I fell down on my butt. Again. My eyes widened when a blonde haired woman stood out, panting and breathing hard by the door way. “I heard a scream! What’s wrong?!” I barked out loud which made me even more scared. To think, my life can get even more crazier!
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Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 5:24 am
Unwanted CompanyMy eyes widened as I stared at the woman who had suddenly busted into the room. It took me a while, but I soon realized who it was. Much to my disappointment, this woman wasn’t Evana. “A-Amina…?” I stuttered out loud. She was my private tutor. Actually, I am surprised to realize that I actually remembered her name since I never really paid attention to most of our tutoring sessions. She gave me a worried look and then began to fuss over me asking if I was alright and why I had screamed earlier.
I sneaked a peak at the doll that I was hugging close to my chest. It seemed that Alice was laying perfectly still much to my relief. I didn’t want Amina to randomly freak out once she saw Alice moving about. “I’m fine, I’m fine!” I tried to reassure her. After a few more minutes of fussing over me, the woman finally backed off, much to my relief. “H-how did I get here…?” I finally asked.
“I found you while I was making my way towards the corner store. But you fell to an unconscious state afterwards. It was a good thing that I found you, huh?” Amina smiled and then gently patted me on the head. “Of course, you were laying in garbage, which I couldn’t understand why. I took most of your clothes off to wash them. I hope you didn’t mind…but you still need a shower…” In a low voice, I heard her muttering something about burning the bed sheets later.
“Y-you…didn’t call my mom did you…?” I asked. I was worried about that. I refuse to go back “home” where that man was currently staying in.
Amina tilted her head. “I was going to--”
“DON’T! PLEASE!” I begged and dropped Alice, who landed with a squeak. “I don’t want to go back…It’s not my home anymore…” I muttered.
Amina didn’t seem to like to answer that I was giving her. She shook her head. “Kaine, I’m sorry. But I have to. Otherwise I’d be accused of kidnapping you…”
“No. No. No…” I repeated over and over again as I began to pick up Alice from the floor. I held onto her close. “At least…not yet…please, Amina?”
Amina sighs and nods her head. She then smiles and then pets my head, however, I refused to look at her. “You sure loved that doll, don’t you? I was going to wash her but I couldn’t pry her out of your hands…” She chuckled and the slowly got up on her feet. “Take a quickly shower. I’ll leave some fresh clothes on your bed. There is a fresh towel in the bathroom which is at the left of this room. I’m almost finished with lunch so hurry up and get clean okay…?”
I watched the woman leave and sighed as I gently laid Alice back down on the bed and slowly made my way over towards the bathroom. It was very clean, much to my pleasure and I walked over to the bath tub. As much as I wanted to take a nice relaxing and long bath, I had been pressured into taking a very quickly shower. Playing with the faucets until it go to the right temperature, I stripped out of my boxers and soon enough, found myself being rained down by lukewarm water from the shower head.
When I was about to reach for some shampoo, I heard a giggling. A chill went down my spin as I felt the shower curtain rustling. I gulped. It can’t be Amina. Unless she somehow managed to get into the bathroom even with the door locked. Then again, this is her house. Who knew, she was a pervert.
But when I turned around, I see Alice hanging onto the shower curtains while still giggling happily, as if she wanted to join me in my shower as well. “GET OUT OF HERE!” I screamed out shaking the curtains and at that instant, Amina busted into the room once again, almost breaking the door out of its hinges. “WHAT’S GOING ON?!” She yelled out.
God damn it…
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Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 3:16 pm
Je t'aime March 17, 2008It had been a while since I’ve stayed with Amina. Every time she suggested to call my house, I would always change the subject and she would easily forget what she had just asked me earlier. I actually liked living with Amina a lot more. She can act like a mother hen but she is very kind to me. Although, I can’t say the same for Alice, who doesn’t seem to like it whenever I talked to the woman. In fact, whenever I walk out the door, she would start to whimper again because I was leaving her alone. I didn’t want to bring her for fear that she would start moving around when Amina was there. Then the two of us would surely get kicked out.
Speaking of Alice, I haven’t seen her for a while now. Just the thought of it made me panic. “Alice? Alice?!” I called out and searched my room. Still, she was nowhere to be found and that was where I began to panic. Where could she have gone?! I searched under the bed, inside the drawers, the closet, everywhere!!
“Alice?! Where are you?”
Then I hears someone or something turning the door knob from the outside. I looked over my shoulder and then walked over towards the door. “Amina?” I asked as I opened the door. But instead of my tutor, it was really Alice, standing by the door, her stubby hands wrapping themselves around the door knob. Her cheeks seemed to be puffed out and her mouth was dirty. It was obvious she was and is still eating something. And whatever it is, it must taste good because she was giggling and moaning “Mmmmmmm” every now and then.
I was amused at first but then I remembered that I should be very angry at her. “What the hell Alice?! I told you to stay in this room!”
But the doll shook her head furiously, her lavender eyes beginning to water up once again. She quickly swallowed whatever was in her mouth and then rubbed her mouth with her heads. “Nnn….nnnn” She says, trying to form a word. I tilted my head in confusion, not understanding what she was trying to say. Finally, she gave up and now she really did look like she was about to cry. Without another word, she suddenly bolted out of the room.
“Alice! WAIT!” I called out and tried to run after her but the doll immediately came back. She was hugging something round close to her chest as she began to pant from running around so fast. Finally a few moments later, she proudly presented whatever she had brought to me. A chocolate chip cookie.
“I-is this for me…?” I asked and slowly took the cookie.
She nods her head and the next few words that she spoke really surprised me.
“Ne t’inquiete pas.”
Don’t worry.
“Je t’aime!”
I love you!
Without saying another word, Alice leaps over and tackle hugs me giving me a rather sloppy kiss on the cheek and then snuggling me close to my chest.
I didn’t know why but…I felt more comforted after that. I smiled and began to pet her on the head. I didn’t understand why she was speaking French. But that was something we should get working on. But right now, that is the least of my worries…
“What. In. The. World?!” Amina’s eyes widened as she stared at the two of us from the door way.
Damn it, Amina! You always seem to come in at the wrong time!
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Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:44 pm
Permanently Settling InApril 19th, 2008 The last few weeks had been so scary. Truly scary. I was sure that Amina had caught Alice and I last time. But I suppose she was just trying to convince herself that she was just seeing things. Not only that, but the woman thought that it wasn't healthy for a growing teenage boy like me to go about playing with a doll. Whatever the reason was, the two of us got off lucky. I even gave Alice a bit of scolding and soon regretted it because she looked like she was about to cry. I hated it when she started crying...
But then, after several days, it was me who was crying and Alice was trying to comfort me. Apparently, Amina eventually did contact my mother for a while now and my mother wanted me to go home. I was scared and I felt myself hug the stuffing out of Alice, who was squeaking every once in a while. I can still remember the conversation on the phone;
"Kaine, honey, please come back home..." my mother begged.
"I-is he still living in you-- o-our house?" I asked nervously.
"Who...?"
I wanted to sigh but I luckily stopped myself from doing so. "Y-you know," Your filthy, disgusting, pig-for-a-boyfriend, "Y-your boyfriend..."
There was a long pause.
This time, I really did sigh. "Fine, don't answer." I already knew the answer. He was still there. "M-mom...do you really want me to come home?"
This time, there was no pause. "Of course! Please, Kaine! Come home!"
I couldn't help but smile. But the next few words made me slightly scared of what her answer would be. "I refuse to come home..."
"What are you saying?!" My mother's voice was mixed with anger and hurt.
"Not until you leave that man..."
"You are being irrational!"
"I don't care." I know I was sounding like a brat and I was tearing my mother's heart apart. "Please choose. Is it him or me?"
Another pause. Did she actually have to think over this?!
"Kaine..." Mother replies weakly.
My hand was shaking. "Oh. I see," I muttered. "Good bye then." I hung up after that and ran into my temporary room, where Alice was waiting for me. I hadn't even realized that Amina had been listening to our conversation. I didn't even know that she had redialed my mother again. All I knew was that I was crying and hugging Alice close to my chest.
"Don't worry....don't worry..." She repeated over and over again like a broken record.
Those were the events of a few weeks ago.
Today, I'm waiting for Amina to return home from visiting my mother's house to pick up all of my stuff. The two of us, Alice and I, were waiting outside on her...well...our porch. "Car! Car!" Alice squeaked and motioned towards Amina's car that was coming closer and closer to view.
The door to the driver's seat opened as Amina carefully stepped out. "Welcome back Amina!" I exclaimed with excitement, smiling wide. Alice was safely tucked under my arm, not making a single movement. Good girl, I thought with a smile.
"Thank you, Kaine! Now, would you please help me move all of your stuff out from the trunk?" Amina asked and I nodded in response.
The two of us began to quickly carry the boxes out of the car and into our house. After and house or so of unpacking and putting everything away, Amina and I had to talk for a little while. Mother had decided to hand over custody of me over to Amina, who was more than happy to take me in. I must have grown on her and vise versa, I suppose.
Though, I guess it may seem like a permanent settling in, it really wasn't. As soon as I turn 18, I would have to move out again and live on my own. I refuse to be like some guys who live in their parents' basements. But I won't be moving alone this time. Alice was with me.
Speaking of which, after chatting with Amina, I was quickly tackled over by the little doll. She squealed with absolute delight and I chuckled as I shut and locked the door. "Hey there, Alice..." I greeted her, hugging her close to my chest as I flopped onto my bed.
She clung onto me with much possessiveness. I suppose I was away from her for far too long. Or I maybe she didn't get most of my attention today. Whatever the case was, she was happy to see me now.
"Kaine..." Alice smiles at me, lavender eyes twinkling. "I love you."
I smiled and close my eyes, mouth parting slightly as I drifted off to sleep. All the while, I kept hearing her say;
"I love you." Over and over like an endless broken record. It grew faint but I suppose it was because I was falling faster to sleep. Or maybe she decided to quiet down.
I love you too.
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Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 5:05 pm
Burning Memories It didn't take much to adjust to my new home. I've been living in Amina's house for a while now. Though, I tend to stay in my room most of the time with Alice. I've come to realized that she never did like it whenever I interacted with the other. Even when I have to leave to eat dinner or go to the bathroom, she'd either cling onto my leg until I let her come with me...or she would follow me.
As disturbing as it sounds, she always chooses to follow me to the bathroom without me realizing. I have my very own creepy stalker.
It's rather ironic when I think about it. Although I've stalked the Evana and wished that she returned my feelings, it didn't exactly happen. Instead, the doll that I've based Evana on is doing the job. Really ironic.
But what am I to do? The first time I caught her following me into the bathroom, I scolded her. Then Alice began to cry...rather loudly. It took a lot of comforting words to make her stop and Amina eventually rushed over wondering if something had happened to me. Of course, I lied and made up some stupid excuse of the spot; I accidentally poked myself in the eye which was why I was crying. Then I wondered if I sounded like a girl whenever I cried since Amina didn't seem to think of that as strange. I'm not sure if I should feel insulted. After all...I am--was-- a cross dresser when I still lived with my mother...But enough dwelling of my past. On to the subject at hand;
Despite having no evidence and I was pretty sure my act of getting my eye injured was rather poor, she believed me anyway. I like Amina and all...but I seriously wonder...is she really this gullible?
The other day, I was watching Alice digging through all of my belongings. AT first, I didn't understand what the hell the doll was doing. What was she trying to accomplish by messing up my perfectly ordered clothes that I sorted by color and season?! I felt myself twitch at the disastrous mess she had just made and my twitching didn't help the fact that I wanted to scream out.
"A-Alice...w-what do you think you are doing?" I stuttered as I pointed a shaky finger at her. The doll stopped what she was doing to look at me but then continued to dig through my stuff as if searching for something.
She immediately stopped, and I assumed that whatever she had been looking for had been found. She came out with a box in her hands and I frowned as I remembered what the box was...and more importantly, what was inside. I also remembered that it was the box that I packed Alice inside.
"This is mine." I was wondering if she was asking me if she could keep it. But then again, her voice stated that the box and its contents were hers. I shrugged lightly. It didn't really matter to me anymore, but I did wonder why I kept it.
She smiles at me and I smiled back. Alice opened the box and tilted her head to see what was inside. A bunch of old photos, several hair ribbons, two silver lockets; one shaped like a sun and the other was a crescent moon, a teddy bear, and a bunch of left over fabrics, lace, and other sewing supplies.
"Pictures..." Alice muttered as her stubby arms tried her best to take ahold of them. I managed to take it first though.
"Don't worry. We won't need these..." I told her as I picked her up from the floor. Amina currently wasn't home at the moment so it was safe for me to talk to Alice without looking like a deranged lunatic...or have Alice being burned thinking she had something possessing her. The weather wasn't fit for using the fireplace but it didn't really matter to me just as long as I put it out before Amina gets back.
Without much hesitation, I stuck two pieces of wood in it, flicked the match and threw it on top of them. I watched as the fire began to burn and grow for a moment and I could feel Alice looking at me wondering what I was planning. I took the handful of pictures and stared at them one last time.
With a sigh, I tossed it into the flames and I sat back on a chair facing the fireplace. Alice made herself comfortable on my lap and the two of us watched contently as the flames danced and engulf the pictures of her...
Alice had a rather innocent and curious look as she watched the flames. But when I looked at her lavender eyes, I could tell everything. She didn't show it but I knew deep down, she was really happy. Alice knew that my heart no longer belongs to her...
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