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 Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 6:29 am
Backdated from first journal beginning at June 27th, 2004
Quote: Dear Diary, Well, I guess this is it. People talk about things you do in life that end up haunting you for the rest of your days....I thought they meant things like murdering people or causing some sort of disaster to happen. I mean, its just not one of the things that crosses your mind when you wake up on your friend's kitchen floor, you know? Or even if it does, its moreso overshadowed by the complete oneness you feel with the term "OMGWTFBBQ?!?" What I'm getting at here is I found out today that I'm pregnant. No, Dave's not the father. Youko is. Yes...it comes as a surprise to me too. My immediate impulse, as it is with most unplanned pregnancies was "Why ME?? No way in hell!" but as I've thought on it heavily and talked about it with Youko some more, I'm starting to warm up to it. Thankfully, Youko is too. I thought for sure I'd have to tie him to a tree to even get a word in edgewise about it after dropping the initial bomb on him. As I write this, I still have to tell Dave about it, and Youko still has to tell Envy. We're pretty much in agreement that stacks are going to be blown and that we're both in for some very chilly weather indoors....I don't blame either of them, honestly. I'll consider it a blessing if Dave doesn't up and leave me over this... *sigh* So close to the wedding too. I made a follow-up appointment with Dr. Kamiki for an ultrasound a bit from now to get a better idea of what we're dealing with and to make sure the baby is healthy. I'm grateful the staff at GMFC is obviously experienced in what they're doing, despite the fact they just opened shop in Gaia not terribly long ago, because they knew exactly how to break this news to me yesterday. It must be like diffusing a bomb, I'd think, to have to approach a woman in the waiting room of a clinic who's obviously nervous and distraught and feeling like she's breaking some sacred bond in the place when she looks at all of the happy expectant mothers around her. I -did- feel that way, actually....all these women who wanted so badly to have a baby and here's someone who doesn't know thing-one about being a mother and hasn't made any plans aside from futuristic musings recieving her test results saying she'd be a mother soon. It felt like I was getting dirty looks from all sides, but I'm sure that was my paranoia talking...in all honesty, I'd be surprised if any of them were even paying attention. So....that's that. Another appointment's in the wings, Youko and I are more or less on steady ground with one another again, and I've put this off long enough. Time to go talk to Dave.
--Karma
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 6:53 am
Youkochylde Quote: Dear Diary, It's a lovely view from the couch. I get the feeling that I'll be sleeping here for quite some time, and have made every attempt to be comfortable at least. I have my laptop, the remote, and easy access to the fridge. Needless to say, Envy didn't take this well. I'm hoping he warms up to the idea sooner or later. I mean, just because he's pissed off at me doesn't mean that it's going to stop the kid from coming. At SOME point, we're going to have a bouncing bundle of joy and diapers jumping around and terrorizing the cats. I didn't believe Karma at first. I thought she was playing the mother of all jokes on me. I mean, SURE we woke up ont he floor. Rather undressed... but HEY, anything could have happened. It wasn't until she showed me the pregnancy test that I realized. Anything HAD happened. At least once. Well, at least I've got a sort of idea of what to do. I mean, my sister had one not that long ago, so I've got an inkling of how to handle this. I'm going to town tomorrow to start a bit of shopping. Nothing major yet, but it never hurts to start early. -- Youko
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Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:37 am
Quote: Dear Diary, Me again. That...didn't go as well as it could have. Of course, it really didn't help much that I was accosted with wedding stuff as soon as I came in the door. How are you supposed to tell your significant other that he's not your baby's daddy while he's shoving catering catalogues in your face? For that matter, how are you supposed to tell him you're having a baby at all? I did it in about as straightforward of a way as I could. I know there's a time and place for tact, and....well....that's probably a place I could have used a lot more of it than I did. He thought I was joking at first, which made it even worse. Once he realized I wasn't, though, he grabbed his coat and left. Then he came back...! Then he got his hat off of the chair and left again ._. I spent a good hour or so crying before I called Kelly, my next door neighbor and friend to tell her what had just happened. "I have to just accept that fact that he's gone forever." I sobbed. "He's left. He's vanished. He's--" "--sitting out in your driveway." And he was. Not in the car or anything just...sitting there. Huddled up against the garage and staring off into space. He'd probably been there the whole time since storming out with his hat and coat, I realized. As much as I didn't want to go out and confront him with this again, I knew I really had no other alternative. I went out and I explained everything to him from start to finish, and followed it up with one of the biggest recitations of apology I've ever given. He listened, didn't say a word, and when I'd finished, he stood up, brushed his coat off, and very casually said "I think I'd better get to bed." He's been in the bedroom for about an hour as I write this. I don't think I'll be joining him tonight....he hasn't said he doesn't want me to, but putting myself in his place, I'd want it that way. At least we have a comfortable guest room....which will becoming a nursery. Arrgh...I can't think of anything anymore without automatically making room for the baby and its only been a day! Even as I'm sitting here writing, I'm looking at the table corners and thinking of how I'll need to get some of those spongey protectors so he or she won't hit their head and get hurt. I guess I'll let Dave sleep on it for now...its about all I -can- do. I'll talk with him some more in the morning...this isn't just going to go away, and I need to know whether he's with me on it or if he's decided not to stay....but one way or another, this baby will have have a stable household to grow up in. I always promised myself that any child of mine, planned or not, would never grow up feeling like they were a mistake and I tend to stay by my promises. Maybe I'll give Youko a call and see how Envy took it. Oyyy...what a rodeo this is turning into. =_= --Karma
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Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:48 am
Youkochylde Quote: Dear Diary - Oog... It's far too early for me to be up, especially when I was up half the night talking with Karma on the phone. Looks like Dave took it about as well as Envy did. He's still not speaking to me, but I THINK I saw him looking in my direction earlier. That's better than it was last night. *Sigh* In other news, it seems that one of the women at the clinic have birth to an... egg. I hope Karma doesn't hear about that for a bit, otherwise I think she'll have a panic attack from that alone. I mean, it makes sense... Sunny is a dragon of some type. But neither Karma or I has dragon blood. The most we have to worry about is fox heritage taking over and us having a litter. Scratch that. I don't even want to THINK that. If Karma heard that, she'd castrate me. Alright. Time to get my behind up and go shopping. -- Youko
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Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:49 am
Quote: Dear Diary, Men are confusing. Gay, straight -- I don't care, they all befuddle me. After spending a lovely night passed out in the recliner (I never made it to the guest room. I tried to make myself tired watching one of my Unico DVD's and I guess it worked a bit too well), I woke up to an empty house. Dave had already left for work...or somewhere, I guess, but he was gone when I got up to scrounge up some breakfast for myself. Sitting on the kitchen counter were two travel-sized bags of diapers...one pink and one blue, both with a question mark drawn on them in marker. My immediate impulse was that he had done this as a gesture of trying to extend the olive branch, but my pessimistic side told me that maybe it was just a parting shot and that this was a snide way of making sure I couldn't say he left me with nothing. Well...only one way to be sure. I punched up his cel number and waited for him to pick up. He caught it on the fifth ring and didn't even say hello, just sat there and waited for me to talk. "I....saw the diapers." I tried. "Did you?" "Yes." Long pause. "When did you pick those up?" "This morning. I went out to get gas in the car and they were on one of the back shelves." "....why....?" "Probably because they didn't want to make anybody uncomfortable by having them up front." "Dave, I mean why did you get them?" "Oh." Another pause. "I dunno, why did I?" "....that's what I'm asking you =_=" I wasn't in the mood for this crap and about two seconds from flying off into a tangent about how he never takes anything seriously. "Do you love him?" he asked out of nowhere. "Wha--NO! I mean---as a friend, I do, but....dammit, I told you I didn't know what I was doing when all this happened! I don't remember anything about that night!" Another long pause...this was getting old. "Dave, I love -you-. And if there was some magical way to turn back the clock and make it so this never happened, I would, but there's a baby on the way now and I -really- need to know who my friends are about now." "I---look. You can't expect me to just be okay with it. This is heavy stuff." I felt my heart sink, preparing for the killing blow. "Just let me have a couple of days to think about it and see what sense I can make out of it. ......I don't WANT to leave you, okay?" "Will you still come home after work?" "I said I was going to think about it, not go out and nail somebody else to get even. That would just make it even worse." "That's....not what I asked, but I guess that's reassuring too." "So where's this Youko guy now?" "Probably home getting the same sort of treatment from Envy that I'm getting from you." "I don't think you should talk to him anymore, to start with." Ahehe....oh no you didn't, Dave. You did NOT just go there. "I know you're upset, but I'm not going to stop talking to a years-long friend of mine because of an accident." "Accident?? He RAPED yo--" "NO!" I didn't realize I was yelling until the cat got up and fled the kitchen in search of a quieter place to nap. "Don't even THINK that, god dammit! He was just as snockered as I was. He didn't know what he was doing, I didn't know what I was doing. IT. WAS. AN. ACCIDENT." Another long pause. "Look....Dave, if you're getting upset, I should just let you go for now. I don't want this to turn into a screaming match." I sighed, wanting to get off the phone and go cry somewhere. "I'm sorry." ".......sorry? What do YOU have to be sorry for?" "I shouldn't have---I mean---Screw it, I don't know. I want to talk about this, but I don't know what to say." "Why don't I give you the day to think about it and we can talk about it tonight if you feel up to it when you get home?" "Yeah....okay. That sounds good." And that was our latest conversational update. He's open to negotiating, it sounds like, and that's encouraging at least. I'm willing to do about anything to be forgiven for this, short of alienating my friends....I just want things to go back to normal, even though I know things will never be quite 'normal' again now that I'm pregnant and all. I had a cry about it, I cleaned up the house a little, I feel better now. As much as I'd like to sit in front of the TV and feel sorry for myself all afternoon, I think I'd better go out and get some things done. There are a lot of preparations to be made that aren't going to wait for Dave to make up his mind. That and I have a craving for chicken salad today...I'm not sure if that's due to the pregnancy or not, however. Either way, I'll write back later. --Karma
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Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 2:06 am
Youkochylde Quote: Chicken salad. Why the hell am I agreeing to go out and get frickin' CHICKEN SALAD at 1am? *Sigh* Because I'm a sap and she's carrying my baby, that's why. I don't know if I was expecting the call from Karma or not, but it was a bit of a relief to get out of the house. Envy's getting a bit better with things, but we're still not quite on speaking terms yet. However, he's bitching at my cat loud enough for me to hear, so I've got a vague idea of what I'm in for when we finally talk. So now I'm getting chicken salad. At 1am. Karma said that I probably don't want to stay over at her place for any length of time, so I'll just drop it off, ring the bell and run or something. I don't know if Dave owns a gun or not. -- Youko
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:27 pm
Quote: *sigh* I told Youko he didn't have to run when he left the salad for me...especially not with how steep our front porch steps are. I think it might actually be good for him to come in and discuss things with Dave, all I said was I didn't think he should STAY for very long. Its not like Dave would use his gun on him or anything. I hope he didn't break anything...he sure upset the neighbor's cat, though. Not to mention our trash cans... Dave and I had our first decent talk today about this when he came home from work tonight. No voices were raised, no stacks were blown, we just sat and talked for more than three hours. It was mostly him asking questions and me answering them....but when all was said and done we got some very important things established. 1. That I DO still love him and do still want a family with him. 2. That nothing about this was premeditated. 3. That I have every intention of raising this baby. 4. Youko, if he wants, will be included in the fathership...as will Envy. That's still up in the air, however. I have yet to hear how things are faring over on that side of the world. At any rate, we made some progress. And he's promised me he's not leaving...so I guess that's good. I think I even got him to warm up a little to the idea when I showed him some of the things I bought today. He didn't seem too entranced by the bottles or the safety pins (prelude to future diaper changings and midnight feedings, I guess), but once we got into the more fun things like the Beatrix Potter crib padding and Pat The Bunny, I think I caught him smiling at least once. I've got a long way to go yet as far as preparation goes. I didn't even know where to begin today when I was out and standing in the maternity section of the store. I've stopped in there once or twice in passing...just to pick something up, coo over how cute it was and then put it back. But to actually be there SHOPPING was another matter entirely. So many things...I didn't realize they MADE so many different kinds of pacifiers. I need to ask either Dave or Youko or Kelly or somebody to help me clear out the guest room so we can repaint it and start getting it ready. Speaking of Youko, I should touch base with him and find out if he's made any progress with Envy. Maybe what we need is all four of us to sit down and talk and figure out what we're doing...
--Karma
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:28 pm
Youkochylde Quote: *Smiles* Envy and I talked last night. While this isn't exactly how we'd planned on either of us having kids, he at least agreed that this is a better chance than any of us had before. We had to have stayed up until nearly 4am, just talking about everything. His main concern was if I loved Karma or not. I told him the truth, that I do love her... as a friend. There's a large difference between that and the love I have for Envy. He seemed to understand, and we fell asleep together for a ch ange, curled up on the couch where we'd been talking. I wasn't taking the chance, though... I made breakfast for him this morning, and we chatted a bit more. I'm going to be inviting Karma and Dave over soon so that we can talk about this. At least Karma, anyway... if Dave's still pissed at me. -- Youko
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:29 pm
Quote: Dear Diary, So I got a phone call this evening...ironically it was in the middle of Dave and I spontaneously attempting to "patch things up" on the couch. Youko invited us over for dinner tomorrow night so we could all discuss things as a group. Apparantly he and Envy had started to chip through the ice wall as well. Good. Things were starting to fit back into place. He kept asking me if I was absolutely SURE Dave had never shot anybody for making him mad. I assured him that Dave's only ever used his gun to take out aggression on beer bottles lined up on fenceposts...Dave even asked to talk to him at one point, but Youko suddenly had some buns in the oven he had to tend to and hung up. I wonder if he saw the irony in that statement? Dave wasn't very receptive to the idea at first, but I think I've talked him into it. Its got to be done at some point, it may as well be now. The sooner we get the baggage out of the way, the sooner we can get everything prepared. I had to reiterate time and time again that he wasn't going to be pressured into anything...that his involvement in this is only as far as he wants to take it. He reminded me that I AM going to be his wife in a month and that his involvement stretches a lot further than I think. I think that statement alone made me smile for the first time in days... So...really, that's all I have to report as of today. The chicken salad must have just been a passing fancy because I've spent most of the day munching on bing cherries. If they ARE cravings, at least they're healthy ones. If I was eating twinkies like this, I'd be twice my size. --Karma
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:30 pm
Youkochylde He knew that they were getting together later that evening, but Youko found himself in front of Karma's place anyway, fretting over whether or not to push the doorbell. Finally, he set down the large box he was carrying, pressed the doorbell and vanished. No sense getting killed if Dave answered the door. Inside the box is a treat for Karma...  And a card. Quote: I've never known anyone to refuse cake! I hope everything's going well. -- Youko
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:31 pm
Karma and Dave returned home from shopping again. Turned out that Dave was just as clueless as she was when it came to picking things out for babies. In the end, they'd gotten a crib, some clothes, and a carseat before calling it a day.
As Dave pulled up in the driveway, Karma noticed something odd on the porch. "You been ebaying again?" she asked, looking at the box.
"No. Last I heard, that was your department." he said, putting the car in park. "Why?"
"There's something--" she trailed off and opened her door, deciding to go see what it was instead of talk about it. As she read the card taped to the top, instantly recognizing the handwriting, she smiled.
"What is it?" Dave asked, shortly behind her as he looked oddly at the card, then at the box. "A bomb?"
"From Youko." she replied, opening the box to reveal the cake inside. Dave quirked a brow. "Now see? Is THIS the act of a sexually depraved creep?"
"Maybe an apologetic sexually depraved creep." he relented.
"You should know, right?"
"Hey, now..."
"I mean it, Dave, be nice. We're going over there tonight to have a hopefully-friendly talk about all of this. I don't want any grudges." Karma said, opening the front door to let herself in.
"Karma, I know that. I'm not going to make trouble, I know better." Dave sighed, following after her. "I told you I'm trying my best to be okay with this, and I am. I really am."
"I know you are, and I appreciate it. I just want to stop anything before it starts. I'm nervous."
SHE'S nervous?? Dave thought irately as he trailed after her into the kitchen where she was already slicing the cake and dealing out two slices onto two plates. "You just get right to the point, don't you?" he asked, smirking lopsidedly.
"I haven't eaten since this morning." she shrugged, offering him a plate with a fork before digging into her own.
"You had a bagel while we were out."
"Did I?"
More like you inhaled it... Dave thought, though knew better than to say it. He liked his face in the arrangement it was currently in, please and thank you. He took a tentative bite of his cake...well, at least this Youko guy had good taste, he thought to himself.
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:32 pm
Youkochylde Quote: What a day... Well, I'm alive. That's always a plus. Knowing thy audience is an even bigger plus. What little I know of Dave comes from Karma and the times we've talked about him. Now granted, before now my largest interaciton with Dave has been me screaming over the phone for him to put the damned soundcard in Karma's machine so that she can hear the radio broadcasts I do on the weekends. Tonight was the first time I'd ever met the man face to face, and I was scared stupid, let me tell you. Envy and I had gotten our end of things squared away. He's speaking to me again and I"m no longer on the couch. This is good, believe me. I decided to take a shower before they got here... I'd spent a good deal of the day at the Fa'e Headquarters and my tail had gotten mangled by more than one infant in the process. No sense looking like something the cat dragged in. Envy occupied himself while I was in there, showing a stroke of sheer brilliance on his part. He took one of my plain black t-shirts and found Dave's webcomic online. He got a good copy pic of Drip, and printed it out on iron-on paper, making me a Drip t-shirt while I was showering. Needless to say, it did wonders for breaking the ice. *Grins* I'm happy with how things turned out. It was a bit icy at first, but things warmed up quickly enough when Dave realised that we're both artists as well. We shared artwork, including the smut sketchbooks that we hide from our parents... and all in all it was a pleasant evening after that. I'm not even afraid to go over to Karma's anymore. I'm going to head over there tomorrow to help with the baby's room, and to take over the stuff I've gotten so far. -- Youko
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:33 pm
Quote: Dear Diary, I know this is a late entry, but I've been busy. Today Youko and I started work on the nursery while Dave and Envy were at work. Moving the furniture alone was hard work...it didn't help when there was a concerned foxboy stopping me every five minutes to ask if I was okay and maybe I should sit down and let him do it. I'm fine, Youko, really. I'm not bloated to the point that I can't help out YET. I think we've got it all figured out...we'll make a nursery here, and a nursery over at Youko and Envy's. That way both households are equipped to share time with the baby. Once we got all the furniture moved out into the garage, we gave it a coat of paint. Deciding the color had been a little hard...obviously, we don't know if we're getting a boy or a girl yet as its too soon to tell, so we had to settle for gender-neutral colors. It was a toss-up between a gentle celery green or a nice soft lavendar. We settled on lavendar, deciding there would be plenty enough green by the time the baby gets done spitting up on the carpet. I was amazed we actually got it all done in one day. Two coats of paint AND the ceiling. As we speak, the room's drying. Tomorrow we'll put up the wallpaper border and I guess we'll start arranging the furniture. Youko claims he's picked up some things for the nursery already and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't eager to see what they are. He's gone home now since Envy's due home from work and Dave should be home soon as well. He claims he's not afraid of Dave's gun anymore, but you can still see him flinch whenever I bring it up...poor guy. However, Dave is NOT upset. He felt much better after last night's dinner fiasco...I think it helped thinking Youko and Envy were fans of his webcomic. I dont' know which of them thought up the Drip shirt, but kudos to whoever it was. Urf...I think I'd better go lie down for a bit. I just finished a late dinner and I'm feeling like a fat housecat that just wants to go lie in the sun.
--Karma
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:34 pm
Youkochylde Quote: Dear Diary - I have never been this sore in my life. Willingly sore, that is. Gods, I hadn't realized just how much it takes to paint a room, walls and ceiling, and get it all right... My back and arms are killing me. I'm going to head back to Karma's tomorrow so we can do the borders and move the baby's things in there. I'm going to take a few of the stuffies and such over there... I'm leaving the hamster here, she'll KILL me. After we get this done, I'll work on setting up a room for the baby here as well. For now, however... I am in some serious need of a hot shower and SLEEP. -- Youko
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 10:35 pm
Kamiki ((OOC comment: excellent RPing you guys ^_^ ))
Karma's appetite is picking up a notch. Chicken Salad seems like nothing anymore. Karma will wake up in the wee hours of the morning with insatiable, demanding cravings.
Fortunately, the morning sickness bouts are few and far between. Lucky little foxcoon, you.
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