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Kurama no Koishi Vice Captain
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 Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 2:53 pm
ah, with ever anxious heart
the blossoms are falling
The summer is soon upon us; at least, it's evident in the students and maids. I dismissed them early this afternoon, quite soon after midday. The incense had only burned halfway through. I believe that it was a well-deserved break, for those girls have been working hard. I only hope that word of this doesn't get back to, oh, Akane-sama. A scolding is probably one of the last things I need right now, but I doubt that Senpai would care too much; she is probably much too wrapped up in her own duties. I will admit that I am very curious about her. We've only met once, and that was at the academy commencement...
Well, I seem to have wandered off on a bit of a tangent! Anyway, as soon as class ended, I made my way out to the gardens, as usual. I didn't even bother changing or bringing any poetry or paints with me. I suppose I simply wanted to enjoy the day, free of loose thought and worries. It seemed that I was not the only one, however. On my way to my secret spot (yes, I will admit to having one), I saw Shizuka-chan, another shirabyoshi whom I did not recognize, and the odd samurai here or there. Even so, I was able to enjoy quite a long rest. I don't remember anything of what I was thinking, sitting there motionless. There is a time to think, and a time... not to think, I believe. The latter allows one to become one with the natural forces surrounding oneself, and I am willing to bet that it has therapeutic purposes against, oh, kitsunetsuki, for example. Buddha willing, I hope to never come into contact with a demon fox. What a fearsome thought!
Continuing (my thoughts seem to wander today), I was quite surprised to discover that a samurai had found me. The imperial gardens are quite vast, and for anyone to meet more than one person while in its midst is quite the accomplishment. I was not unhappy, however, for he proved to be interesting conversation, and a rather pleasant man... so different from other samurai whom I have come to know through performance. Sasaki Raiden, I believe his name was. He has not yet given me a reason to dislike him, even if our conversation ended on a melancholy note.
I simply detest the war. It hasn't done us any good thus far. Raiden-san was rather tight-lipped about the whole matter. I wonder how he feels about it, as a samurai.
The hour approaches where I must ready myself for tonight's performances. Perhaps I will write more later.美晴
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Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 3:43 pm
how carefree would the heart be in spring-time
It really is a small world within palace walls. I am not typically given to remembering a client's face for more than a week's time after, unless said client was particularly impressionable, memorable, likable, and all the rest. To this day, I remember the very young nobleman who had stumbled into one of our performances. The poor boy was stuck sitting amongst all of the alcoholics.
This performance wasn't quite like that. I just happened upon Raiden-san again, which was partially Shizuka-chan's fault! Somehow it was a very awkward conversation on my part, though he didn't seem to notice. Mostly, it was idle conversation, but what thoughts that were running through my head were anything but idle. I still am not sure why I was so panicked; it was hardly because of Raiden-san himself. There is no reason for that. I would like to think that it is simply because I had met him earlier today in a more casual setting, not one so politically charged as the Emperor's performance hall. That's where the confusion is.
Things were settling down after I recited one of my newer poems. I'm glad that my audience was well satisfied with it (or if not, at least Raiden-san and Shizuka-chan pretended to like it). It's the one I've been working on for nearly three days now. I know it shouldn't take that long to write a poem with five lines, but as it was the fruit of my hard work, I am happy that it was well received.
And then another samurai, Ebisawa Katsuhige-san, decided to make an appearance. This wouldn't normally be something to panic about, but as soon as he sat down, I could feel Shizuka-chan becoming very flustered next to me. She even began pouring a bit too much sake for everyone, though nothing was out of the ordinary in conversation. We shirabyoshi have been trained to let our emotions lie flat, thank buddha. I thought that we would be able to last through the awkward night (Raiden-san was even comparing Shizuka-chan and me to Akane-sama, how kind of him!), until Katsuhige-san quite suddenly asked Shizuka-chan to accompany him around the gardens!
And so, before a potential scandal could erupt, I excused myself, Shizuka-chan following. According to Shizuka-chan, he has 'feelings' for her. Hadn't he just met her yesterday? I feel that she was rightfully frustrated, the nerve of that man...
We made it back in time to start the performance, avoiding further conversation with the two samurai. Crisis averted.
I am incredibly tired tonight, dear journal. I am going to bed. 美晴
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Kurama no Koishi Vice Captain
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Kurama no Koishi Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 6:24 pm
the cherry blossoms falling thick
have made me stray from my homeward path
It's late, much later than I would like for it to be, but I find this to be but a small issue—it is not as if I will be able to sleep soon anyway. I did not take my usual way home tonight, for I had the unexpected company of Raiden-san. He offered to walk me home tonight, when he found me packing my things after the late performance. I let him, of course, as (unfortunately) my natural response to requests like that is affirmative. I don't believe that I minded, either; I have seen Raiden-san to be a man with morals, quite unlike the men I entertained tonight. It would be a fine day if every client was as gentlemanly as Raiden-san.
On the way back, we did run into Susamajii-kun, Raiden-san's war mount. He is a very impressive horse, and a beautiful one, as well. I promised to bring him a treat the next time I saw him, so I suppose I will have to start carrying an apple or two in my bag. Raiden-san was kind enough to offer me a ride on Susamajii, which I accepted, with some apprehension of course. Before this I had only ever ridden domestic horses, but he assured me that Susamajii was quite safe, and so I had no choice but to blindly trust him... which was not a misplaced action. I fared well; Susamajii-kun proved himself a responsive and trustworthy creature. Raiden-san is lucky to have a horse like that as a companion.
I am being indirect about what I want to say; I will admit to being a bit embarrassed about what happened tonight. It seems that Raiden-san comes equipped with both good conversation and awkward moments. All of the conversations that I have ever carried out with him have been satisfying, not mere fluff, but I have also experienced more than one moment in which I was rendered near speechless. I tripped climbing off of Susamajii, and Raiden-san had the reflexes to catch me before I fell further.
Now, I'm not embarrassed because I tripped; I'm not that prideful. It started earlier in the evening when I was helped to mount Susamajii. I'm not sure what thoughts went through my head, but I did perceive a certain feeling. What that feeling is, I cannot describe properly. It was an uneasy sensation in the pit of my stomach, but not an unpleasant one. I waved it off at the time, but the second time we made contact it appeared again.
I like Raiden-san, but at the same time, I hardly know him as a person, even as trustworthy as he seems to be. What this means, I am a bit fearful of. Hopefully this does not lead me too far astray of my path as a performer... but even so, Raiden-san is not the type to purposely obstruct that path. Perhaps my mind will have settled by the morning. I pray that sleep finds me soon.美晴
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Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:46 pm
familiar or not, pass along the boulevard,
their sleeves fragrant in the blossom-laden air
Probably the one thing I'll never grow accustomed to as a shirabyoshi is the blatant crudeness of many of the nobles and samurai I have to entertain. Perhaps for the samurai, this is not surprising, seeing as they are exposed to death and warfare on a regular basis—I imagine that this would be trying on even the most weathered of warriors. But does bushido mean so little to them? As for the nobles, I find that they have no excuse. They are educated people; why are they so disgusting? Their riches and delicacies have made them no better than blathering fools. They may as well be common peasants, but I am sure that even some of the peasants have the humility to be sensible.
I know I regularly complain to you, dear journal, about the inequity of the rank hierarchy in Japan. I am not as bitter as I seem to be, despite the fact that I possess some imperial blood and yet I am forced to work for my living (was that a self-contradictory statement?). I feel that I am an honest person, good enough in my life's endeavors, yet these bastards who are no better than animals are supposed to be my betters? It is unfair. No one can change one's own rank through merit alone; even the Chinese are better at this. I must be a frustrated idealist. I only hope that it does not eventually change me into a terrible cynic, for optimism in a bleak world can be a source of bliss, however ignorant.
I was rather upset as I returned to my room tonight. I nearly even ran headlong into a student. She did not seem to be of better temperament, for she began to shout at me until she realized that I was indeed, not the one she wanted to yell at. Ayame, her name was. She seems rather forward; it could make for interesting court life in the future. At around the same time, a younger girl found us. Ayame wasted no time in giving the maid (Soya, I think) a hard time, likely as an outlet for her anger or whatever it was she was feeling. I decided that I was too peeved from the evening to participate, so I left. I try not to be destructively cruel when I tease the maids, anyway. I'd never use a girl as a scapegoat that way; heaven knows what we all went through as maids...
And indeed, I feel drained of all vital energy. Until another time, dear journal. 美晴
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Kurama no Koishi Vice Captain
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