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 Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 10:36 pm
Le Dead Baby Joke:
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
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Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 11:03 pm
What's the Difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
I take my shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
How do you get a dead baby to stop crying?
Hold its head under water
How do you get a baby to float?
Let go of the head.
How long does it take to cook a baby in a oven?
Dunno, I was too busy masturbating.
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A Murder of Angels Captain
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Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 11:43 pm
xdarktigress How do you get a dead baby to stop crying?Hold its head under water How do you get a baby to float?Let go of the head. Give it to a dog to play with. How do you make a dead baby split?Give it to a pack of dogs to play with.
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Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2004 12:20 am
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ******** do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
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Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2004 12:31 am
oh man, i wish my friend was here, he has the greatest some great dead baby jokes.
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Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 3:01 pm
What's worse than a 10 dead babies in a garbage can?
One dead baby in 10 garbage cans.
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A Murder of Angels Captain
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 10:48 am
Oushing this thread back on topic, (lest we create scandal... xp )
I'm surprised this hadn't been posted yet here:
The Nine Satanic Statements
from The Satanic Bible, 1969
by Anton Szandor LaVey
1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!
5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!
7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his �divine spiritual and intellectual development,� has become the most vicious animal of all!
8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
These "rules" are taken from Anton LaVey's form of Satanism, the Church of Satan. These are the founding principles that would make a member a Satanist. I don't know too much about non-CoS types of Satanism, but I personally feel that anyone who fully agrees with these rules could be a Satanist of any kind. Nevertheless, these rules demonstrate a good place for people to start learning about the true personalities of people who practise this most understood religion.
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 11:28 am
1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
This can be used the wrong way, to create anarchy.
2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
No comment.
3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
How does Satan represend wisdom? And, I would like to see proof that everybody else is a self-decieving hypocrite.
4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!
How do you "deserve love"?
5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!
If everybody were to exact revenge, then the world would be in constant chaos, with no chances at being at peace.
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!
...this...I can't explain. I don't get the vampire reference.
7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his �divine spiritual and intellectual development,� has become the most vicious animal of all!
8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
Instant gratification never got anyone anywhere.
9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!
This is just stupid.
Yeah, yeah, "religious tolerance", I know, I'm just expressing my opinion. I encourage all to do the same.
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 12:49 pm
from www.churchofsatan.com Quote: 1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked. 2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them. 3. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there. 4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy. 5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal. 6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved. 7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained. 8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself. 9. Do not harm little children. 10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food. 11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 11:40 pm
I understand that you were expressing your opinions of the subject, so I will only respond to the ones you didn't understand. Son of Axeman 3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit! How does Satan represend wisdom? And, I would like to see proof that everybody else is a self-decieving hypocrite. What you must understand is that the founder of the Church of Satan, Anton LaVey, was quite anti-Christian. He considered the words of the bible and all Christians to be quite hypocritical. What he meant by this verse was that people should free themselves from the "hypocritical" views that Christians share and think for themselves. (It should also be mentioned that most Satanists do not view Satan himself as a deity, but rather as a force or an idea.) Son of Axeman 4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates! How do you "deserve love"? This one can often be hard for Christians (and people of other faiths) to understand. Christianity is not the only religion that teaches to love your fellow man, but given the context of the topic, it's the best example. In the days before Christianity, very few religions taught to love everyone the same. Most religions didn't talk about loving anyone other than the gods themselves. Most people didn't love one another without earning the love of another. (Yes, close-knit communities often did watch out for each other, but pride based on nationality demonstrates my point perfectly.) Son of Axeman 6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires! ...this...I can't explain. I don't get the vampire reference. There's a thread on psychic vampires in this very guild. Basically, a psychic vampire (in this context) is anyone who just "latches on" to other people to get through life the easy way. For example, a man who refuses to get a job because he gets all his money through welfare. This sentance basically means don't worry about people who look for the easy way out. The ones who actually work for their living are the ones who matter.
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A Murder of Angels Captain
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Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:24 am
Ah, ok. I'm a psi vampire myself, so it caught my attention and I didn't make the connection.
ONCE AGAIN: WARNING! OPINION APPROACHING!
It seems to me, although I am no master on satanist beliefs, that satanism, or at least the LeVeyan version, was created to directly counter-act Christianity.
Once again, I cannot stress enough that what I say is not necissarily fact. I'm a very opinionated person, so I state my opinion as I see it. I guess you could say I calls it as I sees it. I don't water down my statements when I'm speaking of opinion. So, if you're offended by any statement I make, I sincerely apologize...but don't expect me to take it back or go easy on you about anything.
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Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 12:16 pm
Son of Axeman Ah, ok. I'm a psi vampire myself, so it caught my attention and I didn't make the connection. ONCE AGAIN: WARNING! OPINION APPROACHING! It seems to me, although I am no master on satanist beliefs, that satanism, or at least the LeVeyan version, was created to directly counter-act Christianity. Once again, I cannot stress enough that what I say is not necissarily fact. I'm a very opinionated person, so I state my opinion as I see it. I guess you could say I calls it as I sees it. I don't water down my statements when I'm speaking of opinion. So, if you're offended by any statement I make, I sincerely apologize...but don't expect me to take it back or go easy on you about anything. It takes ALOT to offend me, but I appreciate that you keep our member's feelings in mind here. I always tend to upset LaVeyans when I talk to them, because I personally see LaVey's Satanism (, or the Chrush of Satan, officially), as the least self-fulfilling brand of Satanism. I do not like LaVey one bit. After his death, his Church has turned into something of a joke and is laughed at by other sects or paths of Satansim. Just paging through a copy of the Satanic Bible, you can tell that his work is not original. He took parts of every occult system he could get his hands on, from Wicca to Voudou to Enochianism and Solomonic magic, and cut and pasted them together in his own way, with a decidedly anti-Christian feel to it. Yes, LaVey was VERY anti-Christian. This is reflected, to a degree, in the religion he created, though it should be understood that not all the members of the CoF are anti-Christian. Satanism teaches to embrace your hate, rather than hide it, as long as it is balanced by the proper amount of love. Even Satanists know that too much hate or too much love can destroy a man.
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A Murder of Angels Captain
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Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 2:28 pm
Son of Axeman Ah, ok. I'm a psi vampire myself, so it caught my attention and I didn't make the connection. ONCE AGAIN: WARNING! OPINION APPROACHING! It seems to me, although I am no master on satanist beliefs, that satanism, or at least the LeVeyan version, was created to directly counter-act Christianity. Once again, I cannot stress enough that what I say is not necissarily fact. I'm a very opinionated person, so I state my opinion as I see it. I guess you could say I calls it as I sees it. I don't water down my statements when I'm speaking of opinion. So, if you're offended by any statement I make, I sincerely apologize...but don't expect me to take it back or go easy on you about anything. Well, my opinion of LeVey isn't nice at all, sorry if I offend anyone with this, but I think that LeVey was a bit of an idiot. I do not rightly agree with his satanism. I see satanism more as a philosophy than a religion; a philosophy of hedonism really. You are right in your assesment that LeVey is anti-christian. Keep in mind that LeVeyan satanism isn't the only form, there are numerous others.
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Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2005 11:42 pm
I just wanted to revive this topic, consider it bumped in the not really bumped at all sense.
Also, please disregard all those dead baby jokes, I will eventually come around to editing them.
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Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 4:53 pm
Please don't. They give me a good laugh.
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