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 Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 7:58 pm
I have a 30 hour a week job.
I have a 20 month old.
I have a graphics shop to run to make gold.
I have this guild and another guild that I am in charge of.
Cleaning.
Errands.
IE: Lots on my plate.
I had SUCH a great idea for a poem earlier but I totally forgot what after I got home. xp
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Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 9:10 pm
yeesh CM, guess i cant complain about work to you, I usually work 20 hours, i'm part time employee, but full time student at the local community college, plus I have my graphics class to do work outside of class and my online website design class (don't really need it just doing it for my major)
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 1:09 pm
Yikes. I'm just a student with poor time management skills and a messed up family.
-LD
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 10:35 pm
Ah, welcome to the club of messed up families. Yeesh, i mean i love mine and all, but I just can't stand to be around them and the more I am, the more it pushes me to just shut them out or move out. but i find that just taking time in my room with my computer on and listening to music kind of relaxes me, (like, I'm doing now, since i had an anxiety attack that seriously took a lot of my energy away O.o) or just going somewhere, like the library, where I can get away from them and they can't bother me as much.
eh god, that's a bad combination, I had the anxiety attack caused by stress while being depressed, eek seriously messes up the thoughts. though I'm good now, kind of let it out, wrote a letter for no one in particular and that I didn't send, getting it out actually calms ya down, try it sometime your feeling stressed.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 9:26 am
That's how I feel too. My family smothers me. It's amazing I could get that last scene out at all, all things considered.
-LD
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:17 am
Calm down.
God, there's a lot of anger coming off you. Literally, take a step back, go to your fav. place or something, and just breath, think things through slowly. Cry it out, if you have to.
Stress is just another one of those things. Look at the stars, or a clear blue sky in the day, and see how big it is. Does one lousy or even ten lousy assignments really effect you that much? A social life? Take time out, everyone needs it.
If you need to talk, i'll listen.
Inersha Blue.
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 6:35 pm
In a way, Nersha, you're right. I, of all people, should be slow to anger, seeing as how I unerringly convey my emotions, whether I want to or not.
And actually, I've done all those things--taken walks, watched clouds, read books, watched television, played piano--everything, in an attempt to feel better. Sometimes, when I get home from school, I just look at the house and decide to take a walk. I try to be out of the house and away from my family as much as possible. I want to be away from this place.
What you sense from me isn't anger...not directly. It's intense frustration at not being listened to, as the voice of reason, being nagged at constantly, and watching my grandparents' lives fall apart, one cigarette, one glass of wine at a time. It's frustration at my situation at school, and with college applications, which have blessedly been near finished, annoyance at peers who don't think about anything at all, and at teachers who think they know everything. It isn't anger for the sake of anger.
But...there's something I believe. Even as we try to cultivate a good attitude, we have to be true to our emotions. Nothing will ever get solved if I plaster on a smile and let things degenerate into a hopeless mess--sometimes, you have to get angry, just to get things done. Some things...people you love and who love you, a life you're trying to beat out for yourself...some things are worth getting angry about. Because I care about them, about myself, I have to let my true feelings shine through.
It would be too easy to sink into my high school's mentality of 'I don't care'. But I'd rater be pissed than cotton headed, I would rather be angry than feel nothing at all. Is that so hard to understand, Nersha? I can let a lot of things go, but I can't compromise my heart. Which is what everyone has been asking me to do.
Love and Vale,
-LD
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:36 pm
It's not hard to understand. People have told me the same sort of thing. Mostly this comes in the form of 'grow up'. Sometimes i'm childish, but it's part of who i am, and i can't let it go. I've tried, and it made me miserable and angry, and quite venemous.
Although it happens constantly now, i don't try. Yesterday i went into maths, for example, and we were doing something new, so it was vital for me to pay attention. So i sat there with a bunch of fat crayola texta's and drew kiddie pictures. You know, the ones with the fish in the sea and the cow in a medow with a tree and some little flowers.
By the end of the lesson, everyone around me was doing the same thing.
i Agree with something said earleir, write it all down, on paper. Before you can change your mind about what you're doing, give it to your family. Then they're stuck with your feelings, and more often than not, they feel guilty, and all of a sudden, the world's listening to you.
Then there's those really dumb teachers. There's not much one can do about them. I've tried.
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:47 pm
Masq, death is a part of life, and we're all going to die someday, be it from cancer or a car crash or a heart attack-- Memento Mori, as they say. Death is not something to fear or to hate, and none of us are any more or less mortal than the other. Death has its own benefits--we can escape our weariness, leave behind regrets, relinquish all pain--the unknown is frightening, and the loss of those we love is frightening, but it is a natural and necessary part of this world. It is something we have to accept. I can't ease the pain of your grandfather's suffering, but perhaps I can ease some of the strain you feel. At this moment your grandfather is in no more or less danger of death than he was the day he was born. All you can do is all you've ever done--try to make each moment count for the most. "Vivum bonum est ars bene moriendi." (Living well is the art of dying well--or something like that. My Latin is kind of rusty...)
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 8:18 pm
We're moving this week to a bigger place, so I may not have time to get on.
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 8:59 pm
I'm not angry at them, I'm like how LD put, just frustrated to the point of I don't want to be around them, LD I know your in HS, i'm 20 and in college, I choose to live with my parents so that I don't have to pay very many bills. On that fact it is partly my fault, but they could ease up. Sometimes the way the approach me to get a point off or to get me to do something is just making it worst. I've been slightly depressed for like over 3 years now, and that way that they do these things isn't really helping.
I hate the fact that they're over protective, I mean I am living under their roof but i am 20 and should be able to have my own life outside of my family but that really hasn't happened. Usually to calm myself down, I do do something constructive to get my mind off it, like play the piano(yay), listen to calming music, or surf the web. Sometimes I'll just right a letter, get it out and not mean to let anyone see, just getting it out calms me down.
Plus not only that, but I hardly see my dad anymore, (not that their divorced or anything like that) he works in a coal mine thats about a 3 hour drive from where we live. However, his dad lives only about 45 min away so while he works, he lives with my grandpa. We only see him for the most like 4 days every other week or when he takes vacation. I use to go down their and stay with them, but I've recently started back to college and got a job and it's hard for me to find the time.
There's that and the fact that I give them clues that something is bothering me and they don't see it. so I wrote letter to my mom (couldn't get the courage to say it face to face) basically explaining that it's getting worst, and that I want to get some help to get along. I was to the point last Friday, where I knew if i didn't do anything, I would end up hurting myself and the family, I'd rather not do that and let it out to try to get help to overcome or make the feeling better. So lets hope the letter thing goes good otherwise I don't know what else to do. redface
(sorry if it's like i'm trying to grab attention, but LD you did this to yourself, letting the writers have a thread to explain why they haven't been very active in the forums)
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:59 am
It might be about time to move out, Sha. Having your own space is a little more expensive, but it can do wonders for your family life. It did for mine.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 11:14 am
Yeah, but i don't have my own car, I only work part time. If I stay, I get free room and board, plus the privilege to drive one of the cars we have without paying, as long as I'm going to school. I would have to find a place to live, deal with the hassle of payments and other things. It may work better for some, but I'll probably just get stressed if I move out for a different reason. I have talked to my mom about the letter, they're going to try to help, see what they can do. so we'll see in a couple of months if its any better.
Thing is my older brother's lived at home for a while too. My oldest bro actually got kicked out of his apartment that he shared with some of his buddies, and had to come back home for a while, lives with his wife and kids now. My other brother still lives here, but he's hardly ever home, I think that if I were able to just go out and have a outside life, it would be better, instead, i'm kind of forced to just keep busy doing things that my parents can't do because they're not home or that they don't have the time.
My mom said if I were to do the things that she would let me, but if they would let me do more things right now, then I would be willing to do the things so that I can go out with my friends every now and then.
**edit: to kind of make it sound reasonable, I'm easily prone to stress and anxiety, even little things can hit them and make me upset, so I'd rather just deal with it at home, where I have the support then move out when I'm ready. My oldest brother went through a lot of financial trouble cause he moved out at 18, so I'd rather not move out until I know I can make it on my own. If i have to pay the price of stress and anxiety, then so be it, but I'd rather have that than having the companies coming after me cause I can't pay a bill.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:48 pm
KiyoshiKyokai Masq, death is a part of life, and we're all going to die someday, be it from cancer or a car crash or a heart attack-- Memento Mori, as they say. Death is not something to fear or to hate, and none of us are any more or less mortal than the other. Death has its own benefits--we can escape our weariness, leave behind regrets, relinquish all pain--the unknown is frightening, and the loss of those we love is frightening, but it is a natural and necessary part of this world. It is something we have to accept. I can't ease the pain of your grandfather's suffering, but perhaps I can ease some of the strain you feel. At this moment your grandfather is in no more or less danger of death than he was the day he was born. All you can do is all you've ever done--try to make each moment count for the most. "Vivum bonum est ars bene moriendi." (Living well is the art of dying well--or something like that. My Latin is kind of rusty...) I believe it is: "The art of dying well is (a good life) living well" since "ars" is in the nominative case and "vivum bonum" is in the accusative case (logically following the verb "est"). And I understand that, dear KiyoKyo. The problem lies within the unfortunate fact that this is certainly not dying well, or living well, in fact. And I'm afraid I have more bad news to put atop old bad news: Gram just told us today that he only has (about) 12-18 months to live with chemo. Great. The worst part is that all of this could be avoided, and it has not been, and it will cause further complications for my brother and I should he die before each of our graduations. For one, we lose a grandparent. Really, that's bad enough. But we also would have to go live with my father, and I'm sure I've told you how we don't really get along too well. Or, perhaps, at all would be a more apt definition. Kiyoshi Kyokai, make no mistake: I know about dying well. My mother died well, also of cancer, with strength and courage and dignity. That could also have been avoided, had her whole life been changed. Grandpa dies now of a cancer that he sucked into his lungs one long drag of ash and tar at a time, over a lifetime. There is no grace in suicide, no dignity in killing oneself, and I don't care what Juliet says, or Oedipus, or anyone! Dying well is a factor of a life well-lived. I can't say that his final chapter has been well-written. Love and Vale, ~Masq *****Note for Shagon!***** Feel free to steal the stage, this isn't just for me. Geez, you don't need to apologize or ask permission. You can do things your own way here. And the same goes for everyone else. ~Leavaros Dapple
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 3:05 pm
Thanky,
so for those of you that live on your own and think it will help me heres what I get if I stay with my parents:
Tuition + college books
Car - 2001 honda civic
Insurance -Biggy on this one, if you saw my medical bills you'd s**t your pants, i had one genetics test that if we hadn't of had insurance would've cost us $4000
Food
Place to live for free
Cell phone, i share minutes with my mom, i only pay like 20 a month for that if i left I would pay the full amount.
less bills
On the downside:
emotional stress...
so more + than -
My main reason to stay is insurance, you might think otherwise, but I have several medical problems (DiGeorge Syndrom, Sleep Apnea, Kyphosis, Scholiosis, Bleeding Disorder) if i wouldn't have insurance, I'm sure I wouldn't have lasted this long.
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