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 Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 8:39 pm
Morael S.O.L. Alright, first profile!
On the whole, it's pretty good; I'm pleased with it. Your ability to write is nice and developed, you've only got one noticeable typo, and the character obviously has some thought put into it. The history and personality are rather nicely done, and I'm eager to see how you play her.
I've only got one little problem: the "pretty" thing. It's a personal nitpick of mine because I've run across some rather poor characters being self-described gods of beauty, but I think that the rest of the physical description very much overshadows whatever problem I may have with that.
Congratulations, your character is the first to be accepted.
Don't worry - the "pretty" thing won't be much of anything really. I just thought I should make her slightly... appealing in some way to others... I suppose?
Hehe - and what typo?! scream I will go proofread again (well, later on... because I have loads of homework now~).
And thanks so much for accepting me. Your RP seems to be REALLY awesome~ I can't wait! whee
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 9:26 pm
I have a question (feel free to beat me upside the back of the head if I missed the answer somewhere on the front page though).
Is one allowed to use an image for the character appearance? (Obviously, including a desc. of the character as well.)
If so, would it hurt the profile or do nothing to sway the vote either way?
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 10:21 pm
@June:Quote: ... having an liking for the overall image...
@UH: That was something I was going to make a point of in the application template, but it looks like I forgot: I will not accept applications with pictures. In most of the cases I've seen, it encourages laziness in physical descriptions and a lot of people use those really hideous generic anime pictures that I despise; you're an obvious exception to both of those seeming rules, but I don't want people bitching at me about why someone got to put in a picture, but they didn't.
And it'd be because they chose some fugly-a** gothloli wannabe b***h for their picture, and the other person chose a nice, unique, tasteful piece.
I might allow people to send in pictures of their character at a later time, but don't take that for a promise.
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 10:32 pm
Ah, thanks so much. I would have never found it... I hate how when you write something and attempt to proofread only to fail miserably because your mind glosses over the mistakes. My stupid error is changed!
..and I was wondering "Who in the world in june?!" before I realized you were addressing me. Hehe, no one's ever called me that before. blaugh
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 10:42 pm
That's why it pays to have other people read over your stuff--you always miss something small and seemingly infintesimal, but hugely important. It's the difference being a stubbing and a stabbing. 3nodding
xD My group of regulars has something of a knack for making up nicknames for people. But if there's something else you'd prefer...?
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 10:48 pm
Ah, no... June is fine. I've just never had anyone call me that before. blaugh
Congratulations, you're the first?
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 6:39 am
Mor Ha! I see. Well then my profile shall not be a problem to you. :] (Haha no picture, jeez, I haven't done that in awhile. x____o Got to oil myself up and get all this rust off of my fingers.)
And you know my nicknames are DAMN sexy. Haha, I should call you "Ale" because of you name. [/fail]
Rose I'll call her Rose. :] It's one word and it's in the name. =P
---
... Oi. Mor, what does the S.O.L. stand for in your name? o___o
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:22 pm
No picture will be good for you. It'll be like the fresh autumn breeze, gently cleansing and--wait...
I never really gave a whole lot of thought to the "S.O.L." It originally stood for "Superiority-Originality-Liminality" back in the day, after I changed my name from "Nephilim Morael." (And if anyone refers to me by "Neph," well, now you know that story.)
You can also read the acronym aloud as "sol," the Latin word for "sun." Gives it a bit of a double-meaning there.
Or, hell, you can read it as "s**t outta luck." Whateva'.
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Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 6:19 pm
Well, I'll just drag this up from the depths of the first page in the apparently vain hope that more people will get interested.
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Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 10:13 pm
Well, I hope more people join soon! whee
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 2:15 pm
MY GOD man, ARE YOU A TEACHER, well I would assume so if you have an English major. Well, luckily for you, I am an Honors students... here we go, I hope you like it.
AEDIFICIUM
NAME: Krishnan Deckavio
AGE: 14
GENDER: Male
PERSONALITY: A rather smart child, Krishnan has become a man of status among the scientific community. He has had very little to do with his family. (Due to the fact that there, nobody would let him excel at the things he wanted to do) He has begun sleeping in the science lab, for reasons that can only be explained by the fact that he loves his work. He has no need for ethics of the commoners, for he lives his life on lab ethics such as: never steal another’s work, give credit to those that deserve it, what goes on in the lab, stays in the lab. He has no reason to care about the lives of the petty beings, except as test subjects, or ideas. The only other place he stays at, is the Library, and would spend hours there, when not in the lab.
Never caring about such things as school, though the periods of time that he was forced to go, he would easily do whatever they asked of him, then ask to return to the lab. Never so much as caring about anyone, he has not realized the fact that there is something that drives him to achieve, he needs to find someone, but not knowing why he does this, he sits in the lab, figuring out the things that would possibly cause a potential mate to seek him out. Not getting out of the lab much, he has not picked up the clues of social interactions. Thus, students, and people who don’t know him very well, see him as a weird child, and assume that he is mentally defect in the way he handles life. This however unlikely, may be the truth to his uncommon actions.
APPEARANCE: Upon seeing Krishnan, most view him as tall, correct in weight, Asian, (if Nationalities still exist) with a slightly oval face not befit for the oriental group, and with many scars and burns on his arms, that show more than a few lab accidents. His height is about 5’7”, People have been commenting on his eyes, so much for the past year; it has grown to become annoying. His eyes are sometimes a shade of olive green, gray, blue, or cyan. Having to be athletic to avoid dangerous spills, he can be a good sprinter, and can do hurdles very well.
He dresses in all black, because, “it doesn’t show any stains.” Having no allowance, except by the company, he has dressed well for a child of his age. Usually choosing pants over anything else, because he needs a little bit of protection from the chemical spills. The choice of clothes has given him an air of distaste, daring people to come near, but at the same time warning them away. He wears no jewelry, except for a small necklace, that he made for himself.
MEMORIA
HISTORY:Born into a family, where there was nobody there to care for him, he displayed great intellect form the age of 2 weeks. Trying to hide this, his parents refused to let him learn, until finally, they were forced to put him into school. Excelling at every subject, CHOIR took an immediate interest in this child. Coming to understand his love for science, they offered him a lab to work in, and money to help pay for college. He eagerly accepted, and began working as a lab assistant. Very early, at about age 8 he began exceeding the knowledge of the person who he worked under. Quietly he began working on his own experiments, not knowing that CHOIR had a close eye on everything he did.
Slowly, CHOIR had begun accelerating the things that he did. Pushing him, as a parent would push a child, nurturing him, as a mother would, helping him to grow, and become their prized jewel. Their work had paid off, and he had designed a number of things for homes. One such thing was the holo-computer. Having created such objects, CHOIR had other people work on improving them, while he constantly was doing things that he was interested in.
Meeting with his parents one day, he got into a fight, concerning his work with CHOIR. Not realizing that he considered them his family, they pressed him into telling them why he continued working for them. He screamed at them, when they suggested he quit. After that, he just stayed away from his home. Sooner than he had expected, his parents gave him a call. They said that they were worried about him, and wanted to see what was wrong. They said they only wanted him to know how much they loved him. He chucked the phone into a trash bin, and went back to the lab.
Krishnan is a freshman in high school. He is currently unknown to the world outside of the scientific community.
POSITION: He is the son of two government workers, with no real care for them. He works as a scientist, Inventor, and public relations with the next generation.
REASON: CHOIR has grown to be his family, there is nothing he will not do for them, as there is one thing that they will not do for him. Yet.
EXTERNUS
OTHER: Krishnan has a small monkey, which has grown to be his lab assistant. He received it for his 13th birthday, from CHOIR, as a sort of good job present.
PLAYER NAME: Freakylittleone
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 11:23 pm
No, I don't yet have a degree, but I'm working on it; and it'll be a warm day in the bowels of Cocytus before I become a teacher.
But that's not really important. Instead, onto the review:
The character is interesting on the whole. However, I have some concerns regarding various aspects of him.
1. The character's personality seems to be rather disaffected and socially inept, but I'd like to see a little more in this part; in particular, the part about his yearning for companionship seems a bit out of left field, especially in light of his apathy towards others.
2. His history is somewhat troubling, too. Even in light of the fantastic things I have lined up for the storyline, an infant exhibits what can really only be called hyper intelligence? I can accept a child prodigy working in a lab and the like, but the character is far too intelligent for his age; either reduce his intelligence, or bump his age up by a few years.
Also: Why would a genius of his level still be required to attend high school? And if he's of such a high level of intelligence who's invented several revolutionary commercial gadgets, why would he still be unknown in the world?
3. There are a few sentence fragments throughout your application, as well as some awkwardly constructed sentences. There are also some commas where they shouldn't be; a quick beta read should remedy those, however. Just keep an eye out for those things.
To answer a question I found in your application: Nationalities and ethnicities still exist, although the idea of one's nationality is somewhat less important than it used to be, thanks to the world government.
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Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 12:38 am
Right, I'm just pulling this up before it hits the second page.
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Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 2:12 pm
Morael S.O.L. No, I don't yet have a degree, but I'm working on it; and it'll be a warm day in the bowels of Cocytus before I become a teacher.
But that's not really important. Instead, onto the review:
The character is interesting on the whole. However, I have some concerns regarding various aspects of him.
1. The character's personality seems to be rather disaffected and socially inept, but I'd like to see a little more in this part; in particular, the part about his yearning for companionship seems a bit out of left field, especially in light of his apathy towards others.
2. His history is somewhat troubling, too. Even in light of the fantastic things I have lined up for the storyline, an infant exhibits what can really only be called hyper intelligence? I can accept a child prodigy working in a lab an the like, but the character is far too intelligent for his age; either reduce his intelligence, or bump his age up by a few years.
Also: Why would a genius of his level still be required to attend high school? And if he's of such a high level of intelligence who's invented several revolutionary commercial gadgets, why would he still be unknown in the world?
3. There are a few sentence fragments throughout your application, as well as some awkwardly constructed sentences. There are also some commas where they shouldn't be; a quick beta read should remedy those, however. Just keep an eye out for those things.
To answer a question I found in your application: Nationalities and ethnicities still exist, although the idea of one's nationality is somewhat less important than it used to be, thanks to the world government.
I can increase his age by 2 or 3 years.
He needs to attend school, because thats how they help him keep a cover. If he did not attend, then wouldn't he be a little obvious to the rebels?
He is being protected by CHOIR, if the rebels found out what he did for CHOIR, then they would more likely try to assassinate him. This also makes for a slightly more interesting campaign. besides, if he dies, by assasination, and he was known, wouldn't that bring more people to the rebel cause? wouldnt it make people see how determined they are? what about how little security CHOIR has for its employees?
I put it into a spell checker program. Thank you for helping me with grammar though.
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Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 11:09 am
Just popping in to say hi~ (And to show that I'm lurking around... blaugh )
Hello freakylittleone 4laugh
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