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 Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:59 pm
Awww that is wonderful ::claps for Divash:: Aww that's soo cute, I love your story 3nodding definatly good little movie quality 3nodding
::gives cookies to everyone::
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Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 2:15 pm
Mm, cookies. Thanks, Yvette, and Kingpin. I guess online dating is today what the shadchan (matchmaker) was in years past. It's a good chance to determine compatibility without letting the other person's physical attributes get in the way. It's easy to say "Oh, he's ugly, I don't want him," or "He's so cute, he's definitely the one for me." Either way, you could be in for a world of surprise and hurt as you find out that the cute guy is abusive, or simply has ideas that are diametrically opposed to your own; or that the "ugly" guy is thoughtful, sweet, and shares your views on children and politics. Or then again, the cute guy could be just as wonderful as the one who's not physically attractive to you, but you feel intimidated by the hawtness and pass him by because you think he won't like you -- or the unattractive guy could be dangerous or dull, but you spend more time than you should with him because you want to give him a fair chance.
A matchmaker, or an online relationship, can have disastrous consequences, but it can also keep you both focused on one another's inner natures rather than on outward appearances. Then when you do meet in person, there's a bit more of an honest foundation for whatever you're going to feel when you see one another's faces.
*** DISCLAIMER ***
Never meet an online person alone. Someone can seem wonderful online, but in person turn out to be dangerous. As good as my own experience has been, I've known women who were assaulted, raped, and yes, one was killed, by people they "knew" and trusted from YEARS of online interaction. These women were smart, normally very good judges of character, but they were fooled. Always make sure to have a hotel room and taxi fare when you're meeting someone from online, and don't tell them where the hotel is. Meet in public. Arrange it so that you don't depend on them for a ride anywhere, food, or lodgings, so that if they do turn out to be one of the dangerous people, you've already got a way to get away from them. Please be careful; I don't want to hear about your terrible fate on the news one day.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 5:18 pm
lol divash you're freaking awsome. You're like "yea yea this is great, i love my guy, he's awsome I love him.... DON'T DO WHAT I DID!"
::Huggles:: you're great, that amused me so much.
but yea she's right 3nodding any of you do stupid stuff and i kick your toosh! smile
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Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 5:38 pm
I never really thought about it before. My mom's parents got divorced, my parents got divorced, my sister got into a bad marriage which looks like it will end in divorce before too long.
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Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 6:49 pm
Well it's not that she's saying don't do what she said. I'm assuming she met her S.O. with a chaperone. However, I do agree. You can't just go around meeting people from the internet without a way to get out of a bad situation...
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 1:20 pm
Rommel_Desert_Fox I never really thought about it before. My mom's parents got divorced, my parents got divorced, my sister got into a bad marriage which looks like it will end in divorce before too long. That's sad sad I wonder why it never has worked out. Is there any wise advise you've picked up? The only form of divorse I've dealt with personally is my aunt and uncle. What happened was that he was selfish and childish (the classic baby child of the family), and she was the afraid to say if somethign bothered her, always sheltered, well groomed wife. But she was also selfish in her own sense, I think. But it was the fact that she never said when he did somethign that upset her, and if she did he didn't bother to listen.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 4:05 pm
Heh. Exactly right. Don't do what I did. I lucked out, but I know people who were not so lucky, and many paid dearly for their trust in strangers.
That said, my mother did fly out to meet my future SO before the two of us met. She said something about having a convention to attend in Chicago, but it was really just an excuse to check out this person who wanted to meet her daughter. I found it sweet. And my SO chuckled too, and agreed, and so they had dinner. Apparently my mother was very impressed, because she came back telling me that if I didn't immediately move out and marry this person, I was a fool. I agreed, and things progressed from there.
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 1:22 pm
That's funny. xp
How was adjusting to the big city?
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 12:53 am
This topic is very irritating for me..
Both a psychic, and a mocugal said that they see me being like chick magnets within a year or two.. But they said that I will come to a choice of whether or not I want to get married in my 20s or not.. They said the relationship would be good, but if you get married to that girl, it will go sour, and end up in divorce. But they said I can choose not to get involved in that (which I dont want to.. its a horrible experience.), they said that i will come across another person in my 30s, and that will be the marriage that lasts..
Soo.. Its like.. I dunno.. I don't think marriage is contagious.. And I do believe in psychics and that type of paranormal stuff...
I think Divash hit the nail on the head.. Its really up to the people, if they're in a bad relationship, and then someone with in the community gets a divorce, then they see they can get it too.. It just happens.. I'm not against divorce at all, I think its a good thing if the relationship isn't a working one. A sad thing, but ultimately both people involved in it will find the happiness that they are entitlted to elsewhere. The situation is even worse when there are kids involved.
Would I say its normal? Unfortunately, I do. However, I think this can be easily avoided by way of paranormal foresight such as a psychic (not a stupid fake one, a real one.), and a mocugal (who are most reliable for wisdom seeking.), this can also be avoided by not rushing into things, like the psychic said..
Wait a while before you get married!
My mom and dad keep telling me stories of when they were dating.. On their first date, my dad proposed to my mom. And My mom said to him "Lets get through the first date, honey." 3 years later!!! BAM! Married, and now 28 years later they are still going strong. <.<
Not that anything the psychic and the mocugal said was anything weird.. I mean.. Its pretty duh.. The psychic actually said she to my mom that she had a really hard time reading me for some reason, she was spot on with my dad though. She really got him down good. She was able to warn us about possible business woes that we need to avoid, we are seeing the same psychic again in like 2 months. to see if we successfully avoided it.
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 6:16 pm
No offense, psychics scare me. xp
I don't really know, honestly. Nobody in my family is divorced, so I guess they just have good relationships? Some people just rush into things too much and don't really see if the other person is actually good for them or not.
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darkphoenix1247 Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 9:18 pm
I read in a magazine that if you come from a failed marriage, you are twice as likely to get a divorce yourself. Maybe that's part of it. But that means soon enough 75% of Americans will get divorces.
Someone hit me if that happens.
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 10:28 pm
kingpinsqeezels I read in a magazine that if you come from a failed marriage, you are twice as likely to get a divorce yourself. Maybe that's part of it. But that means soon enough 75% of Americans will get divorces. Someone hit me if that happens. yeah because they are more aware of their options a lot quicker before they try to work though the problem.. In a lot of working relationships.. I think they had their tough times too.. But rather than giving up and divorcing, they tried to work through it and eventually rekindled whatever flames therewere or something else.. :/
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Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 7:13 am
kingpinsqeezels I read in a magazine that if you come from a failed marriage, you are twice as likely to get a divorce yourself. Maybe that's part of it. But that means soon enough 75% of Americans will get divorces. Someone hit me if that happens. It's a scary thought, but sometimes I think that's the logical conclusion. Kids from my generation and younger generations are going to have this whole "50 per cent of marriages fail" statistic hanging over every relationship they attempt. I've been noticing a lot of people I know saying they don't even want to bother getting married! It's a scary thought to me, but then again divorce is very rare in my family. Most of my friends have divorced parents. My boyfriend's dad was a dead beat that up and disappeared when he was 15... I just don't understand it. It seems that people take these vows so lightly nowadays, knowing the relative ease of of giving up on them.
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Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:49 pm
DarkHalcyon kingpinsqeezels I read in a magazine that if you come from a failed marriage, you are twice as likely to get a divorce yourself. Maybe that's part of it. But that means soon enough 75% of Americans will get divorces. Someone hit me if that happens. It's a scary thought, but sometimes I think that's the logical conclusion. Kids from my generation and younger generations are going to have this whole "50 per cent of marriages fail" statistic hanging over every relationship they attempt. I've been noticing a lot of people I know saying they don't even want to bother getting married! It's a scary thought to me, but then again divorce is very rare in my family. Most of my friends have divorced parents. My boyfriend's dad was a dead beat that up and disappeared when he was 15... I just don't understand it. It seems that people take these vows so lightly nowadays, knowing the relative ease of of giving up on them. Society's values have changed, the institution of marriage is playing catch-up. Until marriages mesh with society again, expect the divorce rate to keep on going up.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 6:27 pm
kingpinsqeezels That's funny. xp How was adjusting to the big city? I'm still adjusting. It's only within the last year that I've felt okay taking the bus alone if I have to make a transfer to another bus. Before this, if travel involved more than one bus, I just wouldn't go there at all. It was very difficult. I'm still not used to going anywhere by myself that I can't reach by walking. Not used to the ever-present homeless that ask for money; it still breaks my heart that I don't really have anything to give them, and so going anywhere makes me feel just awful. Not used to paying to park a car, in the rare times when I've rented a car. Not used to it taking an hour to drive ten miles because of traffic (or take the bus for an hour and a half because it stops Every Dang Block). On the other hand, there are some really good things about it. I enjoy not being the only Jew; I enjoy getting to say "Which synagogue do I like best?" instead of "Well, the next nearest one is fifty miles away." I like getting to go to the regular grocery store when I want kosher foods. I like the anonymity, too, of being one of nine million strangers instead of having all 500 or so people know everything about my life and the lives of my family members.
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