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 Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:28 pm
((Very good! Congratulations, you passed! ))
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:35 pm
Yay! ^__^ I ish awesome! hehe.
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:40 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 Xx_ODET_xX Heylin Senta Navy Bus Arrival(on my way Heylin sat in her seat quietly and though "I wonder how many people are going to be in the Navy?"She looked around the bus as the sun hit her blue eyes and her black silky hair shined in the sun. Heylin smiled as they approached the base and got ready to get off ((is that good editing or do you need more?)) ((Heh, respond to Myrmidon, becuase he's me, but that's the account I decided to use. whee )) what?
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Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 8:54 pm
James "ender" Cavendish
Marine Corp
Bus
Arrival
James sat stone faced in the overly used seat of the bus. His day had finally come to make himself better. During his high school years he was a recluse, a loner, but now he'll be part of something bigger he won't be alone. James' thoughts were interupted when the bus stopped they were finally entering the base.Here he knew was the moment he'd been waiting for as he watched the D.I. come on the bus. For a moment his thoughts flashed back to the old movies he used to watch and the books he read as a child. James never thought of war as glorious ever since his father was lost in Vietnam. He loved his father dearly and wanted to be just like him, so now he was following in his foot steps to becoming a marine. When he finally realized that everyone was exiting the bus he followed quietly.
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Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 9:11 pm
Xx_ODET_xX Suicidesoldier#1 Xx_ODET_xX Heylin Senta Navy Bus Arrival(on my way Heylin sat in her seat quietly and though "I wonder how many people are going to be in the Navy?"She looked around the bus as the sun hit her blue eyes and her black silky hair shined in the sun. Heylin smiled as they approached the base and got ready to get off ((is that good editing or do you need more?)) ((Heh, respond to Myrmidon, becuase he's me, but that's the account I decided to use. whee )) what? ((...You see... X- Myrmidon -X talked to you- He is the Navy Commander, in your last post, on the page before this one.))
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Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 9:14 pm
mjmart James "ender" Cavendish Marine Corp Bus Arrival James sat stone faced in the overly used seat of the bus. His day had finally come to make himself better. During his high school years he was a recluse, a loner, but now he'll be part of something bigger he won't be alone. James' thoughts were interupted when the bus stopped they were finally entering the base.Here he knew was the moment he'd been waiting for as he watched the D.I. come on the bus. For a moment his thoughts flashed back to the old movies he used to watch and the books he read as a child. James never thought of war as glorious ever since his father was lost in Vietnam. He loved his father dearly and wanted to be just like him, so now he was following in his foot steps to becoming a marine. When he finally realized that everyone was exiting the bus he followed quietly.
Military D.I's
Bus
Arrival
The DI glared at the new recruit, James "ender" Cavendish, a menacing glow of hate pouring out of his body. The recruits' first display of action had been hellish, disgraceful, and down right putrid, but the DI fully capable of molding these hunks of clay and s**t into something useful, and that didn't smell so bad. "ATTENTION! Recruits, forward march. Get in a line; alphabetically by height- I want to see entirely what you are capable of! Present your name, height, and weight recruits! Refer to yourself as 'this soldier' and not as 'I' as well. The drill sergeant barked and spat as he spoke, a blue vein trembling in the upper right corner of his forehead, almost like it was about ready to explode and gush torrents of blood all over the new recruit, mercilessly. The red hot intensity of a thousand burnings stars gleamed in his eyes, as the slaughter he was about to ensue heightened his level of excitement.
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 11:05 am
i has edited my post razz
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 2:01 pm
kaorin-fujioka Chris Evans Foundling
Recruit
Bus
ArrivalWhen Chris arrived on the bus it was empty. She had taken a seat in the very back of the vehicle. As she stared out the window many thoughts began to run through her mind. Most of which was how her parents acted before her departure. They were worried, sad, and a tad clingy. Obviously, they hadn't wanted her to go. Being their only child had that effect. Quickly, she pushed those thoughts to the farthest regions of her mind. Focusing on her main objective was more important. A sigh left her through parted lips. With one look around the bus she saw that it was still quite barren, with the exception of herself and the driver. It was too quiet for her liking. She liked silence, but she could only stand so much before it drove her mad. Chris ran her fingers through her shaggy chocolate colored hair. It was a calming mechanism that she used often. She was a bit uneasy at the moment. She began to wonder if she was going to do well or not. These thoughts had haunted her for the last few days. Even though she had been training for most of her life, she was still cluttered in the head. Being unsure, unconfident, and even nervous were never a good thing. Then again, when had she ever not been these things when it came to thoughts of the military. Making sure she made it weighed heavily on her shoulders. She just hoped that she would be able to support that weight. ((I retyped the entire thing differently. I focused only on my character, and I only mentioned one other, but did nothing with them. So, is this one better? Also, I do believe that I made this one longer.)) ((Yay! Good job! No haxsorz, and decent spelling, Good grammar and Good sentence structure! Congratulations, you passed! ))
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 2:04 pm
-l- Kaiko Chan -l- Kaiko Hunt
Recruit
Bus
ArrivalKaiko looked out through the window wondering what it will be like being a nurse and helping people after she went to medical school she always wanted to help people since then she wanted to be in the army or navy to help out wounded people but though she always wanted ot be here she couldnt say a word she was too shy to speak with anyone else on the bus so she just kept looking glaring at everyone wondering what will happen next so she thought to herself (I just hope ill be accepted here) then she glared at all the boys because she did not seem to see any other females. She put one hand on her shirt where her heart is and whispers quietly "I do not know anyone here and do ont even know what will happen" then she stared out of the window into the sky and remembered her father who died and always wished for Kaiko to be a nurse she looks at everyone at the bus but was too afraid to say anything else so she just held onto her cross necklace. ((hope this ones better) ((Much better! You had okay spelling, pretty good grammar and good sentence structure. You also followed the AMP! I would like you to post a follow up post however, pretty much about anything, but still within the usual constraints. ))
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Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:54 pm
James Garvin Lee
Army
Bus
Arrival James sighed as he looked out the bus window, running a hand over his freshly-shaved head. Small hairs still fell from the haircut, received just two hours ago. He hadn't had time to take a shower since then, so the hairs were still stuck to him, making him itch constantly. But he wouldn't let himself scratch. It would be a sign of weakness to the others. He instead rested his head back against the hard leather of the bus seat and closed his icy blue eyes.
He was short, about 5'6", but he made up for what he lacked in height with strength. His body was heavily toned, but not like a body builder. More like a martial artist; sleek, almost virtually fat-free, but still very obviously muscular. He had a round jaw, like the rest of his family, and a slight baby-face. But even though he looked like a young man, or a man younger than he was, it was made obvious he was older by the hard look in his eyes, the set of his jaw, and the stubble that, having been shaved already that morning, was already beginning to grow.
He opened his eyes to see the camp. He saw recruits out there, like him, but he really didn't pay any attention. He really didn't care. He just wanted this whole 'boot camp' ordeal to be over with, and for him to get his own gun, and to go and fight some real bad guys. He wanted no more plastic and paper targets; he got all the target practice he wanted with tin cans and birds on his family ranch back home. Those days, he was just a skinny, rebellious, long-haired kid that didn't know anything about the world. But now that he's seen places other than the ranch and the part of town between there and the school he attended, he was all the more wiser.
He carried his rebel ways with him all through college, but even then he managed to get a major in psychology to go along with him to the Armed Forces. He would make something of himself finally, leave behind that rebel that just skimmed through life partying and drinking. He was going to shape up, finally, and get his life in order. There wouldn't be any goofing off here, he could tell. He was in the military's hands now, this was a whole 'nother ball game.
And he'd have to play by their rules.
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Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2010 9:08 pm
[Mekin Dotelle Valentine] James Garvin Lee
Army
Bus
Arrival James sighed as he looked out the bus window, running a hand over his freshly-shaved head. Small hairs still fell from the haircut, received just two hours ago. He hadn't had time to take a shower since then, so the hairs were still stuck to him, making him itch constantly. But he wouldn't let himself scratch. It would be a sign of weakness to the others. He instead rested his head back against the hard leather of the bus seat and closed his icy blue eyes.
He was short, about 5'6", but he made up for what he lacked in height with strength. His body was heavily toned, but not like a body builder. More like a martial artist; sleek, almost virtually fat-free, but still very obviously muscular. He had a round jaw, like the rest of his family, and a slight baby-face. But even though he looked like a young man, or a man younger than he was, it was made obvious he was older by the hard look in his eyes, the set of his jaw, and the stubble that, having been shaved already that morning, was already beginning to grow.
He opened his eyes to see the camp. He saw recruits out there, like him, but he really didn't pay any attention. He really didn't care. He just wanted this whole 'boot camp' ordeal to be over with, and for him to get his own gun, and to go and fight some real bad guys. He wanted no more plastic and paper targets; he got all the target practice he wanted with tin cans and birds on his family ranch back home. Those days, he was just a skinny, rebellious, long-haired kid that didn't know anything about the world. But now that he's seen places other than the ranch and the part of town between there and the school he attended, he was all the more wiser.
He carried his rebel ways with him all through college, but even then he managed to get a major in psychology to go along with him to the Armed Forces. He would make something of himself finally, leave behind that rebel that just skimmed through life partying and drinking. He was going to shape up, finally, and get his life in order. There wouldn't be any goofing off here, he could tell. He was in the military's hands now, this was a whole 'nother ball game.
And he'd have to play by their rules.
((You do not know how many 'rebels' I get. It doesn't make anyone anymore capable to be a 'rebel'- ooh, I try to break all the rules and follow their system just the same as a conformist does. Being an anti-conformist is still labeling yourself and CONFORMING to a stereotype of group- it is also, purposely trying not to conform, which means that you follow the rule system, despite doing this backwards, and so you are not controlled by your own set of rules and instead are controlled by everyone else just the same. Anyways, that information around, you wrote well, had good spelling, good grammar, good sentence structure, and did not break the amp. Congratulations, you passed! blaugh ))
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Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 6:17 pm
Kekoa S. Paliluhi
Army
Bus
Arrival
Kekoa deeply stared down into the pages of his book as the bus came to a stop. He was at the climatic battle of the story where the samurai entered the Meji Castle getting ready to fight and die an honorable death as any natural soldier would. In little distraught since he probably knew he would never finish the best part, he closed his book at looked out the window. He gazed in awe as he saw the facilities around the Fort. He stepped off and looked around, recruits all moving with a purpose. He thought to himself " Very extraordinary... this should be fun... and I will get to meet new people."
He grabbed his stuff and waited upon orders of a Drill Sargeant.
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Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:20 pm
Azn_Akoni808 Kekoa S. Paliluhi
Army
Bus
Arrival
Kekoa deeply stared down into the pages of his book as the bus came to a stop. He was at the climatic battle of the story where the samurai entered the Meji Castle getting ready to fight and die an honorable death as any natural soldier would. In little distraught since he probably knew he would never finish the best part, he closed his book at looked out the window. He gazed in awe as he saw the facilities around the Fort. He stepped off and looked around, many Drill Sargeants and recruits all moving with a purpose. He thought to himself " Very extraordinary... this should be fun... and I will get to meet new people."
He grabbed his stuff and waited upon orders of a Drill Sargeant. ((Good spelling, good grammar, good sentence structure, but you broke the AMP. You assumed that there were a ton of drill sergeants everywhere, which is against the AMP. Although doing so doesn't really give any harm, assuming drill sergeants, you could, unfortunately, assume that a million B-2 Bombers come out of nowhere and bomb a target. Due to the fine line in determining the difference between something unwanted, and something wanted in roleplay using this strategy, it is disallowed all together. So, fix up your amp infractions and you should be good! blaugh ))
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Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 8:22 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 Azn_Akoni808 Kekoa S. Paliluhi
Army
Bus
Arrival
Kekoa deeply stared down into the pages of his book as the bus came to a stop. He was at the climatic battle of the story where the samurai entered the Meji Castle getting ready to fight and die an honorable death as any natural soldier would. In little distraught since he probably knew he would never finish the best part, he closed his book at looked out the window. He gazed in awe as he saw the facilities around the Fort. He stepped off and looked around, many Drill Sargeants and recruits all moving with a purpose. He thought to himself " Very extraordinary... this should be fun... and I will get to meet new people."
He grabbed his stuff and waited upon orders of a Drill Sargeant. ((Good spelling, good grammar, good sentence structure, but you broke the AMP. You assumed that there were a ton of drill sergeants everywhere, which is against the AMP. Although doing so doesn't really give any harm, assuming drill sergeants, you could, unfortunately, assume that a million B-2 Bombers come out of nowhere and bomb a target. Due to the fine line in determining the difference between something unwanted, and something wanted in roleplay using this strategy, it is disallowed all together. So, fix up your amp infractions and you should be good! blaugh ))
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Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 8:35 pm
Azn_Akoni808 Suicidesoldier#1 Azn_Akoni808 Kekoa S. Paliluhi
Army
Bus
Arrival
Kekoa deeply stared down into the pages of his book as the bus came to a stop. He was at the climatic battle of the story where the samurai entered the Meji Castle getting ready to fight and die an honorable death as any natural soldier would. In little distraught since he probably knew he would never finish the best part, he closed his book at looked out the window. He gazed in awe as he saw the facilities around the Fort. He stepped off and looked around, many Drill Sargeants and recruits all moving with a purpose. He thought to himself " Very extraordinary... this should be fun... and I will get to meet new people."
He grabbed his stuff and waited upon orders of a Drill Sargeant. ((Good spelling, good grammar, good sentence structure, but you broke the AMP. You assumed that there were a ton of drill sergeants everywhere, which is against the AMP. Although doing so doesn't really give any harm, assuming drill sergeants, you could, unfortunately, assume that a million B-2 Bombers come out of nowhere and bomb a target. Due to the fine line in determining the difference between something unwanted, and something wanted in roleplay using this strategy, it is disallowed all together. So, fix up your amp infractions and you should be good! blaugh )) ((Your so keen on meeting the drill instructor aren't you? Oh well.))
Drill Sergeant
Military D.I's
Bus
ArrivalThe DI glared at the new recruits, Kekoa S. Paliluhi n, a menacing glow of hate pouring out of his body. The recruit's first display of action had been hellish, disgraceful, and down right putrid, but the DI fully capable of molding this hunk of clay and s**t into something useful, and that didn't smell so bad.. "ATTENTION! Recruit, forward march. Get in a line; alphabetically by height- I want to see entirely what you are capable of! Present your name, height, and weight recruits! Refer to yourself as 'this soldier' and not as 'I' as well. The drill sergeant barked and spat as he spoke, a blue vein trembling in the upper right corner of his forehead, almost like it was about ready to explode and gush torrents of blood all over the new recruit, mercilessly. The red hot intensity of a thousand burnings stars gleamed in his eyes, as the slaughter he was about to ensue heightened his level of excitement.
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Reply
