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 Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 7:00 am
It was time to go home. The peace of emptiness couldn't last; Jordan still had things to do, and as he realized that, the pain began to filter back in. It hurt. All of it hurt, every part of it, the responsibilities and the burdens, the knowledge and the connections, chaining him down and into a body that hurt and could hurt.
Hurting was important. If he gave up any part of that, he would no longer be himself. He'd given something up already, something he could no longer remember, but the thready edges of that loss didn't ease the rest of it. As long as he was going back, excising any part of it wouldn't keep him from hurting.
Anyway, what was pain? He'd had worse.
Slowly, but with his back straight and his head up, he pushed the door open, leaving nothing behind.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 7:24 am
It was tempting to leave something behind. All the pain, all the failures... But she once told a friend that memories make up who a person is, and losing those memories... Well, wouldn't that make her a little less of who she is? Besides, it was time she grew up a little, and learn to become stronger by overcoming the pain.
Lizzy decided not to leave anything behind. The happy memories, the sad memories, the painful memories - she'll embrace them all.
--
Ariane never thought about giving up her memories. As horrible as some of them were, she was never someone to run away from her problems - face them head on, and eventually you'll come up on top. Why forget when you can remember how you got over it?
She moved on without giving anything up.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 8:13 am
There's always a door. There's always a choice. And there almost always seems to be a very small girl standing in front of them.
Belladonna stared at the door, studying it curiously for it was a pretty door, if mildly frightening in a way she'd rather not consider. But she is here before it and she knows that she must. With a sigh the girl shifted her weight from one foot to the other. It was a form of stalling, for a large question looms that she must answer.
Well, actually no. That question isn't so large; Of course she wants to return. There is so much to get back to, so many faces she has to make sure have made it through and are alright. That thought is the one that begins the pain, a small prickling sensation in her fingers and toes that crawls up her skin and buries itself in her heart.
A small cry has her clutching at one arm, holding it tight against her body as though that will cease the shooting pain in the limb as well as everywhere else. So much has been remembered so quickly that she is fearful her body will not hold, that it will just fall to pieces and leak all her precious memories. But she cannot let that happen. Belladonna wants to keep these ideas and tears and laughter with her, she wants to hold on to all of this.
For a moment she considers leaving her arm, a terribly painful thing that she feels so acutely its making tears p***k in her eyes. It would just be so easy to let that go, to let that time in her life where she had been too weak to do anything go. And who could blame her? Who could really be angry that she wanted to forget a time of loss, a few weeks of deep hurt and betrayal and loneliness?
But the girl takes a breath. No one would blame her, but she would blame herself. There was a reason that had happened, she tells herself, there is something important about that time and that pain and all that sorrow. There has to be, even if she can't see it yet. So with another breath the girl pushes a foot forward, still holding tightly on that arm that hurts so bad. Careful to hold her head high, she walks forward and leaves nothing behind, not even doubt for she carries those close to her too. But, she muses quietly with a tiny smile as she steps through the door, it is better to be full of everything instead of wanting for it all.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 9:08 am
Everything hurt Takeshi. In that space of bliss, there was this constant burden: pain. It throbbed tirelessly and made him feel more things. Anger, discontent.
Do you wish to return?
Return? Where? Here? There? Takeshi sighed, upset and hurting.
Do you wish to return?
Yes. He didn't want to be here anymore.
So now, how did he return? There was an offer to give away a part of his body.
I don't want to lose anything. I will leave nothing behind.
Even if he failed all his dreams, they were still his. They were still precious and he had grown into something much different than before. With a shaky sigh, he pulled his body though the door, and back into existence.
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Eco-friendly Shapeshifter
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:10 am
The door.
It always came back to the door, as if all life's decisions were just doors waiting to be open. It was an alright metaphor, Riyo thought, but she was growing tired of them.
"Do you wish to return?"
She was puzzled. Where would she go? And who was this drilling her with questions? Interrupting the peace?
"Do you wish to return?"
Ah. So that's what it was.
"We can return, but you can still choose. We can return, but not as the same. We have been given this gift, the gift of leaving our pain behind. What part of our burden should we discard?"
All too well Riyo realized this was what she had wanted for so long. A chance at a new beginning. A chance to wipe herself from the impurities that caused her to be the crotchety b***h she was today. Over sleepless nights and exhausting days, the thoughts of starting over remained.
"No."
She had learned something incredibly important and precious from this adventure. About who she was and what that really meant in the end. The memories helped define her, and to let them go on a whim as if it was a blessing... Well, it just wouldn't fly. Funny how you wish for things, only to find out you didn't need them all along.
Her body screamed in pain as she clung to every single memory that filled her. She would take them all back, or she would perish doing so.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:15 am
What an opportunity. An option he'd often cried for after a long night of nightmares, or a whole day of worrying and contemplation. The option to just forget. Forget everything.
He did it all the time, really. He pushed all of his regrets of fears deep, deep inside, burying them until they were forgotten.
His time spent in the Horsemen's lair, for one. That was a time period that haunted him every night. Yet.. it's also what drove him forward. Before that, he was lost, fighting for a cause he didn't even believe in. But he'd seen the Horsemen for what they really were, and in turn how they saw him. He was not their toy. He would never be their toy again.
If he lost such a destructive memory, his purpose in life would be lost. As much as he longed to have a comfortable sleep at night.. it was far more important to remember. Remember and move forward. Besides, forgetting it would never truly erase what happened.
After all, he had a scar on the back of his neck to make sure it never went away.
There were few times he really considered himself a failure in his time at Deus. Many times he felt useless, sure, but mistakes he had made he simply learned from. Everything he did made him stronger. If he simply forgot, he'd be likely to repeat those same mistakes all over again.
One thing he did think about, was his heart. Deus had made him soft. Soft, easy to manipulate, easy to sucker into doing things for them simply because he somehow gave a ********, after so long of just doing what he wanted to.
And so, he stopped. He gave it some serious thought. A hand hovered over his chest, remembering those closest to him. They were always there for him. They healed the dark spots that had nearly taken over his small little heart. If he forgot them, would he be stronger? Would he be able to face all dangers without hesitation? Would he allow himself to be teased by friends who liked to see him squirm?
It was tempting. And in fact, the only thing that held him back from removing his own heart, was the heart itself. He would forget them, but they would remember him. If one of them had chosen to lose their memories with him? Ah.. that would break him. He felt, maybe, he was important to someone, just as there were others important to him. How could he do that? Be so... aha... heartless, as it were.
If he chose to bring everything back with him whole, would that make him a stronger person than when this all started? Or would lessening the load of his memories make the journey easier?
No. Everything he'd ever experienced made him who he was. Being someone else? He didn't know how to do that. He was always changing. Growing. Making mistakes, getting embarrassed, being frightened, and even being happy. Day by day he was finding new ways to deal with life. This journey, regaining his lost memories and giving them up, it taught him just how precious and sacred they were.
There was a lot of responsibilities he'd managed to get burdened with that he wished he didn't have to return to, actually... the Hunter who was wielding a weapon he himself helped to get weaponized, the Golem Project he was working on, infiltrating Halloween too often for his comfort. But.. again, only he would forget, ad the responsibility would only change into something else.
He wasn't going to run away. Oh, how he wanted to run away, though. But how could he? It was so easy.. so tempting, with that offer within his grasp.
Maybe he'd regret it. Not taking this chance. He'd never have another like it.
Go back to how things were, and continue to grow. As long as the people he loved most were still there... then it would be okay. He could do it, as long as those he chose to trust would still be there for him.
Otto walked through the door, scared and uncertain, but leaving nothing behind. Because without his memories, good or bad, he wouldn't be his true self.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:18 am
He felt like a jigsaw puzzle with missing holes in the middle.
But nevertheless, at least he had helped, in some way. His world was safe. His family, his brothers, Tomoko... they were all safe. There was such peace, and Erebus breathed it in with content. And though his feet were pointed right at the door, his eyes were shut. Because everything here was calm and nice and--
To return? Of course he wanted to go back.
The option of giving up a burden was a tempting one, but not for Erebus. What burdens did he have? Even those that had bothered him were trivial, and the pain he had gone through in the past was all because he had wanted to protect his brother and those important to him.
He had already forgotten bits and pieces. He didn't need to let go of anything this time. The act of forgetting was a burden in itself. He had known that once he had realized he had forgotten the people most important to him in the past week. "Nothing." He whispered, and the pain seared through him.
But it was worth it.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:30 am
The pain started in her arms.
Somehow, it began to creep up her legs, starting with her toes. The ache crept and spread, encompassing her head and torso until, finally, it closed around her heart. The conflicts, the failures, the anguish of those loved and lost...it was too much to bare, and she found herself crying despite herself. Everything hurt, and there was no stance she could take to ease it, even for a second.
She was presented with an option, and it was tempting - too tempting - to leave it all behind. To shed her body and her heavy, painful memories in the name of starting over. A clean slate, no longer burdened by the horrors she had faced and survived. She was about to give it all away, to shed every ounce of herself just to stop hurting, but then she realized something; if she lost her memories, she would lose her friends. All those who stood by her through thick and thin, who helped her survive the horrors and helped shape her into the more competent creature she was turning out to be.
If she forgot them, what would happen to her? Would she go back to being the snivelling little thing she started out as, too weak to even do the most basic possessions? Unable to summon enough strength to do what a Vetala should do without a second thought? She couldn't be that way again, she had come so far though she had suffered greatly for it.
Perhaps a piece, then? Just an arm, or a leg, or her heart...
No, she couldn't.
Her memories made her who she was today, for better or for worse. She simply couldn't give them up, no matter how horrific, or stressful, or agonizing they were. For every bad memory she knew there were two good ones, and though the better memories faded under the loud crash of the bad ones, she knew they were there, and would always be there. There was no way she was giving up any of them, at least not of her own free will. The ones she had already lost...well, she could get them back, Excalibur had said so.
Amrita gritted her teeth through the pain, straightening her aching shoulders and willing one searing leg to move, and then the other, until she was walking forward with a grim determination. She walked through the door completely intact, leaving nothing behind.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:33 am
Jericho stared blankly as he found himself before the door. There was the offer to leave behind his burdens. To forget the pains.
He's been through that once before. He didn't want to forget.
No. He wanted to remember.
Having no recollection of these things sucked.
He went through the door, taking everything with him.
Except his tail because who needs that anyway?
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 11:00 am
She felt at peace at the moment, everything was perfect here and she did not want to move. But there was that door there and it scared her. The dark door unsettled her and she shivered, shying slightly away from it.
"Do you wish to return?"
She did not really, but something seemed wrong.. The door did not unsettle her.. it was her, it was everything else that did not like the door..
"We can return, we can return, but you can still choose. We can return, but not as the same. We have been given this gift, the gift of leaving our pain behind. What part of our burden should we discard? "
She heard, no said herself.. She shook her head though. If she was to leave she would not leave anything behind.. She knew the pain was a part of her she could not leave it. So she opened the door and cried out as pain overtook her. Biting down on her pain she continued through the door. The pain overwhelms, she found she could not move as the pain of the memories, her experiences overtake her. She cannot move because of the pain, the pain of wanting to keep them all, because she finds them all to precious to leave behind, because they are too important. She finds herself proud of what she has become and where she started, after all, she would not be herself if not for these memories.
She finally manages to push through the door, leaving nothing behind. She remembers everything that happened, as it should be.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 11:18 am
Jerry stood, wobbling and bleary and confused as the world shattered and was reborn- and then the Door appeared.
Do you wish to return? The voice whispered to him, and presented his option.
His mind was reeling.
He was Jeremy Collins of the Sun Division. That was right. But to leave something behind? Everything felt hazy as he tried to mull through what he could remember. He didn't want to hate anyone. He didn't want to distrust, he didn't want to be ashamed of himself anymore- but what was he ashamed of? A face, judging him, enraging him, grinning at his mistakes ebbed into his mind, mocking him, bullying him.
He wanted to kill that man, and he couldn't remember why. He could feel countless other mistakes, embarrassing moments, horrors he had seen, all clawing their way up through him, but that face, that grinning, judgmental face bullying him even now... and he couldn't remember why. A loose string- if he pulled it, would it turn out to be lint, or unravel the whole metaphorical sweater?
He wanted to respect his superiors. He wanted to feel the way he used to, years ago, optimistic and excited about their work, excited for battle. If he shed this loose string, he would have a fresh start. He could breath again.
Before he knew what he was doing, he grabbed his own arm, and wrenched, and it was gone.
A weight lifted off his shoulders, Jerry moved through the door, leaving his arm behind.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 11:27 am
Pain was a double edged sword. How nice it would be not to feel it, but how shallow her life would be without it. Hel couldn’t appreciate the good things in her life as much as she did if she didn’t feel pain and if she didn’t remember. She couldn’t learn and she couldn’t grow without that pain. Pain, after all, was the best teacher, so no, she wouldn’t discard her burden. It was her burden to carry, and even when she would leave with this burden, she wouldn’t return the same.
She would give up nothing, and return a different person. She could grow and change from everything that happened to her. She needed to remember where she came from, so that she could look back at it, and then look forward to the future. Right now, was a good lesson in acknowledging when enough was enough. She would give up no more of herself. She had nothing to gain from doing so, and it would bring nothing to those who knew her as well. It’d be a stab to those who cared about her, and she didn’t want to do anything more to them than she already had done. They didn’t deserve that.
But most importantly…she wouldn’t be herself without any of those memories.
It hurt, but because it hurt, she felt more alive, and she pushed open that door leaving nothing behind.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:17 pm
The pain was enough to cause Kat to consider their offer, yet still.. she didn't want to rid herself of any memories. They were hers, and not even the pain was enough to convice her to hand them over. Gritting her teeth, she made her way towards the door. She wouldn't leave anything behind.
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:18 pm
Pain consumed her, causing her body to ache all over. Their offer was a tempting one, if only to rid herself of this pain, though still she clung to her memories. To sacrifice her memories.. she couldn't do it. She couldn't. Getting to her feet, she motioned for the doors, leaving nothing behind.
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:18 pm
After so much troubles, there was finally peace here.
Nkosazana closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy how pleasant it felt, for how little that lasted. Here, she felt free, like nothing would ever bother her, and nothing would weigh her down. The sensation of being so weightless and without fear, pain, misunderstanding, regret ... it was nice. Nkosazana, in spite of herself, couldn't help the smile that was on her face. This was what she had wanted all-along, perhaps, a sensation of peace and success in the peace she had gained.
This was bliss, and Nkosazana could want nothing more.
There was a door, though, and it stared into her soul even as she attempted to ignore it. The door wouldn't leave her alone, and it made her nervous. She didn't want to deal with the door. Why couldn't she stay where she was, at peace, in bliss, perfect?
She didn't even care if she was alone if it meant she didn't have to deal with the door, and on instinct, Nkosazana edged away from it, moving in whatever direction would get her away from the door which seemed to extend up into infinity the longer she stared at it. There was a nervous pressure on her body, pressing some tension back on where she thought she was now without, and it drew a whine from her, expression pained.
Do you wish to return?
Why would she want to?
Do you wish to return?
The voice kept asking, and Nkosazana held onto her head tightly, backing further away from the door. No, she didn't really want to return. It was better here. There was not a deep cutting loss, there was no suffering, there was no pain, but -- Nkosazana's eyes looked up to the door, squinting. What was this door? Why was it there? Why was it bothering her ... no ... not her, the environment. The environment was bothered.
She was the door.
"We can return, but you can still choose. We can return, but not as the same. We have been given this gift, the gift of leaving our pain behind. What part of our burden should we discard?"
Perhaps she did need to return, if the environment here was so disturbed by her own presence. All the same, though, being without pain was nice. She had no regrets. She had no one she had wronged, or no one who had been wronged, or no one who had died without cause... It would all be gone. Would her life be better that way, if she left it all behind, removing herself and moving forward as just her spirit, without the shackles that her bodily form had formed the more and more she lived?
To Nkosazana, it was a very tempting option, and she ran her hands along herself, attempting to figure out what she should do as the pain began to return, pressing down on her head, making it harder for her heart to beat, more difficult to walk forward, and move difficult to lift her arms. Her whole body felt like it was being weighed down with the sudden return of her life's lessons and her life's experiences, feeling though there were chains suddenly on all parts of her body that were slowly dragging her down into the ground.
This was pain.
It was pain because it hurt, but it pain because all of these memories were almost overwhelming. Each individual one made up who she was, from the minor memories of forming connections with fellow Sisters to the major memories of the mistakes that she had made ... even the most faulty decision of letting someone sit out there, no matter how badly they needed her attention, continuously saying a few more minutes, until she finished working, until she finished studying; her head weighed down so much, making it hard for her to lift her head.
But as unbearable as it was, it was what she had learned from. From that faulty decision, she had truly learned what she should have been doing with her life ... though it would always be her biggest regret.
It was so tempting to just leave it.
No.
She couldn't leave it. It made her. If she left it... Who would she be without it?
Going through the door was the hardest thing she had ever done, but she would leave none of it behind, though she screamed loudly as she pushed her heavy body through the door.
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