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 Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 9:54 pm
// Thanks alot. So, I assume I go straight to the Marines thread from here? //
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Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 9:59 pm
((Um... I guess so yeah! blaugh ))
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Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 10:00 pm
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Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 8:47 am
Xx_ODET_xX Heylin Senta
Navy
Bus
Arrival(on my wayHeylin sat in her seat quietly and though "I wonder how many people are going to be in the Navy?"I looked around the bus when it stopped and got off quickly. I headed for my room. I didn't really talk to anyone,so I sat on my bed. I sat there for about an hour and went to wonder off ((Mhhm, well, you speedhacked! Decent grammar and spelling, and okay sentence structure, but you did too many actions in one post. Please read the AMP, and then come back with another post and edit it. If your having problem finding stuff to describe, I can always talk to you, or you can make up a bunch of random stuff in your head. blaugh ))
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Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:18 am
Susan "Suzie" Lockheart
Army Medical Specialist
Bus Ride
Arrival
Suzie sat quietly on the bus seat, reading a little book in her lap. Her posture was straight, her shoulders broad. Her knees touched with her feet firmly positioned side-by-side. Her head rose up from her book, taking a look at the bus driver behind the plate of plastic between the driver and his (or her, Suzie couldn't quite tell) passengers.
She sighed silently, looking down back at her book. She made not a single noise the whole bus ride as she read silently. If you hadn't already guessed, Suzie was raised in a very strict environment. Her mother was an 'at home' mother while her father went away to war, where he met the last days of his life. Ever since she was born, Suzie was basically raised by her nanny because of the distraught emotions of her mother. And because her father died when she was at a young age, her mother basically fell into a deep and psychotic depression. From then on, Suzie was raised by this strict and harsh Russian nanny. "Back in my country, I had to carry pounds of wheat on my back" she would brag, rolling her R's "My fingers weren't coarse and calloused after working in the fields from dawn to dusk." She would grab at Suzie's fingers and figuratively spit on them with her words, "My father would beat me with a stick and curse at me day and night."
The nanny's hard eyes looked at Suzie with disgust, "And look at you! You're as thin as a snake! I used to be ten times your size when I was no more than three years old! Eat, come, eat!" she would say and cook strong-scented foods that were drenched in grease and oil.
Suzie looked up from her book, smiling at her childhood. Though it may seem bleak and terrible to others, there was rarely a thing in the world that could make Suzie frown. She loved to smile, even during times of great bloodshed and war. Let's not get this mistaken with sadness because faced with things that were terrible, she indeed felt sadness. But smiling was how she showed her compassion and friendliness to help make it that much better, however small it may be.
And it was with a smile that Suzie felt the bus gently come to a stop, its doors hissing from the pressure of air being released to her destination.
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Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 2:01 pm
Gwendolyn_Heart Susan "Suzie" Lockheart
Army Medical Specialist
Bus Ride
Arrival
Suzie sat quietly on the bus seat, reading a little book in her lap. Her posture was straight, her shoulders broad. Her knees touched with her feet firmly positioned side-by-side. Her head rose up from her book, taking a look at the bus driver behind the plate of plastic between the driver and his (or her, Suzie couldn't quite tell) passengers.
She sighed silently, looking down back at her book. She made not a single noise the whole bus ride as she read silently. If you hadn't already guessed, Suzie was raised in a very strict environment. Her mother was an 'at home' mother while her father went away to war, where he met the last days of his life. Ever since she was born, Suzie was basically raised by her nanny because of the distraught emotions of her mother. And because her father died when she was at a young age, her mother basically fell into a deep and psychotic depression. From then on, Suzie was raised by this strict and harsh Russian nanny. "Back in my country, I had to carry pounds of wheat on my back" she would brag, rolling her R's "My fingers weren't coarse and calloused after working in the fields from dawn to dusk." She would grab at Suzie's fingers and figuratively spit on them with her words, "My father would beat me with a stick and curse at me day and night."
The nanny's hard eyes looked at Suzie with disgust, "And look at you! You're as thin as a snake! I used to be ten times your size when I was no more than three years old! Eat, come, eat!" she would say and cook strong-scented foods that were drenched in grease and oil.
Suzie looked up from her book, smiling at her childhood. Though it may seem bleak and terrible to others, there was rarely a thing in the world that could make Suzie frown. She loved to smile, even during times of great bloodshed and war. Let's not get this mistaken with sadness because faced with things that were terrible, she indeed felt sadness. But smiling was how she showed her compassion and friendliness to help make it that much better, however small it may be.
And it was with a smile that Suzie felt the bus gently come to a stop, its doors hissing from the pressure of air being released to her destination. ((Um... damn. Very nice! Good grammar, good spelling, great sentence structure. You followed the AMP, you were very descriptive, and you used flashbacks to set the tone for your characters and allow more writing to occur. I am very impressed. Congratulations you passed! blaugh ))
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Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 4:28 pm
[ o o c: awesomesauce! biggrin ]
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Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 6:29 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 Xx_ODET_xX Heylin Senta
Navy
Bus
Arrival(on my wayHeylin sat in her seat quietly and though "I wonder how many people are going to be in the Navy?"I looked around the bus when it stopped and got off quickly. I headed for my room. I didn't really talk to anyone,so I sat on my bed. I sat there for about an hour and went to wonder off ((Mhhm, well, you speedhacked! Decent grammar and spelling, and okay sentence structure, but you did too many actions in one post. Please read the AMP, and then come back with another post and edit it. If your having problem finding stuff to describe, I can always talk to you, or you can make up a bunch of random stuff in your head. blaugh )) what is speedhack? I've never heard of that...
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Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 8:37 pm
Heylin Senta
Navy
Bus
Arrival(on my way
Heylin sat in her seat quietly and though "I wonder how many people are going to be in the Navy?"She looked around the bus as the sun hit her blue eyes and her black silky hair shined in the sun. Heylin smiled as they approached the base and got ready to get off
((is that good editing or do you need more?))
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 11:27 am
Myrmidon
Navy- Commander
Training Base
Training
Little did anybody know that Naval and Airforce CO's could magically apparate onto buses when recruits were speaking. Looking over at Heylin, Myrmidon answered in a quite tone "Only a couple." Myrmidon was clad in his Naval Officers Uniform, wearing a dark blue suit with a Dark Blue captains hat, that of which carried a small metallic anchor on the center of it's rim, supposedly displaying his prowess as a ship captain. To his left, on his shoulder, he wore a small insignia that represented his rank, this being in the fashion of a couple of stars iron pressed into his uniform, four stars in a nice linear uniform line. Still, he wasn't all impressed by his intricately detailed clothing, rather he was interested in the ideas of running a ship, and regardless of labels and titles, he got to do so at his own whim- which made it all the better for Myrmidon.
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 6:56 pm
Neva Mullis
Army
Bus
Arrival
Neva sat on the hard, flat seat and listened to the drone of the bus's motor as it carried her to her destination. She didn't really want to join the army, or any military force for that mater, yet here she was. Her mother had talked her into this, and now that she was here on the crowded and stuffy bus, she regretted being so easily persuaded. She had no idea how she was supposed to act or what she was supposed to do when she got to the base. All she knew was that she wanted to be home. Neva sat in her seat, trying to remember what she had been told before getting into this God-forbidden contraption. Something about not talking unless she was given permission and other tidbits that she now wished she could remember. She wiped the sweat from her brow as she looked out the dingy window and watched the scenery roll by. Her memories of snow and cool breezes brought her minimal comfort in this heat. Neva almost fell out of her seat as the bus stopped and had to hold on to the seat in front of her to keep some balance and keep herself from ending up in the floor. She was here, wherever "here" was. She gathered her things and stood up, squishing herself into the crowded line of soon-to-be-soldiers that were hurrying to exit this death trap. With doubt in her heart and fond memories in her head, Neva stepped off of the bus and onto the hot sand of her new home.
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 8:10 pm
xXxjoker-loverxXx Neva Mullis
Army
Bus
ArrivalNeva sat on the hard, flat seat and listened to the drone of the bus's motor as it carried her to her destination. She didn't really want to join the army, or any military force for that mater, yet here she was. Her mother had talked her into this, and now that she was here on the crowded and stuffy bus, she regretted being so easily persuaded. She turned and looked out the window as the landscape rolled by and sighed, thinking of her perfect life back home. It seemed so long ago that she was playing in the snow and laughing like a child. Her memories were cut short by the abrupt halt of the bus, and she shook her head and stood. With her heart full of regret and her head full of fond memories, Neva walked off of the bus and onto the hot sand of her new home. ((Very nice post. Good grammar, good spelling, good sentence structure, you displayed internal thought process. Very nice. Only thing is, I would like you to post more, simply so I can view more of writing- and for no other reason. ))
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 8:30 pm
Heylin Senta
Navy
Bus
Arrival(on my way
Heylin sat in her seat quietly and though "I wonder how many people are going to be in the Navy?"She looked around the bus as the sun hit her blue eyes and her black silky hair shined in the sun. Heylin smiled as they approached the base and got ready to get off
((is that good editing or do you need more?))
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:19 pm
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:28 pm
Xx_ODET_xX Heylin Senta Navy Bus Arrival(on my way Heylin sat in her seat quietly and though "I wonder how many people are going to be in the Navy?"She looked around the bus as the sun hit her blue eyes and her black silky hair shined in the sun. Heylin smiled as they approached the base and got ready to get off ((is that good editing or do you need more?)) ((Heh, respond to Myrmidon, becuase he's me, but that's the account I decided to use. whee ))
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