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 Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 9:01 pm
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Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 9:07 pm
(( you DO know that WAS an EPic speech right?)
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Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 9:09 pm
(( lol. whee
I can't have you going around posting in basic training when you don't get the basic concept I'm trying to teach them. Btw, I sent you it all in a pm. whee ))
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Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 10:13 pm
Every leader needs to have an epic speech, else theyll only be a backyard leader.
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 3:18 pm
Archer_Jack Every leader needs to have an epic speech, else theyll only be a backyard leader. ((Then make a speech that's relevant, in a relevant area- don't do it in basic training! blaugh Btw Docfuz, you passed! blaugh ))
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 5:49 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 Archer_Jack Every leader needs to have an epic speech, else theyll only be a backyard leader. ((Then make a speech that's relevant, in a relevant area- don't do it in basic training! blaugh Btw Docfuz, you passed! blaugh )) Yeah.
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:45 am
doc fuzz54 Suicidesoldier#1 Archer_Jack Every leader needs to have an epic speech, else theyll only be a backyard leader. ((Then make a speech that's relevant, in a relevant area- don't do it in basic training! blaugh Btw Docfuz, you passed! blaugh )) Yeah. ((Did you get the message?))
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 7:30 pm
Lilly Scott
Army- E1
Bus
Arrival
Lilly sighed as she scanned the area for people she knew. 'Nope, nobody. Why is it I was the only one who was sent?' She thought, annoyed. She sighed again. She tried to listen to the others but she was too far away. 'Hmmm. Why did I sit back here again?' she thought. She stared outside with her eyes looking at her own realm of likable reality and not on the real reality around her. She smiled sweetly as she stared with unfocused, ocean blue eyes. Her raven colored hair whispered behind her as she turned her head back and forth, liking the sound. "Well then I'll just wait til I get there and see how terrible it is." she said with her dark, melodic voice. She started to hum a tune that she memorized before going on the bus. She loved it so much.
((Sorry I got my ideas from the post before mine. That is why it was so similar.))
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 7:34 pm
Rikaira conoca Lilly Scott
Army- E1
Bus
ArrivalLilly sighed as she scanned the area for people she knew. 'Nope, nobody. Why is it I was the only one who was sent?' She thought, annoyed. She sighed again. She tried to listen to the others but she was too far away. 'Hmmm. Why did I sit back here again?' she thought. She stared outside with her eyes looking at her own realm of likable reality and not on the real reality around her. She smiled sweetly as she stared with unfocused, ocean blue eyes. Her raven colored hair whispered behind her as she turned her head back and forth, liking the sound. "Well then I'll just wait til I get there and see how terrible it is." she said with her dark, melodic voice. She started to hum a tune that she memorized before going on the bus. She loved it so much. ((Sorry I got my ideas from the post before mine. That is why it was so similar.)) ((Very nice! You followed the AMP, talked to yourself mainly, had good spelling, good grammar, good sentence structure. Very good job. I would, however, like more from you however, just so I can see how you are and more accurately gauge everything. 3nodding ))
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 7:38 pm
Tavian Thomas
Army - E1
Bus
Arrival
Tavian looked out the window of the bus.Why the heck am I here again, said Tavian.How do I get myself into these messes.Oh man this place stinks, Tavian says as he stands up when the bus stops.When he gets out he notices that there are only about 5 other people here.I thought this was a military base not a private party.Tavian walks into his room with his bags.As soon as he puts them down the door slams open.HEY MAGGOT GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE AND START YOUR TRAINING, said the commander.Oh man this will be a long war, Tavian says while he gasps.
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 7:47 pm
tttavian1 Tavian Thomas Army - E1 Bus Arrival Tavian looked out the window of the bus.Why the heck am I here again, said Tavian.How do I get myself into these messes.Oh man this place stinks, Tavian says as he stands up when the bus stops.When he gets out he notices that there are only about 5 other people here.I thought this was a military base not a private party.Tavian walks into his room with his bags.As soon as he puts them down the door slams open.HEY MAGGOT GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE AND START YOUR TRAINING, said the commander.Oh man this will be a long war, Tavian says while he gasps. ((Mhhm. Well, you broke the AMP. You controlled my character, as I'm the commander and DI, which is known as puppeting, so I'd like you to read it, and then come back and post with an edited frame of mind! blaugh ))
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Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 3:25 pm
Heylin Senta
Navy
Bus
Arrival(on my way
Heylin sat in her seat quietly and though "I wonder how many people are going to be in the Navy?"She looked around the bus as the sun hit her blue eyes and her black silky hair shined in the sun. Heylin smiled as they approached the base and got ready to get off
((is that good editing or do you need more?))
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Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 9:33 pm
James Garvin Lee
Marines
Bus
Arrival Running a hand over his shaved head, James sighed, looking out the window. Hair still fell from the fresh haircut. He wasn't like these people. He didn't belong here. He wanted to be out there, on the front lines. Or rather, on the back lines, seeing as he was a self-designated sharpshooter. His piercing blue eyes seemed almost doubtful as he looked out the pristine bus window. He saw rows of recruits doing jumping jacks, while another set was doing push-ups. He looked down and rearranged the small duffel bag next to him. It was camouflage--the real stuff, not the new 'digital' crap--and had metal trimming on the handles. He remembered the day his brother-in-law gave it to him, before he was deployed overseas. That was the last time he saw him, the day he died. His name was still stitched on the side, with the two bars signifying his Captain rank. He ran a hand over his face, smooth now, due to regulation, and sighed once more. He didn't see why his proficiency test hadn't been enough for him to skip all this. But this wasn't the regular military, he knew. This was a whole 'nother ball game.
And he'd have to play by their rules.
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Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 9:51 pm
[Mekin Dotelle Valentine] James Garvin Lee
Marines
Bus
Arrival Running a hand over his shaved head, James sighed, looking out the window. Hair still fell from the fresh haircut. He wasn't like these people. He didn't belong here. He wanted to be out there, on the front lines. Or rather, on the back lines, seeing as he was a self-designated sharpshooter. His piercing blue eyes seemed almost doubtful as he looked out the pristine bus window. He saw rows of recruits doing jumping jacks, while another set was doing push-ups. He looked down and rearranged the small duffel bag next to him. It was camouflage--the real stuff, not the new 'digital' crap--and had metal trimming on the handles. He remembered the day his brother-in-law gave it to him, before he was deployed overseas. That was the last time he saw him, the day he died. His name was still stitched on the side, with the two bars signifying his Captain rank. He ran a hand over his face, smooth now, due to regulation, and sighed once more. He didn't see why his proficiency test hadn't been enough for him to skip all this. But this wasn't the regular military, he knew. This was a whole 'nother ball game.
And he'd have to play by their rules.
((Well, a very good first post! You were very descriptive, had very good spelling, basic grammar, good sentence structure. You look like you've wrote before. The only problem is, that, in your descriptions, you have mistakenly done what most people originally do (including me) which is try to describe what other people are doing. For many reasons, this is discouraged, and although observing other's activities are alright, controlling them is a whole other ball game. For many reasons, I do not allow or like when people describe what other people are doing around them. This due to the fact that, even though what your doing is soft, I want to remove any aspect of possible godmodding. For instance, I can observe or assume that 1,000,000 infantry are behind me, or that 32 B-2 Bombers with 16 nuclear warheads are backing me up. Because of this, and the fact that it's hard distinguish between the difference of watching people doing jumping jacks and shooting at other people, I must say that, that is godmodding. I unfortunately have a strict set of rules that I adhere by called the AMP- which, at it's basics cover most roleplay encounters. So, good job, just remember to leave out small details like that and not to make it the base of your posts and you should be good! blaugh ))
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