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 Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 12:31 pm
Cid 'Comic' Richards
Recruit
Bus
Arrival
When the DI began to yell at them to get in order according to height, he sluggish walked towards about the middle of the line, where he toke his place in line. He waited for it to be his turn to talk and he said "Sir I am Cid Richards, I am five foot, eleven inches. And I weigh 195 pounds sir." Comic felt good about his weight since it was all from muscle. He then waited for everyone to finish telling their weight, height, and name.
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 5:16 pm
LadyDeathNote73 ((i really dont know what else to say here. I am out of practice with this stuff and some help would be nice)) (( he was talking to you in character, as such you are to reply in character... and example would be: ROy snapped to attention quickly hearing the Drill Sergeants orders, " This one is Roy Mustang archer Sir! I am 200 pounds sir and 6 feet and an inch sir!" he stayed at attention showing no fear tot he big boss here... he'd beat him one day, probably when he was a sergeant too or something... ))
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 9:55 pm
Drill Sergeant
Military D.I's
Bus
Arrival
The DI gave a quick up and down at the filth spewed out before him. These worthless hunks of clay were left in gruesome, grotesque oblong shapes scattered across the field, their husks and hulls just as pitiful as the mindless entities that resided inside of them. Still, the DI thought that they were fully capable of being molded into at least useful, gruesome, grotesque shapes scattered across a field. "Really? I didn't know that they stacked s**t that high. You're all heavy pieces of s**t aren't you? The Smell is in order. Why don't you guys go and get in line with all the other pieces of s**t. Secondly you all will no longer refer to yourselves as 'I' or 'me' or 'myself' and will instead refer to yourself as 'this soldier', is that understood. As for your next order, I want all of you to remain in line, alphabetically by height and- god damn it are all of yall gay soldiers?" The drill sergeant had been pacing back and forward, and he barked and spat as he spoke, a blue vein trembling in the upper right corner of his forehead, almost like it was about ready to explode and gush torrents of blood all over the new recruits, mercilessly. The red hot intensity of a thousand burnings stars gleamed in his eyes, as the slaughter he was about to ensue heightened his level of excitement.
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 9:59 pm
doc fuzz54 When the DI began to yell at them to get in order according to height, he sluggish walked towards about the middle of the line, where he toke his place in line. He waited for it to be his turn to talk and he said "Sir I am Cid Richards, I am five foot, eleven inches. And I weigh 195 pounds sir." Comic felt good about his weight since it was all from muscle. He then waited for everyone to finish telling their weight, height, and name. (( I noticed you changed from 210 to 195. Regardless of this, I would like you to designate your post with the headline from the first page- I.E. like what's above my previous post, except pertaining to you. ))
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 12:47 am
Jonathan Christopher Shepard, III
Marines - Marksman/Sniper
Bus
Arrival
Jonathan rubbed his scalp. It was fuzzy. It felt lighter. It was odd. Just two weeks before, he received a letter from the Marine Corps telling him that his younger brother, James Bradley, was killed in action on a routine run gone awry. One week ago, he watched as his brother's flag was folded in the sunlight of a hot day and given to his mother, who had lost her husband, father, and youngest son to the military. She was emotionless but pale in her barley dusty black-laced hat. As the seven shots ran out the first time, Jonathan saw himself with his head shaved. The second time, he saw himself crawling in the mud under barbed wire only six inches off the ground. The third time, he saw bullets zing by his head, burning his eyebrows. When his brother was completely covered in dirt, Jonathan turned around and headed to the recruitment office. His brother would be the last to die in action in the Shepard family.
Jonathan wriggled in his uncomfortable seat of the bus, sitting next to a particularly smelly man. The shocks of the bus seemed shot as he lifted two inches from his seat from a bump in the road. He knew how this ride would go. He'd get yelled at by the stereotypical Drill Sergeant, he'd go through brutal training that would make him better, faster, stronger, and smarter, and he'd come out of it a Marine. That's what his brochure said about the Marines, save for the stereotype. And he would come out a Marine, or he wouldn't come out at all. He swore to himself that he would become the greatest soldier he was capable of, and that he would avenge his brother and father by being a great soldier. If his brother could do it, why couldn't he?
Then the bus stopped. Jonathan readied himself to stand, but thought better of it as he looked at the officer standing before him and the other unfortunate recruits. He waited for instruction. Hopefully he wouldn't be singled out--though, knowing his luck, he would be.
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 1:50 pm
Chris Evans Foundling
Recruit
Bus
Arrival
When Chris arrived on the bus it was empty. She had taken a seat in the very back of the vehicle. As she stared out the window many thoughts began to run through her mind. Most of which was how her parents acted before her departure. They were worried, sad, and a tad clingy. Obviously, they hadn't wanted her to go. Being their only child had that effect. Quickly, she pushed those thoughts to the farthest regions of her mind. Focusing on her main objective was more important. A sigh left her through parted lips. With one look around the bus she saw that it was still quite barren, with the exception of herself and the driver. It was too quiet for her liking. She liked silence, but she could only stand so much before it drove her mad.
Chris ran her fingers through her shaggy chocolate colored hair. It was a calming mechanism that she used often. She was a bit uneasy at the moment. She began to wonder if she was going to do well or not. These thoughts had haunted her for the last few days. Even though she had been training for most of her life, she was still cluttered in the head. Being unsure, unconfident, and even nervous were never a good thing. Then again, when had she ever not been these things when it came to thoughts of the military. Making sure she made it weighed heavily on her shoulders. She just hoped that she would be able to support that weight.
((I retyped the entire thing differently. I focused only on my character, and I only mentioned one other, but did nothing with them. So, is this one better? Also, I do believe that I made this one longer.))
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:55 am
Roleplay Name: Lilly Scott
Army- E1
Bus
Arrival
Lilly sighed as she saw that there were no noticable females on the bus other than her. Her black hair whispered as she moved her head around. Her ocean blue eyes scanned the area. She stayed silent as the bus moved along its path to the bootcamp. She didn't want get in trouble with the "masters." She loved calling the drill sergents that. It made them acctually sound like how they act to the newbies. She smiled but that disappeared as soon as it came. A few boys asked and asked her why she came but all she said was 'It's a secret between me and the recruiter.'
The boys kept yelling and screaming in high pitched voices. Her head hurt but she didn't want pity from them so she left them be. She heard one thing about her, 'She is hot.' Another than spoke quieter but she could still hear them, 'You are right. She is hot but too bad. Your engaged but I'm single so step aside.' She ignored who ever came near her as she closed her eyes like she was asleep. They then left her be. Until they got to camp. She thought, 'Oh boy this is going to be a disaster.'
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 11:05 am
Kaiko Hunt
Recruit
Bus
Arrival
Kaiko looked out through the window wondering what it will be like being a nurse and helping people after she went to medical school she always wanted to help people since then she wanted to be in the army or navy to help out wounded people but though she always wanted ot be here she couldnt say a word she was too shy to speak with anyone else on the bus so she just kept looking glaring at everyone wondering what will happen next so she thought to herself (I just hope ill be accepted here) then she glared at all the boys because she did not seem to see any other females.
She put one hand on her shirt where her heart is and whispers quietly "I do not know anyone here and do ont even know what will happen" then she stared out of the window into the sky and remembered her father who died and always wished for Kaiko to be a nurse she looks at everyone at the bus but was too afraid to say anything else so she just held onto her cross necklace. ((hope this ones better)
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 6:50 pm
Willowed Jonathan Christopher Shepard, III
Marines - Marksman/Sniper
Bus
ArrivalJonathan rubbed his scalp. It was fuzzy. It felt lighter. It was odd. Just two weeks before, he received a letter from the Marine Corps telling him that his younger brother, James Bradley, was killed in action on a routine run gone awry. One week ago, he watched as his brother's flag was folded in the sunlight of a hot day and given to his mother, who had lost her husband, father, and youngest son to the military. She was emotionless but pale in her barley dusty black-laced hat. As the seven shots ran out the first time, Jonathan saw himself with his head shaved. The second time, he saw himself crawling in the mud under barbed wire only six inches off the ground. The third time, he saw bullets zing by his head, burning his eyebrows. When his brother was completely covered in dirt, Jonathan turned around and headed to the recruitment office. His brother would be the last to die in action in the Shepard family.
Jonathan wriggled in his uncomfortable seat of the bus, sitting next to a particularly smelly man. The shocks of the bus seemed shot as he lifted two inches from his seat from a bump in the road. He knew how this ride would go. He'd get yelled at by the stereotypical Drill Sergeant, he'd go through brutal training that would make him better, faster, stronger, and smarter, and he'd come out of it a Marine. That's what his brochure said about the Marines, save for the stereotype. And he would come out a Marine, or he wouldn't come out at all. He swore to himself that he would become the greatest soldier he was capable of, and that he would avenge his brother and father by being a great soldier. If his brother could do it, why couldn't he?
Then the bus stopped. Jonathan readied himself to stand, but thought better of it as he looked at the officer standing before him and the other unfortunate recruits. He waited for instruction. Hopefully he wouldn't be singled out--though, knowing his luck, he would be. ((Mhhm, you talked to yourself, you wrote alot about a mundane activity, pretty good. Good spelling, good sentence structure, good grammar, over-all a very nice post. You followed the AMP which was nice, so yar! Congratulations, you passed! blaugh ))
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 7:03 pm
kaorin-fujioka Chris Evans Foundling
Recruit
Bus
ArrivalChris's fellow passengers on the bus were becomming quite an annoyance. They wouldn't stop talking, and they insisted on her telling why she had come. She was growing quite furious at how they had stated that the mlitary forces were no place for a woman. How sexist and vile of them! She wanted to wipe the smug grins off their mugs. Though, she remembered to restrain herself. She didn't want a bad reputation with the higher ranks. She wanted a good start. A sigh left her through parted lips as she ran her fingers through her boyishly short brown hair. She had never liked long hair and always kept it short. She couldn't wait to get off the bus and be away from the men. She was the only woman on the bus, other than the bus driver. She rested her face in the palm of her hand Yet, she was forced to wait until she painstaking ride was over. The men only grew louder and louder as she rubbed her temples. A migrane began to form. Then, they began to talk about her. She listened in on it. She heard things like "She's not a bad looker" or "Too bad I'm married." This only fueled her internal rage. Though, it would never be unleashed. That is, unless she was to get a good work out. Only then would she be calm. ((Decent spelling, although you made a few errors. Pretty good sentence structure, okay grammar. Ordinarily I would pass you, but, you broke the AMP. You see, the other recruits on the bus are supposed to be other people, and controlling what they say about you is essentially controlling their characters, which is godmodding. If you made those characters, than it's an even worse goddmodd. Becuase of this, I would like you to rewrite your script as an internal thought process or describing some minor events of the bus- such as it stopping, going across a road, and slowing down. You can control that, for instance, and in this case you'd be describing it rather making it up. For the internal thought process, you could do the same thing, but say that other people had told you those things in the past, and you were thinking about it happening right now, rather than controlling another character and making it happen right now. Over-all a decent job though. 3nodding ))
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 7:08 pm
Rikaira conoca Roleplay Name: Lilly Scott
Army- E1
Bus
ArrivalLilly sighed as she saw that there were no noticable females on the bus other than her. Her black hair whispered as she moved her head around. Her ocean blue eyes scanned the area. She stayed silent as the bus moved along its path to the bootcamp. She didn't want get in trouble with the "masters." She loved calling the drill sergents that. It made them acctually sound like how they act to the newbies. She smiled but that disappeared as soon as it came. A few boys asked and asked her why she came but all she said was 'It's a secret between me and the recruiter.' The boys kept yelling and screaming in high pitched voices. Her head hurt but she didn't want pity from them so she left them be. She heard one thing about her, 'She is hot.' Another than spoke quieter but she could still hear them, 'You are right. She is hot but too bad. Your engaged but I'm single so step aside.' She ignored who ever came near her as she closed her eyes like she was asleep. They then left her be. Until they got to camp. She thought, 'Oh boy this is going to be a disaster.' ((Great, two posts in a row about how hot the poster is- narcissism much? rolleyes Anyways, decent spelling, decent grammar, and decent sentence structure. You however, like the previous poster, broke the AMP by controlling another character, making one up, or assuming their existence and actions. Instead, try preforming an internal thought process where you think about all these things, rather than describe them happening. It makes it so it's not godmodding and sets up your character's personality. I would like another post sample from you following tah ampz. Besides that, over-all good job! blaugh ))
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:35 pm
Cid 'Comic' Richards
Recruit
Bus stop
Arrival
Comic already didn't like the DI at all. The DI reminded Comic way too much of his father who was a sergeant, whom Comic disliked very much. Comic remembered when he was a fourteen and he wanted to read a comic book instead of working out. And his father would yell at him "Why the hell are you such a p***y, get off your a**, b***h". Comic's father seemed to think he was a new recruit instead of a son. Comic never thought he would join the military because of his father, oddly enough he did. And the DI brought back all of the horrible memories of his father, and Comic did something he knew he would regret.
Comic jumped out of line and yelled at DI with his face red hot "Sir do you have to be such a damn, a*****e?" Comic anger was still pumping through out his body, and he would of loved nothing more than to hit this man square in the jaw. But he held himself back with his fists clenched.
((Sorry if the swearing is a bit much and, sorry I didn't noticed I had left that out on the last post.))
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Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 12:42 pm
doc fuzz54 Cid 'Comic' Richards
Recruit
Bus stop
Arrival Comic already didn't like the DI at all. The DI reminded Comic way too much of his father who was a sergeant, whom Comic disliked very much. Comic remembered when he was a fourteen and he wanted to read a comic book instead of working out. And his father would yell at him "Why the hell are you such a p***y, get off your a**, b***h". Comic's father seemed to think he was a new recruit instead of a son. Comic never thought he would join the military because of his father, oddly enough he did. And the DI brought back all of the horrible memories of his father, and Comic did something he knew he would regret. Comic jumped out of line and yelled at DI with his face red hot "Sir do you have to be such a damn, a*****e?" Comic anger was still pumping through out his body, and he would of loved nothing more than to hit this man square in the jaw. But he held himself back with his fists clenched. ((Sorry if the swearing is a bit much and, sorry I didn't noticed I had left that out on the last post.))
Military D.I's
Bus
Arrival The DI laughed at the new recruits response. If such a massive, disgusting bellow with vulgar imprints of vibrations considered a ‘laugh’. Still, the DI thought the recruit’s actions were merely a presentation of a lack of self control and weakness. Words after all, were artificial, man made products that are essentially insignificant emotion less strings of characters intended upon creating an efficient form of communication. People often times tried to tag connotations or hidden meanings behind words when in reality words and language were used to record and explain, describe and ascertain, the vicissitudes which occur in every day life. Because of people’s inability to comprehend these basic notions, they lived their entire lives askew, constantly exploding at the utterance of a simple word. These words of course, like money, power, state boundaries, country boundaries, numbers, interpretations of religion, the government, and rules are all invisible, fake, imagined man made artificial claims are merely presented for the same reasons computers are; to control, record, explain, organize, and communicate. These are the fundamental principles of man made created systems, and what’s worse about our man made structures of organization is that they are not even concrete; they do not truly exist, as a confinement or otherwise, but are inside our minds. Our interpretation of a situation is usually worthless in a situation like thuis because the true, concrete facts and postulates of the given situation is that, in reality, the situation doesn’t exist at all.
"Trash, filth, garbage, scum, slime; your beneath all of those things. Your beneath the dirt, and rocks, and mud; you live underground. You’re not worthy of the lowest pits of hell! Your pathetic, and a poor excuse for the less than worthless entity you've unknowingly disgraced yourself as. You don’t even know what you are! You’re a maggot.
lllllllllllMaggots are the less than worthless rotting carcasses that inhabit the earth. You maggots are like a plague, a growing epidemic. Where every spec of life begins to grow you crawl there and fester, sucking up every natural resource until the area is transformed into an infertile decaying cesspool. You can’t even attack something head on; forming a parasite underground you have to destroy the roots, devouring what is set out to be the rightful food of the land creatures. Dogs, rats, roaches, even trash are all above you; at least trash possess some form of neutrality and exists above the ground. Your a horrific abomination, not worthy of the title ‘creature’, and do nothing but infest, and spread disease. Your are less than worthless.
lllllllllll You know the only useful thing a maggot does? It Dies, and turns into fertilizer, so that it may be some use to the world. You know what that means? The only useful maggot is a dead maggot. You know what dogs like me do when they see a maggot come above the surface, not worthy of the air? We kill it, and let it’s dead carcass rot and actually turn into some use…
lllllllllllSo if I’m nothing but a dog… then you’re nothing but dog food.
lllllllllll Your less than useless abhorrent attempt at an existence can almost merely be defined of no worth. You can’t even pretend to convince yourself that you feel important; you have a deep insecurity dwelling inside you that can only be answered by one call; maybe your not meant to be of this world. Maybe the fact that God doesn’t do good things to you isn’t because he doesn’t exist; maybe he just doesn’t like you. You teach yourself to be arrogant to avoid the inevitable feeling that your not just ignored by the most welcoming being in all of the universe; your rejected! The recognition of your waste of carbon is known even to you, where you endlessly and relentlessly try to prove this to yourself, falsely, in an attempt for some meaning in your life. There is none, however.
Now if you ever disobey an order, or talk, out of line and without permission again, I will have to reprimand you. Forward and front soldier! "
The DI coughed, and straightened his back, hopeful that the message had gone through. Regardless, it was still an intimidation attempt, and he could see the anger in some of the recruit’s eyes- the anger, which meant fear. Fear at confusion and lack of confidence- fear and depression transcended into anger because it was a base self defense mechanism meant to preserve any form of self worth. Anger, chemically, is serotonin, adrenaline, and a lack of dopamine. Fear, is serotonin, adrenaline, and an increase of dopamine. The difference between the two was dopamine- or happiness. To him, anger and fear all meant the same thing, and were practically the same thing- weakness. The difference between the two was how excited you were. His point had been made, and he had learned enough about the recruit. It was time for him to move on.
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Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 1:37 pm
-l- Kaiko Chan -l- Kaiko Hunt
Recruit
Bus
ArrivalKaiko looked out through the window wondering what it will be like being a nurse and helping people after she went to medical school she always wanted to help people since then she wanted to be in the army or navy to help out wounded people but though she always wanted ot be here she couldnt say a word she was too shy to speak with anyone else on the bus so she just kept looking glaring at everyone wondering what will happen next so she thought to herself (i just hope ill be accepted here) then she glared at all the boys because she did not seem to see any other females. ((Um... it's pretty good! Decent spelling, decent grammar, decent sentence structure, although you forgot to capitalize your i's and you didn't add contractions. Over-all decent job, although I'm not convinced yet. I would like more from you; it can really be about anything, so long as it doesn't break the AMP. 3nodding ))
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