Welcome to Gaia! ::

OK, since the beginning of 2004, (yes I remember the date), I have been in a shell. My name is not "BlackPerson" just because I'm of african decent. But rather its because I am in a gothic/dark state of mind. I dont think its depression cause i feel fine..I just think the dark and sinister and evil if you will... perhaps, as gajin pointed out, its bitterness.

Or maybe im just trying to be too old too fast. Like any sane person, I see the ups and downs of life... but i see too many downs. This affects my attitude. So I cant think of the downside or ill become a bitter hermit.

There is a way out! Now the only way I can not think of the down side of life is to play games with people. That, I know how to do very efficiently. Its very easy to do that. But I feel unbelievably guilty when I do cause people fall for it..apparetnly. So on one hand i feel dark, but yet honest... and the other hand i feel happy, but yet deceitful

So... what should I be. Should I be happy and fake, or should I be real and socially unconventional.