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To the friends: Please stop. All of you.
I'm already scared. I'm already sad.
It's been easy to pretend I would never have to leave because graduation was far away, and now that I might be leaving in months instead over a year and a half, I have had to re-realize that I can't be home forever and I will be leaving my friends, family, and everything I have known for so long behind.
I haven't cried about this since my first night at college. This time it might be 3,000 miles away.

It's not easy for me already, but it doesn't help when Jess is getting snappy or Dom is making sad faces or Nico is listing all the reasons I shouldn't go. The offhanded comments of "You're abandoning poor [...]!" aren't funny.
You act like I just don't care and like I'm leaving you all without a thought. Yeah right. You've all heard how torn I was when thinking about it.

I'd miss you too but friends are supposed to support each other. How can I be happy about wanting to do something good for me when I'm being told every little thing that might go wrong or all about how I'm leaving everyone behind?
If you needed to go away, I would be so sad, but I'd never try to make you feel wrong for it.
Please make this semester enjoyable - it might be the last one we have.

You're the reason I hate myself, and will never be capable of truly being happy with myself. Every doubt, every feeling of inadequacy, it all stems from you. And I hate you for it. I'll never stop hating you for it. You've caused me to bottle away every emotion I've ever had until I became nothing but a husk in some desperate attempt to keep myself from hurting you. For some strange and ******** up reason I've based so much of my life around you. While everyone else treats you like some pile of s**t in the middle of the room, I'm the only one who refuses to think of you as less than human. Hell, I'm probably the only one that actually loves you anymore. Delain ran away when she got the chance, and despite her pleasantries she'll always run away from you. Leonard stopped caring about you altogether years ago.

You stopped being their mother a long time ago.

And the real messed up thing about all of this is I can't even kill myself after screwing up your life so much because I'm afraid. The cost of a funeral is a fraction of the costs I have put on you, and I can't do it. Whether it's the knowledge of the stain that would leave on your name, the other people I would be hurting by doing it, or just plain fear of the pain, I can't do it. And that probably screws me up the most in the long run.

I'll never tell you this, because I know how much it would hurt you to hear that the only one that loves you hates and resents you just like the others.

I can't say I'm glad to see you happy, because I know you're not. It makes me physically ill to see you two together. In fact it makes my head hurt. I just want to smack you and scream "WHAT THE ******** ARE YOU DOING" but I know you won't listen to reason. Maybe I'm just angry that you don't treat me like a friend anymore. Maybe I'm jealous. All I know is that you put yourself into a whole lot of s**t, and I don't know if I want to help you out anymore.

The highlight of your idiotic rant had to have been: "If over half the population is in the army, maybe they should have voted against Bush."

Dear backwards moron from Dayton Ohio,

American Samoa (as it's name might tip you off) is a U.S. territory. As a territory, Samoans are not allowed to participate in federal voting. They hold primary elections for U.S. presidential candidates, and send delegates to the conventions, but the people do not vote. Samoa does not have any electoral college representatives.

While they are denied the right to vote, they can however be in the United States army and die for a country that doesn't even know where they are located on a map. The U.S. does a alarming amount of recruiting from Samoa (and other islands) and as a result there is a high number of Samoans who serve in the Army directly out of high school. A disproportionately high number when compared to the small population. This dis-proportionality is amplified with the knowledge that American Samoa leads the United States death toll in Iraq with a death rate of 138.8 per 1-million population (the U.S. Virgin Islands holds the second highest death rate of 54.6).

So. When we're in class and you say stupid s**t about Iraq, the election, and how you think American territories (which I doubt you knew existed prior to your semester abroad) should be ran in a 500 level Anthropology class filled with Samoans and various other pacific islanders- shut the ******** up. No one cares what your uninformed a** thinks. I know that there are 3 people in the class who you personally offended, you ignorant douche.

Sincerely irritated,
Kristiine

Falling into depression hurts a lot more when there's no one there to catch you...

It's worse when I know I should be happy, but I'm not

...Ow. ******** you Guild. (Not this one)