Welcome to Gaia! ::

Are you currently suffering from unwanted shipoopi in your outdoor toadstool or garden pond? Has the same unfortunate plague stricken other areas of your residence? Well fear not! With this simple spell that even the most inept of individuals can perform (or bribe someone to perform for them *winkwink*) you too can declog even the most stubborn of waste.

Recipe:
First, mix in about a gallon of raw sewage, the nastier the better.
(Why, pray tell, would you want to mix such an ingredient in with an already clogged area? If you must ask such a question it is obvious you are not a professional in the making :< Clearly, in this area of magic, two wrongs somehow make a right.)
With the concoction brewing, quickly toss in a nut from the acorteha tree and an entire acantha plant (make sure to get all the roots!).
This should turn everything a very sickly green. Quickly grab a sapling (prepared beforehand to have no more than 6 leaves left on it) and stir vigorously.

While dancing like an idiot GREAT WIZARD/WITCH around the infected area, chant the following incantation and then push the mighty handle of flush.

Incantation:
Ra ra shish ka ra!
Florid fluid goes a whirlin'
Boom shacka lacka, Boom shacka lacka
KADOOOOOOOSH!!!!

Result:
Imriel's Rare and Elusive Toilet Declogger
For those epic clogs that the more generic products won't touch!

BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE!
Order your ingredients now and receive a free bottle of sour fairy farts. We promise these are -much- more effective in all your flatulance needs than any other more tame fairy product.

Recipe
Using a rather large cauldron add a cup of sludge into the cauldron. Let this sit for a couple of minutes. Once is starts to bubble, you then take 10 chunks of lizard tongue. Cutting the lizard tongue up, throw that into the mix and stir it all together.

While that is stewing, you then mix together a handful of elderberries, bat boogies, crystallized sugar, and one leek stem. Once your down with this, pour this all into a large hallow bone.

Taking a cup of the brewing mixture, pour it into the bone also. Once this is all done, make sure to cover the hole with a cloth. While shaking the bone, step outside making sure the moon is above you. While dancing around in a circle say the following incantation:

Se ciem tri sebastendum,
Meia tria pattalti
hodgepodge humbria

Then down the mixture in one sitting.

Result:
Your very own sleeping potion, as you will end up being knocked out cold from the taste. That is if the smell doesn't get you first.

Spell: Word Set #1 "Sleep Deep, Dream Sweet"

Recipe:

Ingredients

• Nightshade picked on a bleak, black night of a new moon in the shadow of a forgotten tomb.
  
• Two pinches of crystallized sun dew gathered from the lips of a white rose bud beginning to bloom, left out to frost on the first blue moon.
  
• A teaspoon of toad spit boiled down from a full bottle; just enough to coat the bottom of a mortar bowl.
  
• Mint leaves.
  
• A cobweb woven by dream-weaving spiders.
  
• A lavender bloom.
  
• A black velvet bag.
  
• A piece of parchment.
  
• A pen.
  
• Non-stick wax paper.

When the stars shine brightly through the windows in June and the stargazer lilies are all in full bloom crush the nightshade into the mortar bowl containing the toad spit using a pestle soaked in chamomile tea. When a skull-shaped wisp rises (visible only in starlight) add in the two pinches of crystallized sun dew to counteract the superfluous poisons from the odorous concoction.

Lay the cobweb flat on the non-stick wax paper, placing mint leaves on top of it until they form a square large enough to roll like a scroll, placing the lavender bloom on the far end. Spread the nightshade mixture onto the leaves, carefully rolling them afterwards until the bloom is hidden amongst them. Write the following incantation on the parchment paper while chanting it aloud:

Suppressio withershins, kukutar kachoo.
Dormio pafloovity, somni altoo!

Roll the leaves within the parchment paper, placing everything within the black velvet bag. Circle your bed three times counter-clockwise before tucking the bag beneath your pillow.

If good dreams and deep sleep do not follow repeat the process the following evening while brewing a pot of chamomile tea. If at first you don't succeed, brew, brew again!

I used set #1!


All-Purpose Stand-Out Superstar Solution

Are you a shy and introverted witch? When you walk through a room, do you have good reason to believe that the invisibility serum you took when you were fourteen never wore off? Do you want to impress that special someone who doesn't seem to know you exist?

Then worry not! The All-Purpose Stand-Out Superstar Solution is here to help!

Ingredients
2 tbsps toad spit
4 leaves noxious nightshade
2 pinches ground jackalope horn
2 cups sun dew
1 wisp of odorous sylph breath
1 bar of deodorant
1 experimental high-intensity microwave
1 gas mask (optional)


Steps

1) Acquire two teaspoons of toad spit. Good toad products dealers are all too rare these days, so I would recommend obtaining your own if you don't want a sample that's diluted with nail-polish remover. Toads are known to drool at the sight of mashed flies or adorable maiden princesses.

2) Pluck our leaves of noxious nightshade from the top of a high, barren moor. Noxious nightshade differs from deadly nightshade in that it has been through extensive therapy for its homicidal impulses. Please ask for a psychologist's certificate from any interested bushes before you harvest in order to avoid fatal side-effects.

3) Capture a wisp of odorous sylph breath. As sylphs have notoriously good hygiene, I suggest inviting one to dinner at a Italian restaurant and ordering several baskets of garlic bread before you attempt sample collection.

4) Purchase all other ingredients from a reputable potion supply shop.

5) Mix your toad spit and sun dew in a copper cauldron, on a slightly cloudy afternoon with 60% chance of showers.

6) Boil the contents of the cauldron overtop a natural gasp flame, and stir widdershins until cloudy.

7) Add the noxious nightshade and two pinches of jackalope horn. Then immediately pick the kettle up off of the fire and pour a small bit of liquid overtop your bar of deodorant. If the potion has been brewed properly, the deodorant should start melting. If the solution is particularly potent, it might scream and beg you to grant it the sweet mercy of death.

8 ) You may wish to don a gas mask at this point.

9) Vaporize the mixture using an experimental high-intensity microwave. Then combine in a perfume bottle with the wisp of odorous sylph breath.

Incantation (Sing to the tune of the Bee Gee's "Stayin' Alive" for greater effectiveness.)

I'm a very lonely witch or a really shut-in wizard
So I summon Kukutar, summon Kukutar
I'll shake my booty 'till it goes pafloovity
To summon Kukutar, summon Kukutar
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, demonic contract
Demonic contract
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, demonic contract!

Result
At that point, the demon Kukutar will inhabit your potion with his foul essence, making it smell like the stale sweat of a drunken, drugged-out, club-hopping socialite. Congratulations! The scent of popularity is yours!

Good luck to everyone. smile

It was real fun reading all of your entries! xd heart

I would like to bid 11.5 million on the Rose twin auction please!