Welcome to Gaia! ::

::Shaking her head slightly as Neo, her latest student, wandered off, she pressed her index and pointer fingers to either side of her temples and began to make small circles against her skin. While she figured that handling the group of students would be trying at times, she hadn't planned on their extreme enthusiasm. This perhaps made her job that more difficult. Instead of patiently waiting for her commands and direction, some instead chose to take things into their own hands and do as they saw fit.

She would not allow Neo to take the group's duty to cook for the staff and themselves upon himself. That would be negating the lesson she had been trying to teach the class. It was decided. Once she saw him again, she would make it perfectly clear that this was not a task to be martyred.

As she pondered what to do next, her hand slid down to the sword at her side. While the gold and silver inlay with blessings of her goddess scrolled across them were quite impressive, she put her trust in the finely tempered steel underneath. Had she her own way, there would be naught save the bare steel. There was a small bit of pride involved though, holding such a blade in her possession as her father had before her. It was the sign of someone who was blessed, who had worked their whole life in the name of helping. When people saw her blade, they knew her life was forfeit in the face of those who might hurt others. It was not a punishment for any crime she had done, but a duty encased in her blood for generations. Out of any brood of Kaale children, over half would go into the services of their Ladies Rem and Ceras. Whom out of the children would heed the calling was left to fate, a mix of nature, free will and a touch of the divine.

Presently, a warm mug being pushed into her hand brought her back to the world of the living. One of the cooks gave her a knowing smile before walking away, back to chores at hand. They had been so kind and understanding of her situation, doing everything in their power to make her stay comfortable. She would have to do something special. Perhaps she would ask Ceanne to bestow some sort of blessing to help her make a charm to keep them safe.::

Ceanne...

Hmmmm....

::She would be arriving soon, hopefully by mid afternoon the next day. Perhaps sooner though. There was no telling with her. She was so flippant, so... Aniur struggled with a proper description of her. In her world of black and while, one such as Ceanne would be considered an airhead, more of a liability than to be trusted. Yet here she was, friends with her. Good friends in fact.::

Opposites attract...

::Taking a small sip of tea, she smiled. The students wouldn't know what to do with Ceanne after being subject to her own sometimes cold way of handing things. Ceanne could be so open and cheerful. The only problem she might have with teaching was forgetting what she was doing in the middle of it. Being prone to flights of fancy were an issue for her.

Raising the cup to her lips once more, she exits the kitchen out a side door and proceeds to take a tour of the grounds.::

Aurak makes a lap around the table, frantically looking for the photo. When he returns to his spot, a heavy sigh comes out. I can't find it! Great... His hunger roars at him again. I gotta sit down and eat, if I don't find it tonight, I'm sure someone'll stumble across it and know who it belongs to... He sits down on the cusions and pulls the charger plate off the dinner plate and places it next to the bigger plate. He folds his claws together and chants a small chant as like a prayer. "Ahmen."

pulling his claws apart, he begins to gather some of the meats onto his plate. Can't take too much now, the others have to eat as well... Finishes collecting his meats, only one steak of each; Lamb, chicken, beef, and pork. picks up his dinner utensils, he begins to cut the steaks and eating them.

::Whistling cheerfully to herself, Ceanne picked a path down the side of the hill through the rocky, boulder infested terrain. How she had ever gotten there to begin with would remain a mystery. What was perhaps an even bigger mystery was how it had become dark to quickly. One moment she was on a lovely path lit by the mid afternoon sun, swinging her basket of flowers with glee, the next she was climbing down a hill in the dark. These things, as always, seemed to happen to her when she wasn't paying attention, which was unfortunately most of the time.
Upon reaching level ground, she stops for a moment and gazes up at the stars.::

"Left or right..."

::Quietly, she mumbles to herself about the consolations and how perhaps she should have paid a bit more attention than she did to the lessons on traveling she had received before leaving the village. At a whim, she decided on left, which thanks to the Goddess of Good Fortune Linara, happened to be the right direction. This would be right as in correct and not right as in direction of course.
Squinting ever so often in the darkness, she made sure the path before her stayed that way. After walking for perhaps a mere thirty minutes, she makes out the outline of a wall...and a small child huddled at the gate.
Breaking into a sprint, she rushes over and beings to jabber immediately.::

"Now what do we have here? It's very late out."

::She leans down, inspecting the child. Unimpressed by the light the moon was providing, she snaps her fingers and produces a small white flame from the tip of her pointer finger. The child was quite young to her dismay, adorable, yet quite dirty. She also seemed to have a small feline friend. The verdict was out on that one yet. Offering the child a wide smile and her hand, she laughs.::

"It seems that you want in there and I...oh it has to be around here somewhere...I couldn't have lost it already..."

::Reaching into her basket she rummages around for a moment, mumbling every so often. Eventually she produces a large brass key and waves it around merrily.::

"...happen to have the key in. Shall we go in together?"

: biggrin irected only by the light of the moon, she guides the key home effortlessly and swings the gate open, pushing the girl inside.::

"Now don't dally, there's a reason they keep the gates locked. I might appear to be a fool, but even I am not so big of one that I would leave the gates open."

::Quickly, she brings the gate closed behind her. A distinct click echoes as the lock engages and Ceanne gathers the girl up with one arm as she heads towards the abbey.::

"Come now, there must be some food in there. Aniur always has plenty, that is unless she ate it all, between you and me... the girl eats like a horse. I don't exactly blame her though, hauling around all that armor. Oh the shame of not having magic of her own. It's so much cleaner you know. Than all the sword fighting nonsense."

: razz layfully, Ceanne waves around an imaginary sword, jabbing wildly at the air.::

:3
Oh, nice post. So much internal stuff going on there. Perhaps a bit of a shift in how your character sees things? Good.
Don't get too far in the mystics though. There are so many "OMG awesome wtf topped with bbq" characters out there with wings and all sorts of crap, sometimes a normal character with very unassuming powers or abilities, yet a good personality can be better than any god like character.

Just a tip on that.

Also, make sure as I told No 1 above, commas in between actions to separate them. The blood flowing upward part is a bit confusing, if you bring that up again, think of how to make that a bit more clear. Or pm me, we can work on it together.

Thats about it for the grammar portion. Let's work with your presentation. Color is nice. Try to separate internal dialog from your actions in some interesting way besides just italics. While italics are nice, they are over used and you should thing of something perhaps that would make your character stand out and also help your internal and external dialog stand out.

Good job though.

+1 Rank

(I’m going to attempt something I’ve never done before. SOUND! :O Deugaro said that would make my post better. So, I’m going to try.)

“That’s good.” He said as he stopped in front of the guy draped in a red cloak. Behind him a young guy jumped out of a window. Is he suicidal? Blood dripped from the guy’s shoes, but then it stopped. A dark vide started to emit from the guy out of nowhere. That’s unusual. Wings sprouted out from behind him. They looked crimson. Where did those come from? Liran’s attention was quickly grabbed by this sight. The guy landed softly on the ground. A soft poof from his shoes was the only sound. The young one caught the other guy’s attention as well. “What do you want?” The old guy said, with a dark. I must be missing something. Well, I should go, before something else happens. At the end of the thought, he turned on his heels and started to run towards the sleeping quarters with nothing more than a soft “pit-pat” left in his wake. These daggers are starting to get heavy. Why do I carry so many? Fatigue set in once more, so he stopped. His thoughts trailed back to his past once again.

“Remember these weapons you will one day carry can and will harm you. Take any precaution in avoiding this. Even if it means carrying a certain amount of something.” A young man in a grey hooded robe said. A young boy raised his hands. “Yes? you, Liran.” Joseph said as he turned towards the young boy in a grey cape as well. “What if I carry 13 of a particular weapon? One of each disciple.” Joseph gave the young boy a questioning look. “Go ahead, and why do you count Judas in there?” He asked with a cautious tone. “Simple, he followed Jesus, may not have stayed with him, but he did become a disciple…”
The wind brought him back to the present. Time to sleep. Don't want to pass out on the gravel now. So, he took off once again. As the doors closed in, he held out his hands and shoved open the doors. He took off up the steps and slowed down so he couldn't hear his footsteps. The door was already open, so he walked in quietly. A young kid with a sword was already in bed. Liran took the bed farthest from the kid and said his prayer. Then rolled in bed and fell asleep.

(( Because I haven't written in a while and wanted to remember who, what, when, why and where this character is, was, and will be. Do you know? Yea, you do.

EDIT: Oh and this is like 3000 words longer than I thought it would be when I started. It just took a while to flesh him out. You can correct all the grammar errors made at midnight if you want. I wouldn't mind. <3

EDIT: EDIT: Aren't italics pretty? Eh, I'll probably change this thing so it's easier to read later. -- Oh yes, I'll keep this OOC here because it just seems to complete the post so well. ))


I tumble down the hill like a trapeze artist. My arms flail madly as one foot smashes down in front of the other onto the rocky hillside. I'm not sure how I got here nor do I have any real idea where 'here' actually is. It's a place, that much is certain, but I'm left to wonder which one it is. Is it the one with the exploding butterflies or the one with horrors? Did I come for a romp through endless fields or to paint creatures so terrifying that even their likenesses give enough cause for me to s**t myself? I wonder for a moment and then comes an epiphany.

Coming to a stop at the bottom of the hill, I mumble gleefully to myself, “I'm here.”

It's here. This is the place. It makes sense. I begin walking to the left, hoping that I chose the right direction and don't have to draw a rune or something to figure out which way I should really be heading. Not only would doing such take time I'd rather not spend, it'd take time I'd rather not have and that's something I'd rather not do. No wait, what? Time I'd rather not have? I feel a flashback coming on and then it hits me like the freight train at the end of the tunnel. There's a flash of light and then the memories come rushing back.

I was old; really old. Was I a centurion? Ha, I was two or three times that and for a reason I can't even fathom I felt like going on forever. What was odd about me was that unlike most other aged beings I actually looked my age. I had the wrinkles, the bad arthritis, the bad attitude, and a hundred other qualities that screamed for people to call me crotchety. I was the guy who lovingly had poor people take care of his lawn just so he could lay on his front porch and yell at others for stepping on the lot. I wasn't 'fun'. I wasn't 'warm'. I was just a b*****d, through and through.

I spent hundreds of years dealing the occult. I reveled in it. I sacrificed babies with glee and made deals with the most fiendish of devils. I was one of the blackest marks on humanity's tally and do you know what? I loved it. If the whorish thing called Humanity wanted to do ill so badly, I would be the idol for such. I would double its sins and drag the lot of Man down into oblivion with me. I would save the entirety of Existence by ridding it of one of its most prolific disappointments.

Did I succeed? Obviously not but I tried and that's what counts.

My first attempt at genocide utilized the familiar realm of the written word as its starting point. Having spent the majority of my life as a librarian of some sort or another I thought that the best way to grab a hold of the world's consciousness was to write a novel. I did. It was titled The Human Excess and it did abysmally. No one bought it, let alone read it, and I was left without an audience. The editors of the book blamed it on the resurgent popularity of the moving picture, which entertained me to no end. Honestly, who would be entertained by a sequence of drawings projected onto a wall? It was ludicrous. I came up with another plan.

Utilizing my connections in the occult circles in and around Arkham, I got a hold of a number of young, eager minds. Two broke within the first day so I had them disposed of in the university's boiler room. By the end of the month another three had joined them; the lot had one too many times attempted to peruse the more esoteric portions of my private library without warding themselves. They were fools for it and they got what they deserved.

At the end of the introductory three months only two males and a female remained. To this day I have no idea how the girl survived. Presenting herself as a simple barnacle that latched on one of the more popular male occultists, she was ignorant enough that on three separate occasions she had come within syllables of finishing the rite to release the Necronomicon before she was stopped. I finally had to deny her all access to its pages after on her last attempt she had secured the eternal torment of one of the last remaining males. In the end both her and the final boy made fine acolytes. They helped me commit political subterfuge, start a few small-scale wars, commit a couple miniature massacres, and even, when the time came, mated so that a whole new generation of puppets could be made.

It was at that time that I began to wonder if I was going about the eradication of mankind in the right way. What I had committed up till then were simple acts of terrorism that effected little, if any, change. Even the most diabolical of my public acts had only resulted in some local broadcasts warning people to look out for strangers and telling how to identify cult activity. I needed more to happen and so while my underlings were busy making more underlings I decided to go on a trip through the worlds to find a better method for destroying mankind.

During my trip I learned the most devastating components of my arcane arts. I learned how to blow up entire worlds with only one or two words, how to summon clouds of contagion that could sterilize whole populations in seconds, how to bring forth hordes of demons with a single sacrifice, how to mold reality to suit my needs, and even how to control a hundred minds with only the basest of wills. All that though was paltry in comparison to the realities I uncovered during my quest. There was no point in being able to destroy one world if, as I discovered, there were billions. I mean yes, I could have taken out all the cockroaches in one universe, but a parallel one would still be brimming with the human infestation. There was no point to it anymore and thus I lamented.

For seven days I rested like some old-era god, staring at the ground in hopes that it would swell and reveal to me some answer. None came. Instead, on that final day, an opportunity presented itself in the form of a dimensional shambler. Seemingly sort of British in make, he was searching for a method to destroy the whole of the realities he called the Multiverse. Deciding that I could get a good reset going that would probably entail a race other than that of Man coming about, I went with him and attempted to destroy everything. Eventually though I discovered he was mad and gave him up. Well more accurately I betrayed him to his enemies and left them to kill him, but that's neither here nor there. What matters is that he died and afterward I went looking for more answers to my own specific problem. After a couple more months of traveling, I found one.

In a realm of twisted horrors and unicorns wherein most laws of physics, story-telling, and scene setting were ignored, I found a method of gaining more time to complete my mission though I did not intend such. The process involved gaining control of an ancient artifact, killing a horror, having a unicorn eat of the corpse, and then ritualistically sacrificing the offspring of such a disturbing union to a god of chaos. All of that went rather smoothly, but the outcome wasn't exactly what I expected. As soon as the sacrifice was over a create cloud of roiling everything sprung from the corpse, looked upon with a billion flickering eyes, and spoke to me.

Its voice a cacophony of every sound ever made and every one that shall never exist, the thing requested of me, “What boon do you wish that you give me such a rare and delightful sacrifice? Is it power you men always crave or is it the money? Or is it a life lived forever? Tell me mortal-thing.”

Resolute in my old age, I looked up to him and calmly said, “I request the destruction of all remnants of Humanity throughout all of the realities, wherever they may be or in what state they may be. Can you give me this, χάος?”

The god-like mass attained a state of infinite movement and absolute stillness and replied almost solemnly, “No, it is not in my power to do that. Even if it was, I would not. No matter what would happen to me for not bestowing upon you the boons you would deserve, I'd still see that humanity prospered. After all they are one of the most chaotic things to ever exist. It would sadden me to see them destroyed. Even if it would come about that beings in their likeness would be created from the stuff of the cosmos, it would not be the same. As now though, I need not worry about even that. I have no control over the line between Life or Death; such realms are maintained by righteous Order whom even I may not trespass.”

At this point I threatened him with my cane, yelled a bit, and then finally asked, “Then what else can you offer me?”

The chaotic mass of nothingness that twisted and was straight countered, “I can give you eternal life that you may in its flux hope to find a method of completing your task. Do you wish that upon yourself?”

“You would give me eternal life to search for something that I may never find, that you will never willfully give, and that may not even exist?”

It jiggled in twenty-three dimensions to the affirmative and intoned, “I must.”

“Is it immutable?”

A note of apprehension in some portion of its spectrum the thing asked, “Is what immutable?”

“The life you offer. It may be everlasting, but is it immutable?”

Some portion of chaos giggled menacingly and grinned a billion times as it said, “Nothing is immutable let alone life. You may live forever and you may even stay as healthy as you will be, but things will change as they always do. What would it do for change to never change?”

I grinned a miserly old grin and with a glint in my eye replied, “It'd be a change.”

“So do you want it? An eternal, mutable life?”

I took a moment to take a look at my life then. As of that moment I had bad arthritis in my left hand, an increasingly achy bum left knee, a nagging itch over my left buttocks, a series of scars where old men really shouldn't have scars, ragged clothes stolen off the back of a marauding hero, very few personal objects, and a long list of people who wanted me dead. I quickly decided that a change wouldn't hurt that much and as long as I had a good couple more centuries to go about my business I would be satisfied.

Looking back up at the deity-thing, I pointed a finger at him and said, “Alright, but I'd like for the majority of who and what I am to remain the same. Also, no messing with my memory or my stuff; it took me a while to get both. So you know, affect me.”

After that there was a rather dull flash of every color in existence and otherwise and then I wound up on a hill. It was a rather large hill covered in rocks and such and I was descending it at a decent speed. I waved my arms about madly and attempted to keep my feet in front of each other and not in some other more compromising position. I must have looked sort of like a trapeze artist as I so haphazardly attempted not to fall. Then once I got to the bottom of the hill I started to think about where I was and how I got there and then it hit me like a freight train— WAIT!

Stopping in my tracks, I look about the area and sheepishly grin. It wouldn't do me well to start going in an infinite circle about the circumstances of the recent past. In fact, I should probably put the whole of the past away and focus on the present—even in tense—which is admittedly difficult after a large amount of afterthought goes whizzing by. Even so though, you have to things step-by-step so I start off with something easy.

Sitting down I ask myself, “Who am I?”

“I'm Deus, who isn't really dead anymore, so there is no middle and last name.”

It's then that I come to a realization. Something has definitely changed in regards to my attitude and my perception of reality. It's not that it's bigger or explains anything better, but that it is simply more fluid and mutable. I'm more apt to chaos than I am order. I'm slipping in alignment from a lawful being into a more chaotic state of mind. I can feel robbers entering through the windows of my mind with crowbars in hand taking away the scales and calculators leaving bits of diamond on a string and a deck of playing cards. It's not all that bad. I want to get up and dance. Its then that I realize there is no proper soundtrack. Tapping into a bit of jester magic I had picked up as a child, I call some into creation. It has a beat. I get up, do a bit of waving around and weaving, and then turn of the music having been thoroughly satisfied.

Looking around I try and remember what I was doing and then I'm remind that the rest of the questions still need to be answered. Delving into my mind and perusing my body, I take a catalog of what and who I am and all the things that may have changed. I experience an odd sensation that isn't exactly unsatisfying as I attempt to explore the new me.

I speak to myself as I go, saying, “How old are you? I'm so old I can't even really recall exactly how horrifyingly old I am. How tall are you? About 6 feet standing up. How much do you weigh? Oh, just by guessing I'd say at least a hundred and forty or fifty pounds, maybe more if ones weighs in with the refined musculature. What color are your eyes? Gray. What color and length is your hair? I'm a brunette but because colors aren't lengths I'm also going to have to say that the strands are about three inches on average. What would you say is the overall state of your body? The skin is soft and slightly tanned with the only scars appearing on the hands and torso. The hair is average all around, though seems that it has been waxed at least once a long time ago. There is facial stubble, but no sign of a proper beard. The size of the various organs hasn't changed much as they are still bigger than the other bastards I've seen.

“How about your clothing? What about it? What are you wearing? Oh, I'm wearing a cream colored tunic, a pair of brownish leather pants, two steel bracelets with one on each wrist, an anklet with some runes of constantly changing design on them, a necklace with a talisman that looks like a cross between a skeletal jaw, a sword, and a little lump of everything, and a pair of heavy duty shoes that I haven't much of an idea how to describe. They're nice though. Next question!

“How do you feel about your state of mind? I'm mad. Angry? No, just generally in the sort of mental situation wherein it wouldn't be at all surprising that you would be thrown into a loony bin and left to rot until such time as you were deemed either mentally health or a good recruit for a recently mongered war. Yes, but what are the specifics? Well I'm losing touch with reality and am slipping between a young, spry twenty-something and a miserly old fool. I also feel like I'm switching between two different skill sets wherein ones involves pure magic and the other entails a life spent perfecting more physical arts such as swordplay and beating someone over the head with some sticks. Either would be rather nice to have but I've done the former so the latter is looking more and more interesting all the time.

“Alright then, what are you here for? Hey, wait a second, that doesn't really have anything to do with me but as a method of noting that 'I am here.' You're point? Nothing really. Then answer the freaking question. Alright. I'm here because...”

Blinking rather quickly in surprise, I actually knew where I was and what I was doing there and when I was to leave. I was here at the behest of a friend who wanted me to help teach some kids how to fight and I wasn't to leave until either my job was done or I just felt like it. The place was some sort of garden and it was very important that I arrive soon because the kids really need some male guidance and a harsh voice and a meal is probably happening soon. Thus knowledgeable about my situation I set off to continue the way I was going.

Within a couple minutes I arrive a giant barred gate. Beyond the gateway I can see the abbey that I'm supposed to be staying at and the various dummies that I'm supposed to be practicing on. I decide that I really need to get in and nothing in me is telling me that I have a key. It is then that I figure that its a really good thing I have such a nice speaking voice.

Looking harshly at the gate I request of it, “Open.”

Unsurprisingly, it doesn't comply so I try again, saying, “Open.”

At this point, rather annoyed at the gate's insistence that it not listen to strangers, I decide to change tactics to begging and thus begin by saying, “Please open yourself for me. I'm a lonely person just looking for a good night's rest, some food, and maybe to help with some training. Look, I know your mistress and she's said you're a really nice gate and that even though I didn't have a key you'd let me in because you're that sort of thing. So will you? Please? I know that I don't have any proof that I'm a friend of your mistress but do you really think that I would try and hurt her? Look at me! Feel me! A magic-user of her might could take me out easily! I don't even have that much experience with the stuff; I'm just a teenager! So please let me in!”

There is a loud clicking as the gate unlocks. Swinging it open I allow myself in and then delicately close it. A last, loving pat on one of the bars is what I leave it with before I head deeper into the courtyard. Ignoring the training dummies, I decide it best that I not intrude too far before letting the mistress of the place know that I'm here. Thus, sitting down on the ground, I set my eyes on the abbey.

After a good couple minutes of staring, I settle back into the ground and stare at the sky. The stars are weird, but then again everything is of late. I don't really worry about it and just continue gazing. Whatever needs be done I'll do it later; probably.

A young human made it past the gated entrance to the premies by stumbling over a root stretching ove the path in front. It clung to a practice dummy to keep from falling over; letting out a surprised gasp as the youngster did so. With flushed cheeks and a hurried glance to see if anyone saw, the human leaned from off the dummy and brushed its clothing of the straws.

You see it was unclear whether the human was a boy or a girl and the decision would be left up to the person looking at the human. Purple royal hair that flowed down to cover the eyes slighty and the rest flow gorgeously down to narrow shoulders. An all black outfit was worn with a black T-shirt, tight black hip huggers, followed by black steel plated boots that looked like they were from a long forgotten war. The pale face was very feminine with high cheek bones, exciting pink eyes; full of innocence. A small forehead compliemented her face by forcing others to to forget it was there and to maybe look at the lips; plush with a youthful red to them that it seem like makeup had been applied.

The human was around 5'4 with a build that is extremely feminine as well but one couldn't doubt the fact it might be a boy too because some males were like that as well. The human has a very attractive neck as it was without an ounce of fat and seats the head of the human perfectly on top. The shoulders were small and squat that connects thin arms. The hands on the arms are extremely delicate looking with dull red nail polish on manicured nails. A small stomach was inside the body and the muscles on it were worked out to the point one could see a faint definition on it. The human was undoubtedly slightly toned.

With a brushing to its hair it decided it would check out the court yards some more before going inside the Abbey. This young 18 year old was very methodical when exploring areas; checking out the entire area of where it was currently at before moving on at a later time. It would grow paranoid if it didn't so like the way Monk did on T.V. when he ran into one of his phobias.

Ah, sound is good. Just another descriptive feature you can rely on to make the most of your post. Sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. You should take the time to use all of these, not just sight in order to give people a real good feeling of what your character is going through. Glad to hear you guys are collaborating on all this though. On to the checks.

There is nothing wrong with this sentence, what I am trying to do here is give you the tools to go up a rank to advanced since you seem to be at a stand still.
Here you just say "a window". There were many things you could have done with that little piece of information to fluff it out a bit. You could have mentioned which floor it was from, etc,etc. It could have been something as simple as the addition of:

Course, this is done in my style of writing, so you might have put something different. Otherwise what you have here is quite good. Push for those details, the fine ones and we'll see about tagging you as advanced. You've come very far. :3