Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hmm... give me a while, and I'll come up with an actual nice critique on the dialogue.


But overall, nice. Kamile could be a bit more confused, but overall, very nice. 3nodding




I don't know what society you're in, but I am a closer companion with my brother and sisters than with anyone. One never sees me without one or more of the four by my side. And this was her TWIN. Everyone knows that the connection between twins, though it may not be very strong during everyday la-di-da life, IS THE STRONGEST BOND THERE IS. YOU CAN HATE THEM AND STILL BE WILLING TO DIE FOR THEM.

ZERO Telepathy! Woot! Still some italics though. ):<

Squeamish people be warned. I don't skimp out on detail. Lotsa blood.

Um...that's it I guess. I just don't know what to say at this point, so...I'll post the chapter now!

It's depressing.

But I'm done.

ninja

Chapter Ten

“Thank the gods,” a thousand Ametrisans whispered to themselves as the first few raindrops fell from the sky. None of them had been able to see the storm clouds through the haze of smoke and ash, but even though the rain was black and cold, every single human, elf, merperson, and dwarf felt a surge of joy and hope as they felt the raindrops on their shoulders and heads. Many of them stretched their palms to the sky, eager for another soot-blackened drop to fall into their hands; many more began to cry with pure relief. The rain grew heavier and heavier, soon blinding them all; Italis, Lina, and Goba, working in unison to lead the mass exodus, told them to keep moving, but more slowly now, as the rain reduced visibility to close to nothing.

But this order didn’t go to well with the Ametrisans; though everyone followed it, no one really consented. The panicked cries to the three leaders of missing family members, fathers, mothers, siblings, children, reached all ears, and no one felt comfortable in leaving their own people behind. Still, they were told to stay away for now, as it still might not be safe, and they obeyed. Many of the elves started to cry when they thought of the fire’s mark on their beautiful forest; to them each tree was as special and unique as any one of their fellow Ametrisans, and it was just as hard to imagine their fate.

The rain kept up all night and most of the day, and everyone was glad it did. All were confident after three hours or so that so much water would have quenched all the fire with ease, but though they felt the same way, the three leaders in charge ordered them to stay put, a league east of the square. The order would have been to keep moving, just in case, but that would have been foolish; all of them were exhausted from lack of sleep, and that was not to mention those who were carrying children, not as fleet of foot as they were forced to be, or unused to running. The merpeople were coughing and shuddering, sitting very close together in puddles of soot-stained water, finding for the first time in many of their lives that merpeople were actually incapable of crying, because almost all of them had tried.

“Our skin dries out easily,” Italis explained in a soft voice, in the same condition himself, though there was no room for him in the water on the ground. “Especially our tails, and that’s how we breathe, through pores in them—and all the ash in the water makes it hard. But we’ll be all right.”

The humans and elves listening to him nodded, reassured; in a surprising twist of mortal nature, the two races, once complete opposites and totally aware of it, had now gathered together for comfort and strength. Finally, they had realized how very similar they were to each other—at least they both had two legs. The dwarves, almost all of the twoscore of them present save one reported missing, were grouped together in four small rings, one inside the other, with eyes locked on their leader, Goba. They sat in silence, and no one knew what they were doing. Dwarves had a reputation for being extremely reclusive, and seemed to make the others nervous just by their presence, though they seemed more than happy to keep to themselves.

There were around three hundred humans, with a score missing from their ranks; four hundred fifty elves, with twoscore gone; nearly fifty dwarves, one absent; and one hundred and twenty merpeople, with fifteen making a large dent in their ranks. Not numerically…in that sense, there was only a small fraction gone. But each and every one of them was sorely missed, and heavily prayed for—Italis himself, though determined not to panic or grieve, being the leader, nonetheless had trouble getting the image out of his head of some poor merperson, a wall of stone behind and one of fire approaching ahead, wide-eyed with fear; whoever it was would die long before the fire touched them, as merely a small rise in temperature from the norm of that day would dry out their skin and suffocate them bit by bit. It was a fate he wished on absolutely no one, even the starter of the fire.

That was the main source of conversation, after talk of the missing and those who had escaped with injuries: the arsonist. It had not been raining, so lightning was not the cause, nor was any accident—many eyewitnesses had come to their race’s leaders and informed them of the start of the fire, which, apparently, had started about two hundred feet up in the tree. Any sane one of them would have said this was ridiculous, but not after ten other people immediately backed up the story, humans, elves, a few merpeople, and when a chorus of five or so dwarves called out a rough “Aye,” in conjunction with the story, they knew it must have been so. Many of them were at a loss as to how that could have happened…was it even possible to shoot flaming arrows that high? That seemed the only thing possible at the moment…they would keep that as the most logical idea until the truth was discovered.

As for the who, no one received a clear answer on this. Perhaps the reason for this was that now, at this delicate time, they all wanted to avoid racism at all costs—no race wanted to believe that one of their own had done this to them, especially after a heated dispute, ending with the human and dwarf being practically torn apart, caused by a human’s insistence that a dwarf had planned it out, as so many of them emerged unharmed. The dwarf had accepted this well and gone back to his people, who congratulated him with claps on the back and gruff thanks for defending them; the human had been sullen and angry, and his fellows comforted him with the assurance that he had a good point, and he was completely right. But though the argument still stood, none made such a daring comment again, and all the answers they managed to receive was, “some guy…a tall woman…blonde hair…could’ve been anybody…a little elf girl with dark hair…”

The elves had scowled at this last one and pronounced it as a deliberate racial slur—why would any of their own do such a thing, and how could just a child, described as perhaps seven or eight, manage to pull that off, and why? Italis agreed that it made no sense, but strangely, more people agreed on it than about anything else…no one had repeated any quality twice, save for “tall,” “scary,” and “female,” which he judged as the elfin and human cliché for an evil character. The leaders had decided to leave that in the air for the moment, but Italis felt that, somehow, the few consenting people were right…a little elf girl with dark hair, seven or eight years old…or looked to be…he immediately thought of a couple of children he had seen that day with dark hair, looking seven or eight years old, but that was impossible…

Italis came out of his reverie as Lina sat beside him, dirty blonde curls limp and stained with ash. Her eyes had dark circles beneath them, and she looked as exhausted and haggard as everyone else.
“How’s it going?” she inquired, with a substantial lack of cheer
and a very hoarse voice.

Italis shrugged. Lina frowned a little, concerned at his obvious lack of breath.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.” His voice was a wheezy gasp. “We’re all…just a little tired…”

She patted his shoulder, bare and grimy with ash, perfectly dry even though it was raining as his pores were sucking water in wherever they could get it. The other shoulder had a large burn on it, which he was successfully ignoring. “Don’t wear yourself out, Italis. The Elders will be here before dawn, or so they said, and when they do we can rest a little—”

“I can’t rest with my country in such turmoil,” Italis said firmly.

“You know what I mean.” Lina sighed, shivering a little from the freezing rain. “This is awful,” she murmured at last. “How can this be happening, Italis?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “It was planned, though, I’m sure of it, Half of Ametris was at the Festival today, it can’t be coincidence…”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say half,” Lina corrected. “There are more people than this in Merista alone. But at least a fourth…you’re right, it must have been.”

“Who would, though?” Italis felt his fists clench. “It’s Ametris…we’ve done nothing to anyone for three thousand years…”

“I have no idea.” Lina shook her head. “Why don’t we ask the little seven-year-old elfin terrorist?”

Italis snorted and made a face of pure disgust. Her eyes fell on his hands.

“What’ve you got?”

He glanced down at the two bracelets, one held in each palm. “I’m restoring their power. I’ve been lending out mine, but there aren’t any more…we need our own. We must keep our legs while we are here, I refuse to lose any more of my people tonight.”

Lina frowned. “Why don’t you get someone else to do that? You need to keep your strength up, you know you do—”

“No one else can do this,” he cut across her. “Only Chieftains know how.”

“What is it, magic?”

“Yes, exactly, though it’s not too powerful. Every ten minutes of this only lasts a few hours…”

Lina looked surprised; he could tell she hadn’t been very serious. After all, magic was just a legend, ancient history. “Really? I mean, I knew our ancestors could do magic, but I thought the gods took it away after the war…”

“Not at all. They just made it more difficult, especially anything lethal. That’s how we continue living, through magic.”

She was not convinced, but was spared answering by the extremely conspicuous arrival of the Elders: they were as calm and composed as possible, but two of them were missing, and all the elves immediately swarmed around them, asking anxious questions and loyally attempting to bring them up to speed. None of them realized how unhelpful they were being, but agreed without complaint when they were asked politely to step away. All five of them moved as one toward Lina and Italis, and, seeing this, Goba stood and joined them.

“Sariynn and Srai are missing,” Elder Carn informed them, absolutely caked in ash but looking relatively unharmed. The other four seemed to be in the same condition, though Arkai had a nasty scratch on his arm and Medilii was holding her charred side and wincing a little. “We—the Elders—must go back.”

“Is it safe for all of us to go?” Lina asked, eyes narrowing in concentrating scrutiny.

“We can’t say for sure, the forest is almost burned to the ground about a mile away from here but to the north and south it could still be burning—”

“If the wind was blowing east,” Italis interrupted softly, “then all the fire would be here by now. If it has stopped here, it must have stopped everywhere else.”

Elder Nheyii nodded. “That’s an excellent point, but we would still rather not have everyone come…it’s too…”

She seemed reluctant to continue. Roden took it from there.

“The square was made of stone, so it looks worse, but for at least a mile all around the fire burned everything. Many elves had their homes hidden in the forest, but there’s no trace of them left—only ash. And as for the square itself, well…there’s not too much left aside from burned wood and stone…”

“And blood,” Arkai added darkly. “Lots of blood.”

“Too gruesome for the children to see,” Medilii agreed, in her soft voice. “Or even the adults…”

“…We’d rather a few hardened adults came with us, the ones that are uninjured and strong, and when we’ve removed all the bodies we’ll organize a search,” Carn completed.

“Bodies?” Lina repeated, turning a little green. “How many?”

“A lot,” Arkai said gruffly. “Let’s leave it at that.”

Medilii let out a small, shuddering breath, and Nheyii placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“I say that sounds like a good idea,” Italis put in. “But who can we pick to go? My people cannot, they need to get to fresh water quickly or all of us will die…”

“And there are some that need healing,” Lina added. “Badly. The healers should go, if there are any…”

“Most elf women are excellent at healing,” Carn informed her. “It comes with being a mother. But we really must decide now, we absolutely cannot hope to rebuild this city without Srai, and Sariynn is essential too, we should pick at once or else—”

“We will all go,” Goba interrupted, in a low, deep, rumbling voice rather like a rockslide on a mountain. Everyone stared at him, trying not to jump or seemed frightened by his loud and rather terrifying voice. “Everyone will return to the city. Reconstruction will begin immediately.”

The bold suggestion caught them all off guard; finally, Roden spoke.

“We all can’t go, we can’t have everyone see all the corpses, there will be chaos…and regardless, there’s nowhere to go!”

“Stone can hold through fire,” Goba insisted. “Is there any place left standing, or close?”

“There is one place,” Nheyii said hopefully. “The library! The fire never got to it…”

“But that’s across the square,” Lina argued. “Everyone will see…”

“Let them see!” Again, Goba’s voice made them start from its sudden loudness. He did not bother to whisper, and now the surrounding Ametrisans were listening with rapt attention. “We must not be afraid of death and gruesome sights. We must be strong and face them, every one of us! Even the children; there is no way to hide this from them. We will have to explain it sooner or later, will we not?”

The dwarven logic hit them hard. He was right.

“But there is another problem,” Carn insisted. “If the people see their family dead, there will be trouble…we can’t have them crowding around corpses while we take care of everything. We need to have them removed first…”

“Among dwarves,” Goba said firmly, “it is considered an insult to touch a dead one before their family consents. It is the family that takes care of their own, no matter the situation.”

Again defeated by the irrefutable logic, Elder Carn sighed, having no choice but to say, “Very well…we shall all go…but there will be consequences.”

“There always are,” Goba said simply, and no one heard a word from him after that.



Two hours earlier, around midnight, Marli could be found pacing the clearing in which the Ametrisans sat, slowly driving herself insane. Kayle leaned against a tree and watched, nursing his broken wrist.

“I’m such a coward,” she hissed to herself, for the hundredth time. “How could I just run away? I was one of the first to leave, how stupid of me, I might be the only one who could help, who’d know more about this than me, and I ran away! AUGH!”

“Marli, you did enough,” Kayle said patiently, trying again to clean off his glasses. It wasn’t working. “You screamed a lot of people out of their daze, they’d be dead if it wasn’t for you. Now come over here and get out of the rain, will you?”

Marli ignored his request. “Like you can talk! At least you were injured, and you’re not whining about it like some of them are, that’s pretty heroic! I’m not even hurt! That’s really just too pathetic, what would Raena say—?”

“Who?” When she didn’t answer, Kayle let out an exasperated sigh. “Getting hurt isn’t heroic, Marli—”

“—You’ve never been to my country, honestly—”

“—but saving people is. Do you know who’d have the sense to do what you did, besides you? Well, I know I wouldn’t…We’re Ametrisans, Marli, we’re like kids compared to you and your people…”

He was trying to flatter her to make her feel better, but it wasn’t working.

“I can hardly be called one of them after this! You know what my dad would’ve done? Huh? Or my sister, now she would be shoving my nose in the dirt [KV] right now, she’d probably have had it out before the branches even started falling—”

“How on earth would she do that? Marli, you did all you could, now sit.”

“Don’t you boss me around, boy, or I’ll break something more painful than your wrist. And…and I can’t help thinking that there’s still something I could do…like, everyone else is all tired, but I feel fine…what if the Elders are in trouble, and no one is going to bother rescuing them? Or there’s someone that they can’t get to in time? Kayle, I can’t just sit here, I’ve gotta help, somehow…”

“No, you sit. Do you know how ticked the Elders would be if you went off alone?”

“They aren’t the boss of me!”

“Well, I’m two years older than you, so what I say goes, now sit.”

“Bite me!”

Kayle might have laughed, but there were times that called for seriousness. “Look, Marli, everyone feels the same way, I’m sure, but you’ll notice they aren’t running into a fire and killing themselves trying to be heroes, they’re doing what the leaders of the country tell them to do! That’s why they’re leaders, Marli!”

“I don’t give a damn if they’re your leaders, you all listen to them because you’re stupid, ignorant Ametrisans!”

“I’m a stupid, ignorant Ametrisan!” Kayle shot back angrily. “Won’t you at least listen to me? Being born in your country doesn’t make you a hero, even if it’s Magical Fantasyland, you will get hurt!”

“Yes it does, shows how much you know! What part of ‘trained from birth’ don’t you people understand?!”

“The stupid part! Look, I don’t know how it worked there, but here we leave the dramatic heroics to the chosen, and the smart, wise decisions that save our tails to the people we picked just for that!”

“Your leaders are idiots and so’s your way of picking them, a squirrel could run this place better!”

“I don’t care about squirrels, Marli! I care about you and I’m not letting you get killed, so you sit your butt down right now and don’t do anything stupid you won’t live to regret!”

“Listen, boy,” she shouted, shoving his chest hard; both of them were on their feet and glaring at each other by now, “only four people are allowed to tell me what to do and that’s my sister, my queen, and—”

But then Marli froze, eyes widening, as twenty-four cute little memories hit her hard. No longer up to an argument, she slumped onto the ground and hid her face in her hands, moaning.

“Oooohhh noooo…the chosen…and all the other kids…what if…oh, no…I love ‘em all too much…especially…”

And then she stiffened, a sudden thought hitting her hard upside the head. How could she be so stupid…why hadn’t this been the first thing she had thought of?

“Kayle,” she said sharply, “where are Kamilé and Everan?”

He shrugged, a line between his eyebrows signifying his concern. “Why don’t you ask Pilori?”

Marli followed his gesture to a low branch on a magnolia tree; Pilori had managed to clamber onto the end of it, which was pretty impressive for a part-human in a dress, and was now scanning the crowd, sobbing and looking lost and forlorn.

“Oyäe,” she swore softly, knowing what that must mean. But somehow, she kept her composure, standing and pulling Kayle by his uninjured wrist to the base of the tree.

“Pilori?” she said gently.

She ignored them, still searching, stopping occasionally to wipe tears away with her soaking sleeve. She seemed the type of person to be bothered about cold raindrops dripping down her neck from an overhanging branch, but it wasn’t phasing her now. Something was wrong, and it could only be one thing—if it wasn’t, Marli was going to positively lynch that woman.

“Pilori!” she called, more loudly and assertively. It was this, or perhaps the violent tug on the branch, that caused Pilori to finally look around with a start.

“What do you want?” she glared, sniffing a little.

“Where did Kamilé and Everan go?” Marli’s heart was racing as she said it. It raced even faster when Pilori gave her answer.

“I don’t know! That’s what I’m trying to figure out, now would you please leave me alone!”

Marli exchanged an anxious, trying-not-to-panic-but-doing-a-horrible-job glance with Kayle, who, sensing trouble, immediately ripped off his charred sleeves and started wrapping his wrist very tightly.

“Good thinking,” Marli said approvingly, tightening it and tying it off for him. “Now can you give me a boost?”

He grimaced but consented, pushing her neatly up to the branch—doing it herself would have taken time, and she didn’t have any to waste. She walked part of the way toward Pilori, then slid over until they were right beside each other.

“You don’t see them?”

Pilori miserably shook her head.

Marli’s sharp eyes scanned the crowd below her; this really was an excellent spot. She could see almost everyone from here…she scanned the crowd, knowing they wouldn’t be caught in the masses but checking all the same. They had been with the merpeople earlier, maybe they were…no…perhaps they were on the…no…maybe on the edges, in the shadows? No…

But that didn’t make sense…if Everan was really as smart as his homework said, (and she had found over the years that one can find out so much about a child by his homework,) then he would stay close to the leaders until something happened. That, or…

“Oyäe!” Marli swore, so loudly and suddenly that Pilori shrieked and jumped and almost fell off the branch. “Oyäeoyäeoyäeoyäeoyäeoyäeoyäe…”

She jumped neatly off the limb and immediately clapped her hands over her ears so she could concentrate. [KV1] Thinking it through only took a couple of seconds, but it only took half a one to fully convince herself that this was the only thing she could do besides run around and swear, which she was also doing pretty well.

“Damndamndamndamndamndamn…Kayle, come on.”

“What?”

“You heard me, move those skinny little legs and let’s go! One two! Step on it!”

“Why?”

She let out a frustrated breath, grabbing his arm and swiveling him to face west. “Kamilé and Everan aren’t here, they’re over there. PROBABLY still in the city. Understand?”

Kayle’s eyes widened. “Uh-oh.”

“Now you’re getting there. I don’t know if they were playing hero or if they’re in trouble but of course they’ve landed right in the middle of everything and we’re going to go get them.”

“Marli, we ca—“

“Boy, I don’t know the meaning of the word can’t, so don’t you preach to me anymore. We are going. That is to say, I am going, and you have your free will; you go or you die. Got it?”

“Sayamasé.” [KV2] Kayle saluted.

“Good boy, now get moving.”

“Wait!” Pilori called, having spent the majority of this conversation inching herself down from the tree. “You’re not leaving without me, are you?”

“Well, not now…” Marli rolled her eyes as Pilori’s feet finally touched the ground.

“I want to come too!” she insisted, eyes glinting with determination. “Can’t I?”

“I dunno…you think you can keep up?”

Pilori nodded. “Well…even if I can’t…I’ll try…I have to come, my kids need me!”

Marli smiled in spite of herself. “Now, I like her,” she said cheerfully, nudging Kayle, who scowled. “No complaining. Right?” she added, raising an eyebrow at Pilori.

“Right.”

“Excellent!” Marli turned toward the crowd of humans and elves nearby. “So… anyone else want to join the rescue mission? Anyone?”

They were ignored. Or at least, unheard.

“Right then. Kayle, Pilori…”

Both of them turned toward her, probably expecting something fluffy, inspirational, and hardcore. But what they got was a very anxious Marli’s shout of “MOVE IT!” echoing in their pointed ears long after they’d obeyed.



Marli, Kayle, and Pilori were all trying not to look at the skeletal black twigs poking from the ground, all that remained of Kocha’s proud and ancient forest. These twigs were about Kayle’s height and as thick around as his swollen wrist, pathetic considering that once they had been over eighty feet tall, five feet wide, and many hundreds of years old. Three hours of flame had ended their lives forever, hundreds, even thousands of them…it was a sad day for the Ametrisan elves. Even Marli, to whom tragedies such as this were no strangers, kept her eyes to the river of ashy water flowing over her boots.

She coughed. So did the other two. It was hard not to, with all this ash clouding their lungs. If the water had not been keeping it down, there would have been no breathing at all. But other than that, and its ability to cease the fire for good, the rain brought no comfort: it was jet-black with soot from the branches of the great tree and from wind-carried ash, icy cold, and so thick that it made all the world seem a desolate grey wasteland. Which it now was.

They ran just to sooner be free of this reminder of their forest’s massacre, though wherever they arrived would more than likely be ten times worse. Pilori, to both the others’ surprise, was keeping up rather well, for a part-human. Marli had this theory going that instead of being tough and durable like dwarves, or specially skilled like elves and merpeople, humans were somewhere in the middle, designed to be somewhat good at most things but not really specialized in anything. Hence, the lack of running skills. But Pilori’s elfin blood was serving her surprisingly well, and she said nothing throughout the journey. She merely kept her eyes trained on the ground, pale and seeming nervous; they all were.

It took them longer than they should have to find the square, around half an hour; any one of them could easily run that distance in half the time, but it was difficult to navigate. Clouds covered the stars, it was pitch-black everywhere they looked, and the grey sleet blurred shapes and colors around them—colors being every shade of black and grey under the sun—and the forest path was nonexistent underneath the stream of watery ash. If they had not all been stained black with soot long before, they would have been even more so now, as the water splashed onto their clothes and faces with every step.

Kayle and Pilori might have felt differently, but Marli felt the same way she did when she always ran—exhilarated. This time it was not the running itself, but the place they were running to, and their reason to hurry…this time the feeling was laced with icy fear and nervousness to the point of a breakdown at the thought of what they were doing.

Saving people. Just like she had always wanted to do when she was little. Just like she still wanted to do.

But now that she actually needed to…the thought made her sick.

Saving people. Saving little kids and babies and mothers and fathers that would be bloody, unrecognizable, burned, maimed…and most of them would be dead. Saving them in a ruined city, the wreckage of her home, taken from all of them with no apparent reason.

Saving her children, her students, some tiny, others taller than her…

Saving the chosen, knowing full well that chosen were supposed to save them…

Saving Kamilé and Everan.

Her heart beat alarmingly quickly, and breathing was hard. Rescue missions sounded fun in the books, but…really…if they found someone who was still alive, in danger of slipping away…

…what would they do?



“Think the school is still intact?” Marli whispered to Kayle, oppressed by the silence as they neared the square. The only way they could tell was by the skeletal outline of the Great Tree, in horrible condition, if not dead.

“Might be.” Kayle shrugged. “The wind was blowing southish, so it might be okay, but the chances are pretty slim.”

“I’m gonna see,” she said firmly.

“Why? Do we honestly have time, Marli?”

“Yes, I have some medicine and bandages in my closet, we might need it.”

“Good idea.” Kayle turned north, squinting through his smudged glasses into the rain. “Can’t tell if there’s a tree line there…forest might be burned for miles, Marli…”

“The schoolhouse was a good half-mile away from the square, though. Come on, we need to stay together.”

Kayle nodded and nudged Pilori, pointing to show her the way. She nodded and kept walking without a word.

“You do know the way, don’t you?” he whispered to Marli.

“With my eyes closed. Even with no path.”

“How?”

“It’s a Marli thing.” [KV3]

The rest of the way passed in silence. Marli’s legs started shaking as she drew closer, her heart racing faster and faster…she tried to picture from the location of the trees where she was…but it wasn’t working…dead trees didn’t tell her much…

But then a miracle occurred, so suddenly that Marli literally almost ran into it—trees. Half-sized, scrawny, leafless trunks of trees loomed out of the darkness and nearly smacked her in the face with their bony, half-burned branches. She took a good look at them; it seemed that the fire had burned the tops and worked their way down, like the wick of a candle, but the rain stopped it before the entire tree was gone. There were patches of dead grass and even skinny, sick-looking bushes on ground level; the fire hadn’t gotten this far. Maybe they were in luck…

And sure enough, the further in they went, the more intact the trees became, taller and with leaves that were increasingly more colorful and more healthy—these trees were alive. Marli whispered a thanks to the heavens as she entered the clearing of her schoolhouse…

…But then the words died on her lips as she caught the first glimpse of her schoolhouse.

The most optimistic thing she could say was that it was still standing; that was where her luck ended. The roof no longer existed, just a pile of runny ash on the floor, and neither did many of the desks—thank the gods, hers was still intact—and one wall had caved in, only half of it still erect. The windows had shattered, and rubble littered the floor.
Marli stared.
“Aw, hell no,” she groaned.

“You okay, Marli?” Kayle asked her gently, placing a hand on her arm.

Marli shuddered, trying to get the rush of emotions under control, but failed. “My house!” she wailed. “Now where’m I gonna live?”

“You lived there?” Kayle arched an eyebrow at her. “Where?”
“Well that’s just great, damn fire took my house and my school and my kids…”

She cut herself off, having just reminded herself and all present why they were here at all. She took a deep breath to regain her composure. “Stay here,” she ordered. “I’ll be right back.”

Making her way through the schoolhouse was a touchy process, but she managed it; she hastily checked over her desk, wishing that she could open the drawers without exposing the contents to the rain, and then, satisfied that it seemed to be all right, she forced open the closet door. All her stuff was soaked, and many of the shelves had collapsed, leaving broken glass and splinters everywhere. She found a roll of thick white cloth, used for bandages, though the roll was thinner than she might have hoped, and quickly looked around for anything else of use. There were a few bottles of things on the floor, but she didn’t know what was what; the labels were in Ametrisan, and she was too stressed to decipher it, so the bottle in her hand could have been miracle juice for all she knew, or acid, or just floor cleaner.

“Ohh…damn Ametrisans and their damn country and their damn language…how does anyone read this?”

“Need some help?”

She turned around to see Kayle standing in the doorway, making a face at her that told her just how much he wanted to laugh at her right now.

“Kayle, I can’t read your stupid language…I don’t know what any of this is…”

“Hmm.” He knelt beside her and took a look at them. “You know, it’s only fair that you learn the language before you go somewhere new…”

“I didn’t have time, Kayle, and I don’t now, c’mon, please?”

“Yeah, okay…here, this one’s disinfectant…this stuff cleans wounds…and this is burn salve.” He stood and brushed himself off, handing her the bottles. “The rest is useless right now, with your place in such a mess. You ready?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, looking sadly around the remnants of her house. “Let’s go.”



It was hard for them to see the trees becoming increasingly more damaged and less alive, but when they arrived at the square all of that was driven from their minds.

It was hell.

That was the only way to describe it.

The square was part of a scene that was more gruesome, horrible and depressing than anything they could have imagined. The grey rain added to the effect, dripping from the stunted branches of the Great Tree as if it was crying, in pain and sorrow and grief. Its branches littered the ground like dead leaves scattered by a breeze, and as large as a separate tree itself; some were as large and wide as a full-grown man, some much, much larger. Rubble and half-collapsed buildings were heaped haphazardly all around, with no indication of streets or even individual houses; only stones piled more profusely here, less so there. Ashy rain flooded over everything, little rivulets carrying bits of rubble, blackened leaves, and in places, blood, down the street and out of sight.

The first thing to greet them was a woman’s corpse, trapped beneath a large branch, blood seeping from what was left of her head. Her wide, blank eyes seemed to follow them as they slowly forced their feet onward. One step, two, then three; they seemed to be trapped, going nowhere in this ashen wasteland, the scenery unchanging from one step to the next.

Marli’s whisper, as soft as she could make it, still seemed harsh and deafening in the dead silence.

“Remember, guys—we’re looking for anyone living, not just the twins. Don’t waste time on the dead ones, we can’t do anything for them anymore.”

Kayle and Pilori nodded, faces as pale and ashen without the grime as with it.

“We’re gonna stay together…now, if you see anything moving…anything at all…let me know. There’s….” She swallowed. “There’s nothing to be afraid of…dead bodies can’t hurt you…just watch out for things falling on you…and don’t get hurt.”

They nodded again, too afraid to speak. Marli squinted through the rain, ready to leap into action at the tiniest movement. All the instincts and skills form back home returned with a vengeance; things were happening, things that required vigilance, speed, and skill. This was no time to be a lazy, confused Ametrisan. She’d seen these things before; she was probably the only one who had. And after all, she was a warrior of—

Clack. Creeeaaaaaaaakkkk….

The noise was deafeningly loud, and all three of them jumped, the hairs on the backs of their necks rising and shivers running down their spines. Only Marli knew how to hide this.

“What was that?” Kayle mouthed at her, refusing to make a sound.

“Over there,” Marli nearly shouted, making the others wince. It was the only way to keep her voice steady, and a feeble attempt on the side to make the silence less ominous. It did not work. The other two followed her gaze to a dark, shapeless pile of rubble, the remnants of a small building. Marli gathered her nerve—someone had to be leader, no matter how hard she wished it wasn’t her—and stepped carefully over stone and wood until she had crossed the street.

She stopped at the brink of the heap of rock and mortar, carefully combing the place; nothing was moving. No blood, no bodies, thank the g—

“There’s someone here!” she called, though the other two were right behind her, and hastily forced herself to move in a way her instincts felt best. She was thinking something like running away until the forest became green again, but instead, she felt herself leap lightly over the remains of a wall and head straight for the place she had seen the hand twitch. She knelt over the masses of stone and brushed and tossed them all away, clearing them from the man’s back; there was a large stone heap on his legs that she couldn’t get on her own.

“Help me, will you?” she said to Kayle and Pilori, who looked as if they didn’t know quite what to do. Kayle shook himself from his frozen-with-shock position and immediately went over to her and helped her clear the rocks off. That done, they turned him over and checked him out. He did not look good at all…his house had fallen on him before the fire could kill him, but heavy rocks raining on his torso had caused a lot of damage. There were bloody rips in his back and chest, shallow but bleeding profusely, and the places where his shirt had fallen away revealed a patchwork of large bruises.

Marli was reaching for her medicine when she caught another small movement: a dull glint of hazel told her that the man was not only alive, but conscious. “He’s awake,” she told Kayle, placing her hand on the man’s cheek and looking right into his eyes in an instinctive comforting gesture. “Don’t worry,” she told him, wondering if he could hear. “You’re going to be all right, we’re here to save you.”

The man’s eyelids flickered slightly, and his eyes focused on her face; that was all the answer she was ever going to get. A small noise reached her ears as air rushed out of his mouth, and his eyes misted over and slowly closed.

Marli stared at him, finding it difficult to breathe. Confirmation came as she felt his face grow cold, and irrefutably when she pressed a hand to his heart and felt nothing. She slowly drew back, fighting the childish urge to cry.

“K-Kayle,” she stammered. “He’s dead.”

Kayle looked up, eyes wide in disbelief, still holding the roll of bandages. “What? Why?”

People can’t die from bruises and scrapes, Marli reminded herself, wondering the same thing. She scanned the man’s body for a clue and found one right away…

“His legs,” she said faintly, though they no longer looked like it. “He…I guess he bled to death…”

She was shocked, and this surprised her—it was not the first time she had seen a corpse, but this seemed worse somehow…he had died…right in front of her…in just a few seconds…

“Are you okay, Marli?” Kayle asked quietly, the deafening silence even more so without the sound of ragged breathing.

“Y-Yeah…” She took a deep breath. “Yeah. I’m fine.” She stood, gathering her bottle of medicine—each of them had one to carry—and her bandages, trying hard to keep her eyes from the man’s body. “Let’s go.”

They stepped out, pulled Pilori along, (she had stood there staring the entire time, far too shocked and scared to do anything,) and continued up the street, just as oppressed by the desolated square, but now with the weight of grief, the ripping severance of a personal attachment, however brief, buried in their chests. The place seemed more like a graveyard than ever, one with mountains of rubble as grave markers, the bodies half-cremated, half-buried, and the Great Tree their guardian in the afterlife, sharing their fate. They kept going, though cold chills continually washed over them; the living had no place in a graveyard, and they knew it.

After an eon of checking piles of rubble for trapped, still-living people, listening hard for anything at all besides the light pattering of rain, and walking with slow steps through dirty water, over stones, and around branches, they finally reached the end of the street.

“My library,” Kayle said sadly, stopping a few yards from the door. It really did look in awful shape, black and burned for as far as they could see, but the Tree’s bark was thick; Marli was sure it would hold up okay, and told him so.

He sighed. “Well, if it’s not completely destroyed, Marli…I was wondering…I, um, have my own room in here, but I never use it, I just sleep on the sofa…so, there’s plenty of room for you…since your schoolhouse is in pretty bad shape, and it’s raining and everything…”

“Thanks,” Marli said, truly meaning it. “I really appreciate it…Kayle, don’t worry, I’m sure it’s fine, and you took most of the books out of the outside shelves to fix the glass, remember? So I’m sure they’re fi—”

But Pilori’s scream cut her off.

“KAMILEEEEEEEÉ!”

They both swiveled around to see her running toward a black shape, impossible to recognize through the rain. Exchanging a brief glance, they followed, arriving just in time to see exactly why Pilori had fallen to the ground and started to sob.

“Oh, no,” Marli breathed.

A branch larger than any she had yet seen was lying on the ground, split in half from the force of the fall, once burning, but now the flames were quenched by the rain. There were still some smaller branches clinging on, withered black leaves dangling from them, and through it, she saw a small, skinny arm, burned pure black, a shoulder clad in dirty blue cloth, and a tiny face, bruised and bloody and burned, framed by jet-black hair. The crescent moon mark, standing out clearly amongst the burns on her face, made her unmistakable: Kamilé.

Marli stared at her pale face, eyes closed and blood staining her nose and cheek. The death of one of her students hit her hard…Kamilé was such a sweet little girl…she did nothing to deserve any part of her tragically short life, especially this. Her breaths shuddered and again she felt the ridiculous urge to cry. Or perhaps something much more expressive, like Pilori was doing: she was rubbing Kamilé’s blackened arm and shoulder and stroking her hair as if Kamilé was still alive, could still feel her. Poor Kamilé… Everan would be devastated…wait…

…Where was Everan?

But she had no time to ponder this, as Kayle, as pale and shaky as she probably was, stepped over to her. For a moment neither of them could speak, and they just stared miserably at each other; Kayle and Kamilé were—had been good friends too…

They watched Pilori for a second as she shoved her shoulder against the branch, trying to force it off of her adopted daughter.

“I…I know it’s against the rules…” Kayle said hoarsely, turning his pleading eyes to Marli, “but we can’t just leave her…”

“Kayle, we can’t move that thing,” she said sadly. “It’s just too big…”

“But I was looking at it, Marli, and…and it’s hollow,” he insisted. Marli’s eyebrows arched at him. “That’s probably why it split…and it’s half-burned through…I think we can get it off her…”

Marli weighed the possibilities. On one hand, Kamilé was dead and they were suppose to be saving their time for the living. There was nothing they could do, especially if they dislocated their shoulders trying to budge this supposedly “hollow” branch. But on the other hand…this was Kamilé…and if the branch was hollow, it would be considerably easier to move…

“Okay,” she said finally. “Kayle, you go over there, I’ll get this end. On three, Pilori.”

She looked up, a little surprised, but when she realized what they were doing she placed her hands against the branch and anchored herself, determination shining in her eyes.

“One…Two…Three!”

All three of them pushed, hard, Kayle using all his strength from a central point in his shoulder, gritting his teeth, Pilori doing the best she could to push at the middle, and Marli using her knowledge of physics to try and lift the branch, just a few inches, and then shove it with her foot. Her little trick successfully made it so that when the branch finally rolled off of Kamilé, it did not touch her in the process. The branch thudded onto the wet ground, cracking almost in half from the strain.

Before either of them could move, Pilori was kneeling beside Kamilé again, and had once more started to cry. Kayle glanced at her and froze, looking sick.

“Marli…” he began, but could not finish.

But Marli was not paying too much attention; she was staring wide-eyed at something on the branch. Or rather, something around the branch. Her fingers started tingling and her throat constricted with astonishment.

No way…this could not be happening…what the…?

“Marli!” Kayle insisted, and she finally snapped out of her daze.

“What?” she snapped.

Kayle pointed.

Marli stared.

“Oyäe…”

That was possibly the best way to describe it.

Kamilé had looked bad from the distorted angle, with tree all over her, but without it she looked even worse, because now they could see the rest of her—or rather, what was left of her. Her little jerkin was ripped, shredded, and burned so badly that they could clearly see most of her back, which was laced and meshed with white, twisting burns and dotted with splinters. Her legs looked to be in the same condition, swollen and bruised from the branch, and even her feet looked red, raw, and battered. Her other arm was not burned quite as badly as the first, but it looked limp and flat and useless by her side, and the shoulder was badly bruised.

Kayle echoed her sentiments weakly in his own language. Pilori cried helplessly as she reached down to scoop Kamilé into her arms.

“Don’t touch her!” Marli said suddenly.

Pilori froze.

Marli took a few steps closer, eyes locked on the pitiful little figure, shock and fear and disbelief giving her head a floating, dizzy feeling. A pounding started up in her ears as she knelt beside Kamilé, confirming the truth with two fingers to the side of her neck.

“I th-think…” she stammered, “I think she’s still alive.”



I think it's safe to say I'm over the writer's block.

I know you're all squeeing--KAMILE'S ALIVE KAMILE'S ALIVE!!!--but trust me. In my book, no one's deliriously happy over living with a screwed-up body like that. NOT A HAPPY ENDING AT ALL. And did I not mention that it's all downhill from chapter eight? I didn't lie. It can only get worse from here.

But the writing is AWESOME!!! Isn't it?

That whole thing with the rescue mission...I didn't like it. I mean, I did, but it didn't fit too well. Too happy peppy for such a sad bit of book, huh? Like Power Rangers or something. I do like the Sayamase thing though. Oh, how I luffs Ametrisan. heart

Sidenotes:

KV: "shoving [insert name]'s nose in the dirt" is the Marli's-country equivalent of kicking a**.
KV1: Covering your ears is easier than you think when they’re pointed—human palms are shaped somewhat to fit their ears, and so are elves’. There’s a slightly deeper depressing between the index and middle fingers that forms perfectly to their tips. There’s some more anatomy for you.
KV2: Sayamasé is Ametrisan for “Yes ma’am.”
KV3: "It's a Marli thing wink " INSERT CHEESY MUSIC!!! What a nice jingle.

I know she's a sorceress, but before I said she sounded more like a witch to me, and that title just stuck. ^_^

[YAY my turn to be agressive!]

I DID NOT SAY YOUR STORY WAS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

*GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE*

The main points that I have touched down upon were human nature content context, and visual effects to name a few. But never did I call your story bad.


All of those responses were perfectally viable for my purposes. I wanted to understand what drove tyrranen, so that I could get a better feel for what her dialog was supposed to sound like. If you must know I thought the whole back and forth between Kamile and Tyrranen offered little imediate information or development. I also thought that Tyrrannen's mood fluctuations were too wild, and, in effect, found it difficult to pinpoint what her exact characteristics were.

Furthermore, I would have found it helpful if there was a bit more description of where they were actually talking. To me it felt as if the witch was scouring the grass besides a cobble stone road in the twilight, with the great tree burning in the distance. (hehe, I also pictured Tyrranen as a witch in a black robe.)

thats just me though ^_^

So in conclusion, I didnt find the scene very informative. Certain aspects of it were enjoyable (such as your descriptions, and actions.) But I think you need to go and take a look at your background to see if there's anything you can do to make everything a bit more eventful.

again though, I found it difficult to come to a conclusion on what I thought the chapter needed as I wasn't quite sure what you were trying to accomplish.

Ohhhhh and kirbs the main characters may be the only important ones to you but the reaction of background characters set up a view of the world the said main characters live in.

and again, I ENJOY ALL WRITING!!!!!! ESPECIALLY YOUR'S * GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE*

IM NOT GOING TO SAY THAT YOUR STORY IS THE WORLD's BEST STORY, BUT IM NOT SAYING THAT ITS BAD EITHER! IM JUST TELLING YOU WHAT I THINK YOUR STORY COULD DO WITH, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT SHEESH.

Nova, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret about Tyrranen that most other people would be aware of right now.

SHE--IS--INSANE!!!

Literally. I won't tell you what she's got because you wouldn't get it yet. But she's calm for a minute, and then she gets mad and she SNAPS. SHE KILLS LITTLE KIDS FOR NO REASON SO SHE MUST BE CRAZY and therefore has no distinct personality of her own until later.

I do need to make them do things though. I think I was reading a little too much Max Ride or something. I usually like to describe everything they do, but this seemed to be kind of a staredown and I was a little confused as to how to handle it. I'm not good at cold, condescending characters who monologue about your faults to make you feel all suicidal. Azaka is like that, and I CANNOT write about him, it's tooooooohard.

The amin thing we learned from Ch. 9 is that Tyrranen is telepathic, unnaturally strong and freakish, and for some reason hates the two twins.

What do you call a twin without a twin? crying crying crying crying Poor Kame.


Reese, you would really resort to begging? >< Squee! Though there is no need. I think I'm about 1/4 done with chapter eleven, and it's gonna be the most dramatic of them all.

Not so far as deaths, but...eventful things. BAD THINGS ARE A-COMING! HURRICANE A-COMING, SECURE THE RIGGIN'!!!

Li'l mermaid. heart

Well good then.

Chapter Eleven just got a whole lot shorter. ><

Kidding. Lengthy descriptions (a possibility if not a must) aside, it's about half done now.

I'm a busy beaver to-day. ><

THEIF AND THE COBBLER!!! Or Castle in the Sky. <-- Best Miyazaki movie EVAH.

Nah UH!!! Spirited away was way better!!!!

and.... wait who did howl's moving castle?

[ I liked steam boy too.]

hmmm. Im not sure who zant is, but I've never proffered the mondo crazy villians. They're so dull. All they do is mash stuff up sad Wait a second... why wouldnt I believe you???? we are dealing with magic here you know.


and did you even read the series????

Aww, dude, you have your freedom of speech. You just gotta pick out what's supposed to be known and what isn't. It's helping me with my mad writing skillz.

Your arguments are really good when they're not...like, crazy.

As in:

A) Why does the merchieftain have a present for them?
B) Why is Tyrranen so crazy?
C) Wait Kirby what's the point of this chapter anyway?!?!

Stupid questions.

Good critique on ch. 9 though...it really helps.

(And I love my two readers. >< Three if Hawk jumps on the teeny bandwagon! Well, it's more like a riksha.)