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Neither one is abnormal. Everyone is a bit different and has a different experience.

However, most women will not experience pain or bleeding if they are relaxed, comfortable, and lubricated.

That's because the most common cause of pain during sex is being too dry. And the second most common cause is being tense and nervous.

A lot of people think lots of blood is the norm the first time due to the hymen tearing, but that's not the case. Most hymens are thin and delicate and will tear with little to no pain or blood. It often happens from manual sex, masturbation, tampons, and even gymnastics. A lot of girls don't even realize it happened. But some hymens are thicker. They may stay intact longer and bleed more when they do tear. So it's possible that your friend had a hymen that was a bit thicker than average and bled more when it did tear. But bleeding can be caused by a lot of other things too. Even being too dry can lead to vaginal bleeding because the delicate vaginal tissue can easily tear due to the friction of dry sex.

So pain and bleeding can be caused by a variety of things, but they are usually both avoidable if the woman knows enough about her body. But if a woman notices pain or blood when she is relaxed and lubricated, she should discuss it with her ob-gyn just to make sure it's not being caused by anything more serious.

*hug* Well that's awesome! I'm glad we could help her. Please thank her for me, it's always good when someone decides to educate themselves and take the proper precautions before having sex.

Sex isn't supposed to hurt. The most common cause of pain is dryness. The second most common cause is being nervous and tense. And the third most common cause is gynecological issues.

So make sure you're lubricated enough. Don't be afraid to use a lot. And feel free to try different kinds. Some kinds are better than others. Make sure you're in the mood too. And make sure you're completely relaxed and comfortable. If you still feel pain, mention it to your ob-gyn.


Spotting after sex usually means that the v****a tore. That's very common and usually a result of being too dry.


Sex doesn't permanently change your v****a. So having sex every day won't really make a difference except that it might make you more comfortable with it and with your partner, which might make it easier to relax. But it also could make you raw, especially if you're not lubricated enough.

So if you can't have sex every day, don't worry about it. It certainly does not mean that you're doomed to feel pain forever.

I would recommend talking to another medical professional about it - psychologist, counsellor, therapist, whatever you felt comfortable with. Communication with your partner is best, but there's no shame in getting some extra help and talking to someone else if you feel you need to. smile

Condoms are very effective when used as directed every single time and when they are always stored properly. But a lot of people don't use them as directed every single time, and a lot of people don't store them properly. That means that a lot of people's condoms aren't working up to their full potential.

So it's better to use condoms and a hormonal method. You do not need your mom's permission to do so, even if you are underage. If there is a clinic like Family Planning or Planned Parenthood that you can get to without her finding out, they will see you and give you birth control even without her consent. And they will even help you hide the fact that you were there from your mom if you want (they won't send mail to your house if you don't want them to, they won't bill your insurance if your mom would find out that way, etc.).

You can look for a nearby Planned Parenthood by going to http://www.plannedparenthood.org If nothing is close enough to you, you can try calling them to ask if there are any other clinics around or doing a search for something like "family planning services" along with your county name (if you're in the US). If you do make an appointment and go in, make sure you talk to them about your epilepsy and the medication you are taking for it so that they can make sure whatever they give you is safe for you.

If you can't get to the clinic, then I would probably advise waiting to have sex. I know it really sucks to have to wait to do something that you feel ready to do, especially when condoms are so tempting and easy to get. But even if you use condoms perfectly every single time, getting to a doctor to talk about this kind of stuff is a big part of having sex safely and responsibly too. Because even with perfect condom use, pregnancy is still a possibility, STDs are still a possibility, you would still need pap smears at some point (some doctors give them to girls as soon as they become sexually active, others wait a bit, so you'd have to ask the doctor when they want to do it, but it's something you'd definitely need eventually), etc. That's all stuff that you would need to be able to get to a doctor for. Even if the chance of getting pregnant or getting an STD is very slim, it's still there. And if you can't get to a doctor right away, the situation could actually get dangerous for you, your partner, and/or your child. So I think a big part of being ready for sex is being able to get to a doctor for regular checkups and for any issues that pop up in between regular checkups.

This August, 3 months away? That's not too long to wait. It might just be easiest to wait until then when you can (hopefully) get off your epilepsy medication. smile Then you don't have to worry about your epilepsy medication interfering with your birth control.