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 Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 10:55 pm
Finished rewriting the CK part... anyone who wishes to may comment. smile
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 3:04 am
Gasp! I want an honest opinion on my drop in the bucket!
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 6:36 am
Anyone wanna comment on mine?
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:53 am
Finally finished mine. @_@
Comments? heart
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:22 am
 Ah, Toastie is back 3nodding
She will read the rest of the reviews today and maybe even make some fab comments?
Anyway, it'll take a while to read through them all, so in the meantime, any comments on Toastie's work?
3nodding  Crazy? I was crazy once.
They locked me in a room
..with rats.
I hate rats, they make me...
CRAZY!
heart
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:25 am
Aine did a brief editing on hers. Some parts were confusing. xd
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:41 am
Airaka Critique!
For Ana. I'm sorry I wasted your time last night. ^-^;;
Jail Update:
OMIGOSH! Issa dwarf! Type... Person... I think? Well... That's what he reminded me of. crying
Well you did a great job describing the cell I have to wonder why you even put the effort in. It seems you described the walls as being scary and creepy, and then switch to a bit of a more cheerful tone with the dwarf jailbird.
Crazy Killer Update:
The death was neat, though not as crazy as I had suspected. Good all the same. It was odd how you described Meru's death, though. So, she was looking over the balcony, then hit over the head, thus being pushed against the balcony, leaning dangerously forward. Unless you were as clumsy as I am, there is a chance you could regain her balance. Was she hit over the head again, or did the crazy killer grab her legs and fling her over the balcony, or something? And how far off the ground was the balcony? Depending on the height, Meru could have survived if she was lucky.
Sniper Update:
What saddened me most about this one was it's shortness. Your other ones were long, and descriptive. This one happened to quickly. If I had been watching your story, I believe I could have blinked and it would have been gone. I know you could have added more before the shot. Something more intriguing.
Inactivity Update:
So... IHD and Zae were hung because the people they killed one person, while Padme is jailed because the people believe she is a mass murderer. While the update was interesting, this confused me the smallest bit, no offense. I know the game isn't supposed to be completely logical.
Overall:
Wow, Ana. It's a great piece. I find it way interesting that you seemed to have set it in a more pre-modern (medevial ) fantasy time. You seem to have put a lot of energy into this piece. Great job. It was interesting, well written, and a great read. Thanks. You did a great job with adding personalities to Meru, and Padme.
Next is KingShoy. And, OMIGOSH! Dukes, reading your jail update made me squee. Thanks. <3
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:50 am
Airaka *gasp* Ana, did you play the gender game, too?
I was actually playing with the cliche, Ana. Plus, I don't like cotton candy.
Aine, I'll have to read yours! *total Narutard* <3
Sure, Shoy. Though I may not get to it until tomorrow, sorry. ^-^;; I'm really slow, and getting kind of tired.
No problem. When I typed that message, I was supposed to be asleep. ninja
Yay sneaky.
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 11:02 am
Airaka
Airaka Critique!
For Ana. I'm sorry I wasted your time last night. ^-^;;
Jail Update:
OMIGOSH! Issa dwarf! Type... Person... I think? Well... That's what he reminded me of. crying
Well you did a great job describing the cell I have to wonder why you even put the effort in. It seems you described the walls as being scary and creepy, and then switch to a bit of a more cheerful tone with the dwarf jailbird.
Crazy Killer Update:
The death was neat, though not as crazy as I had suspected. Good all the same. It was odd how you described Meru's death, though. So, she was looking over the balcony, then hit over the head, thus being pushed against the balcony, leaning dangerously forward. Unless you were as clumsy as I am, there is a chance you could regain her balance. Was she hit over the head again, or did the crazy killer grab her legs and fling her over the balcony, or something? And how far off the ground was the balcony? Depending on the height, Meru could have survived if she was lucky.
Sniper Update:
What saddened me most about this one was it's shortness. Your other ones were long, and descriptive. This one happened to quickly. If I had been watching your story, I believe I could have blinked and it would have been gone. I know you could have added more before the shot. Something more intriguing.
Inactivity Update:
So... IHD and Zae were hung because the people they killed one person, while Padme is jailed because the people believe she is a mass murderer. While the update was interesting, this confused me the smallest bit, no offense. I know the game isn't supposed to be completely logical.
Overall:
Wow, Ana. It's a great piece. I find it way interesting that you seemed to have set it in a more pre-modern (medevial ) fantasy time. You seem to have put a lot of energy into this piece. Great job. It was interesting, well written, and a great read. Thanks. You did a great job with adding personalities to Meru, and Padme.
Next is KingShoy. And, OMIGOSH! Dukes, reading your jail update made me squee. Thanks. <3 {{Her dreams went out the door, when she turned twentyfour--}}
Thanks! You didn't waste my time-- turns out it didn't matter anyway, I was fired today. @_@
Anyway-- Thanks for the critique! I'll explain myself a bit now.
I will have to go back in and be more descriptive. He's actually not a dwarf, just a sickly man lying on the floor >.> Also, I didn't mean for it to be cheery, I meant for it to be sort of mysterious... hmmmm... but I didn't want to completely depress anyone at the same time.
As for Meru, this is more decriptive error. It was a high-ish balcony made of stone, and the killer slammed her body up against it, cracking her head againt it in the process, and then threw her over.
I know what you mean about the Sniper part, I'll have to go back and fix that
and as for the inactivities... there's a part of the story I don't quite want to give away >.> There's a reason Padme is in 'jail' and the other two got sent to the gallows. Not to mention, these people were already renowned criminals, Padme would be a first offense and in need of a Trial, yes?
It's set in the 18th century, btw <3
but thanks that helped a lot!
{{She was gonna be an actress, she was gonna be a star...}}
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 11:09 am
Oh. I see. Reminded me of a dwarf because of the speech, an' my RP brain just sort of forced it into place. Sorry. ^-^; Alright, I understand the inactivities bit. Thanks for correcting me. ^-^ I'm sorry you got fired. <3
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 11:43 am
x_X; I'm afraid of my critique. The nice thing is, I can get it fixed whilst it's in the work, and hopefully have those fixes teach me how to continue the rest.
Thank you Missus Airaka~ <3
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 3:18 pm
*patiently awaits her critique* ^__^
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 5:59 pm
Somebody critique meeeeeee... gonk
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:13 pm
Someone comment mine...Please.
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:24 pm
Finished rewriting my stories.
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Reply
