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 Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 7:16 am
General Grievous: Ah...General Kenobi. What an unexpected surprise. And by unexpected I mean COMPLETLY EXPECTED!
*Pulls lever, catching Obi-wan in a containment field and laughs maniacaly*
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Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 11:02 pm
Droid: Um, Sir. There's a pair of Jedi on the way.
Grievous: Destroy them!
Droid: But... It's Skywalker and Tano.
Grievous: RETREAT AT ONCE!
Droid: But, Sir... Why?
Grievous: Skywalker's just a punk. It's his apprentice that scares me.
Droid: Roger roger.
( short while later )
Ahsoka: Master, it's too quiet here...
* lightsaber ignites and impales her from behind *
Anakin: NOOOO! * watches Ahsoka die *
Grievous: Wow, NOT giving a monologue really DOES help with ambushes...
Anakin: Ahsoka... crying
Grievous: Get over it, you wuss. Kriff. You know what? Screw it. DIE! * decapitates Anakin while he's crying *
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Darkened Angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 12:00 pm
Pash Antilles General Grievous: Ah...General Kenobi. What an unexpected surprise. And by unexpected I mean COMPLETLY EXPECTED! *Pulls lever, catching Obi-wan in a containment field and laughs maniacaly* dooby dooby doo-wah dooby dooby doo-wah dooby dooby doo-wah Ken! O! Bi! "Distance to power generators?" "Um....this many..." *holds up three fingers*
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Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:42 pm
Vader: Welcome, contestants. It's time to play...
Audience: DON'T BLOW UP YOUR PLANET!
Vader: Now then, Leia, you're 10 points behind. Answer this question correctly, and you'll get 20, putting you in the lead. Get it wrong, and you'll have to spin the Death Star wheel.
Leia: Bring it on, Darth.
Vader: Okay, for 20 points... Who will win the war between the Empire and the rebels?
Leia: Um... ... The... Rebel Alliance?
Vader: OOOOH! Sorry, the correct answer was the Empire.
Leia: But I've seen the movies, the rebels blow up the-
Vader: Time to spin the wheel!
Leia: I'm telling you, the rebels won the war. If you'd just watch-
Vader: No arguements. Our answers are confirmed by the best Imperial judges. Trust me on this. Now, spin the wheel!
* Leia spins the wheel, landing on Alderaan *
Vader: Looks like it's time to...
Audience: BLOW UP A PLANET!
Vader: What do you say, judges?
Palpy: Fire at will, Commander!
* Death Star blows up Alderaan *
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Darkened Angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 2:39 pm
Man-dalorian, Man-man-dalorian
Man-dalorian, Man-man-dalorian
Dave, the Mand'lorian,
Huge but a whimp.
His Vode, Fang and Candy
Are a noble and a chimp.
His Buire are the overlords
Of a world called Udrogoth.
They left to battle jedi, and
Now Candy is the
BOSS!
Dave, Fang, and Candy
Brave and bold, they're not.
They aint the greatest soldiers,
But they're the only ones we got.
Man-dalorian, Man-man-dalorian
Man-dalorian, Man-man-dalorian
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Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 3:49 pm
It's A Trap!
Sir...is it a bad time to mention we're out of fuel?
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:40 pm
Ackbar: Ugh. I am so tired of that joke its not even funny.
Officer: Admiral, Senator Fey'lya is on the comn. He wishes to invite you out to dinner as a way of apologizing to you for all the thinks he did in the past.
Ackbar: ITS A TRA-wait, where did he want to go?
Officer: Red Lobster.
Ackbar: ITS A TRAP!!
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:02 pm
Ackbar: Don't worry, fellas, our shields CAN repel firepower of that magnitude!
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 1:50 pm
Obi-won: Well the negotiations were short... And now we've been imprisoned with my least favorite Sith-lord. To make things worst, it seems our only hope is Jar-Jar.... Why has George Lucas betrayed me?!?!"
Last week's "Clone Wars" commercal for Cartoon Network.
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Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 2:48 pm
-Star Destroyer Pulls into a Death Star-shaped fast food joint-
Intercom-.... uh, hello, and welcome to Taco Star. Can I take your order?
Darth Vader- Yeah, uh... hey Tarkin, what'd you want again?
Tarkin- I wanted the chicken quesadilla. Do they have those?
Vader- Do you have chicken quesadillas?
Intercom- Yes sir.
Vader- He said yes.
Tarkin- Good, get me one of those and a large, unsweetened tea.
Vader- Okay... Admiral Ozzel?
Ozzel- Um... I want the Mexican pizza.
Vader- Again? But you always fart when you have those!
Ozzel- No no, it's good. I had some pepto bismal.
Vader- Oh... well.... fine then. Don't fail me again.... Admiral.
Intercom- Sir?
Vader- Oh yeah, hang on, I'm still deciding on what I want....
Tarkin- You said you were going to get the chicken fajita.
Vader- Chicken? But I don't like chicken... I'll get the tacos...
Tarkin- No... you'll get the chicken fajita.
Vader- But-
Tarkin- Vader, release him!!!
Vader-... That made no sense.
Tarkin- What?
Vader- Nevermind... fine, I'll get the beef fajitas. Is that it?
Intercom- That'll be 1700 Imperi-
Tarkin- Wait! The Emperor wanted something!
Vader- Gah, I forgot! (No, not really. I was trying to starve the b*****d...)
Intercom- ...
Vader- So... let's just get him the chimichanga..
Tarkin- He doesn't like those.
Vader- What? I thought he-
Tarkin- He wants the chicken fajita.
Vader- Man, what is with you and chicken fajitas?!
Trakin- I distinctly remember him saying he wanted the chicken fajitas.
Vader- No, he wanted the chimichanga.
Ozzel- Actually, I thought I heard him say-
Tarkin and Vader- ...........
Ozzel- ...nevermind.
Vader- ... Gah, fine, we'll get him the chimichanga.
Intercom- Okay, sir. That'll be-
Vader- Wait! What does he want to drink?!
Tarkin- Drink?
Vader- Yeah, I heard him say he wanted the new Mountain Dew "Force Lighting..."
Tarkin- Ah. Well, I think he'd prefer the Darthcola.
Vader- Are you sure?
Tarkin- Quite.
Vader- Okay then, that's all.
Intercom- ... that'll be 2400 Imperial Credits.
Vader- Okay, hang on.... wait... crap. I need a five. Does anyone have a five on them?
Ozzel- Govenor Tarkin, didn't you just get money at the First Bank of Muunilist?
Tarkin- Nonsense, that Bank was too remote to make an effective transaction. You shall provide the funds, Ozzel.
Ozzel- But sir, you just-
Vader- *choke*
Ozzel- *gasp* I-.. I-... Here-...
Tarkin- Vader, release him.
Vader- *takes the money and hands it over* As you wish...
Ozzel- *GASP*
Clerk- Thank you sir. Here's your order. Would you like a receipt.
Tarkin- Yes please.
Vader- Thanks. Ozzel, prepare the fleet for lightspeed.
Ozzel- Yes, Lord Vader.... wait!
Vader- ... Good, they didn't put the volcano sauce on...
Ozzel- They gave me wookiee meat! I wanted no wookiee meat!
Vader- Admiral Ozzel, the Emperor wants his food...
Ozzel- No! There's too much uncharted meat on my pizza!
Vader- Wait, Ozzel, don't turn around!-
Ozzel- *hops the curve*
Tarkin- *spills his tea on the Emperor's food*
Vader- You have failed me for the last time, Admiral... *chokes*
Ozzel- *dies*
Tarkin- Hmph. Now we need a new Admiral to command the ship.
Vader- Not a problem. Captain Piett?...
Piett- Yes, Lord Vader?
~
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Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 1:58 am
(Cene vs Durge)
*Insert vicious battle*
*Both Competetors break off, with Cene the worst to wear*
Durge: Give up, Mandalorian.
Cene: Never...for you see...you do not know the true power of the Mandalorians, the secret technique of the Taungs....our ultimate move.
Durge:....if you could see my eyes, they'd be rolling.
Cene: We'll see how long you laugh...when I show you...the Mando Burning Fist!
Durge: I'm waiting.
*Suddenly sections of Cene's armor pop open revealing gold plates underneath. red energy starts sparking around Cene as she poses*
Cene: Ibac gaan be ner cuy hettyc ge'tal! Kaysh ori jai rejorhaa at tayli parjai!!
Durge: What the...
Cene: MANDO....HETTYC....MAREV!!
*Punches Durge in the gut, the force lifting Duge off the ground*
Cene: BAL JII...HAAR KYR!!!
*Durge explodes violently*
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Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 11:53 pm
((...wow...um not bothering to translate that but it sounds impressive))
(Cene vs Durge: Alternate ending)
Durge: Give up Mandalo-
Cene: Hyakuretsu kyaku!!
Durge: Wha-
Cene: *Executes blindingly fast series of kicks to Durge's head
Cene: KikÅ-ken! *Blasts Durge with energy blast*
Durge: *Staggering about from repeated head trauma*
Cene: Now for the finisher! Spinning Bird Kick!! *Spin kicks Durge through a wall*
Announcer: K.O.! Winner...Cene Quell
Cene: *Laughs exitedly* Ya ta!
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:07 am
(erupting burning finger...)
*alternate, alternate ending*
*durge is beaten, standing up barely to stand*
Nakara: Finish him!
Cene: *up, up, down, x, b, left, right, down* *rips off mask and spits fire*
Nakara: Fatality!
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:18 am
((...Sayla the gundam nut.))
((Hmm...Probably should have used Cammy...Nakara would make a Great M. Bison...))
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 12:51 pm
{Mos Eisely Assault}
Luke: Okay, me and Windu are gonna lead the charge. Obi Wan, you're back up. Chewbacca and Han provide cover fire, and Aayla Secura helps anyone in trouble. Yoda, you go for thier knees.
Yoda: Strong I am, with the Force. But not that strong.
Leia: Hey, what about me?
Luke: Huh?
Leia: Don't I have a job?
Luke: Oh, yeah. You suck. Stay here and guard the health droids.
Leia: WTF, hell no! I'm twice as sexy as any of you!
Han: Sweetie, that doesn't matter here. Why don't you go do as your brother says, and..
Leia: Flip off, nerfherder! I'm just as good as anyone else.
Chewbacca: {Bantha Poodoo. Your gun sucks hutt nuts.}
Leia; You know what, F--- off! I'm going on my own!
~ Five Minutes Later~
Vader: I have you now!
Leia: Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Vader: No? I'm Darth Vader. *charges*
Leia: *headshots*
Vader: Eh? Was that a mosquito? *forcechokes*
Leia: I hate my life *dies*
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