Welcome to Gaia! ::

Mmmm, lemon.. heart

We were discussing the 10 commandments of Photoshop filters today. The first one (and the last one) is subtlety. Someone immediately asked "Where do I find the subtlety filter?"

IF ONLY.

Mmmm, banana.. heart

Mmm, Guava!

Here, kitty kitty twisted

AG, I'd like to have a little talk with you, if I may.

The events of the past week have been, in a word, detrimental to the entire structure of the guild. Sunday night/Monday morning was far and away one of the worst falling outs that this group has ever seen, and I think it would be fair to say that a number of us had no idea what was going on. Harshness was passed all around, people got up in arms and stormed off for one reason or another, I'm not going to try and say someone was right or wrong The fact is that the entire incident is a mess, and no one really understood what was going on between parties. So, here's my attempt to gather most of what I know, while still respecting the group who hasn't spoken up yet. But people need some kind of explanation, and if I'm wrong, so be it, step up and tell me that I've got it wrong.

Sunday afternoon marked a brief spat between Stream, Rachel and Shouj, which is really nothing unusual, it's something that we've all seen before. But afterwards, we suddenly have people popping up and saying that the AG is suffering from something, but go about it in vague enough terms to not be confrontational about it. From the view of the people speaking up, this would be a natural response to a series of issues that had been popping up more and more recently. However, we have to look at the other side of the fence here too.

I'm not Stream, and I'm not going to say this is absolutely what happened, but despite knowing what I do about this, once I began stepping back and coming in blind (like I would be if I had been coming back from my break without any knowledge of what was going on), I noticed a problem. These statements could be viewed as an attack against Stream's character, that he wasn't living up to the standard that we hold AG members to. While they may not have been intended as such, but the timing and wording could have implied that he was the problem. You can still be non-confrontational and point fingers.

If it was meant or not doesn't matter, the fact is that he took it however he did, and then things fell apart. I know several people have approached him in an attempt to apologize and try to explain themselves. But if you're going forward to just apologize about the way he interpreted something, then frankly, you're doing it wrong. You're apologizing for expressing yourself and actually having an opinion on something that matters to you, which is stupid. Rather than apologizing, you should be trying to explain yourselves entirely, which I know that some of you have tried to do. Which brings us to one of the other issues I have with this whole dispute.

I respect Stream, and I have valued his opinion for as long as I've known him, but I believe it's necessary for me to say that I'm very disappointed in the fact that he shut down communications with a fair number of the guild. I understand where he's coming from, if I felt unjustly wronged by a number of the people that I respected and treated as friends, I would back off. But at the same time, you can't just hold something against someone for the rest of your life, especially not people you've been close to. These kind of actions only lead to more friction and frustration that nothing was done, and nobody wants that hanging over them for however long. It affects more than just an individual, but everyone involved.

The AG, in my mind, has always been more or less reasonable, which means that we listen to one another and then give feedback, regardless of what other people might think. So don't think I'm blaming one or the other, the fact is that you're both acting out of sorts, refusing to talk or refusing to listen. And yes, you can validate both views, but that doesn't make either one right.

Look around. We've had almost a week, and as far as I can tell, we're no closer to a resolution to anything than we were on Sunday night. People don't want to touch this because they're afraid of setting off another shower of sparks, or have their own reasons, but just want to leave it alone. So I'm issuing a challenge. If you're willing to step up, then we can begin to make progress.

All I want is one person to step up from the 'civil discussion' group and explain themselves, on behalf of the other members of their group. More can speak up if they feel like it, but all I'm requiring is one person.

This is not me preparing to lay into anyone, you should all know me better than that, a ruthless assault isn't my way of dealing with thing. I've been going around and I see validity to both and so I'm going to defend and question both views, should it come to that.

Ignoring this will not make it go away. I, and probably several others, have lost sleep over this, so this is an important issue.

To give you enough time, the challenge stands from now to 8EST/5PST, which is a little over eight hours from this post. If no one steps forward tonight, then I'll assume that no one plans on it, and begin to reveal what I know, with my own personal slant on it.

I don't want that. I'm not a perfect mediator and I'll always have my own view on things, I would much rather people come forward and make their own validations for their actions, so that people can get into the heads of those involved. To promote understanding.

But I’m tired of letting this issue be the eyesore of the house, the massive water stain in the main hall that no one talks about, but everyone knows is there and doesn’t repair.

Time is ticking AG. You want civility, now is the time. People have had time to cool off and think about what's happened and what they may or may not have done. All I need is someone to step up and say that they'll explain themselves, follow through, and be willing to discuss this reasonably with, and with other people in the guild. I expect the same courtesy to be extended to members who have or haven't been involved, but may feel they've been wronged.

I am not your enemy. There is no enemy. I just want a resolution. And I'm sure that most of you do as well. So let's make it.

"All I want is one person to step up from the 'civil discussion' group and explain themselves, on behalf of the other members of their group."

I honestly don't see how much of an explanation is necessary anymore.
I don't know if I have the right to say anything. I didn't create the guild, so I don't know EXACTLY what was going through anyone's head, but this is the way it came across to me:
The guild was not created out of hostility and the desire to just b***h and whine about people. It wasn't created to shut people out.

It was created because people were having a problem, and didn't want to create more of a problem. How many of us have never gone to friends because someone else is making us angry? How many of us have never gone to friends to avoid starting a fight. To get things out. To avoid drama and hurt feelings and chasing people out of groups?

It's like Rachel said when I asked her this -
"that's what we do. we don't want to start a fight so we vent to friends, and in doing so we usually gain a perspective."

When I recieved the guild invite and went there the first time, I didn't see anything that said "Hey, we hate so-and-so." What I saw was an introduction that talked about a place to talk without drama, without having anyone getting mad at anyone else. To talk freely without any condescension or immaturity.

It was made with good intentions. And yes, that got a bit screwed up. It turned more into talk of one person, and it got a bit harsh. But it hasn't stayed like that. What was needed was a way to get rid of frustrations without making a big deal out of it. Unfortunately, that was what ended up making a big deal out of it in the end. In the past week we've talked about marketplace items, our lives, just random things.
That's what it was created for- a break from the AG. A break from when things seemed bad, or overly dramatic. So people had another place to go to if they needed it.

I don't see how anyone can be faulted for wanting that.

I know I'm trying to remain neutral and not piss anyone off. But it just upsets me that a group of AG-ers are being put on the spot like this for wanting somewhere to go when even AG couldn't offer them the comfort they wanted for one reason or another.
So... yeah.

Rachel, I think you're overreacting a little. No one, as far as I know, has accused anyone else of being awful/horrible or anything like that, but I may be a bit out of the loop. You and I have had a few discussions on the same point in the past, where you've used the male gender pronoun in a way that seems to shed a bad light on men. I really don't have much of a problem with it, and it's launched us into some interesting discussions about gender roles between us in the past. As for Stream, only he can really give you an answer about how he reacted the way he did and the reasoning behind it.

Going on to Ed and Aki, I hit on before that it wasn't so much that they said something, but rather the timing and context that it was taken in. Vagueness can be effective for subduing a situation, but when you get the feeling that something's wrong in your home, get in a little spat, then have people come up and say there's a problem, you tend to think for the worst. Again, that's just me talking about what I saw.

Still, the important thing is that these are getting out, including your own personal feelings.

RaeRae, I want an explanation for the guild. People deserve to know what happened and what went down, what's going on with the individuals involved so that they can make their own decisions on this. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get away and trying to work out things on a smaller scale. But when you can't address whatever the issue is with the larger group, we hit a road bump, one that no one's really prepared for.

Shouj, why didn't you feel like you could bring these kinds of things up in the guild? You've been one of the core members for the longest time, and certainly one of the most active and well-received. Much like Stream, you're an important part of the guild and always have been, so why the discomfort about coming to some of the other members of the guild and trying to take proactive action, even privately?