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The little things make me the happiest anymore. I guess I'm glad. I'm not some huge materialistic whore, needing all sorts of big fancy shiny things to be satisfied.

... The way he makes it sound, he keeps implying that he's bought me a lot of stuff for Christmas. And I'm broke and only got him two things -- well, one was $45, and the other was small, but still ... Feh, I'm gonna feel awful. ~_~; I mean, I don't know exactly how much he got me -- but he makes it sound like quite a few things, and that a few of them were expensive-ish. I'm glad he wants to spend the money on me, but I wish he wouldn't. We could be saving that money to move in together or something. I guess he just wants to give me a merry Christmas since he knows that my last .. oh, like eight or so have been terrible. *shrug*

I still will feel bad when he opens my two things and he's given me either a lot of things or a few really expensive things, despite him saying "I'd be fine with you wrapped in a bow." Maybe he didn't do as much as he's making it sound -- and I'd be fine with that. I don't want a lot of things, in fact, other than randomly mentioning a movie or game I'd like, I haven't told him anything I actually want. I guess I'm just not used to this kind of being spoiled. D:

Agh!! gonk Papercut on pinky in just the right spot where I'll keep on rubbing up against it.
It hurts like a b***h too. crying

gonk I so do hate getting up at this hour to babysit. It's such an ungodly hour to wake up at. And worst of all, I don't have to be down at my brother's house for another hour. gonk

I've got whipped cream on my nose! surprised

Haha. I love the egg nog.

Yeah, I have access to JSTOR via my school. PM me if you want to borrow my username & password, I'll tell you how to log into it. :]

There's a part of me that's sitting inside my head just crying and crying and throwing a fit and demanding to know when this is going to be OVER and my friends will stop acting like I've betrayed them somehow, but for once the rest of my brain is just kind of dull and not letting anything show through. Except I can't keep my hands still and I can't focus on my final tomorrow.


I don't want to be left out of their plans for New Year's. I want to go with them to the Rose Parade. I don't want to sit here by myself while they're all having a great time, just because she's not over it yet. I want my freaking friends back. I'm sick of being left out. I said I was sorry, I told them I wish I could change things and make it better. I gave them space. I sat there and let them b***h at me for all the things I did wrong, and I took it quietly. I apologized, I tried to explain myself, and I apologized some more. I tried to tell them that I don't think anything's going to happen, because I don't think anything WILL. But it's never going to be enough, is it?
I always complain that my biggest fear is being left alone, being abandoned, being ignored...and yet I brought it on myself. Great going.




I'm tired of this s**t.

...wow, do I feel like a retard.

Apparently to get the Christmas items for the TWELVE DAYS OF GAIAN CRIMMUS, you have to just click the "Home" tab each day you first go onto Gaia. (aka, I don't need to keep logging in every time since I have my computer remember this username.)

THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME MISS FOUR DAYS OF ITEMS GAIA. scream