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 Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 11:15 am
Yes, indeed. Nola, I'll try to call you today. I got banned from Blessed Be. *shrugs* Ah, well, I guess it was time and then time past.
-LD
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 2:43 pm
You know....
I'm just remembering how much there is to be thankful for. For me, I have friends and family to spend today with, kindnesses to give and to receive, and friends who won't turn their backs on me even if I piss off a lot of people in their guild. I'm just so grateful for everything.
I don't know if you guys read Megatokyo, but there's this one strip, the first anniversary of September 11th, that always makes me cry. All it is is Boo, an angel/hamster conscience, sitting there with his clip-on wings on the ground, looking up wistfully, and the words "Just remembering", and it always makes me cry, no matter how many times I see it. It touches a spot in me that I can't resist, so profoundly and so softly, that I can do little else but cry.
But even so, there it is. And right now, I feel the same way--just a little sad, a little wistful; a little warm, a little joyful--and sitting here, listening to a beautiful song and the even more beautiful sounds of a full house, and smelling the dinner, I can't help but feel so...so blessed.
Too often I forget this, too often I forget that this exists. So I feel like saying a prayer, just a little prayer, just for today. Thanks, to anyone willing to hear it. I love all of you, and I wish you all the health and happiness in the world.
Love and Vale,
~Leavaros Dapple
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 3:56 pm
How in the world did you get banned from Blessed Be?!
*runs off to check the guild*
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:04 pm
Gods, Leav, I must admit that I was pretty ticked at you after I read your last post...
But then I saw you withdrew your app. and I couldn't be happier.
My family went over to my mom's cousin's house today. My grandparents were there, and my great-aunt and her husband (which may as well be my great-uncle...I don't even know the real one...), and another cousin of Mom's and their son.
It was just nice to enjoy a dinner and say "Yeah, I got accepted and I still need to apply to their Journalism program" fifty times.
But I did make a few bucks to go toward my bowling fundraiser. We're selling candy bars. I haven't had mine, yet...it's probably nasty as what.
Hopefully I won't be up too late with catching up on my writing. I think I'll call the boyfriend before too long. Didn't see each other today, and it's not gonna happen tomorrow, either because he's got a DnD thing with his friends and I'm going shopping and out to the grandparents' to work. Hopefully I'll get paid a lot so that I can get everyone everything I need for Christmas.
And then hopefully I'll have enough for myself for a Yule gift on top of that. But I know everyone else goes first. May as well save my money until after X-mas...all that card money...then I can buy myself some nice runes or something...
At any rate, I don't want to be up too late...well, much later than I'm already going to be writing this novel (wait, excuse me, novella, as someone already pointed out...), but...
TaTa
heart dramallama heart
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:22 pm
Sorry, but I'm not apologizing. I meant what I said, and it's their fault if they take offense to it. The way I see it, if they can't handle a debate, they should get out of the forums. Lion check the Witch Behavior thread and see if I'm wrong.
I think Muse was on today.... I miss her so.
-LD
P.S. I'm typing this from my new state-of-the-art notebook!
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:53 pm
OMGs I want a notebook! Oh well, I'm getting one for my birthday. I still have to pick out which one...I'm going to enlist in the boyfriend's help for that...
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 8:07 pm
Wow Varos, if I didn't know any better I'd think I was reading a post I'd written when I was nought but seventeen. Took my an hour to get through that damn thread, Christ on his Cross some people can be wordy and longwinded, and I'm hardly even referring to you. Yeah, I'm shocked too.
I am torn though, because I see a lot of myself in you, and a lot of myself in my closest friends. Yet, when I see them do things that were devoutly ground into my character years ago, but are mostly diminished and placid now, I hardly know what to think.
There is no room to disagree with your opinion, not because they are wrong, or because it is wrong to attempt to dissolve an opinion, but because I agree with you. However, I am not everyone, and everyone is not me. I have stood up to a drunken parent before and won the battle, it was a hard fight and not one I would ever insist anyone else get into. It was a hard fight and my throat and voice were raw and hoarse by the end times and be sure that the war waged on long after the battle. I personally don't believe you were judging Kat for not being totally honest with everyone. What I believe, because I am your friend and thus biased, though not against my will, is that you were simply stating the fact that if you aren't honest about everything despite the consequences then you are merely holding yourself captive to not a lie but a truth.
In your numerous defences you do turn into the Christian you hate so much. This is not your conscious fault, it is your fault, fault being the optimal word here, but your passion; something it seems like you garnished from me in our multifarious private conversations and ever continuing 'at odds' debates here in this humble book guild. Keep in mind now and then that not everyone is a war machine like myself, ready and capable of parlaying with a crass, passionate young mind like yours (yes I am only 21 but I reside myself to being infinitely wiser than many people I know, you are one of these people). Hubris, my lovely little Leavaros, is both a bane and a boon. At times one must sheath hubris and dawn our ambassadors robes, there are times for passion and times for complacency. If this sounds weak to you, let me ask you this, would I tell you, a reliable, close friend of mine, that you should be weak in any way shape or form? Next point.
I am not trying to save face here, so get that out of your head when you read this next part.
I do not agree with their blatant attacks on your character. I am entirely judgemental and it gets me into all kinds of trouble. I justify situations by judging them and the people involved, is that wrong? Of course not, it is merely a mathematical way to approach a situation. Now, this isn't the case with you sadly, I merely like to praise my own spotless and wholesome character now and again. You were commenting passionately on a situation, as I do everyday. There is nothing wrong with that, as I will claim for you that you had not targeted Kat but merely her situation and attempted to provide words of wisdom. Remember Varos, not everyone can stand up for themselves, I myself can end lives if I so wished and it would hardly tax or phase me, that gives me a confidence that is far reaching and thicker and stronger than many walls. It is only buttressed by the fact that I have no fear of death, for in death I will choose to no longer exist physically or mentally, Heaven and Hell are non-existent to me. Kat is not me, and while I don't believe you targeted her, you ran the length of a fine line with your words at a breakneck speed that most people misinterpreted. If I have instead misjudged your words in Blessed Be then perhaps I have no relevant standing.
On a final note pertaining to how a witch should act, you did right in your last post, explaining how a debate should work. But I saw what I never thought I would never see from you, and that is your words towards the member who quit, I forget her name. However, her petition was wrongly set against you, quitting for the mere purpose that you had an opinion, conflict everyone, should never be avoided, but engaged on the most suitable of paths. Your words stunned me, I've seen a dark side of you, but you spoke out of line, true and simple. I will not deny that I felt the same as you did at her post, but if she wishes to quit then let her go quietly, after all, don't you believe in the rule of three?
On a happier note, I've written chapter 4 of my book! And am knee deep in chapter 5! I just want to thank my library, it is my inspiration, I sit there and words fly into my head, sometimes without even knocking first! I do hope everyone reads my work, or at least browses it. I know realism-fantasy isn't for anyone, but I will be publishing this someday and I want to be really good. And a big thanks to Aril who has supported me through 3 long chapters! heart heart And Shadow_Dragon, who I know wink has read my latest chapter but has not had the time to post a well meaning reply.
the Lion
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 9:23 pm
*sigh* I don't see why I should have to be an ambassador at all, or a diplomat, or a warrior. I was honest--why is that so wrong?
As I told Maggie, I would never attack a person's character in a true to heart debate. And if I did, I would have done so much more personally than I had. I actually enjoyed Kat--I thought she was an interesting person, and I bore her no ill will whatsoever. I still don't. You know me, better perhaps than anyone on here--would I be so cruel to a person? Never, never! And in saying that she was holding herself captive to a truth, there can be no doubt that you knew exactly what I meant.
I do not hate Christians or my heritage--I have long since accepted that honesty, directness, end-point logic, zeal, and passion (zeal and passion in the sense of "ideal" or "ethical" and "emotional" feelings) are all parts of me that are powerful tools that I can use to form powerful arguments from. I see no reason to shun them--each plays an integral role in my functioning.
Hubris? You think I am being proud? Far from it--I had layed out each f m shortcomings in turn and accepted them or (tried to?) change them. If I am proud at all, it is because I have at least chosen to see myself, and show myself unto others, free of the bias of society and the defensive deceit that I had woven. If I stand tall, it is only because I have lifted myself from my own misery and cast off my net of lies.
No, Lion, I don't think you've ever tried to save face with me or anyone else. And your estimation of what I have attempted to do is entirely correct. I am a creature of passion and direction--to say I am less would be misleading. I can be foolish, but I would never have said those words with anything less than purely good intent. Why else would I end with "Love and Vale"? Would I tarnish my personal prayer with such a thing? Never, never!
...I ran the length of a fine line with my words at a breakneck speed that most people misinterpreted. I didn't think anyone could see it....
Would you believe me, Justin, if I told you that that fine line is exactly the "golden thread" I talk about running through my poetry? That golden thread, that defining heart-string of mine that winds through my work, the reverberations of which make people weep with mixed emotions that are not theirs...that purest note that sings through my heart is the same cutting, undeniable, untouchable truth that rang through the Blessed Be forums, that woke rage (and fear?) in the hearts of the most placid people, content to cling to insubstantial shadows and mind-thickening fog. I might never re-enter those forums, but I will never be forgotten there.
No, I meant every word to that girl--if she wishes to leave, then so be it, but I actually kind of liked the brutal honesty she displayed. In all honesty, I would have liked to know her better--someone that direct I can have no petty issue with. If that requires a dark side, then so be it. If she is so weak, or so narrow-minded, that she can leave such a good guild on a whim because of one debate, then she didn't deserve to be there in the first place. And no, I don't believe in the threefold-rule.
And I suppose I didn't either. I should have known from the start that it wouldn't work out--I swear they are a different breed. They have blunted themselves and blinded themselves so that I feared they could see and feel nothing at all--gods and men, but their forums were so...stuffy. Every other post is "baby-proofed" with "I don't mean to offend anyone" or "this is just my opinion", like they're sheep or guests rather than brothers and sisters in the guild. But they aren't blunted so, and they aren't blinded so--I have watched as each spark of anger hit dry timber, and not only at my words, but at each other's reaction.
And perfectly enough, tragically, beautifully enough, I saw the sparks of understanding, poignant sorrow, and sharp rage follow my departure, an esteemed member, fallen from grace, exiled for speaking his mind, and for being true to his heart.
I'm not sad that I'm gone. I'm sad that I had to go. I could never coexist with that kind of...emptiness.
Love and Vale, (Honestly!)
~Leavaros Dapple
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 9:54 pm
The art of respect applauds the use of the ambassador, complimenting yet honest. There is an order to life, a hierarchy that should be adhered to. Granted, none of those people proved worthy of such a respectful note, however, one comes off as the bigger man not because he apologized but because he was able to hold his tongue when it wasn't necessary for him to use it. Why would you want to be the better man when it could compromise your character, for the simple reason that you are a good boy, and I should like you to grow up a good man.
I would never speak to my children the way you ask everyone to speak to each other, it is entirely uncouth and unnecessary. Beyond the point that they will not know God or false beliefs, it would be harmful to tell them full truths, just as it can be harmful to tell someone much older full truths.
You can flaunt your creed and sexuality, I could care less. Flaunt your Love and your zeal, it isn't mine so it hardly bothers me. But to be human is to adjust, to be able to adjust and understand that compromise is an acceptable misgiving. You come off as my friend does, in that he refuses to say please and thank you for fear of being subservient. Only you flat out refuse to follow anything but your own personal Way. Much like a Christian orthodox. Your Way is seen as a face first liberal cannon ball fired from a conservative cannon, the hypocrisy of it all is terribly funny.
The world needs more honest people, but even fewer still are the willing ambassadors that keep us human.
the Lion
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 10:22 pm
I'm not sure I agree, but you've certainly made some interesting points.
However, true honesty is an end goal--as I've said countless times, everything comes with time. I would no more suggest that one speak to a child as one speaks to a peer--the one is undeveloped, the other, fully capable of such speech.
And actually, I've said please and thank you to almost everyone I know--including everyone who has posted in this thread. I've apologized many times, and I can be very diplomatic, when I see fit. However, just as you have said, I like to rectify situations before I have to apologize, and.... Have you ever considered that we are best made into men following our own characters?
I do disagree, however, in that I have never used "The Way" in that sense at all, but only as a metaphor. I've toned down the Love stuff, not because of what you've said, but because of what you haven't. I don't think I'm being hypocritical--I think I'm being honest.
But I have a feeling you're only trying to draw something out of me, rather than actually confronting me. Lion, you know I care about you. So why do you continue to demonize me so? Do you take joy in hurtful words? I do not. Is there no better way to--?
Oh. Yeah. I see.
Perhaps you're right. Maybe I'll try a little harder to be diplomatic. I'll try to pick my battles better from now on--maybe a few that I can win, like taking on the typos in your New Fantasy.
Thanks, Lion. Whether you meant to or not, you've given me another piece of the puzzle.
Love and Vale,
-LD
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:57 am
I started to read that, but then I realized that you guys went on forever and a day, then I stopped.
Let's leave the other guild...on the other guild (or, rather, for those who can). It isn't fair for those who don't know what we're talking about.
Oh, let's see...it's barely ten in the morning and I'm already pissed at my dad because he thinks that everyone should jump at what he says...I've got s**t to do, ******** off! Grr... domokun
...and, yes, writing for November is more important than the damn floor!
Anyways, Mom swore she was going to get up at like four in the morning to go shopping...she didn't. It was like seven. And now she's on her way home...
And Grandma called already. We're supposed to go to her house and help with the chores (putting up Christmas decorations and lights, raking leaves, and taking down the Thanksgiving decorations) sometime today, but again...my writing, people, my writing!
Oh well, at least I get paid at the grandparents' house!
So, yeah, see you guys later today, probably... heart dramallama heart
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 8:24 am
Ivory, as I'm not targeting the arguments of the members of Blessed Be there is no reason to include them. This is not a debate, it simply an honest parlay between two friends with reference to a topic including others but not involving them. I assure you and others that the topic will soon change back to our normal griping and moaning about personal lives.
Leavaros, I've often found that confronting someone outright has led to them being less susceptible to my teachings. If I merely toss a stone at you so that you turn and see me instead of throwing the whole brick to get your full attention, then it is merely a demonstration of my ambassadorship. Whether or not I enjoy demonizing and tormenting others with riddles and half-truths is not of any concern, it is the lesson I'm trying to leave behind for you to learn.
It is ultimately not my call on which battles you fight, but I do implore everyone to be intelligent in the choices they make. If you know a battle is too big but realize that even losing the battle will mean a moral victory then I would support it. If a battle is small but would in the end demonize you in the eyes of others I would say let it be. The lesson here is that life is not about winning but living. As informal and indecisive a statement as that is, I believe subjectivity of the lesson is knowing when to appeal to your inner morality and when to accommodate others.
It was your choice to relax your tongue on the subject of Love, however, it can be said that you did it as a favour to me, as that is how I like to see it, and for that I thank you. It takes a strong person to put their pure beliefs on a secondary pillar for someone else.
I don't want to take all the credit for you finding another piece of your puzzle, maybe you didn't even find one, but perhaps turned it back over to see what was put onto it? To me you have always been stalwart and resolved, this little stint was merely a passionate release. Or perhaps I gave you too much credit to begin with? In either case, you have learned or relearned, that's all I care about.
Now let's put this debacle behind us, ignorance is not something I enjoy discussion, let be Blessed Be, let us not praise them any longer with our parlay.
the Lion
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 11:03 am
Life is not about winning, but about living.... I feel like I wrote that, maybe a long, long time ago. Perhaps we are even more integrated than I thought.
Now, not to bring up a sore subject, but sometimes truly loving someone means putting your own feelings too the side, and sometimes, silence speaks all the words that need to be said, and none of those that don't.
So don't you dare think that I don't love you. I'm just not nearly as...pushy about it, anymore.
Love and Vale,
-LD
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 1:52 pm
Leavaros Life is not about winning, but about living.... I feel like I wrote that, maybe a long, long time ago. Perhaps we are even more integrated than I thought. Now, not to bring up a sore subject, but sometimes truly loving someone means putting your own feelings too the side, and sometimes, silence speaks all the words that need to be said, and none of those that don't. So don't you dare think that I don't love you. I'm just not nearly as...pushy about it, anymore. Love and Vale, -LD It does sound like something you would say, perhaps in the miles long stacks of our conversations you once beat it into me. Maybe in a deep recess of my mind I thought it back into existence to give it back to you as a grounding for your thoughts. And I never said you didn't love me, nor would I ever doubt it. It is our respect that keeps us on the same page and love that allows us to put the other first. But in other news, Chapter 5 is complete! Wow, I'll be posting 2 chapters in a single day, Aril will be up to her eyebrows in catching up! Sorry Aril! the Lion
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:06 pm
Lion, I feel you would enjoy this: I confess--Warhammer 40K is one of the most addictive games I've ever watched. It's up there with Disgaea and Kingdom Hearts.
I went to BestBuy today to get Medieval Total War II (as I just got a new computer), and I brought a friend who wanted this old game called Dawn of War. I sighed and got it for him (he's paying me back later), and proceeded to play MTW2.
I got annoyed, so he installed DoW. At first, I wanted nothing more than to watch Kiddy Grade, but soon, I was looking over his shoulder, and commenting on the game. Within minutes, I was giving advice (after playing games like Starcraft and Warcraft for nearly a decade, I feel like I have some authority), and withiin the hour, I got really involved with the actual story.
I don't think I've been reeled in like that since Starcraft with Charlie.
Just saying: I'm beginning to understand the obsession with the games--they're really well-made.
Love and Vale,
-LD
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