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Minerva the Whore 4 Books
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 Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 9:41 pm
About your slutty friend,,,If you've talked to her and she won't change, then gradually lose contact with her. (No need for a big friend break-up confrontation, but if it's only going to cause you anxiety to be around her say "hi" when you see her, but don't spend hours together or use the telephone.) It's difficult - I know from experience when I had to drop a drug-using friend that wouldn't accept my help or see the error of her ways - but it must be done; if she's going down don't let her drag you down with her (even if it is merely by bogging you down by constant worry).
About long-distance relationships...In a romantic sense? It's a No-Go. talk2hand It almost never works. Absence doesn't "make the heart grow fonder." E-mails and telephone conversation are never as good as face-to-face.
If a couple has been together for a while, and one of them has to go on a trip for a few months and then permanently return home that's okay, however moving far away to a new place for years with only a couple in-person visits every year...Well, that's easily a set-up for heartbreak and disaster. crying
That, being said, long-distance friendships are great! The only difference between a super-close friendship and a close boy/girlfriend is the physical contact. After all, don't people seek the same qualities in friends as they do in spouses? question Loyal, fun, smart...You get the idea. mrgreen Hence, if you don't have the physical interaction the romance is doomed to fail.
No, I'm not suggesting love = sex. I'm saying that a lover is a friend you're attracted to, and without a way to express the attracton what would stop a couple from reverting back to friendship?
I know there are rare cases when long-distance love works, but it doesn't have the best record. My advice doesn't sound optimistic...I'm truly a cheerful person whee that's simply sharing my honest and realistic opinion. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 9:31 pm
XO
That's pretty much what everyone has been telling me. Thanks for your advice. ^ ^
Ah well. I suppose trying doesn't hurt...after all, experience is the best teacher.
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Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 8:42 am
*POP*
Hum, I'd help with your delema but it seems as though you've already gotten some great answers!
*POP*
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Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 5:14 pm
I am terribly sorry about this, but I must strongly disagree with your assessment of long distance romantic relationships. Scottie and I have been together for... today's the 1? That means that tomorrow will be exactly 1 year, 5 months for us, and in that time, we have seen each other a grand total of five times. Once in August, once in October, once in January, once in March, and once in April. Hopefully (doubtfully) I will be seeing him for the sixth time this coming Wednesday. A lot of people think that they can discredit our having a long distance relationship since we DO see each other, but we didn't meet face-to-face until after we'd been together for seven months. That means that our relationship lasted for over half a year with no contact, and in that time, we never once fought, got angry or upset with one another. Even though we weren't physically together, we were together emotionally and spiritually. Even though we weren't in the same place, everywhere I went I could.... feel him.
Relationships aren't just built upon physical contact and showing affection through touch. They're based on trust. A long-distance relationships greatest enemy and best friend is trust. If you can trust that the person you're with would never cheat on you, would never betray you in anyway, it will last, no matter how long it takes for you to be together. I have never once suspected him of cheating on me with other girls, and he has never doubted me. The reason?
Trust is all based on communication. We tell each other everything. If a girl at school hits on him (which they do often... he's so sexy 3nodding ) he tells me that night, and often is disturbed by it. When I inadvertantly flirt with someone (which I do a lot. I'm not really flirting. I'm friendly. However, these days no one will believe that a girl can just be friendly towards a boy, so I'm called a flirt often) I always tell him the minute we're on the phone. Because he tells me these things and because I tell him, we never think the other is hiding something.
No relationship lasts without complete trust. In any relationship, both people have to give and receive every bit of themselves and the other person. Long distance relationships are no different. The only reason they have such a harder time is because they have a built in reason to suspect foul play from the other person involved, especially on the girls side. 'Men all have such strong sexual needs, why would he be loyal to me when there are plenty of women there?' Of course, men think the same thing.
It's not fair to say that long distance relationships have a bad track record. It's not the relationships that have a bad record. It's the people in them. People who get into long distance relationships more often than not are in it because it doesn't (they think) require the same kind of commitment as a normal one. The people who screw these relationships up are often the same people who screw up normal face-to-face ones.
I'm not with Scottie for a relationship. I'm with him because I care about him. I love him. And he loves me. And because we have based our relationship on that and not on being together all day and night, it works. If I broke up with him because I never got to see him, what would that solve? I still wouldn't see him, and I'd lose that love. I'd rather be with him than anyone else, so why would I give him up just for a few kisses? Long distance relationships can only work if the two really love each other, just like any other relationship. It's easier to realize you don't really love them in a long distance relationship because you're not distracted by the kisses and the sex and all of that. When you never get to see them, your love is all you have, and if that's not there, it won't last. If you're meant to be together, nothing can keep you apart, even when you are actually apart.
 
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Minerva the Whore 4 Books
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Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 11:52 pm
Mia, I'm honestly glad that it works for you. I did say it's a bad idea for most people. I know teenage couples and middle-aged couples that've tried it, and it's never worked from what I've seen (unless they were married and it was a few months separation). Turayza can attempt it if she wants, and I wish her the best of luck. smile
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Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 6:42 am
Thanks Mia! That was inspiring. ^ ^ That was also the first time I've heard anything positive about long-distance relationships... (Lol, I like the icons)
I don't really think it's long-distance relationships in particular where trust and communication is an issue, but if you constantly see each other it's like a frequent reminder of where your focus should lie.
Thanks Minerva. I'm hoping that what we've built up over eight months will last. All the other relationships my friends are having are ridiculously short though. XO
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Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 3:08 pm
I know that long-distance relationships don't make it very often, but it's really not fair to say that since NO relationship has much of a chance of making it these days... I mean, over 50% of people who get married also get divorced, and if you get divorced once, you are (I think... this may be off by a bit but I know it's in the 90's) 95% more likely to get divorced again. Honestly, I think that long distance relationships get such a bad rap because a lot of the people online who are lying about who they really are, hoping that when they finally reveal themselves, the person will see past the lie and love them for who they are, and it never works. The internet is built for lying about who you are. So, again, honesty is important. I don't think a long-distance relationship should be treated any differently than a normal one. Be honest and trust that he's being honest with you. Don't give in to the idea that you can lie and keep secrets from him just because he won't figure it out.
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Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 3:33 pm
Thanks. I was looking around for people with experience to try and avoid any possible hurdles. Is there anything specific I should watch out for, or any situtations where doing one particular thing will make both our lives easier?
Ohh. Well, there's a bit of a difference between the two--there's a long-distance relationship that begins close, and one that begins from far away. I'd think getting to know someone closely beforehand might be important for trust and honesty to emerge.
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Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 12:22 pm
I don't know. I think some of it comes from how you met. Scottie and I were introduced by a mutual friend, Dwight. Now normally, I wouldn't let a guy hook me up, but Dwight's as far from a guy as one can get without being a transvestite, so... yeah! It has worked out beautifully. We were friends (online) for about two months prior to his asking me out. We came home from school everyday and immediately got online to talk to each other. He was so easy to talk to that after a few weeks I was telling him everything. He always knew when something was bothering me, even though we were only talking on i.m.
Best advice I can give you:
Again, don't keep secrets from him.
If you think he's keeping something from you or lying to you, don't play games to figure it out, because then you're stuck with reading the signs from the games. It's much easier to read the signs when you confront them about it. If you think he's lying, tell him you're not sure you believe him. If he gets really aggressive and overly-defensive, he's lying. If he's upset, but more composed, he's likely telling the truth. If he doesn't say anything, it all depends on what he says next and how he says it. Pay attention to anything he says that you don't totally believe, and bring it up again later to make sure that the story stays the same. If it's different in any way, he's lying. If the first time he tells you he and his buddy Fred went out, but the next time it's John, he was probably doing something he shouldn't, and if he tries to avoid the subject, it probably involves a girl. If it turns out he was lying to you, break it off, even if he comes clean. If he was lying about something like that, it means that the only reason he won't in the future is because now he knows he can get caught. He's definitely learned a lesson, but not the one you wanted. Instead of learning 'I should be loyal to her because I care' he's learned 'I should be loyal to her so she doesn't figure it out'
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Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:09 pm
*POP*
Apparating in to say - Midnight tonight is the last chance to vote for your favorite May Fan Fiction. I know I don't have to say to vote for the best story, regardless of whether or not someone from your House wrote it...
We have some GREAT stories this month, and at the moment a 3 way tie to for first place!
May FanFiction Contest
Mad Eye Moody says "Keep an Eye Out" for an exciting House Appreciation Month announcement sometime later this weekend...*POP*
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LadyHealingHands Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 2:37 pm
Ack.... Hm... I guess I need to get writing for the next one...
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 4:11 pm
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:23 pm
"Wit beyond measure...A Banner by me!  ...is a man's greatest treasure."
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:00 pm
Yay Luna! =D
High five. XD
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