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 Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 6:26 pm
Mine's finished! Give me obnoxious comments.
cool
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 6:31 pm
Scelero has itches for comments... or maybe that's just Scelero's nose. :O
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 6:37 pm
Mine was actually kinda true. About four days ago, I was up so late my mom disconnected the modem. Not that it did much, as I still have The frozen throne on my Ibook, but it was about 40°C in my room, even with the ceiling fan on and the windows open (don't worry, its the coldest room on the second floor of my house) and I can't go to bed at that temperture, so I pulled a chair up to the window and watched the heat lightning and my neighbors kids sneak out and play with a stomp rocket.
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 7:38 pm
Anagove  {{Her dreams went out the door, when she turned twentyfour--}}Opal: I liked your update, but I really don't think it's a good idea to tell everyone that you don't think you'd make a good GM or that you tend to forget things. People aren't going to want you to forget to update, yes? And of course they want a good GM.
Obviously you think you'd be a good one if you tried out-- so why tell everyone you wouldn't be?
{{She was gonna be an actress, she was gonna be a star...}} Thanks, Ana. I'll take note....
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 7:45 pm
I've just learned that I can't play in the next game or apply for GM gonk I have to go on some f&*#ing trip to F&*#ing nova scotia. I'VE ALREADY BEEN TO NS MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT! crying
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 7:55 pm
Really? Is it that many times? My Ironic God, the Irony Gods really like to prod us all with the things Sib likes... ._.
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:24 pm
*sneaks into the thread from the outside world* Alright, since I'm bored, and tired of just lurking here, I'm willing to critique peoples work.
First off, let me say one thing: While you may think it looks pretty, centering your writing, but it actually makes it harder to read. At least, for me it does.
General Writing Types: Send your work through a spell check as soon as you finish, correct all mistakes. Then, read it over, make sure it makes sense to you. If the rules allow it, you should ask someone else to read your work, see if it makes sense to theme, maybe ask then to check your grammar, and critique it. Lastly, read it over one last time for yourself. Then, and only then, submit it. ^-^You only asked for comments, so, to me, that means, you only wish for fluff. Fluff as in not obnoxious comments.
Using a Sin as the jail bird interested me. To use a personification of the violation of God. You could go very far if you ever decided to make a story on that. Very appealing.
I found IHD's death quite amusing, and I liked that suspense when she was first waiting for her dare only to have it end with an insult.
Your sniper sure is sneaky. ^-^ Creepy sneaky.
As for the inactivity bit, it's quite mysterious.
If you wish for more tougher, less fluffy statements, just say so, okay?HirunHikari Mine's finished! Give me obnoxious comments.
cool
Your application was actually quite enjoyable to read. It had good grammar, and fair sentence structure. Though I was disappointed by how Meru was killed. I always believed the Crazy Killer would be more "Crazy" then a couple quaint stabs to the gut, and a shove down down the laundry shoot.
You used more names then those who are killed/jailed/inactive, which is unusual. It could make the game confusing if you won the GM contest and continued to do such. Though, personally, I enjoyed seeing more personalities then usual. Though, you may want to bold the names of the people who got jailed/killed/removed, if you continue to add extra people.
Jarret's death, I cannot tell whether it annoyed me, or pleased me. While it was a surprise to see him die instead of Bullet Rift, surprises aren't always a good thing. He had two sentences to say, one not even a complete one, and then he died. I would have liked more on him.
I'm guessing Jarret was shot from the back, through the head, yes? And he was bleeding all the way through? That doesn't make much sense, actually. If the bullet had passed straight through Jarret's head, Bullet would have been hit.
The jailing was cute.. in a sense. In a sense that I am fairly insane. Now, back to critique. When I read the name "Matilda", I thought more of a more witch like character. You might have wanted to use a name more like "Helga" even though it isn't Swedish. Well known as being a fairly unattractive female name. ^-^
When Sakura screamed, I did not feel much terror myself. I would have placed her scream before you described Matilda, thus giving the world a sense of horror approaching, instead of after you described Matilda, especially with Matilda's description.
Insom's scream confused me. Did she scream because Sakura screamed? Or because she saw Matilda? Neither makes much sense. Sakura's screamed wasn't short enough to startle anyway. She screamed a sentence.
I'm guessing that you wrote the story as if it were at least day two, so Insom being afraid of Matilda wouldn't make much sense. Insom spent one whole day with her.
For your information Caps Lock isn't quite as appealing as you think it is.
The Inactivity update was quite interesting. That the two inactivities didn't die is something new, as well. I liked it. ^-^
Scelero... I'll comment on yours in a bit. I'm not that good at poems, so it may be... odd? An' Omigosh... This seems like a long post. ^-^;
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:28 pm
Airaka Scelero... I'll comment on yours in a bit. I'm not that good at poems, so it may be... odd? An' Omigosh... This seems like a long post. ^-^;
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:36 pm
Moans, groans, questions, comments, critiques, insults, compliments, what'cha got?
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:44 pm
No comments for me right now, please. I'm tired, and I think tomorrow would be better for me.
Oh! And my request to join the guild just got accepted. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:46 pm
heart Scelero
Though, love me? Most people here don't know anything about me. ^-^;;
Alright, Scelero's poem critique. Poems could be more enjoyable for the readers then the written story line updates, no offense, though they are much more difficult, and just as they could be enjoyable, they could become throughly annoying. If you are planning on having each and everyone of them rhyming, it may be even more difficult.
Poems need immense feeling shot through them, though, so you may wish to work on shooting up the emotional aspect of things. Put more description in to the saddness of death, the joy of the sniper and crazy killer, the anger of being locked away while you are innocent.
I was, honestly, expecting a Jail bird, as it has been a tradition throughout the games. Though, I do not know whether or not the rest of the people believe the same. You will need to question them on that matter.
Hmm... That's all I've got problems with, Scelero. Sorry. ^-^;
If anyone wants critique from me, I'm willing to give it, though you'll need to specify whether or not you wish for more fluffy comments, or harsher ones.
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:49 pm
Airaka You only asked for comments, so, to me, that means, you only wish for fluff. Fluff as in not obnoxious comments.
Using a Sin as the jail bird interested me. To use a personification of the violation of God. You could go very far if you ever decided to make a story on that. Very appealing.
I found IHD's death quite amusing, and I liked that suspense when she was first waiting for her dare only to have it end with an insult.
Your sniper sure is sneaky. ^-^ Creepy sneaky.
As for the inactivity bit, it's quite mysterious.
If you wish for more tougher, less fluffy statements, just say so, okay?
I love those things you said, thanks. ^^
More tough love! You can tell me some obnoxious comments, I want full opinons on mine.
heart
So you said that whole Sin thing is good?
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:49 pm
All righties. Most of my poems are just amusing little things that rhyme, but I'll see if I can make them more emotional. :O
And I was going to put in a jailbird, but I didn't want the jailing part to be longer than the actual killing-people-off part. sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 9:15 pm
{{Her dreams went out the door, when she turned twentyfour--}} Me too, Airaka! Give it to me, uNF. XD
Oh, and I shoud maybe take out my post style >.> that's why it's all centered and whatnot. <3
{{She was gonna be an actress, she was gonna be a star...}}
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 9:37 pm
Alright! Working attacking GTHB's entry. ^-^ Next is you Ana.
As for the post style, Ana, my chat style is usually centered, but when making RP posts or stories, I make sure my type is not centered. People are used to reading as if it were a book, and the centered throws people off balance.
Alright, Scelero, understood. Emotion will add more meat. And... I like meat. ^-^;;
Sorry for the late reply, guys.
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