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 Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 9:13 pm
Friend: "All you have to do is just shove your hand into there until it won't go in anymore. You should be able to get it if you just maneuver your fingers the right way, carefully. Then it will all be over, and you will be victorious."
Me: "That's what she said."
-In regards to stealing a snack from a vending machine.
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:08 pm
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Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:58 pm
...wow...there are no words...
person 1: "How many did you print?" eek
person 2:"...uh..."
Friend: 'IT'S OVER 9000!'
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Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:16 pm
That's not "win"... that's "EPIC WIN"
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Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:32 pm
I decided this recently:
The mass extinction 67 million years ago was the greatest disaster Terran life has ever known
...don't ask
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Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 7:44 pm
@Red: I heard that =P
Here's one that happened this afternoon.
Person in youtube video: "Now go fix me a pot pie, and some nachos."
Me (yelling): "I had nachos for lunch today!" =D
My mother and brother: O.o'''
EDIT: Oh God...here's a few more:
"Gee, your hair smells terrific."
"...Up yours, Suzie."
"Tell you what! I'll take care of this little problem from here....in return for a month of you being my b**ch!!"
There's more where that came from too.
Anime outtakes rule. XD
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:25 pm
An old adage: "To become rich, you must first make someone else rich"
My reaction to hearing it: "...what if the person's a greedy b*****d?"
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 9:55 pm
Sis: Can I borrow your Nintendo DS?
Me: Sure.
Mom: That's the one from Nintendo, right?
Me: ....
True story.
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 12:17 am
"You tied her onto a bed?"
"Yes, with scarves."
"Why?!"
"We wanted to bring her boyfriend in there to find her."
"WHY?!"
"To see if he protected her virtue."
"Well, did he?"
"We're not sure. We kind of ran away giggling."
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:04 am
"If there's a hole, it's a man's duty to thrust into it!"
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 9:25 am
While on that subject
Roses are red
Violets are blue
ORE WO DARE DA TO OMOTTE IRU?!
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:41 am
Friend : "So, did you have fun experimenting with bondage?" Me : "Oh, that wasn't my first time..." 
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:56 am
"A flying c**k. A big, fat, flying c**k, all up in my face. I didn't know what to do." -friend describing a chicken attack.
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 12:42 pm
Well, this isn't from me or my friends, this is from the movie "The Hurt Locker" but it's funny as hell.
Contractor Team Leader: We have a flat tire, can you help us?
Staff Sergeant William James: Sure, yeah. You got any spares?
Contractor Team Leader: Well, we have spares, but we used up our wrench.
Staff Sergeant William James: How do you use up a wrench?
Contractor Team Leader: Well, the uh, guy over there with the red thing on his head, he threw it at someone.
Staff Sergeant William James: Ha ha! Alright.
[gives thumbs up to Eldridge]
Contractor Team Leader: Thank you.
[introduces the soldiers]
Contractor Team Leader: This is Chris. This is the wrench man.
Staff Sergeant William James: Hello, Wrench Man.
Contractor Team Leader: That's Jimmy.
Sergeant JT Sanborn: You know you can shoot people here. You don't have to throw wrenches.
Contractor Feisal: ******** off!
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 12:53 pm
DJ Aru X While on that subject Roses are red Violets are blue ORE WO DARE DA TO OMOTTE IRU?!
GIIIIIIIGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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