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 Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 9:05 pm
I never want to have sex. But then once the foreplay starts I remember that it is like one of my favorite things to do. I love actual sex, and oral, and foreplay and all that stuff but unless it is happening, I tend to forget that. I really should try to remember better, it would be more beneficial for everyone.
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Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:18 pm
-Dessynea- I never want to have sex. But then once the foreplay starts I remember that it is like one of my favorite things to do. I love actual sex, and oral, and foreplay and all that stuff but unless it is happening, I tend to forget that. I really should try to remember better, it would be more beneficial for everyone.
(I'm not making fun of you, btw. <3 )
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Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 6:03 am
Hobo Scruffy -Dessynea- I never want to have sex. But then once the foreplay starts I remember that it is like one of my favorite things to do. I love actual sex, and oral, and foreplay and all that stuff but unless it is happening, I tend to forget that. I really should try to remember better, it would be more beneficial for everyone.
(I'm not making fun of you, btw. <3 )
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Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 12:48 pm
Anonymous Confessor Pseudoconfidant I suppose it's high time someone used these things. Confession: I wear masks. A mask, really. Worn it for as long as I can remember. I don't really know what lies beneath anymore. But today my mask broke. It shattered, exploded, and the shrapnel got everywhere. And then there was blood, and I was grinning and giggling at this lovely red color. Red, red, red. Haha. I snapped out of it and was like "Holy living ********, my hands and face are coated in blood." I washed my hands and face, walked somewhere else, sat down and tried not to be terrified of myself. You don't know how frightening it is to watch yourself do that and then be in control again. Something similar happened to me a few days ago. Nobody knows me as the "insane, physically abusive" type of person - I don't know myself as that, either. But my frustrations had been building all that day and I physically lashed out at someone close to me. It was like taking a back seat to all the sadistic and malevolent urges inside me that I thought I had killed in my childhood. The only thing I could think of was "This is wrong, what are you doing?! This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong wrong wrong wrong..."In those brief seconds, I saw a lot of my father in myself. Specifically, the part of him that was actively abusive to animals because "they don't have feelings." My father was a severe alcoholic and an a** to anybody that wasn't his precious child, and he died on the streets. I don't know how to prevent episodes like these. In my case, it was fueled by anger from frustrations, and a buried sadistic tendency, both of which I feel like I inherited from my father. But after seeing him live his life, how he treated friends and family... I'm not about to let myself grow into the abusive person he was. I dunno if this helps you, but I understand how frightening it is. I'm not sure you do. Imagine yourself with a world of stress on top of you. Imagine, for a second, that your very future is in the process of crumbling down on top of you. Imagine that everyone you know is badgering you to fix things when there's nothing you can feasibly do at this point. Imagine that the stress from this is also ruining the rest of your life, that it is keeping you from doing things you know you need to do. Imagine that you are caught in the center of the messiest break-up between two friends and they are beginning to get to you. Imagine that suddenly you understand everything that was wrong with their relationship, and one of them asks them to keep it from the other. Imagine that the other pushes and pushes and pushes you to divulge these secrets that you promised to keep. Now imagine that all of the stress from all of these things comes crashing down upon you at once. Then. That was the moment I broke. Thank god the conversation with her wasn't in person. But I don't really think you understand yet what it feels like as your shreds of sanity are sent to the back of your mind to watch in horror as you begin to draw spirals on your face in your own blood, giggling and singing "Red, red, red..." to yourself the whole time. ...I'm sorry, I'm still shaken from this. I just...I don't know what to do. This isn't something that's ever happened before. @AC#2: Not gonna lie, I had to stop reading that part of the way through. It was kind of sickening.
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Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 7:42 pm
-Dessynea- Hobo Scruffy -Dessynea- I never want to have sex. But then once the foreplay starts I remember that it is like one of my favorite things to do. I love actual sex, and oral, and foreplay and all that stuff but unless it is happening, I tend to forget that. I really should try to remember better, it would be more beneficial for everyone.
(I'm not making fun of you, btw. <3 )
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Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:31 pm
Talks about sex.
Really ******** up stuff.
Huh. Whoever you people are, you make me feel a lot better and less stressed about my life. ='D
And worried for you guys. >__>
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Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:51 pm
I find it reassuring that you realized something was wrong rather than continue and do nothing about it. You know that it was wrong, you know what provoked it. If you know that and if you are as disturbed about this as you say you are, you will be able to control it. If this is the first time it has happened, then it's obviously not something that will happen again. You need to relax, get yourself uninvolved in some things, and take it easy. Outbursts are usually caused by being overwhelmed, or stress. So I suggest relaxing, and not letting this get to you. You are smart enough to know that it was wrong, and you can control it if you care to.
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:09 pm
AC#2 here. I lied in my last post. Well not, exactly. I left out some things. I read that omission is a type of lying. I kind of want to white it out, but no. This is anonymous. I said which confessor I was. I have to at least say it. it's not like I can confide in anyone. If my first one was sickening, don't read this one.
I lied. We had a rabbit a few years ago that got put down because of a broken spine. He was a basement rabbit. I wont go into detail, but I know sure as hell that a bike did not fall on it. But that's what I said happened. My brother works on his bikes in the basement. It was believable that it happened. My mom was crying, I couldn't help but think, it's just a rabbit. Those things don't even show any emotion past hyperventilation. I remember I kicked my cousin's cat in the head once cause it took a s**t near my backpack. I once put a newt into a bowl of hot water. Is it bad that it's happened enough times that I actually have to think about it? Most of that s**t is from age 5-now. Like, I do it now too. I mean, I get the idea I should stop, but only because I don't want to get help or anything. Probably the only reason why I don't do anything to other people. I like being able to do what I want. I like fish though. They're quiet. They don't make noise. It's peaceful to watch them. I'd take care of our fish. Though something always happens to the water, but it's not me. I mean, I was always trying to get my parents to get a new water filter for them, but no, no one ever listens to what I have to say. Then, we have a tank full of dead fish. gg parents
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problematic briefcase Crew
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:22 pm
Confession: I like the smell of ferrets. - w- It's not as bad I was led to believe.
I think I posted this before. I was at the mall again, and they put the ferrets out again and I played with them. <3 They're a bit bitey though. More of a gnawing kind of thing, like with kittens.
... ^ poster, uhh, rabbits show emotion. I mean, ours go nuts when you give them like a carrot or something leafy, but that might just be the gay. o:
Yeah, we have gay rabbits. lolo
Or had. They got neutered a while ago, and they haven't mounted or whatever it was they were doing. Cage smelled nasty though. xp
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:30 pm
Someone needs to really understand what paragraphs are.
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problematic briefcase Crew
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:33 pm
Skaeryll Someone needs to really understand what paragraphs are.
nevar
It looks neater if I space everything. This laptop has a humongous screen. It looks weird if I don't. :c
Except, it does look more uniform if I do paragraphs.
wait a minute
>Reg wants paragraphs.
>Paragraphs are uniform.
>Uniform is conformity.
>Reg is a communist. inb4 buster
>my face when
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:58 pm
I use the account of my dead friend. I took up his personality, not being able to cope with his death and became him slowly. Then I became friends with you guys. I'm sorry for lying to you. I want to introduce who I really am, but after all these friendships, I just don't know if anyone will trust me if I decide to reveal myself.
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Sharkbutt The Orgiastic Crew
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 11:53 pm
Anonymous Confessor I use the account of my dead friend. I took up his personality, not being able to cope with his death and became him slowly. Then I became friends with you guys. I'm sorry for lying to you. I want to introduce who I really am, but after all these friendships, I just don't know if anyone will trust me if I decide to reveal myself. Wh- Wow. That's...huh. I mean... Did they die while we knew them...? I mean, I'd be fine if you just revealed yourself, I guess I'd just like to take a moment of consideration if I actually knew them. And if you're worried about losing trust by revealing your true identity, then look at Wylr and Reg. They're still our friends, aren't they? Also: Seriously? It's a little harder to call bluffs over the internet, and I want to make sure you're not lying to us. I mean, the anonymous account should take care of that, but...
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Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:40 am
l-Kathulu-l I find it reassuring that you realized something was wrong rather than continue and do nothing about it. You know that it was wrong, you know what provoked it. If you know that and if you are as disturbed about this as you say you are, you will be able to control it. If this is the first time it has happened, then it's obviously not something that will happen again. You need to relax, get yourself uninvolved in some things, and take it easy. Outbursts are usually caused by being overwhelmed, or stress. So I suggest relaxing, and not letting this get to you. You are smart enough to know that it was wrong, and you can control it if you care to. Sorry kath, but This sounds like the worst advice.... Unless is happened while one was under complete and total control of one's mental facilities (which clearly was not the case), there's no garantee that knowing about it will stop it from happening again. In fact, couldn't knowing about it push the subconscious to explore the events even further, causing it to happen again merely to see if there is any new information to be gleaned? I think that if one is genuinely interested in getting help, and not going clinically insane, one should get help, for the sake of one's own health and quite possibly the health of others. Also, if this is a big bluff, I'll be so pissed it's not even funny.... stare Worst April Fool's Joke Ever.
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