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that cool, going to do a shout out to Kapow?

MY LIFE IS POOP.

Really. Just...poop.

To explain in non-fecal terms, my boyfriend has been hospitalized since...I don't even remember. He was in the hospital New Year's and New Year's eve, and I think he went home for a total of two days before being readmitted with severe abdominal pain. He had a reaction to one of the chemos that only 1% of the population get (my boyfriend is just lucky like that apparently) and developed pancreatitis. The treatment for that is staying in a hospital bed and not eating until the pancreas swells down.

Eventually they do a cat scan or whatever and see a lot of fluid. They transferred him from The Children's Hospital to University Hospital in order to do angioplasty (a procedure the adult hospital was much more equipped to do) to stop the bleeding. They said it would be a two hour procedure, and it ended up being over 8 hours. During that time they also put him on a respirator (so they could keep him under as long as possible to stop the bleeding).

That night his aunt calls me and tells me I better move my trip up to be there ASAP. They didn't tell me until my flight gone in but apparently there was a high risk of him bleeding to death. As all other patients who had massive blood leakage in the pancreas-area usually don't make it.

So I get there and he looks ******** horrible-- I kept telling people on the phone he looked more like Anakin after he is unmasked in Jedi than my boyfriend. Thankfully his vital signs stabalized.

They kept getting better every day I was there, but he was on the respirator the whole time. Basically I spent my week staring at him being doped up on fentanyl. They tried to pull the respirator two days before I left...and just ended putting it back in.

It was an utterly depressing trip. Sure, I was glad my boyfriend did not bleed to death, but it is so exhausting to sit in a hospital room and just watch. Not to mention he recieved so many random visitors, who he didn't know at all, but who were friends of his parents. I also was frequently introduced by his father as "Reid's friend." I am his girlfriend of 7 years, we live together, I think I am a little more than his "friend" at this point, don't you? It's such a little thing, but it really started to bother me.

When he was awake (which was never more than 15 minutes at a time) he'd try to communicate things with vague hand gestures-- can't talk with a respirator and the drugs kept him too doped up to write. Most of the time it ended up in me or someone else staying at his bedside asking 20 questions until he furrowed his brows and/or passed back out. Most of the time he wanted to be moved around.

During one of these 20 question scenes, done by his dad while I was sitting in my little corner of the hospital room, it went like this:

"Do you want Amy? ...no? Do you want Amy to leave? Okay, Amy he wants you to leave, I think."

WTF. I was so mad he would even ask that in trying to find what he wanted. I went and cried in the god damn bathroom that day. Another little thing, but the stress was horrible. These people are there for him all the time, but I can't be. I have to work across the country, and take off time when I can. So when I'm there, I don't want to leave.

And honestly, I think it was just to have the nurse come in and readjusted a swollen boy part or give him a bedpan. I've seen him naked many times, and know that he poops. Probably a lot more than his dad, who probably only dealt with those things when he was an infant. If he wants me to go, sure, but for those things wouldn't he want his Dad to leave too? He should have asked "Do you want everyone to leave?" not specifically for me to leave.. I think that would have been much better.

Anyway...after my week long stay of stressful watching and waiting for him to get off the respirator it was time for me to go home. That was Jan 31-- currently, my boyfriend is STILL on a respirator. Every day I call and get 2 minute updates of how he is. Apparently they stopped the fentanyl which made him able to write. Every day I ask if he can get on the computer just to chat with me briefly, even for a minute, because it has been so hard to not even be able to talk with him. So far he has not been able to, or wanted to, I have no idea which it is, since I am not there.

After two weeks, they changed the respirator tube to a tracheal one, which will eventually allow him to drink with it, but also talk with it in, and move away from the machine. For now, he can't talk, and is limited to washing his mouth with fluid.

So sick of just getting daily updates, but honestly I don't think I could handle any more just sitting and watching him in the hospital. I feel really bad for his parents, having done that every day since he was admitted, but at least they have support from their friends and family. The freaking Govenor of Colorado even called his dad one day. My family is all in Connecticut, friends too, so when I go out there, it's basically just his immediate family there for me. So, people I really can't rant/blow some steam on because I know they too are feeling like crap as well.

It was very hard for me to get back to work. On average I worked only five hours a day when I came back from my trip. I'm slowly working up to the seven I am supposed to be doing. My mice colony survived the handiwork of our Master student, aside from her sexing a few mouse babies she separated wrong.

However, now my PI (principal investigator, the boss man basically) wants to put all this stuff on me at once. I'm taking over the leaving PhD's part of the colony, so I'll be responsible for over 2,000 mice. On top of that, he wants me and the Master's student to learn how to MILK MICE. Anything I have to learn with the Master's student is horrible, as she feels the need to ask 50,000 questions about pointless crap in any procedure, so everything takes long. She also does not like to pick up the mice, or squeals when a mouse jumps out of the weighing cup...

I am fine with teaching her, and usually tolerate her questions much better than the others in the lab, but when having to learn a new procedure, I'd rather do it on my own first. ...she also refuses to come in to meet my schedule, so works 9-5. My hours are more like 12:30-8:30pm. So there is very little time to do anything with her. And that was before her classes started!

Now she only has one FULL day in the lab, which is Monday. Which is the day the room our mouse colony is in is cleaned by the staff, and basically offlimits until 4pm.

I feel like I'm going to have to get up at the crack of dawn (for me) on Mondays to learn how to inject a mouse's tiny tail vein with her...and then end up having to do all the work myself anyway. She has Spring Break coming up, but if the mothers we need to gather milk from don't have babies that week--- there's no other day she could help. All the other days she comes in, she is there for a maximum of two hours.

Basically all this work is just so much stress. Now I feel like I won't ever be able to go back to Colorado to visit my boyfriend once he is finally able to talk.

On a happier note, my mom kept my pet mice alive while I was away. AND...! She got me two darling boy ferrets (I even love the fat older one who seems to like to chomp ankles and wrists despite constant n** training). I seem to be growing a zoo to feel the void left by my boyfriend's absence, and to overcome the related stress and depression. I had wanted to get ferrets for about 3-4 months now, but the discussion had always been put on hold because of my boyfriend being sick.

His mom knows I got 'em, but he doesn't. He always said ferrets were "mean looking" marmots (I think mostly because he had only known a ferret from its scene in The Big Lebowski, which would explain why he calls them marmots). They have helped a lot, much more than my mousies (as much as I love them) as they are a lot more hands on. If I let my mice out to explore my bedroom I'm pretty sure they would run into a crack in the closet and never be seen again. They are too small to snuggle. I need snuggling!!

Granted, the ferrets need to be tired out before they are snuggly...

They are a lot of work, so it keeps me busy. And I really need that. They don't smell-- aside from their ears. They came from Petco along with ear mites!

Yesterday I brought home a third and final baby to the group. He's so cute, and the only one of the three who may not be deaf.

I don't know how I'm going to tell my boyfriend about them, hehe. I'll worry about that when he can actually exchange correspondance again.

So yes, my life is poop. Some of that is now ferret poop, and some is mice poop as well.

Oh, and screw Valentine's Day. I still need to get myself to the mall and buy some discounted Godiva (to give myself), hehe. I spent the evening with my ferrets and watching Buffy Season 2 (something I did in college whenever I got depressed). Hope everyone else had their loved ones closeby, or at least got themselves some candy. Half off Godiva, let's go~! heart

Sorry for another novel. sad

Oh! But there is some happy news-- my boyfriend's cancer is officially in remission. They had said it was before, then done a test to say it wasn't yet and done two more weeks of induction therapy...which led to the pancreatitis... but now it's for real. Under 0.02% cancer cells or something like that. Once he recovers from this pancreatitis thing/being stuck on a respirator he will be on a much more relaxed chemo regimen for a few months, and may actually be able to come back to New York for it.

Nothing helps a really bad mood better than being a bad person. whee

Running an errand this morning and feeling rather peckish I headed into a fast food joint get something greasy and bad for me. I place my order and girl behind the counter tells me how much it's gonna cost, I break out my wallet and ask the magical question:

Me: "So, y'all take Alaskan money?"

Of course she shakes her head 'no', leading me to briefly worry about future of the world.

Me: "But, that's all I got."

And I hand her the cash, and she's still confused like I'm going to hand her whale blubber or something.

Her: "You from Alaska?"

Me: "No, but I get around."

Her: "You work up there?"

Me: "Sure why not."

Her: "What do you do in Alaska?"

Me: "I'm a refridgerator salesman."

So, she goes to see about my order, and the older fella next to me is trying really hard not to crack up laughing.

Him: "Be nice."

I toss him a wink. The girl comes back with his order, and looks over at me.

Her: "Hey. Why they need refridgerators in Alaska? Isn't it cold up there?"

Me: "The refridgerators keep the stuff from freezing."

Older fella just freakin' lost it and nearly spilled his drink. The girl's got no clue what's so funny.

You sir are full of win.

Went to a indy comic convetion called stapes saterday. got to meet Brian Wood( writer of DMZ, Super Market, Northlander, and others) and Kristian Donaldson artist of Super Market.
got a min poster signed by him like this:

also got meet Erik Powell, writer and artist of Goon. it was pretty cool.

I didn't get to talk to him much, there was a long line to see him. but he seemed pretty cool. i had wished he would have done custom drawings, but all he did was a quick doodal of goon's head or a zombie. if he did custom pics, i was going to ask him to draw goon in a scene from Rocky, either the "cut me i can't see" scene or the training in a freezer part.

But i did get to talk with Brain Wood a bit more. he was cool as well.

Ask for your statement.. It'll tell you what went wrong.. and if you can prove you didn't make the transaction can't you contest it?? good luck with it.