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Amai Sakura-chan
Captain

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PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 6:24 am


Quote:
A tech get drafted!

One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.

The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the target area...

"It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"
heart
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 6:32 am


Quote:
Help for Internet Addiction

Hello.
Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is?

Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.

We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.

We feature a twelve step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured," you most certainly can recover.

We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you:
1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?
2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?
5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway?
6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?
9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV box?
10) All of the above?

If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at:
1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETE'SSAKE.

We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem.

Call us today. If you can power off to free up your phone line, that is.
Who needs to power off? hellllo DSL heart

Amai Sakura-chan
Captain

Noble Donator

3,200 Points
  • Noble Shade 100
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Amai Sakura-chan
Captain

Noble Donator

3,200 Points
  • Noble Shade 100
  • V-Day 2011 Event 100
  • Elocutionist 200
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 6:35 am


Quote:

1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.

2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you,but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY?

3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside?

4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK?

5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?!

6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names?

7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain on-line?

8. You have been on-line for 724 minutes. Steve Case is coming personally to your house to yank the phone cord!

9. You have been on-line for 852 minutes. Do you KNOW how many hours that is??

10. You have been on-line for 921 minutes. Do you realize that AOL averages 921 complaints per hour about busy phone lines? Do you realize that AOL receives 9.21 lawsuits per day, due to busy phone lines? PLEASE sign-off, to reduce these averages, or go to KEYWORD: Class Action to join a lawsuit.

11. You have been on-line for 967 minutes. When AOL went unlimited, they didn't think you would take it LITERALLY! So get OFF, before we go broke!

12. You have been on-line for 1013 minutes. This is Steve Case, I need to sign-on myself and answer some mail. Could you PLEASE sign-off?

13. You have been on-line for 1105 minutes. Are you and your family chatting in shifts? GEEZE get off already!

14. You have been on-line 1151 minutes. WELCOME TO THE TEAM... See job application enclosed!
heart
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 6:37 am


Quote:
Computer Sayings

1. Home is where you hang your @
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

5. Great groups from little icons grow.

6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

7. C: is the root of all directories.

8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

9. Pentium wise-pen and paper foolish.

10. The modem is the message.

11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.

12. The geek shall inherit the earth.

13. A chat has nine lives.

14. Don't byte off more than you can view.

15. Fax is stranger than fiction.

16. What boots up must come down.

17. Windows will never cease.

18. In Gates we trust.

19. Virtual reality is its own reward.

20. Modulation in all things.

21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

22. There's no place like http://www.home.com.

23. Know what to expect before you connect.

24. Oh, what a tangled web site we weave when first we practice.

25. Speed thrills.

26. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

Amai Sakura-chan
Captain

Noble Donator

3,200 Points
  • Noble Shade 100
  • V-Day 2011 Event 100
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Ran Kizama

PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 10:58 pm


Edit: Post edited by Captain.
PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 11:17 pm


You are so gonna get smacked, Ran. . . ::settles in and waits for Div and Amai to see this:: Or is that entertainment supposed to be the Man, that's funny! part? Either way, I'm entertained. ::pulls out popcorn and milkduds::

Popi-Sita Chan


Ran Kizama

PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 8:55 am


I did get smacked. I guess some people just have different senses of humor then others. *shrugs* I'll try to maintain the Disney level humor from now on. neutral
PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 9:43 pm


Okay guys contest! Any post before page 9 that ISNT MINE is eligable. I want everyone to vote for he post they think is funniest in the first 8 pages. not the poerson the specific post. The POST (not the person) with the most votes by Wensdaynight/thursday afternoon wins 1000 gold. Please vote only once per avi, and spread the word! heart heart eek eek heart heart

Amai Sakura-chan
Captain

Noble Donator

3,200 Points
  • Noble Shade 100
  • V-Day 2011 Event 100
  • Elocutionist 200

Ran Kizama

PostPosted: Fri May 27, 2005 11:29 am


I don't think the contest took off quite as planned...so here are some flash videos.

I Love You Egg
Scary... gonk

Inuyasha in a Nutshell
Watch them dance! lol
PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 7:02 am


Contest cancled due to lack of participation..... My confidance and moral is soaring. Whee. scream gonk crying heart stressed sweatdrop scream

Amai Sakura-chan
Captain

Noble Donator

3,200 Points
  • Noble Shade 100
  • V-Day 2011 Event 100
  • Elocutionist 200

Amai Sakura-chan
Captain

Noble Donator

3,200 Points
  • Noble Shade 100
  • V-Day 2011 Event 100
  • Elocutionist 200
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 12:56 am


PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 6:19 pm


I just Got an email With the following disclaimer:


Quote:
***BENZEL-BUSCH MOTOR CAR CORP DISCLAIMER***

IMPORTANT:

The information contained in this e-mail message is confidential
and is intended only for the named addressee(s). If the
reader of this e-mail message is not the intended recipient (or the
individual responsible for the delivery of this e-mail message to the
intended recipient), please be advised that any re-use, dissemination,
distribution or copying of this e-mail message is prohibited. All rights to
the contents of this message are the exclusive property of Benzel-Busch
Motor Car Corp. If you have received this e-mail message in error,
please reply to the sender that you have received this e-mail message in
error and then delete it. Thank you.




The email? A chain letter! heart

Amai Sakura-chan
Captain

Noble Donator

3,200 Points
  • Noble Shade 100
  • V-Day 2011 Event 100
  • Elocutionist 200

Popi-Sita Chan

PostPosted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:52 pm


It's super old, but it never fails to amuse me!Peanutbutter Federline!
Reply
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