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 Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 7:52 pm
He shrugged. "Yeah.. but it was good advice." And Chance had been the one to originate it. Sometimes people didn't take their own advice, after all. Sometimes they needed to hear it back. Chance spoke of what worried him. Otto listened. It sounded like it was not as big as Chance was making it to be. He blamed himself for a problem, yet it happened only because he was doing something he normally did. Had it been any other time, maybe no mistake would have been made. Maybe it was a coincidence that something went wrong within the same time frame. "You sure it's on you?" He asked curiously. "I mean, not askin' you to pass off blame.. but is it really?"
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:00 pm
He didn't know what to make of the entire situation he had gotten himself in. The emotions were still not entirely there; there was a gap between what his head was telling him was logical and what he thought was the right way to go about doing things - but something was there. Strings had been tied and knotted together, as much as Chance spent avoiding them.
"I don't...I mean, I'm new at this whole...'friend' thing," he said, rubbing his face. "I don't know what it means, or what it entails. I've never done more than just be casually acquainted with people, and the same goes with sex. I do it because it's fun, and it feels good, and I've never understood why people deny themselves it when it's right there to be taken advantage of."
He'd sunk a little lower on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"At the time, I was thinking that," said Chance wearily. "But when I got back, I realized I'd broken one of my rules. He's...well, it's complicated, and I never wanted more than what I had already, like I don't think of him as anyone but just someone fun to be around; but adding sex into the equation means that I came between him and someone else, and that's exactly what I didn't want to happen."
He reached for the bottle and poured himself a generous helping. "All I wanted was to stay...liked, I guess, but I ******** it up, I think."
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:08 pm
"Are you scared?" He asked after a moment of consideration and silence. "Of things becoming more than what you're used to? Aside from you feeling that you messed up someone's relationship.." He had, after all. He'd given into impulse and curiosity, and drove a wrench between himself and Maebe. Having tasted that straying freedom of lust, he'd severed something he wondered should not have been severed. Yet at the same time... he liked what had happened that night. He thought he did, anyway. He didn't remember details, but he remembered how it felt in his heart, mind and body. He wasn't sure if giving into lust would cause him to become loose, and soulless like some people said. He hoped not. It felt good to let himself experience things that brought him pleasure; since he denied himself so much. "I think you are scared. Cause emotions are somethin' you don't usually feel. I think you got'em. You're just hiding..." Oh no. Not again. He would do to Chance what he did to Maebe? No, no it was fine. Maebe herself said she was grateful for what he did; pulling her free from the mask she'd made. Made her feel things she'd long locked away. She said so herself... so he wasn't bad, right? To think that it might be okay to help someone find their raw, fragile heart again? He wavered anyway, stopping his running mouth by taking another drink.
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:17 pm
"I'm not..." Chance began, but then he stopped, because someone else had mentioned something similar. What was it that Claude had said? That he was as passionate as he was about stars and the cosmos because they wouldn't ever let him down or disappoint him the way that people would? Had she been right after all?
He curled up a little, angling his body so that he was closer to Otto without invading his space, one of his legs dangling partly off the bed. "I don't know," said Chance, after a long moment of silence. "I don't know if I'm scared, if I'm supposed to be scared. I don't remember the last time I felt something deeply, the way that other people do, the way that you do."
No strings attached had seemed so easy at the time, but maybe there were strings that he wanted to stay attached after all, and that was why he was retreating in on himself. Not because he wanted to replace either one of them in their relationship, but because he had simply wanted people to like him, to see him as a "friend," even if he didn't understand the concept himself.
A sigh passed through his lips, Chance closing his eyes briefly.
"Sometimes I think I'm almost there, but then it's gone again."
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:24 pm
It was good, he thought. He knew he felt a little better when he spoke aloud of what worried him; of letting himself feel what needed to be felt. Vent. Worry. Just like Chance didn't want to deny himself fun and pleasure, perhaps he ought not to deny himself feeling things. Beyond what was physical, and more of the heart. "You can't feel like I do. Just feel like you do. Cause livin' a lie is really hard." He was sure he and Chance spoke of this before. Trying to live up to norms or comparing yourself to how someone else dealt with life. "Maybe it's a barrier, or maybe you just needed to let it go for a bit." He suggested calmly, his near empty drink cradled in his lap. "Like.. fillin' a cup with cola too fast." He rather liked this anaolgy, and stuck with it now. "It gets like super fizzy suds that rise up before the cup is even filled. Chemicals reactin' right?" "So let it sit and settle. You just ain't ready for it yet. Maybe." He shrugged idly, flicking the man on the ear. "I don't actually know any better than you do. I'm just spoutin' s**t till somethin' sticks."
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:31 pm
He thought he might be feeling slightly less confused about everything, even if it was just slightly. The alcohol loosened his tongue, but not to the point of spilling every little detail of his entire life; it just made it easier to relax, easier to breathe somehow.
A somewhat muffled laugh escaped him, Chance turning his head so that his face was half pressed into the bed.
"Being with you is so ******** comfortable," he said. "Somehow you're saying s**t and it just kind of...makes more sense than when I try and say it to myself. Or maybe it's because it's not what I would normally say to myself that makes it that I'm actually trying to listen."
He twisted and glanced up at Otto, a little smile on his face.
"So what you're saying is that I'm still in the fizzy sud kind of phase," he said, and then laughed again, attempting to bat Otto's hand away from his head but missing. "That's an analogy that I can understand."
Maybe he just needed to settle things before running away from them; perspective was what he had told Otto about his problems, and maybe that was what Chance needed with his own.
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:43 pm
Otto smiled a bit, feeling like maybe he had helped him. Even if only a little. It felt so good to help someone else. Maybe he couldn't solve his own problems, but being able to help clear up someone else's was a plus. Again, maybe it would only make Chance feel better. Maybe not fix anything. It still felt nice. He wondered if this Otto would be the new Otto, or if he'd been inside all along; just waiting for a chance to be set free. Then again, he was only calm with Chance because the dark haired man himself was calm. He'd met many who sought to ruffle feathers, and Otto reacted in irritation and a flaring temper. He liked being comfortable. He liked not having the waters churned or the foundation rocked. Did he just not like being challenged? He didn't bother asking himself that, as he finished off the second cup of bourbon. He didn't care for questions when he was buzzed. They simply died before he could ponder them. Otto let his back flop into the bedding, staring up at the starry ceiling above. It made him feel like he was safe in his own bed upstairs. "I like analogies." He drawled lazily, his accent coming in a little thicker thanks to the booze. "They help me understand s**t when I'm confused, too. Make it more tangible."
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:51 pm
The alcohol was helping to numb the reminders of all of the mistakes he had made over the past few days; but it was also helping him to see that maybe things weren't as terrible as they might have been. He had still ******** up in certain respects, but in others...maybe it wasn't such a dire situation after all.
"They are an excellent form of communication," said Chance in agreement, the lilting drawl of Otto's accent making him smile.
He sighed out a breath and said, "I did make one more mistake, and that was that I went out to try and clear my head and try and distract myself at one of the clubs, but I wound up going home with some a** that I shouldn't have - that's what I was talking about earlier, when we were coming back."
Chance's laughter was muffled by turning his face into the bed again. "But no more of that s**t, that's why I don't usually go into clubs, they're just full of skeevy idiots and too many people, I don't care for that."
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:56 pm
Some a**, huh? Otto didn't put any pieces together, drunkenly pushing them around on a table in his mind and giving up, making them into the shape of something that looked like a grumpy face. Met bad guy + took him home = ??? He wasn't sure. His imagination seemed to be lacking. Regardless, Chance didn't like it, and saw it as a mistake. Otto patted his shoulder, lightly shoving him for good measure. Heaven forbid he seemed like he cared too much. Bad enough he was touching people, really. "Yer safe here. Ain't nobody gunna do you wrong here. 'Cept maybe the bourbon." He turned his head enough to give it a glare. "That there is a problematic ********. Better watch'em." What was he even talking about? Bah. Too buzzed to care. He was cozy and warm and beds were the best invention ever.
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 9:04 pm
Chance let out a little whine at the push to his shoulder, flapping a hand to try and push Otto away, but missed entirely and just wound up flopping back onto the bed with a laugh. He rolled sideways, feeling lazy and warm and a combination of many things that were relatively unproblematic at the present moment.
It was nice to know he was safe here, that he didn't have to worry about anything. Chance lifted his head just enough to see the mostly empty bottle that Otto was referring to, and shook his head, curls falling against his forehead in messy springs.
"We'll have to be extra special careful next time with that ********," said Chance meaningfully. "But you're safe here too, okay? Anytime you wanna come over, you're good here, and you can even take the bed, okay."
He gestured grandly to it - or semi-grandly to it, rather, more like just a hand wave. "I can sleep on the floor, or whatever, I don't sleep anyway."
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 9:09 pm
There was no pressure to figure himself out, or answer questions about himself and his intentions and why he did this or that. Not here. Sanctuary, it was. Otto relaxed, and felt the woes and worries melt away. His head turned to watch him as he talked, him and his half assed hand wavings. "Nah, sleep or not, I won't make you move from yer own bed." He smirked, leaning his head back again. "Just don't draw on my or take a blanket away. I sleep like the dead, so I wouldn't notice a thing."
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 9:17 pm
It was a relief not to have to pay attention to anything; a relief to not think, as he always did. Eventually he would need to figure things out, but this night was not the night to do that. This night was to relax with someone that he felt comfortable with, and that was that.
"Fine, fine, no penises on your face," Chance deadpanned with a snort. "I promise I won't doodle a mustache either, or anything, really."
The blanket, which Chance had earlier left stuffed in one corner of his bed, was gestured at. "There's a blanket right there if you need one, it's comfy," he said, resting his arm on Otto's ankle to point. "Also I still think one day you should read me that book, the kids book."
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 9:22 pm
"Better not. There'll be trubble if ya do." He smirked. "Already had some a*****e draw a d**k on my face once." Rep. But on the plus side the man had given him a lot of booze while he was mourning. So he let it slide. Don't bite the hand that feeds, you. The blanket was gestured at, and the blond looked over to take note of it's location. Otto loved blankets. He had more than ten of them at his place. And pillows enough to create a mountain. "I can read it wheneeeever you want." He chuckled, laying an arm over his forehead. "Maybe I'll read it now. Get you all sleepyheaded so you can sleep good. Or die from laughin'. Same diff."
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 9:26 pm
"I don't doubt it," said Chance, with a lazy smirk.
The prospect of the book was somehow very amusing and appealing all at once. He dropped a hand down the side of the bed and attempted to find the bag of books he'd put there earlier, groping around until his fingers touched plastic, and then he rummaged around a second more.
"Aha!" Chance said triumphantly, holding up the book the same way someone might hold up the game winning ball. "Here you go, Otto ******** Graves, I am totally looking forward to this ******** amazing book."
He plunked the book in Otto's lap and then shifted sideways so that there was more room for both of them, Chance on his stomach, arms folded beneath his head as he looked expectantly at the other.
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 9:35 pm
"That is not my middle name." He drawled with an indignant huff, even if it was obvious the man was just being silly. He was pretty sure no one actually knew he legit had a middle name to begin with. It wasn't on his Twitter or anything. With a grunt, he received the book, and sat himself back up again. He looked down at Chance's expectant face, and gave a snort. "Fine. here we go.." He murmured, looking over the book with hazy eyes. "Go the ******** to Sleep: by Adam Mansbach. Narrated by Otto Austin Graves." He gave a pointed look to Chance. "Not to be mistaken fer Otto ********' Graves; who happens to be a total dingbat." He continued to read the first paragraph of the book, when... "....yer cozy and warm in yer bed m'dear... please... go the ******** to sleep." And every time he said as such, he whacked Chance with the book.
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