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White Water Lilly Vice Captain
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 Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 9:47 pm
[Lilly] [Vice Captain]
"Lilly and Jade, gearing up for the application war..."
Mint: Hey there. So in terms of your application, you really do need to try and watch your spelling, wording, and grammer. Spelling wise, you can always use word to fix them up or copy and paste terms like the 'Sharigan' from out bl page. The information section looks better but you still need to go into more depth like how the eyes require a chakra drain as well as expanding into the other stages as well. Please try to incorporate knowledge of the bloodline as possible. It is also wise to read everything we mods have written down in the starter fourms before starting anything. Take note that this is also your second attempt at gaining this bloodline and if you shall fail during your next one, you won't be able to try again for this bloodline.
Sample wise, you're gonna need to put more stuff into it. More techniques more description of the bonuses presented by the sharigan like how it turned his eyes red and that the movements of the person appeared much more slow. Once more, take care to go over your submission before letting us know of your edit as this is your last chance to try and obtain this bloodline. Good luck. For now, Denied.
"...It's a never ending battle out there."
[Jade] [Vice Captain]
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 10:13 pm
Oi...I even used a Online grammer/spellcheck and word choice T v T I-I'll work on it more at school if I can get on a laptop and scan it through grammer nazi friends...
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:47 pm
RPC Name: Kasumi Hotaru Bloodline/Clan Requested: http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=2&t=20082725#277882100 Kaguya Clan Why do you want this Bloodline/Clan: THis Bloodline is the best one for my character (i think) Because my character's main focus in combat is Fast,agile Taijutsu,So this Gracefull Offensive and defensive comabt Kekei Genkai is the best option for my character. it also helps to Root my Characters background in the land of water What do you know about the Bloodline/Clan: This Bloodline has the Ability to Control their bones By either increasing the density, Forming weapons that are harder then steel ot simply growing new bones that protrude from the body to throw offf any enemys attack. Please supply a Brief RP Sample: Kasumi's legs were burning, the pain in his left shoulder, where the kunai had struck him, was getting worse with every step. But he couldn't stop, it would seem he would never stop not since ... "NO mustn’t think of that" he muttered under his breath His pursuers were close Kasumi was thinking he could almost hear them in the tree's around him when his foot struck a rock and he fell, face first, into the dirt and the darkness swallowed him. Kasumi awoke to something pounding into his stomach, he screamed in pain as another kick exploded into his stomach the force sending him flying into a nearby tree. Kasumi groaned as he fell to his knee's. Laughter rang out across the clearing, coming from the three men who had killed his father and pursued him from the small village they had been staying at. "NOW you little brat, I’m gonna stick ya ,like I did yer daddy" spat the tallest of the three pulling a sickle free from his belt. The tall man began to advance forward, the sickle held high, his eyes glinting with bloodlust. His two companions simply stood in place cackling in anticipation of another blood spectacle. "no please ... I ... I haven't done anything! PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!!" cried Kasumi ,tears streaking down his face, the image of his father’s head rolling across the floor flashed before him. The Tall man merely laughed all the harder. A warm tingling sensation spread through both his arms as Kasumi stood I’ll Die on my feet he thought ,closing his eyes, as the warm tingling spread through his chest he felt calmer, the tall man stepped closer, the warmth spread further up through his spine to his skull. His eyes snapped open "or YOU could die instead" the bones in his arms began to feel like liquid just as the tall man stopped in front of Kasumi " I don't think I’ll be the one that dies today kid" He whispered as the sickle flashed through the air aiming for Kasumi's neck. The Fluid in Kasumi's arm's pushed out against his skin as he flung his arm up to protect his head. The clearing rang with a resounding clang and then a scream of pain ,Kasumi looked up to see a look of absolute horror on the tall man’s face and across the clearing one of his friends writhed in pain on the ground clutching his leg where the sickle protruded. Looking down at his arm he was astonished to see a solid bone plate extending from his wrist to his elbow. As he watched the bone Plate sank back into his arm leaving no trace, as if it had never been there at all. Kasumi's face twisted into a feral grin "My turn" he whispered. The Fluid in Kasumi’s arms pushed into the palms of his hand, without thinking Kasumi slammed his palms into the tall mans stomach. Kasumi didn’t even notice the warm sensation of the tall man’s blood pouring over his hands nor did he hear the scream as he wrenched his bone spikes out of the tall mans stomach. His mind was consumed by the image of his father’s body. The uninjured friend of the tall man screamed in horror at the sight of the blood drenched young Boy with spikes forming on his arms he turned and tried to flee, only to feel a weight hit his back and a searing pain as the spike slammed through his shoulder blades and emerged from his chest , killing him instantly. Kasumi turned finally to the man with the sickle in his leg “Please... I beg you ... Don’t kill me” the last thing the man saw was Kasumi’s Spiked palm smashing into his skull.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 11:10 pm
Edited my post again, made more detail in how i performed the techinques and put in chakra drainage, i had kaze help me with the grammer ect~ stuff and i put it in paragraphs xP
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 11:18 pm
-X Duo Yiro X- RPC Name: To Be Announced Bloodline/Clan Requested: Ato Sakura No Ki No (Art of the Cherry Tree)Why do you want this Bloodline/Clan: Because I've never actually 'dabbled' into the clan side of Naruto Rping, I just stayed original. This clan is one of the only clans that actually comes close to my character idea. This clan will mark the beginning of my clan related characters. What do you know about the Bloodline/Clan: The Ato Sakura No Ki No originated in the depths of the grass country, known only to a specific royal family in Japan. There are very few members in the family who are graced with the honor of learning the techniques of Ato Sakura No Ki No, making it a very rare sight. The wielders of this power are presented with a weapon at birth, signifying that they are the next heir, though they are aloud to forge a different weapon later. While deadly with the art of weaponry itself, the users of this power must have a sound mind, making them calm in battle, in order to stay in tuned with the art. There are two main abilities that grow in strength as you master the bloodline. These are Shield and Etch; Shield allows you to shield yourself from enemy jutsu, while Etch allows you to draw your clan insigma onto ninja tools, when activating these insigma, your ninja tools become a part of the jutsu itself. Mastering this jutsu requires alot of physical and mental training, which can tax the users body. * I do believe this is yet another time I've had to quote this. I'm back so I kind of forgot where I was. I think I'm waiting on Cobra? Not sure, but I know that my sample was O.K.
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 11:52 pm
-X Duo Yiro X- -X Duo Yiro X- RPC Name: I think I'm waiting on Cobra? Not sure, but I know that my sample was O.K.
Nahh were waiting on Lilly , and she had RL stuff to do when i spoke to her the other day about it
...I'll sink my teeth into you
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White Water Lilly Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:11 am
[Lilly] [Vice Captain]
"Lilly and Jade, gearing up for the application war..."
Mint: Alright Mint. In terms of this being your third attempt. More consideration will need to be taken into determining if it can be approved or not. As such, this app will require both mine and Jade's approval and I will also be bringing in a third party. I'm sorry for the delay but yeah. Third attempts are bound to be more picky.
Duo: I'm sorry, I didn't know your application was pushed so far back. If possible, please repost your whole application so that I may take another glance at it. Thank you.
Eijo: I apologize for the delay but with my birthday and then collage orientation and school preperations, I've just been really stumped lately. Anyways onto your application.
Please expand on your information section. Know that that's an important section as it shows us that you have read through the entire bloodline and learned all there is to it. For example, our bloodline breaks off the stages of bone density and manipulation. Including information about those passive abilities will be greatly appricated. Sample wise, I feel like you could add a bit more into it. Some parts felt kinda choppy to me and there were several capitals where there shouldn't be. I would prefer to see some techniques incorporated into the sample. I know that this is pretty much of you awakening it but it wouldn't be too hard for your rpc to subconsiously perform one or two of the techs unconciously. Eitherway, a good first take and good luck. Denied for now.
"...It's a never ending battle out there."
[Jade] [Vice Captain]
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:09 am
-X Duo Yiro X- RPC Name: idk Bloodline/Clan Requested: Ato Sakura No Ki No (Art of the Cherry Tree)Why do you want this Bloodline/Clan: Because I've never actually 'dabbled' into the clan side of Naruto Rping, I just stayed original. Also this clan actually fits the character I am planning to make. What do you know about the Bloodline/Clan: This clan was created/based off of Bleach. It is/will be watched strictly. The art of this clan is strictly weapon based and must have some sort of royal blood. Please supply a Brief RP Sample:It was quiet inside the large home of Omire, unusually quiet, but the entire family was gathered here to see a rare sight. Omire's grandson Omri has finally inherited the families Hidden Jutsu, the one he'd been asking for since he was young. It was the Art of the Cherry Tree, a beautiful way to die, as Omri's grandfather put it. But, now Omri's entire family sat before him waiting. There was a rustle of feet towards the back of the room, then the door shifted open and his grandfather proceeded to the front of the room. He gave a short speech about how Omri had come to this point, but Omri wasn't paying attention, he was focused, ready to finally prove his worth in this family and prove it he shall... "Draw, my son..." Was all he heard and before he knew it his 'syne' was before him. He held it straight before his face in his left hand, seemingly splitting his body in half. For a moment nothing happened, the silence getting eerie as Ormi finally lifted his right hand to his sword and formed the Kai hand sign. "Senbonzakura..." He whispered softly. His eyes where closed now, the beads of sweat became ice cold as a familiar sound reached his ears. 'I'm doing it...' He thought as he opened his eyes and saw syne's transformation. The tip of his blade turned into a hot shade of pink before floating up into the air and hovering idly. This continued all the way down the blade to the hilt, till there was no metal, but the 'cherry leaves' floating in the air before Omri. He heard a noise behind his back and turned to meat his father and uncle placing two large bags of feathers on the ground. He nodded his thanks before completely turning around to meet his 'foe'... Omri's right hand opened and his left fell to his side. "Go..." He whispered and he flicked his right hand into the direction of the two bags. The cherry leaves went by like a blur, gasping and awing could be heard between the rips and tears of the bags. Only three seconds after he flung his hand, he reached it in, recalling his leaves to the front of his face, but as he did this, his grandfather had his on test ready for Omri... While Omri was busy with the bags, his grandfather had drawn his sword and already converted it into leaves. He saw his opportunity and sent the leaves hurling at his grandson at a medium speed, hopefully allowing him sometime to dodge or something, hopefully... Or was he trying to kill him? Omri heard the screams and spun around to see leaves flying at him, he had hardly enough time to cover his face with his right hand before they struck. Omri closed his eyes and waited, waited... 'What the hell...' He thought as he opened his eyes. Before him floated his cherry leaves, formed into a scale like shield, protecting him from the blow. His sweat almost dried onto his face as he sunk to his knees. "Return..." He whispered as he held up his blade. The scale shield separated and reconnected into their original form of his syne. Slowly they started from the hilt up, glowing a vibrant pink as it made it's way to the tip. When if finally got they it returned to it's normal color with a shinning whoosh. Before Omri knew it, he felt his grandpa's hand on his head. "You see, my son. We learn new things everyday..." Then the whole room erupted with laughter and Omri actually smiled... This, is the original...
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 2:22 pm
little mintchan Edited my post again, made more detail in how i performed the techinques and put in chakra drainage, i had kaze help me with the grammer ect~ stuff and i put it in paragraphs xP
It took two submissions for you to even put together a half-decent application with a complete set of what we were looking for and it still fell short. The fact that Kaze had to help, is nice of him, but it just shows that you aren't getting it yourself.
You made passing references to the Sharingan's Drain on your chakra... you didn't mention how it tracks movement making it easier to dodge, your didn't mention what it is that you see with the sharingan, or describe how it was activated, or what it looked like... there is just a lot of detail that you left out.
Yes, you mentioned some of the aspects of the Sharingan, copying jutsu, etc... but it just wasn't enough. Sharingan is very popular and pretty powerful as well and it has limited slots, so I'm sorry, but I have to deny you due to a perceived lack of effort/detail.
Please choose something else to apply for.
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 6:34 pm
Cobra_X little mintchan Edited my post again, made more detail in how i performed the techinques and put in chakra drainage, i had kaze help me with the grammer ect~ stuff and i put it in paragraphs xP
It took two submissions for you to even put together a half-decent application with a complete set of what we were looking for and it still fell short. The fact that Kaze had to help, is nice of him, but it just shows that you aren't getting it yourself.
You made passing references to the Sharingan's Drain on your chakra... you didn't mention how it tracks movement making it easier to dodge, your didn't mention what it is that you see with the sharingan, or describe how it was activated, or what it looked like... there is just a lot of detail that you left out.
Yes, you mentioned some of the aspects of the Sharingan, copying jutsu, etc... but it just wasn't enough. Sharingan is very popular and pretty powerful as well and it has limited slots, so I'm sorry, but I have to deny you due to a perceived lack of effort/detail.
Please choose something else to apply for.
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White Water Lilly Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 7:01 pm
I vaguely recall letting you know that you are not allow to apply for a second rpc until your first reaches Chuunin rank. Please remove this application and save it till the time is right. There is no way ppl can try ahead of time to gain a second rpc until their first reaches a level above Genin rank nor is saving a bloodline space because that is just unfair to newer members that might want to apply for that bloodline. Thanks and please don't try this again.
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2011 5:43 am
little mintchan Cobra_X little mintchan Edited my post again, made more detail in how i performed the techinques and put in chakra drainage, i had kaze help me with the grammer ect~ stuff and i put it in paragraphs xP
It took two submissions for you to even put together a half-decent application with a complete set of what we were looking for and it still fell short. The fact that Kaze had to help, is nice of him, but it just shows that you aren't getting it yourself.
You made passing references to the Sharingan's Drain on your chakra... you didn't mention how it tracks movement making it easier to dodge, your didn't mention what it is that you see with the sharingan, or describe how it was activated, or what it looked like... there is just a lot of detail that you left out.
Yes, you mentioned some of the aspects of the Sharingan, copying jutsu, etc... but it just wasn't enough. Sharingan is very popular and pretty powerful as well and it has limited slots, so I'm sorry, but I have to deny you due to a perceived lack of effort/detail.
Please choose something else to apply for.
Please try something else.
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Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 11:58 pm
RPC Name: Kiyoshi Hyuga Bloodline/Clan Requested: Byakugan http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=20082725#273745369Why do you want this Bloodline/Clan: This is my main bloodline, I love it to death. This is apart of my original character Kiyoshi Hyuga. He is a weapon user and uses the bloodline to be able to see all around him to be able to attack, defend, and counter with his weapon. He also uses the ability to see chakra in people and knowledge where to strike to deal devastating blows with chakra infused weapons. He is also a speedster and uses the doujutsu to be able to keep track of his surroundings and be able to maintain the high speeds. I could use something like the Sharingan for the same purpose but I just love being able to call myself a Hyuga and I can’t see Kiyoshi with any other bloodline but this. What do you know about the Bloodline/Clan: Well lets see, the 359 degree vision, the telescope eye ability to see far distances, the ability to see chakra of course. Some have claimed the ability to read emotions but this is debatable. In rp the Byakugan takes chakra, 1 point for the first 5 posts, 2 for the next 5, I assume it keeps going up every 5 posts because of the strain. You must be taught how to use it, or pretty much spend 20 posts to do it solo. Main branch can seal side branch but idk if we keeping a running tab on which is which. Please supply a Brief RP Sample: It was a dark night, no moon in the sky to light the way all that laid across the land was darkness. In that darkness a young boy sat with his back pressed firmly against a rock and in the distance the flicker of village lights right before dawn. The young boy turned from behind the rock and looked upon the village with his pale lavender eyes. Normal eyes wouldn’t be able to see anything, but he didn’t have normal eyes. “Byakugan” his voice said in almost a whisper as the veins in the side of his head throbbed around his eyes
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His eyes gazed past the rocks and the trees and even time itself as he gazed on the entrance to the village. A lone guard stood watch at the gate, his head bobbing trying to fight the warm embrace of sleep. His body was easy to see to Kiyoshi, a bright glow of chakra made him stand out like a stars in the sky. “10 minutes” The young boy said as he raced from behind his shelter and headed right for the gate, the cloak of darkness concealing him. Kiyoshi’s body danced across the landscape as he jumped from tree to tree his eyes never leaving sight of the target. He reached the outskirts of the village and only a few meters lay between him and the lone guard, “5 minutes” Kiyoshi repeated as he began focusing chakra into the palms of his hand.
The sun had began to rise as the rays of light stretched across the country heading right towards the village and the sign of the switching of the guards, this was it. Kiyoshi’s eyes never left the guard as he laid his palm flat, his eyes not just looking at the guard but looking in him. He watched the chakra in his body dance around, the points of interest flashing like lights on a Christmas tree he knew right where to hit. As the guard turned and stretched Kiyoshi made his move, “3 minutes” he said again dashing up behind the lone guard his hands moved in one fluid motion as one hand grabbed tightly over the mouth of the guard for him not to make a sound and the other flying around and slamming into the guards side. "Hakke Hasangeki (Eight Divination Signs Destructive Mountain Fist)" Kiyoshi said quietly as the body fell limp from the trauma.
A few feet away the next guard was about to turn the corner, Kiyoshi’s Byakugan instant saw this. He quickly threw the body into the bushes and made a seal transforming himself into the deceased guard as he walked towards into the village. The new Kiyoshi exchanged a friendly smile with the next guard as he continued on into the village, the body would be found within the next minute but that was all Kiyoshi needed. “1 minute” He said again as he walked deeper into the village as the doppelganger guard the sun slowly beginning to creep into the village. Kiyoshi made his way into the main political building of the village, this was the finale.
Kiyoshi walked up the stairs quickly as he gripped hard on the doorknob and entered the main office. “20 seconds” He said once more as he walked in the only light was the desk lamp of the village chief as he did his morning paperwork. The leader looked up at the transformed Kiyoshi with a confused face, “Can I help you?” The leader said to the young ninja. Kiyoshi made a handseal reveling his true form to the office. “You might remember me” Kiyoshi said to him as the leaders eyes opened wide with terror, the leader stood up and ran for the other exit. Kiyoshi thrusted his palm towards the leader, "Hakke Kuushou (Eight Divination Signs Air Palm)" Kiyoshi said as a wave of chakra shot out slamming the leader against the wall. Kiyoshi quickly dashed up and grabbed onto the leader tight as the sunshine entered through the window and enveloped the body of Kiyoshi. “My parents say hi.” He said with a smile as he body burst into flames as the several explosion tags erupted and consumed the room in fire. The sound of fire and screams erupting and rang throughout the village as the sun slowly rose overhead.
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