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 Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 3:45 pm
Sighing, Kazutaka removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. "Remember you or remember what I did to you?" he asked, completely serious.
'It's revenge.' he thought to himself, a bit angry that his head was hurting so damn badly at the moment. 'He wants me to remember so I'll feel like s**t and take pity on him. Wonderful.'
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 3:59 pm
"That's a good question." Tsuzuki conceded. He fiddled uncomfortably with a button on his coat, picking over what to say in his mind. Really, he didn't want to risk making things more troublesome, but that was bound to happen as long as he was involved, regardless of whether he spoke or was silent.
"At first, I thought I just wanted you to remember what you had done...but the more I think about it, I really hope you never remember that." he smiled, his eyes brightening.
"Really, I just want you to remember me, I guess." the feelings he felt as he said this were mixed, sadness and happiness twisting together and falling apart.
"If things are different, maybe we can be friends!"
Or more... a part of his subconscious said to itself.
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:12 pm
(((OOC: My mind is SCREAMING at me with the Tsuzuki x Muraki scenes from the two YnM drama cds, hehehe. Muraki was OH SO CLOSE to having his way with Tsuzuki... ah the sounds of those two specific tracks... so Muraki's reacting a bit odd cause my brain is trying to wrap itself around Tsuzuki actually LIKING Muraki. Crazy masochistic shinigami, hehehe.)))
~ ~ ~
"Friends?"
The doctor began to laugh... and strangely enough, that laugh was quite akin to the very insane laughter that Muraki had presented on numerous occasions to the shinigami.
"Sorry, I don't exactly see that happening. Especially if I get my memory back."
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:25 pm
Gritting his teeth, Tsuzuki forced himself to be calm. It hurt him to be rejected, especially by someone who had pursued him so intensely for so long, going to any lengths to get his attention. And the doctor had laughed at him even! Laughed!
How could he laugh at him when he was offering himself to the man?
Amethyst gaze narrowed, he looked into the other's silver eye.
"You don't? Even if I offer myself for your experiments? Even if I hide the fact that you are here, alive, from my fellow shinigami who seek your destruction?" he was desperate, willing to say or do anything now just to get the recognition and acceptance he so craved, even if it meant harming himself in one fashion or another.
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:06 pm
Silver eyes narrowed, "Fellow shinigami?" Muraki asked, sensing how dangerous this could be. "I'm sure that if I explain to them that my memories are gone from whatever I've done... they won't want to cut me up."
He sighed, leaning back against the train seat.
"So, if I accept the fact that we could be friends... you'll let me experiment to try and recreate your regeneration?"
Of course, Muraki didn't know this... but such a trap would have been completely plausible from the old doctor.
If Tsuzuki were that easy...
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:14 pm
"If they gave you the chance to explain...most of them would act before asking, in this case..."
This was true. After Kyoto...those flames from Touda...the desperate state Muraki had driven Tsuzuki into...they might very well kill him on sight.
He promised himself he would do everything he could to prevent that from happening, though.
"Yes! You can do anything you want to me, if you'll give me a chance!" Tsuzuki beamed at Muraki's question.
The man really was stupid sometimes. If Hisoka had been here, he would be punching Tsuzuki right now.
Actually, if Hisoka had been around he would not be sitting here on this train back to the place where he last saw Muraki.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:48 pm
"Anything?"
Kazutaka laughed slightly, shaking his head.
"No wonder you're dead... I'm assuming you didn't offer my grandfather the same option... or did you?"
If Tsuzuki had eventually killed himself, it would only stand to reason that Muraki's own ancestor had been doing his own experiments... and the suicide hadn't been foreseen.
Then again, Kazutaka really had no idea what to think of this amethyst-eyed shinigami.
'He's either stupid and naive... or he's just insane.'
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:23 pm
"Anything." he repeated, not even thinking what this could entail. Tsuzuki had never been very good at thinking ahead.
For another moment he was silent, but when he broke that silence, it was with a reflective manner.
"Your Grandfather...he did everything he could for me. Granted, he did observe and experiment with me...he was a kind doctor. Over and over again, he treated my self-inflicted wounds, sometimes sitting by my bed for hours at a time, just talking to me, or trying to coax me to eat. Sometimes he would sing me lullabies, hoping I might take some rest, stop staring off into my nothingness. He never knew if I was able to hear him, but he kept trying, you know? Always telling me how beautiful I was, how much he loved me, trying to tempt me with offers of all he would give me if only I would stop trying to destroy myself."
The sadness in his eyes was undeniable, so all encompassing one might wonder how he managed to function at all, ever.
"He looked a lot like you, you know..." he said suddenly, smiling again with closed eyes. "And, to be honest...though I never once said a word to the man, I think a part of me loved him too..."
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 7:54 pm
That story swept any horribly degrading thoughts about Tsuzuki's character out of Muraki's mind.
It left only one thing the doctor could ask...
One simple question...
"Then why did you kill yourself?"
'If he loved you... if you had someone who cared about you, Tsuzuki-san... why take your own life? Are you that weak?'
Kazutaka had known his grandfather. The man had been an influence in his life, making him realize that he wanted to be a doctor.
Having Ukyou... having that person he wanted to save so badly, had only hurried his studies along.
But Muraki's grandfather had been the kindest man he had ever known.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:18 pm
He laughed. It was the only appropriate response, in his mind. Had Muraki not listened when he told the story of his childhood.
"Because I am a monster. I...had to die. I felt it was the only thing I could do to hope for any salvation. I had to do my penance for being what I am. My punishment followed me into death even, that's how horrible I am." He went on. Anyone knowing Tsuzuki would see that he was the kindest, gentlest, most innocent creature, but the power the man held inside him did indeed make him dangerous. None of that was his fault, however. He simply blamed himself for all of it.
"Really...I had wanted to protect him from myself as well. What if I had accidentally killed him? Oh kami-sama..." the very thought made him shudder and cover his mouth to keep from gasping out.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:30 pm
"Their bullying hardly means your a monster." Kazutaka replied, looking to the shinigami seriously. "You weren't to blame for their hatred. Whatever power lies in you, was probably woken because you were miserable as a child, Tsuzuki-san." the doctor shook his head, thinking over the psychology of it all.
"If my grandfather cared about you, I don't think he would have minded if you had hurt him... especially since, from what you've told me, this was all hardly your fault."
He sighed, silent for a moment.
"Have you tried to kill anyone since being a shinigami? And what I mean by that is, have you harmed anyone outside of doing your job. I doubt you violently murder people to reap their souls to the afterlife, after all. Or... Have you been bullied and mocked since you died?"
It was a sound line of logic... at least to the doctor.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:40 pm
"No! I never tried to kill anybody outside of my job!" he said, trying to assure the doctor.
Except...oh. A look of extreme guilt came over the shinigami's features.
"Actually...I tried to kill you. I...I stabbed you. In your side." he pointed to the exact area where he had sunk the blade so long ago in Kyoto.
The color drained out of Tsuzuki's face as he remembered. He hated thinking about it. Hated wasn't even the right word. There wasn't a word for how it made him feel.
"I'm so sorry. Really. You have no idea. I was scared...I didn't know what I was doing. I...I tried to kill us both. Gods, I don't know how you can't remember that!"
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:45 pm
"I think we've assumed I don't remember anything about you, remember?" Kazutaka asked, thinking over that information. "What was I doing to you?" the doctor spoke softly, wanting to understand this new development. "Was I hurting you? Was I going to hurt you? What made you want to kill me in that moment? Did I... did I kill someone close to you? Someone you cared about?"
Muraki had no idea what had happened... but if his hunch was correct...
Then this immense power of Tsuzuki's was a defense mechanism.
Nothing more.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:56 pm
"You mean to tell me you don't have a scar or anything?" he cocked his head, surprised.
Sighing, he resigned himself to the fact that Muraki had no idea, even if he were scarred.
"I tried to kill you because you had kidnapped me. You were holding me captive...you were going to kill me for your experiment...for your revenge plot. My gods...you had that head floating in a tank next to me. It was horrifying. Your brothers head. You were bound and determined to put it on my body. And..." he winced. "And you kept touching me, doing things to me...taking advantage of me. After a while I just lost myself."
Tsuzuki was full of shame and remorse, again obviously blaming himself for everything.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:03 pm
But Muraki shook his head, "Are you positive something didn't happen before?" he asked, wondering why this defense would have activated out of a self-preservation reason.
In truth, the man didn't have a scar.
Not on his entire body...
And not only that, but he remembered certain scars from before his memory loss... and even those were gone.
That was another thing which served to baffle him.
"Did I hurt someone else? Were you catatonic at any point? If so, was it before I started my experiment or after?"
'It doesn't fit!' the man thought to himself angrily, wanting to unravel this little puzzle. 'If I had hurt someone before... Tsuzuki-san seems to be the type to place blame on himself where it isn't needed. That much I've seen in the last few hours... so if I had hurt someone and he couldn't protect them, it could send him into this defensive state.'
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