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 Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 12:06 pm
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:24 pm
Another blondie joke...
Three girls are kidnapped, a blondie, brunette, and a red-head. The kidnapper plans to kill them. He asks them if they have any last words. The brunette says yes. She screams out "Tornado!" The guy turns around and she runs away. The red-head yells "Tsunami!" The guy turns around again and she runs away. The blondie is catching on to what her friends are doing. When the man walks up to her with the gun, he asks her "Any last words?" She replies "Yes. Fire!"
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:28 pm
And another joke...Helen Keller this time...I heard it from someone...
Pretend Helen Keller has two sisters. Their nicknames are Rose and Daisy. Rose goes up to their dad and asks," Daddy, why does everyone call me Rose?" He replies," Because when you were born, a beautiful rose fell on your head." Daisy asks her father," Daddy, why am I called Daisy?" "When you were born, a beautiful daisy fell on your head." In the background you hear," Aghhhghh...." "Shut up Cinderblock!"
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:31 pm
Teh Dirty Hobo! There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the local grocery store. The manager doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks short of a load, or his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!" My mom told me that one...
But for some reason, I still like it.
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:31 pm
(Sorry about missing the thread, UtaArashi! They've added this one since I was last here! Thanks for redirecting me!)
Slightly inappropriate, but...
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart-a** jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. Write with your other hand."
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:41 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:44 pm
And finally, one of the best gay jokes I've ever heard. Not really offensive, but it's a gay joke. Some people have a problem with that for some reason. *shrugs in her bi-ness*
Eat your heart out, King.
Two gay guys get stuck in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road when their car breaks down. After waiting a while, a semi finally pulls over and offers them a ride.
Some time passes, and the trucker announces that he's hungry so they stop at a Mexican restaurant where they serve practically nothing but beans. After the three of them are full, it's back to the road again. A few minutes pass before one of the gay guys shifts uncomfortably and mutters, "Is it okay if I fart?"
The trucker laughs, saying, "This is a man's truck! Do whatever you want!"
So the gay guy pauses, and after a moment looks relieved. There was, however, not a sound.
A few more minutes pass before the other gay guy says, "Damn it, now I have to, too..."
The trucker says that whatever he does is fine, so the second gay guy supposedly passes wind and is relieved, but again no sound comes with it.
Several more minutes pass, and as the trucker shifts in his seat he lets a HUGE fart go, so loud that it practically rocks the truck.
After a long and somewhat awkward silence, the gay guys glance at each other before the first one leans towards the second and whispers, "Virgin."
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:50 pm
At the last one: rofl
One of the funniest gay jokes I've ever heard. XD
*ish gay too*
I've heard the second one... but the first one made me laugh too. XD
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[+. Little Love Story .+]
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:54 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:59 pm
Muskratio At the last one: rofl One of the funniest gay jokes I've ever heard. XD *ish gay too*I've heard the second one... but the first one made me laugh too. XD The best one ever was one I found from one of Roi's (K!ng's) really old posts last year. *looks for the .doc she saved it in...* Ah, here we go.
Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they
were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a
phone call.
The other three were discussing their children while walking to
the first tee.
"My son" said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself
in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now
owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful
in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a
brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his
career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.
"He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a
friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a
stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the
last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio
as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell
him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny
are, and ask what line of work his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned
out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser,
and I've just recently discovered he's gay."
As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the
bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last
three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars,
and a big stock portfolio."
That's the best mainly because you don't realize it's going to be funny at ALL until after the punchline.
And yes, Roi told me about you and your awesome similarities. :3
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 7:04 pm
Glorna Muskratio At the last one: rofl One of the funniest gay jokes I've ever heard. XD *ish gay too*I've heard the second one... but the first one made me laugh too. XD The best one ever was one I found from one of Roi's (K!ng's) really old posts last year. *looks for the .doc she saved it in...* Ah, here we go.
Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they
were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a
phone call.
The other three were discussing their children while walking to
the first tee.
"My son" said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself
in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now
owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful
in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a
brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his
career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.
"He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a
friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a
stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the
last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio
as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell
him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny
are, and ask what line of work his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned
out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser,
and I've just recently discovered he's gay."
As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the
bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last
three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars,
and a big stock portfolio."
That's the best mainly because you don't realize it's going to be funny at ALL until after the punchline.
And yes, Roi told me about you and your awesome similarities. :3 *dies laughing* I think I've heard something similar to that, but it's still rediculously funny. XDD He did? o.O;; Yeah, he and I are triplets, I guess. XD
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 7:10 pm
Blacke Rose What's the definition of a Minor Second? Two oboes playing in unison. How do you change a trombone in to a french horn? Stick your hand in the bell and miss half the notes. How do you change a french horn in to a mellophone? Take your hand out of the bell and miss all the notes. How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: One to hold the lightbulb up, and two more to drink 'till the room spins. How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five. One to actually screw in the lightbulb, and four more to complain that it's too high and get a Euphonium player to do it for them. How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None; the piano player can do that with his left hand. How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? They don't fit in a lightbulb. *I heard that from my mom... eek * A man is concerned while he goes to work one day because he has left his tuba in the back of his car, and the locks don't work. While comming out of the building, he saw a mysteryous dark stranger around the back. He ran up and yelled, and the stranger departed. However, upon looking in the back of his car, he found, sure enough, two more tubas. Yeah, guess which insturment I play? cool How do you clean a tuba? With a tubA toothpaste xD hahaha ...o.o
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 11:32 pm
Guess what? Another hillariously long joke I found.
A man was employed as a security guard at a factory where there had been a spate of thefts by workers on the night shift. Every moring when the night shift workeres passed through his gate, it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was stolen.
On the first night, all was quiet until a man pushing a wheelbarrow full of newspapers came through this gate.The guard's suspicions were aroused at once. Convinced that the man was hiding something beneath the newspapers, he searched beneath them but found nothing. Nevertheless he still felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him further about the cargo.
The man said: "I get a little extra money form recycling newspapers. so I go into the canteen and pick up all the ones that people have discarded."
The guard accepted the explanation for the time of being, but resolved to kepe a close eye on him in the future.
The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard's checkpoint. The guard would always check the contents ans find nothing, then one night, about a year later, the gurad reported for work only to find a message he had been left ordering him to go straight to the superviser's office. He walked into the office but before he could say a word, the superviser shouted: "You're fired."
"Fired?" he asked, stunned."Why? What have I done wrong?
"It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant, and you have failed miserably. So you're fires."
"Hang on what do you mean- failed? Nobosy has stolen anything from this place while I've been on duty."
"Oh, really," said the supervisor. " Then how do you account for the fact that there are three hundred and sisty-five missing wheelbarrows?"
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Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 3:18 am
Q: What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead... and I'll just hang around.
HAHAHA! ^_^
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Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:41 pm
How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
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There's a tampon behind her ear... God knows where she stuck the pencil.
(Please don't be offended by this because I myself am a blonde and I love blonde jokes)
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