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 Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 1:36 am
So, my best friend and I, although we have our differences, get along rather well. We've had many arguments in the past, oh...eight months (usually over stupid things, the most recent being my mistake, thinking he was pursuing someone he wasn't), but still manage to remain decent enough. The thing is, though, that ever since he learned of me being bi, he's acted awkward around me, and has even go so far as to challenge the fact that I'm bi (as in he doesn't believe me) with stupid questions and such. He's also jittery around me, and freaks out about it if I so much as brush against him by accident. He's totally homophobic, and makes all of these comments about how he couldn't ever do anything whatsoever with someone of the same sex.
Problem is that I've been crushing on him for some time. I know he'd never do a thing with me, let alone a relationship (I'm after a gal at the moment, anyway, but she leaves for Canada to go back to college in the fall, so it wouldn't last anyway). I have daily thoughts, both innocent and...erm...not so innocent... about him.
I have no idea what to think or do about this whole situation.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 2:49 pm
Oh that is a tough one. Friends becoming more than friends is always a tricky issue, and the fact that your both the same sex and he's obviously not up for such a thing makes it all the more difficult. The only advice that I can give is the same that I give myself:
Think about what would happen to the friendship if things didn't work out, if you told him about it. I know that it's already strained slightly at the moment and this seems like it would only add to that...If he is truly a friend to you, then love him from afar if you must. We are humans--we are going to have feelings and emotions both called for and not and sometimes there's nothing that we can do with them. The only thing we can do is be able to adapt to situations as they change and pray for the best.
I'll be wishing you luck however this goes and I know that I speak for my fellow GGSAers when I say that.
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:52 am
He's a d**k. He says bisexuality doesn't exist. Says he wish I never told him I thought I was bi, that he feels totally uncomfortable around me. He's a complete ******** a*****e.
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 4:06 am
Unfortunately that's a common standpoint in the world today. People seem to see the world in polar opposites. Black, white; up, down; gay, straight. They see the term bisexual as indecision.
The important thing is to never let their judgments and complete and total lack of tact get to you.
And if this guy is as damaging as you say he is, I see no point in retaining contact with him. Sorry for your loss of whatever friendship you once had with him.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:54 pm
Tell him. The worst that could happen, he'll stop speaking to you for months, which will give you time to get over whatever you felt for him.
That's what happened to me... Well, except on the other standpoint. When I was in seventh grade, it happened. When I was in sixth grade, I was a total homophobe. The way I started to come to accept it is kind of stupid, so I'll leave that part out. But by the beginning of seventh grade, I was beginning to see the fact that homophobia was, well, totally gay, if I may go there.
And one of my friends who used to be like me, homophobic, was going through the same realizations as me. Then, she came out to me. I thought it was cool when she told me and my other friend that she was bi, because, well, it's progression, right? But I hadn't come out yet (and I still haven't; I mean, well, I'm kind of still figuring out the whole gay/straight/bi thing) with my suspicions about my sexuality. When she told me a week later that she liked me, I didn't know what to do. I was hanging out with her and another friend, and the other friend left, and she told me, "You know, that thing that I told you, you don't have to respond immediately." I looked away and said 'yeah.'
Then, I began avoiding her. I sat at a different table in the morning. I took a different route to eighth period so I wouldn't bump into her. I didn't go on her street in the neighborhood anymore. I was so freaked out.
Mostly because before she had even told me she was bi, I was beginning to think that I had a crush on her.
Now, we talk. Not the way we used to. I used to consider her a best friend. Now it's just like someone to talk to during lunch, since I don't have it with any close friends. I wonder what I ever saw in her, as well. I mean, not to bad-mouth people, but she's so damn arrogant, and my number ONE problem with people is people who are arrogant.
She's also the only person not in my family who has ever told me that I'm not ugly.
Um... That's the worst that could happen. If he does to you what I did to her, maybe you'll realize that he's a total d**k ********. Maybe you'll wonder why you even had a crush on him in the first place. I'd say it's just a better idea to get it out.
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Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 3:45 am
Well, the thing is, even though I feel that way about him, and I DO want something to happen, if only for a moment, I'm also after this gal that's like...unbelievably amazing, and she comes first.
My mind is just swirling, really.
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 1:15 pm
Homophobic men are sometimes that way because they're gay themselves but refuse to admit it. So you might have a chance...
But my advice is to crush on someone else. Sorry that's so short/obvious/stupid but idk I think it'd be better.
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 1:17 pm
Karnell He's a d**k. He says bisexuality doesn't exist. Says he wish I never told him I thought I was bi, that he feels totally uncomfortable around me. He's a complete ******** a*****e.
I hate it when people say bisexuality doesn't exist.
And I had a crush on my BFF once but she's straight. I never told her I liked her but she knew I was bi. She was totally fine with it but it does suck to like someone you can't have.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:09 am
His little whispers. Love Me. Love Me.
It dose suck to like someone who is straight. My friend knows I am bi and he knows I like him, but nothing happens, it also helps that his cousin and sister are bi so he is used it. Anyway.
I'd say talk to him, don't really bring up the fact you like him, but just talk to him about how he acts know that he knows, and if you have to lie about liking him, just say you have no feelings for him, and tell him the way he is acting is childish.
It is kind of hard help you in this, for me, one my best friend knows I am bi, he was the first one I told, and we also have done s**t.... >.> and two I've never had a boy friend or a this problem before, but I do hope my advice will help you.
That's all I ask for. Love Me. Love Me.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 9:16 am
*shifts uncomfortably* Well, I hate to say this, but... I had the same problem and... well, we're not best friends anymore. >.> Barely even friends at all most of the time.
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 11:28 pm
Actually, it sounds a lot like this guy could seriously use some lightening up. (It sounds like he wants you to do something, to me.)
But if you are nervous--and who wouldn't be?--just act like you always did before coming out to him. Show him through example, and not through words, that you haven't changed at all, not really. Explain your feelings for him to him, and let things unfold as they were meant to. If he acts like a jerk, then he probably is a jerk. If you two end up lovers, well then, good for the both of you. And if you two remain friends and nothing more, remember that friends are better than nothing, and that one homophobic person exposed to gay people and cured of their unreasonable beliefs, is one less person to be critical or intolerant of your lifestyle.
That's my two cents.
Love and Vale,
-LD
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 12:28 am
I highly doubt that he WANTS it. I don't act a bit differently than I did before coming out to him.
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Posted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:25 am
Hmmm im straight and i don't understand this boy. I have a lot friends gays and a lot friends lesvians. And never had any problem with them. A boy likes other boys, cool, a girl likes other girls, fantastic XD i don't see what's the problem.
(time ago a lesvian friend likes me, and me asked her because if she was less, ¿how hell her likes me if im a male? and her response: don't import the gender the important is the person, then i learned that the most important is the love in pure stat. Everybody may be lovely everybody in a determinated moment.)
Pd: sorry if my explanation isn't grammaticaly correct (sometimes is a bit hard write an extensive argument in english ^^U)
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Posted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 6:35 pm
Colmillo_Lunar (time ago a lesvian friend likes me, and me asked her because if she was less, ¿how hell her likes me if im a male? and her response: don't import the gender the important is the person, then i learned that the most important is the love in pure stat. Everybody may be lovely everybody in a determinated moment.) That was really beautiful. I couldn't have said it better myself. I wish you luck! I have that kind of problem myself - I like a friend who believes that straight families are the only kind. Try to keep your distance. It is better to love a friend than regret a lost friendship. Or, if you are really brave, come out to him and he may be more understanding than you thought! But I would watch my step lightly from here on.
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 5:44 pm
Colmillo_Lunar Hmmm im straight and i don't understand this boy. I have a lot friends gays and a lot friends lesvians. And never had any problem with them. A boy likes other boys, cool, a girl likes other girls, fantastic XD i don't see what's the problem. (wooo ancient thread revival biggrin ) I wish everyone was as clever and clearsighted as this!
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