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ninja First post? I guess I don't need help AT THE MOMENT cuz everything between us is going alright heart sweatdrop

I don't know how much you'll be able to help me, but here goes.

I'm a sophomore in High School, and I've known a guy for over 5 years. I've had a severe crush on him for this long (I refuse to call it a crush, though, because they've just been steady feelings for him for these 5 years). He's possibly my ideal guy. He's really nice, funny, smart, cute, etc., and while he's a year older (age difference can get awkward, with different grades), I like older guys. At my school, at the very least, he's the one guy I'd want to be with (at my school; I don't know many guys from outside of my school). This year, I decided I'd tell him how I felt.

Then, one day, it all went to hell. We live near one another, so we were chatting on the bus going home, and he asks me if I've heard the news. Turns out, now he has a steady girlfriend. And she's a close friend of mine (from his grade, but we're still good friends). I say my congratulations (because, much to my dismay, apparently he's liked her for a long time), and go on my way.

Ever since then, my feelings have gone all crazy. That first night I knew, I cried for a long time, then got angry with myself for crying over a guy. I've started to just cry more often. It hurts so badly to see them affectionate together, but I can't say anything.

I'm just wondering what your opinion would be for what I should do? I want to stay friends with the guy AND the girl (she rocks, by the way. I really like her!), but it just hurts so much, I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'd like to just flat out tell him, just to get it off my chest, but again I don't want to hurt either of them.

I don't know what you can do here. Your best option is to bite your tongue and try to move on. If you want to stay friends with both of them you really can't tell either of them how you feel because it will create an awkward feeling all the way around. I know that isn't really the answer you were looking for, and I know keeping feelings like that bottled up inside is neither easy, nor fun, but in order to keep the friendship going you are going to need to keep the feelings buried within yourself.
If you want to take something to comfort yourself, remember that in highschool relationships can last anywhere from years, to a few weeks. If things work out for you, you'll get your second chance, just remember that the next time you don't want to hesitate. You want to stay friends with them because being friends with them is important to you because they are both cool, but staying friends with them also gives you enough knowledge about them that you will find out rather quickly if their relationship goes up in flames. I know it seems like it's kind of a villainous alternative motive, in my time at highschool the thing that I noticed is that very few relationships had lasting power. Keep your head up, the sun will rise tomorrow.

The glass has been filled to half of it's total capacity.
I am not really that much of an optimist. I am of the opinion that if one is going to be turned down it is best to get it over with than to sit there and allow it to stew in the back of one's mind. What point was there in you sitting there crushing over the girl if you have absolutly no chance with her in the first place? Was there a point to that? No. No there wasn't. I mean I'm sure you might tell us the story and everyone would be "Awww...isn't that cute." but in the end they all would have told you the exact same thing, that you should tell her how you feel. You see the optimist would have said, "Tell her how you feel and you'll win her over." What I said was that if you didn't tell her how you felt that meant that there was absolutely no chance that you were going to win her over. The world has set a crule standard where the males are expected to make the first move and as a result of this widely accepted idea that it's the guy's job to make the first move, especially in a situation like the one you described where she hangs around with her ex who might have been planning to make a move on her.

You asked me what I thought you should do. That was what I told you. If you had decided not to talk to her, and tell her what it was that you felt then where would you be right now? You would be sitting around with her and her ex thinking that she was the one, but too afraid to say anything because she might turn you down, and then you'd mope and brood over it, and that would do even less to help your self image because you would constantly be questioning what you should be doing.

As for your Gothy Rockstar tendencies, that makes absolutely no sense to me. In my experience the gothy rockstars are the ones who all of the girls stare at and tell me that they think he is dreamy. The gothy rockstars are the ones who end up dating the girls that I crush after, so I have no idea why you would think that you are less attractive because of it. Girls like the rebel, and that is what the gothy rockstar is.

As for you not having any chance with women, you are absolutly right if you keep that attitude. If you are going to do nothing but down on yourself the whole time and fish for complements you really don't have a chance with women, because people get bored with people who constantly seek approval and acceptance from others. Be happy doing your own thing. Find something that brings you joy and do your best to accell at that, because that will help your self image. Write dark poetry, draw, play guitar, pick up some sort of hobby/talent. If you want to fish for compliments do it through that talent rather than just brooding and saying that you aren't cool.

I can tell you right now that popularity gets girls, and I can also tell you that popularity has less to do with looks than it does to do with attitude. She will either come around, or someone else will, but if you have your head stuffed so far up your rectum being down on yourself to see them you are going to miss them, I can guarentee that.

As for the crack about how optimists are ruining things for the pesemists, remember that optimists are able to see good in everything. Maybe that is something that you should try. Maybe your glass isn't half empty, maybe it's just too large of a glass. Look for the smaller positive things that can be drawn from this. Now you don't have to spend all of your time in a panicked worry about whether or not she likes you. Now that you have closure you are free to look for someone else. Now you know that the friend who told you that she was basically yours is full of it. They might not seem like much, but you can take consolation that there were at least a few good points.

Now before you snap at me any more, I'd like to ask you, would you have felt any different right now if I had told you, "No. Don't tell her. It will only lead to pain for you"?

Well...this sounds humorously like me, only I don't have a younger sibling trying to get me to talk to the people that I have a crush on. You have to get her to understand that if she is going to win over this guy she needs to do more than just stare at him from across the classroom. You also have to assert yourself and tell her that you aren'ty interested in dating her crushes brother so she can get closer to him. Tell her that you aren't interested in the brother that in your grade.

There are two solutions to this problem:

1) You can convince her to go and see this guy that she likes, and that you go with her to offer your support and stop her from running away or deciding not to say anything. If you do nothing then in the end either this guy will move on to some other girl, which will leave your sister sad, or this guy will stay single basically for ever and your sister will continue to bother you about it, coming up with odd ways in which you can help her by dating his brother or something.
Tell her that she has to tell him, and that you will come along to offer emotional support. If she starts being shy and preparing to back out of it, you can step up and tell him that your sister has a crush on him. Once it is out there, the whole situation will be a lot less tense, and you won't be pressuered to date anyone to help your sister's social life anymore.

If you don't like that solution, because it does have the chance of blowing up a little if he says no or something, there is the other option.

2) The classical information gathering mission. You go over to talk to thie guy that she has a crush on, and ask him about how he'd react if your sister asked him out or something. Don't come right out and say it obviously, build up to it in the conversation so that it doesn't look suspicious, and then you will have the answer to the problem that you can bring back to your sister. Mission accomplished.

Hi again, so I have a problem. I'm not sure, maybe I'm just paranoyd, but I think this really cute kid is staring at me in math class eek

I know that sounds a little weird, but one day, I saw him, and I thought that he was looking in my direction. So then, I started looking at him (partly because he is cute), and half the time, I thought I saw him looking back.

Only problem, is that I barely know him. All I know is his name is Ben, who he hangs out with, and what bands he likes(he wears rock band t shirts).

Also, this may just be him being stupid and joking, but he asked if we wanted to be friends, which probably doesn't mean a thing, but I don't know.

Okay, I'm done spilling my guts now, all I want to know is if I should ask him if he likes me, or just what I should do.