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| Read the post, and then answer, would you choose to be gay?: |
| Yes |
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37% |
[ 37 ] |
| No |
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24% |
[ 24 ] |
| I dunno... |
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39% |
[ 39 ] |
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| Total Votes : 100 |
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 Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 5:25 pm
I happened to catch recently when someone had filled out information about themselves, and under sexuality it said "Straight... unfortunately... maybe that will change" or something to that effect.
Well my question is... if you had a CHOICE whether to be gay or straight... which would you choose?
Now before you answer, think of all the complications added to your life just because you like the same sex: Having to tell your friends and family you're gay, Gay bashing, hate crimes, being judged based on who you love, you cannot marry the person you love (and marriage entails a LOT of things as far as rights to your spouse, i.e. because you're not married nor have a recognized relationship, when your partner is sick in the hospital, you do not have visitation rights, you also don't have any rights to make medical decisions for your spouse, there's a way to get around that, but its a hassle too) Being able to have a family together is another huge obstacle, because adoption is closed to us, and insemination costs a fortune, and for gay men, you have to find a woman to carry your child and if you can't you have no other option. AND... to top it all off, lets say a lesbian couple does artifical insemination... the child only legally belongs to the mother who birthed it... so lets say the biological mother passes away, and the family hated that she was gay, and never approved of their relationship, they could take the child, and the other mother could never see it again. The list of complications in gay people's lives just goes on and on...
I personally would never have chosen to be gay, as complicated as life has been already, then to add to it my "unacceptable" sexuality, no, I wouldn't have ever volunteered to be gay, I just am, I love my girlfriend, but I wish the way I love my girlfriend was viewed the same as the way any other girl loves their boyfriend, but its not. I wish I could marry the person I love, and it be recognized everywhere, not just in Massachusetts... Oh well, I am what I am, and I'll fight for my rights until the end, I just wish I didn't have to.
So what about the rest of you? Being gay isn't very glam in reality... if you could CHOOSE to either be straight or gay, which would you choose?
(Sorry for it being so long, just wanted to stress my point wink )
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 7:03 pm
There have been many of times where I wished I was striaght....or at least a guy. I love women and I cant imagine falling for a guy. I think I've been gay before I understood what sexuality was. It had made soooo many complications in my life though. Some people know and some dont. I am always scared certain people will find out and hate me for it....
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 7:26 pm
Just to let mods know, permission to make this thread was accepted.
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 7:34 pm
Wow.
Not to bash on the people here, but just because of the place that the majority of the Gaia demographic is at in their lives, most things found on it end up (from my experience) being angsty, self-centered, and rather plebian.
You can imagine my surprise when I read these posts. They're very insightful and "true." By that I mean that neither of you seemed to add anything to the story, you just told it as it was. Impressive.
To answer the question at hand, I'm not quite sure what I am sexually yet, but looking at it from both sides, I can say that I could make the choice to be gay.
It's not that superficial sort of confidence you hear around where people say that everyone else will just have to accept them for who they are, and they don't care if others don't, while blatently they do. I'm not that confident in myself, and I like to see myself as seeing the larger picture. It's simply that I love the growth I've experienced in my life due to hardships. If I were gay, I'd embrace all the experiences from that choice, the bad and the good.
That being said, I highly doubt that I'd enjoy the experiences as they were happening.
Sorry if my post is a bit hard to understand, it was very "train of thought."
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 10:37 pm
Compliment accepted, as I'm assuming thats what it could be considered.
I should specify since you mentioned... if back when I was 14 I suddenly hit a crossroads... if I had the information I have now about being gay... I'd have taken the straight road. However, where I am right now in my life, I wouldn't change what I am or the choices I have made for anything, because I love the person I am today, even though I've suffered a great deal.
But yeah... if I knew when I was fourteen what I know now about the complications of being gay, I would have chosen to be straight...
P.S. For all of you who dont know... when it comes to having a gay spouse, all the complications of marriage and whatnot... because we cannot get married, to have similar rights (similar to getting married) we have to get a lawyer and power of attorney. Its a complicated document, but it can specify "this person can make medical decisions on my behalf when I am not able to make them myself" and all that... the fact is, we shouldnt have to get power of attorney, we should just be able to get married and that just be covered.
Another fun fact, for lesbians: This is extremely expensive but if you wanted to both legally "own" your child, in other words no one could take them from you, you'd have to take an egg from Lesbo A, place it in Lesbo B, and then fertilize it, so it technically belongs to you because its your egg, and it technically belongs to your partner because she birthed it. ~.o
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 10:19 am
To be honest (My own own opinion)
I would have choose to be gay!
But here is something to think about...
The BIGGEST fight homosexuals and bisexuals (etc) have gone through is for our right to be equal to those of other shapes, colours, sizes and sexualities smile .
The arguement is : We Can't Choose Who We Are, We Are Born The Way We Are !
Please Don't Be Offend By The Following This Is Purely My opinion And Not Meant To Upset Or Offend People
Looking back in history and even today there has always been people fighting for our rights to have the freedom that they never had growing up! They were beaten, rejected, made homeless with no where to go, when they settled down in an area they would be shunned upon, people would make it hard for them to survive, some would have been raped, some would sell themselves to get by, and there was no such thing or place of shelter for youth homosexuals to go, as no one wanted them!
To be honest i'm only 22, but in my short life span i have seen Homosexual right take an amazing step forward, When i was 16 I started the coming out process which was the most frightening thing to do and this was rare where i lived for people to come out so young. But now kids come out at 13 and don't bat an eye lid. In only a few years this change has happened and i think that is amazing!
We are here saying we are a community that deserves the right to be a part of society and fight forward (and not backwards) to have the right to marry the person we love and have everyone live as equals!
But when i get asked questions, or emails, or see threads like this (i don't know why) I get a lil disheartened!
It feels like we take a step backwards when our own community is questioning the situation!
With the idea that you would never have took the choice to be gay, (exreme idea here but possible)... what could happen when genetics have futher tampering with them and then a family can sit down and ...
"hey , there is some bad news... we found the gay gene in your son / daughter, but hopefully with the right treatment (homophobic upbringing) (s)he'll look back on life at 18 and say hey if i had the choice... i'd be straight ... wait a second.. I DO HAVE THE CHOICE i'll just book myself into the doctors and have it removed! ..."
(i realise this is a bad example but hey deal i did say i'm not here to offend anyone with my point of view biggrin )
In respect to many people who have suffered and died not just fighting for their own freedom to be who they want to be , but for the future I am glad of who i am and damn proud, if you say you would have choosen differently then it's a shame you're not so proud of who you are and what history you have behind you! sad and it is also you are in a situation (if this is the case) where you are not allowed to be proud!!!
But at least now there are places fr reject homosexual teenagers to go, there are familys willing to support someone without a care what there sexuality is and there is more acceptance within many homes a lot more than in the past! and i will suffer whatever problems i have to go through, being a homosexual , if it means some homosexual who is not even born yet, gets to have a more equal life than mine!
marriage... pish who needs a pretty piece of paper to tell me that i love my girlfriend to bits, and hey to get around the baby thing... simple
one girlfriends egg... mixed with my womb and some sperm will produce OUR baby.
but when we question ourselves, it just gives freaks and idiots out there the ammo they are looking for!
I hope i didn't offend or ramble too mucha nd hope i kinda got across my point (i'm not very good with points without typing it down all about wrong)
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 2:25 pm
Actually I think you just took the subject the wrong way...
I'm not saying im not proud of who or what I am, nor am I saying I dont think things are getting better for gays, because yes, they are. I'm an equal rights activist myself, I've been on CNN fighting for our cause, because first of all, its NOT a choice... I'm gay whether I like it or not, and frankly if I wasn't gay my life would be a WHOLE lot different than it is, and I love my life, I wouldn't change a thing about it.
All I'm saying is IF I had been able to make the choice (and im NOT saying I really wish there WAS a way to make that choice) I'm just saying completely hypothetically if I had been able to make that choice when I was fourteen and it became a part of my life... I would have chosen to be straight. Thats not even to say, I dont like the life I'm living because I love it... I love alllll my gay friends, all the people I met BECAUSE I'm gay... But if I knew when I was fourteen that, I couldn't marry the person I loved because it was a girl, if I knew I'd be so looked down upon by society, I would have chosen otherwise. If I knew when I was fourteen I'd have the life that I have today, all equal rights problems set aside I'd probably have chosen to be who I am...
The POINT here was spurred by straight people WISHING they were gay... and I simply ask why? I dont think people who aren't gay, realize whatsoever how much more complicated life is just because we're gay. So the question was made, with these straight people wishing they were gay, of course, not really having any idea what it means to be gay, how many gay people wish they could have been straight instead?
My life choices are even complicated ten times over because I'm gay, both myself and my girlfriend are going into the Navy, and we have to pretend to be straight or we lose our jobs, and get kicked out... which not only sucks that we get kicked out, but then we have a questionable discharge from the military which sticks with us the rest of our lives, which means getting jobs, they look back and notice this discharge (is it a dishonorable? I forget) and if it IS dishonorable a lot of people wont hire us, it doesnt even MATTER that we got kicked out for being gay, all they see is that discharge, period. Even when gay's become equal I'd STILL have a bad discharge on my record.
And the marriage thing, it has nothing to do with a piece of paper saying I love my girlfriend, it has to do with when she's sick in the hospital, I dont qualify as "family" so I dont get visitation rights, if she's hospitalized sick, I cant make medical decisions for her, we'd have to wait for someone else like her mother to show up, its when we buy a home, we dont qualify as a married couple to buy a home (which effects the cost a GREAT deal)... its EQUAL RIGHTS, and we dont have them, thats why marriage is so important, marriage isn't a paper saying this person loves this person, marriage is a legal document that has a LOT of strings attatched to it.
And if you think the baby thing is so simple (taking one egg, giving it to the other, her birthing it) What about gay men? Is it so simple for them??? No its not... and you say simple like it costs 10 bucks, not tens of thousands of dollars (which is actually what it costs).
THESE are the complications I'm trying to stress... if I had a little brother (or sister) who was 13 or 14 right now I would hope DEARLY that they came out straight, I wouldn't wish being gay on anyone (except those closed minded idiots who prevent us from being equal, just to give them a taste of what its like) because we're unacceptable to society.
Anyways, this was purely hypothetical, I'm not even saying I wish we DID have the choice, just if we had, would people have chosen to be gay...?
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 4:05 pm
I think i understood the point hon! But hey i did say my personal view point that was not meant to offend! blaugh lol (They should have a puppy face on here)I don't believe the baby thing to be oh so simple!
I was trying to say it in a way that was as quick as possible without making my post too long (cus i ramble lol). There are and there will be ways around things, eventually! I did not forget about Gay men as well either! At the same time as a high % of Homosexual couples maybe never having the chance to experience children, there are hetrosexual couples who have the same problem and for some homosexual couples who want children, being gay may not , in the end stop them from having children! It could, like a hetrosexual couple be a problem with being fertileI did say it is NOT a choice no matter what sexuality you are (for that matter)! My personal view (not meant to offend) was that; seeing as it's not a choice, why has it been made a question!!!!
Hetrosexuals can sometimes have diffcult upbringing too!
It would be like asking a black person "would you choose to be black" . I believe it to be an empty question, that i've heard so many times, and it just Disheartens me when i heart it from other homosexuals!!People will always find a flaw with others, to use, to pick on that person. This will as well, stop them from making choices in their life wether their colour ,their sexuality, Disabilities, their sex! There are people who are young and impressionable on this site. They are just finding themselves and i feel it is a negative question that if I, myself read as a young person, would feel more "pushed into myself" rather than wanting to come out !... Instead of some law that says i can't get married to some future girl of my dreams pushing me back and scaring me! It would be a thread like this one! sad crying
As an older person I feel we have a responability to show younger generations that there isn't anything to be afraid of and being proud is wonderful (even if there is still a long way to go) Life is too short for "what ifs!" and just to have...... a little faith!And hey I know loads of straight guys who would love to be a lesbian (A joke there to lighten the mood)
When i found that you couldn't marry the person you love, it didnt mean anything! It just made me think, have a little faith for things !I DON'T Feel life has been made more complicated for me OR my GAY friends, Just because we ARE gay! (Intresting yes, more complex no)
My hetrosexual friends seem to have just as hard a life sometimes as we homos! Ok they don't have as many obsticales in the way... in some aspects, but in others they do! Personally i would rather have been born a West Indian Lesbian, Than A Hetrosexual White Male! lol And what does it mean to be gay? We HAVE to have the rainbow flag outside our homes?????! If ya a lesbian, cut ya hair off or a gay man MUST have a pink silk shirt in his wardrobe?
We fight to be equal....so if we ARE just as equal as hetrosexual people ,where does the "they don't know what it means to be gay" come into it! I don't know what it means to be a buddhist , and i would love to know, but i am still able to treat a buddhist just as equal as myself (with a few complications along the way! 3nodding , But at least there is comprimise!!!) So hopefully someday it will be the same with homosexuals and hetrosexuals.... BOTH WAYS!The marriage thing has EVERYTHING to do with how much you love your girlfriend firstly!.... THEN follow by all the "perks" you get with being married! I'm willing to fight for equal rights to be with the woman i love and that is the positive message that should be sent out! (Not actually fighting though, cus that would hurt). In time this will change and i just hope people... the young homosexuals who are yet to find themselves ...have role models to look to who will have only positive messages for them and to know to hold on and have faith, and even to show hetrosexual and bisexual and black, white, pink, purple children that it is ok just to BE WHO YOU ARE! And NOT Think If You Had The Choice! Be Happy To With What They Have !
I Wouldn't wish being gay on anyone, but i wouldn't wish being hetrosexual as well, not if thats not what they were anyhow 3nodding That is for a person to find within themselves and we ARE acceptable! In many ways in which we weren't in the past! we are not something new but something that has been around since the roman (for god sake vomitarians and mass orgies were what they had to look forward to lol biggrin ) it is just a matter of time , hope and understanding, and learning!
Quote: Anyways, this was purely hypothetical, I'm not even saying I wish we DID have the choice
Quote: I wouldn't wish being gay on anyone (except those closed minded idiots who prevent us from being equal, just to give them a taste of what its like) because we're unacceptable to society
Are you sure?!? wink
Also i was wondering
If ya were on CNN Though how you gonna keep ya sexuality a secret after in being public when ya go into the Navi?
Finally! This may offend a little but if you are an equal rights activist , i fear a little for someone who is saying " Equal Rights " on yours but also myself and others who are yet to come's behalf, when she sees the situation we are in is that we are "unacceptable"I just felt something positive had to be in this thread, as it is a negative question towards homosexuality , wether you like that fact or not!!!!
I think i'll stop now as i do not want to cause a fuss!
good luck with the Navi and i hope that things do change so you do have the life with your girlfriend you want! smile
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 4:49 pm
Would I choose to be straight or gay? hmm....
I wish I was a gay guy. I think gay guys are hot. If i was a guy i'd be gay lol. I often dream about being gay aka for girls "lesbian". But im bisexual. which i don't have a problem with. Personally, I rather be straight. It's easier for your parents to think " oh my baby girl is going to marry a guy when she gets older. and have beautiful children and a loving husband". instead of breaking their dream and saying " mom, im bisexual, or gay"
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 6:51 pm
KaGe_Khoai Would I choose to be straight or gay? hmm.... I wish I was a gay guy. I think gay guys are hot. If i was a guy i'd be gay lol. I often dream about being gay aka for girls "lesbian". But im bisexual. which i don't have a problem with. Personally, I rather be straight. It's easier for your parents to think " oh my baby girl is going to marry a guy when she gets older. and have beautiful children and a loving husband". instead of breaking their dream and saying " mom, im bisexual, or gay"
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 9:23 pm
I was going to try to resist replying to this thread, but temptations came over me. <3
I think everyday "Would life be better if I were straight?" Truthfully, it would be. I haven't had anyone bash me, except the stupid people who created the law to ban same sex marriage. I probably would've married a guy anyways, unless there is a female out there that is exactly for me. Right now I'm bi. To tell you the truth, sometimes I wish I were lesbian instead. The girls know how to make you happy without any mistakes. The girls know exactly what you want to feel. Guys always make you mad in a way, not sure why, but it's how life works.
There are also times when I wish I were straight. Only so more people could accept me. But it's not about acceptance to me, so I'd rather choose to be lesbian. Or an Asian gay guy. XD They're so damn yummy. *drools*
I do agree with Kage on one thing. I wish I were straight to make my parents proud and continue thinking that I'm going to marry a cute male that'll always be there for me. But once I think of it, are there really any males out there who actually care about me? I've had my share of male lovers, and they break my heart. Which is another reason to why I'd rather be lesbian.
But in a more complicated way, I'd rather be straight.
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 11:26 pm
In reply to Sashmo:
I wasn't offended by anything you said, and I do agree we do need a positive outlook on things. I didnt create this thread to scare people back into being straight, or to discourage them from coming out, I simply made this thread out of curiosity, is it bad that I want to know if I'm alone? So you dont agree, as you see other's do, thats all I wanted to know.
I have a lot more to worry about hiding from the Navy than having been on CNN... sad
I'm also not trying to say heterosexuals dont have problems themselves, I'm just saying their sexuality isn't ANOTHER problem, whereas ours is at this point and time. And I'm not tryin to say gay people have the hardest lives. I've had an extremely tough life, and gayness hasn't even really been part of the problem! I have an accepting family (with the exception of my father, but... well i dont care, lol) and people are too afraid to send any gay bashing my way as I'm an intimidating looking person (at least thats what I'm told)
And I do agree, marriage is about love, but thats not the equality argument in it... I love my girlfriend just as much as any heterosexual couple, but the equality argument is mainly about our rights to our spouses, rights we dont get because we cant be married.
And when I said "what it means to be gay" that had nothing to do with what we wear and how we style our hair, I was referring to the way we are viewed and treated by our fellow americans that when you're gay there are a lot of people out there who look down on you, consider you second class citizens...
I never said I see us as unacceptable... or I wouldn't be an equal rights activist... Other's see us as unacceptable. I was a little confused by that whole sentence so... if I misunderstood... my mistake.
Anyways, like I said, I'm not trying to make being gay seem like such a terrible thing, I love my girlfriend and thats a beautiful thing period... there are just complications to our lifestyle that young people who are saying "I wish I was gay" should know about... why would anyone WISH to be gay? Why not be happy with being a heterosexual, because you'll find just as much love and commitment in a heterosexual relationship (or you should) as a gay relationship... Either way, its YOU loving SOMEONE ELSE... whether man or woman... if you're straight, why would you WISH to be gay, when being gay is complicated (due to the GOVERNMENT not the RELATIONSHIP ITSELF).
I just wanted to know what others thought... and to make a point to any straight person who wishes they were gay... that being gay is NOT a fad like wearing your pants halfway off your a**... If you're straight you should just be proud to be straight, just as we are proud to be gay, and you should be glad that because you're straight, you dont have to go through what gays have to go through...
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Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 2:45 pm
I haven't actually had any "experience" with girls, unfortunately, but I know that it would be easier for me to be "straight" rather than bisexual. I know that, because I can't imagine telling my parents. My mom might be o.k. with it, but I think my dad would die right then and there. This doesn't mean that if I got into a serious relationship with a girl I wouldn't tell them. It'd be inevitable. But still - it would be easier, right?
Then again.. maybe the easier way isn't the 'right' way. All of those people before me who've fought for rights, and are STILL fighting.. would I let that go to waste? Meh. I don't know.
I believe that I'd choose to be the way I am, and the way I was meant to be. :]
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Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 4:43 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 4:46 pm
ForgottenExistence I happened to catch recently when someone had filled out information about themselves, and under sexuality it said "Straight... unfortunately... maybe that will change" or something to that effect. Well my question is... if you had a CHOICE whether to be gay or straight... which would you choose? Now before you answer, think of all the complications added to your life just because you like the same sex: Having to tell your friends and family you're gay, Gay bashing, hate crimes, being judged based on who you love, you cannot marry the person you love (and marriage entails a LOT of things as far as rights to your spouse, i.e. because you're not married nor have a recognized relationship, when your partner is sick in the hospital, you do not have visitation rights, you also don't have any rights to make medical decisions for your spouse, there's a way to get around that, but its a hassle too) Being able to have a family together is another huge obstacle, because adoption is closed to us, and insemination costs a fortune, and for gay men, you have to find a woman to carry your child and if you can't you have no other option. AND... to top it all off, lets say a lesbian couple does artifical insemination... the child only legally belongs to the mother who birthed it... so lets say the biological mother passes away, and the family hated that she was gay, and never approved of their relationship, they could take the child, and the other mother could never see it again. The list of complications in gay people's lives just goes on and on... I personally would never have chosen to be gay, as complicated as life has been already, then to add to it my "unacceptable" sexuality, no, I wouldn't have ever volunteered to be gay, I just am, I love my girlfriend, but I wish the way I love my girlfriend was viewed the same as the way any other girl loves their boyfriend, but its not. I wish I could marry the person I love, and it be recognized everywhere, not just in Massachusetts... Oh well, I am what I am, and I'll fight for my rights until the end, I just wish I didn't have to. So what about the rest of you? Being gay isn't very glam in reality... if you could CHOOSE to either be straight or gay, which would you choose? (Sorry for it being so long, just wanted to stress my point wink ) I am partly gay, and the reason I say that is because I am bi. My ma just found out that I am bi, and that I have gf, but she kind of already knew, because she was able to tell on how I would act when I had certain girls over.
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