Welcome to Gaia! ::

Cold - the way their food had eventually gotten at the park, except the vibe had been different for him. That scene feeling like it was from another world entirely. How there’d been warmth, laughter, and he’d been missing the others terribly. His family — his husbands — and now? Now he had all of that and then some, lacked excuses for his own moodiness with those few wishes fulfilled.

Now he wondered—-

The way Aelius had been mad at him? The way he hadn’t pushed? The way he’d simply wanted for fun over all else—

‘Do I always have to push you Aelius? Is our world gonna be nothing but heights n valleys n sharp a** ledges..’ he shook the thought off as he smoothed a corner of the breeze touched blanket back down, only mildly wishing for a shirt as he watched Aelius pull his fuku tighter around his form.
“I like it up here, it’s quiet. The whole rest of the world is down below, and us? We’re all the way up—high as we can reasonably get before it starts to count as being in space.” Whimsy and awe, wistfulness in the words as he focused on this picnic, here and now. Held on a rooftop so breathtakingly familiar that it made him nostalgic; he didn’t remember when he’d last seen it from this particular view, or at this time of night? But it hardly mattered. The feeling carried, held strong, made him happy in all the ways sitting down to eat made him wince gingerly.

“Besides—-this is the way I earn that forgiveness amiright? Or at least it’s a start—“ pulling his own little container closer as the wind caught some of his heavy dreads, made skittering wind chimes of the unbound ones, a nest of ropes around his form. Fighting even in his settling, his eyes hardly on the dish, the way they were glued mostly to Aelius’ windswept waves and billowing fuku. “We’re always starting things, you n I, huh Aelius? S’never dull — like finding a new species! The way I never know how to put a name to it?”

“All - your - newness..….and what we are?” The snap, snap, snap of little plastic hinges freeing the lid of the plated meal. The scrape of utensils. The way his em gaze remained steady, for Aelius alone — for Heliodore — his equal ten times over —- by years and miles — who’d waited as long as his older brother if not longer to claim what was rightfully his; power — pride — accomplishments.

Always a hesitation to lay claims— and Waru wondered if it was a hereditary trait shared between brothers? A quiet bond? A restraint that needed breaking by outside ******** do I even call it…..or…maybe I let you decide? Since m’the absolute worst with labels.” Forking a bite he didn’t even taste of warm enough food into his mouth, auburn hues staying, staring, locked on the man across from him. Smiling through the seriousness of it all, handling things in the same ham fisted, blunt hammer fashion he always had. Nothing if not consistent. Because he didn’t know any other way.

His smile a warm flicker of an uptick as Aelius once again promised, for what felt like the thousandth time (instead of only the second), that he didn’t need to earn anything. But the way he wanted to make himself feel like he’d earned it; selfishly, greedily. He couldn’t place whether it was the right thing to do or not? But it felt better than forever second guessing himself if he’d done enough, or if there were still hidden rough burrs between them, unknown until he scraped himself on them.

No, it felt best to him to do this now and smooth out any possible snares…

So he didn’t correct Aelius, let this be his own private penance, marveled at the way the other man loved the Earth while he himself was so absorbed with the stars beyond. How Aelius could be so confident committing a murder, he’d seen it, the man leaving a pile of bodies with barely a flinch of emotion– only for that same man to somehow stumble when it came to drawing lines shaped like labels. Putting it all into words, and hell? For the life of him, he couldn’t blame Aelius for that. The way he despised putting names on things he couldn’t often define himself; and Faustite was always better for that, had all the words at his literal fingertips that he felt he lacked in general.

Maybe he’d ask his boy sometime? Beg all prettily to hear his winsome concepts put into concrete functions in the form of syllables and sounds.

“I did–” bright and sly with honesty, the way he tilted his head as he listened, eyeing Aelius prodding at the food like it might do a distracting trick for them both, like eating might save them from the truth of each other. “N’usually? You’d be right. Labels aren’t my thing anymore n’ the stars are yours.” Careful as trodding through a field of mines, picking his way across with steady bites between. Mostly savoring the vegetables, for once, even though the chicken looked promising – would taste the least palatable cold. Not that he cared about the temperature of the food so much as the temperature of the conversation; gauging Aelius’s reception of things as they plodded on.

“But for some people….the ones we’re friends with? The ones we love? Sometimes it’s necessary. N’just because I’m bad with coming up with ‘em doesn’t mean we can't have em…s**t t’clarify….t’help me make sure I know what ‘just us’ really means for both of us?” He needed it for himself, he realized, for Aelius also? The way he’d reacted couldn’t be a repeat performance – the way he’d treated Aelius and Ren and all just because he couldn’t handle ******** – what exactly? N’that was just it, wasn’t it? For once he needed the something extra, the little bit more, the words worth describing the indescribable of his entirety. He needed them. For more n just himself this time. “S’for everything you said, Aelius. Those reasons exactly; your inexperienced with whatever this is…the unnameable ‘we’….n’then there's me? And if what I do pisses all the ******** over these new-to-you experiences?”

He paused to pick the chicken apart, to watch the little dents appear under the forks careful pressure, to mangle it instead of use it as the food it was intended, before shaking his heavy head, half lidded eyes flicking up from where they’d been glued down before, even if only half a second. “I don’t think I could live with that. ******** this up – ******** you up – and for everyone else I care about? Hell– with the way s**t just went down at the club?” It was better to see Aelius when he asked this, with soft beg, with a desire for insisting on glass walls between them. Something as seethrough as a spring shower.

“I think labels are what we need…t’keep each other safe, kinda, yeah? Or – ******** – at least a definition? Ahn–an explanation of sorts? I care too much t’risk you as a friend…and of course I’m willing t’help you…yeah? Heh – t’help ‘us’ find…well..something we can name for each other. Else it’s the club all over again – every time – and that sucked soo ******** much…”

“I do…” fondness, how could he be anything but? Feel anything but? How could he blame Aelius for being exactly who he was — the hypocrisy — to treat him in a way he’d treat no other. He decided to accept it, to clear his issues with it here and now, for both their sakes. It was nothing he didn’t do for others already, it was a small thing to do for this man. Whatever they did or didn’t become? He accepted all of it. Jealousy and bitterness, the clinging he didn’t quite understand. The way he decided he didn’t need to understand it — not totally — so long as he made his own intentions clear?

“And it’s okay, yanno? No need t’tie yourself up in knots when I should’ve known better n’to entertain two male betta fish in the one tank. I forgive you too, okay? Always have, always will…” Teasing, even if the look on Aelius face had soured and the food was absolutely going to go blisteringly cold. He almost couldn’t help himself, poking the slightest bit of fun to burst the growing cloud mood.

The way he appreciated all of Aelius’s honesty throughout.

“I finally figured out why I got sooo pissed off though. Heh— two days later ‘n with a lot of thinking…” scoffing at himself, the way he always needs that extra time, the way some things were slower to process than others. The irksome why, the way it’d required so much introspection; space, time, even if a small amount.

“Like? The root of the issue. The way I took what you said so ********’ badly—the way I associated alluv-that with myself when I shouldn’t have? When you didn’t mean it that way—and I know that now—probably knew it then? But in that moment…“ he tsk’d himself, flailing for an explanation that contained more. Fumbled it in the process, the way his gaze briefly flicked to the sky as if begging for reason and patience before falling down to the soft blanket and Aelius’s form once more.

“Because I’m married to him….” because that was important, because it needed to be said, because ‘husband’ was a word and he honored it the best he could!! “Because you’re ‘just friends’ with me…” as if Aelius was anything but, as if the man was more? How Ren being his husband meant something deeper, that word a powerful one, but not one that excluded all other words, people, feelings from his life! Because, most importantly? He wanted Aelius to get it! If he had to explain it ten different times – to draw diagrams the way Eion once had done so graciously for him.

“The way I put you in this box in my head—” and he felt Aeliu’s frustration as though it were his own, a shared breath of a thing, the way he could taste it on the air and wished it gone just as easily as it’d come upon him, sneaky as a panther in the grass. “The way I ********’ oh— I snarled at the idea that you maybe — ******** somewhere deep down? Thought I was just with Ren because he’d bought me with that pretty, pretty ring. With all the cash he has that I don’t give a ******** about. That I could be paid for at all — or that my other lovers are just — that my husband was —“ the way he couldn’t quite say it, the way the chicken slowly cooled until it was inedible, and he mirrored Aelius' movements of putting the items temporarily away. His fingers enjoyed being busy, a task that was almost fidgety, if only mildly distracting.

“N’if you were anyone else?” head cocked and he blinked for a moment, squinted at Aelius – *Heliodore* – as the Eternal seemed to slip his outfits ties and strip down, and…Which was weird – but – whatever! It could all wait — all of it. Leaning forwards as he spoke, elbows finding purchase on his knees as he hunted for more catches of glimmering gold eyes.

“All the ways I probably wouldn’t have given a ******** if you were just a stranger — if I didn’t care about what you think so badly — if I wasn’t attached to you? N’you t’me for all intents n’purposes!“ The mental box had been a lie, a useless tactic, a way to keep his hands and feelings where they were meant to be, but not his desire to possess Aelius. The way he felt like he’d had to put even that down (the way he couldn’t do it entirely!!)— every time it reared itself — the urge to attach my, and mine, and ours, and forever!! To every single blue haired thought he harbored about the other man, innocent or otherwise. He knew himself well enough by now to know that those thoughts were dangerous things to give breath; and life, and voice too!

Nature would have its due, things would develop on their own, he rarely ever pushed! Except for all the ways he did—passively—even when that pushing was little more than a casual lean against the one exit door with a pull sign on the other side of it. A tide waiting to roll into the nearest pool and fill the endless coves to drowning height with seafoam and saltwater.

“So! If friends is what we’re going with? Is this like what I had with Sylvite — or what I have with Syrus? Or — like me n Todd at the convenience store, real casual s**t and slurpees? Is this— cause Emmy n Adam were there..but yanno they ******** it…” the panic as Aelius finished what he was saying, as the bluenette stood. How he raced to throw his words out before the man left him! It was going to be Ren all over again – Aelius was suddenly going to have somewhere to go, some reason to leave, and ******** if it wouldn’tve been his own damn fault for causing it!

If Aelius would just give him a second and stay!

“Maybe I don’t need a label so much as I need—just—“ he almost reached out to snatch Aelius as the Senshi walked by, robes shed, ropes in unwound patterns, the amount of layers the guy had on him was kinda astonishing in a way? Reminded him distantly of Kamacite’s sunny, layered hues. A half consideration of a distant memory as his mouth ran on, because he couldn’t stop talking to save himself, if he’d been shot dead? His corpse would’ve raised up to finish the ******** sentence just as quickly – a dying breath – his final plea to air. “The reassurance?” But Aelius wasn’t leaving, and Waru blinked around his next hash of rushed words, gaped slightly as his head tilted up and back to follow the Eternals movements with curious Auburn eyes and a slight scrunch of features.

“This–that no matter what? No matter who ******** up for why reasons…..that we can keep coming back and doing this, right here, like tonight? The same way you promised for Faustite? But for me—okay…” The way the outermost layer settled; wave trimmed, red soaked, warm about his shoulders, and he thought maybe he didn’t have to lay his thoughts on so heavily; not under the press of warm fingertips and glamored fabric that smelled reminiscent of sea salt, incense, Aelius’s shampoo.

His own features and mouth softened exponentially, his eyes searched for what, he wasn’t even sure. Maybe some fearful sign that this was a goodbye gift? The realization that he needn’t have dumped all those words on Aelius at all. That all he needed to ever do was not *push* on that ******** pull door. The person on the other side would open it when damn good n’ ready, and not a moment sooner.

“Please…” and he pulled the robes tighter reflexively, wound the surprisingly thick silken fabric closer, looking for all the world as if he’d fight Aelius at the first sign of being made to let it go. ******** – and how it made him wish for Faustite now? For his husband to be with them, sitting bonfire center, and warming them both while resolving the entirety of his inability to speak a single part of his mind simply or clearly!

Because if anyone could ever be his damn translator?

“I don’t ever need it, yanno? All the people that wanna give me that kinda grace — the ‘more’ in all forms — cause they think I’ve earned it somehow just by breathing ....and not being an a*****e for all of five minutes…when I manage it?” Laughing as Aelius settled up, and he did seek that comfort of his picnic buddy, used Aelius to lean his weight on. “But maybe I can learn t’quit fighting that too? T’be all accepting n’s**t instead of throwing a fit everytime someone tries —“ hesitant, chastised, if only by himself. Ever aware of his own flaws even if it took him time to understand they were flaws — that they could exist in this form.

He wasn’t good with that, he knew, accepting gifts, tying his value and worth to other people’s love in that manner. People seemed to want it though, to make grand offers and even grander features and maybe he should just quit fighting that? Or running from it? Or making it all on his own damn terms? Not all acts had to be in service or spoken with bodies and piles of words. Some things could be this—

He could take a thing and be thought of as more n that, or so he hoped? The way he didn’t want any of his affairs muddled by that specific sort of perceived greediness, because the only currency he valued was the most invisible sort of all. But Ren had gotten on a plane— hadn’t he? He wouldn’t say it aloud, the way he knew he’d ducked up there, the way all his fretting n hesitancy had torn the man slowly to tatters like a sweater thread snagged on a nail. Unraveling a little at a time till the yarn was back to being just that..

Formless, undone.

Best not to make the same mistake twice then. To keep making it on repeat. Better to fix it now so that when Ren did come back? So that when he dealt with people who wanted to give so much they’d see him torn in two or worse — walk away rather than hurt him like that — leave him whole and alone and to make choices he would never know we’re right until the sun rose and only then?

“So—ahm—hah—what I mean is ‘yeah’, okay? I can do that for you. We can do that for each other. Easiest promise I’ve ever made—t’forgive—t’work it out…“ the way it all felt strangely like vows as he was saying them, his soft reviere broken by Aelius asking about the cold. He nearly snatched back the long robes of the fuku as they were teased at, but instead? He opened the sleeve, threw it and his arm around the bluenette’s shoulders, pulling him closer still.

“I am now—warmer, that is.” The way it felt perfectly right to say the words against Helios temple, to press a kiss to the top of the Eternals silken head, and squeeze him just the once. The touch was friendly as it was filled with gratitude, the way his words came like a hopeful sigh.

“Thank you Aelius, for everything…how about we stay out n watch the stars a bit?” They could finish the picnic this way, and he thought if they squinted? They might even see some fall right out of the sky, maybe even down to Earth —

Become new Senshi—

The whole works!

(Fin!)