[SRP] Just One Step

[Kaya Wolf Moon]

This is a private RP with my Soquili, Hollow Tzalmon. Please DO NOT post without permission!





Kaya Wolf Moon's Teepee

 

[Kaya Wolf Moon]

It had been five years since Hollow Tzalmon had been here. Five years since his paws had dared set foot on these grounds. Five years since the fiasco that had shaped who he was. He never dreamed that he would come back to this place. If he were honest, there was a part of him that still didn’t want to be here. A big part really. It wasn’t a place filled with fond memories. Quite the opposite in fact. And it wasn’t simply in his mind either. No, there was a story here. One that he’d planned to keep buried in the past forever. But, unfortunately for him, Shinzui somehow learned about it. Hollow thought his father may have had something to do with it, though he couldn’t be one hundred percent sure on that. From the moment he found out, Shinzui never let the subject completely drop. The wolf wasn’t normally one to push so hard. Yet there had been something about this particular ordeal that seemed to almost irritate his bonded. Week after week, the Shifter could count on being questioned about the situation. Hollow, as was his way, used his snarky attitude to brush off the questions and deflect to other things; however, Shinzui was nothing if not persistent.

After another two nights of pestering, Hollow had had enough. “What do you want me from me?!” He snarled at his friend. “It was an accident! A terrible, horrible accident! An accident that I have felt nothing but guilt over since it happened. Do you think that’s easy? To deal with guilt like that? To know that, no matter what I do or how hard I try, there will be nothing that I can possibly do that will bring peace?” His voice cracked with rare emotion. With a shake of his head, he had turned away from the wolf in shame. He didn’t think Shinzui could understand. Nobody truly could. Even he had a hard time deciphering his feelings. Hollow had always been in control. He always had to be. In no small part due to his species’ reputation. Control was key but there were times, especially regarding this, where he felt he had no control. Perhaps because it wasn’t just guilt that gnawed at him. When it came down to it…Hollow Tzalmon was scared. Scared of the repercussions from what had happened. He wasn’t lying when he said it was an accident. It had been. Except that didn’t stop the rumors and the nasty glares. Nor did it stop the name calling and rock throwing.

“I don’t think it’s been easy, no,” Shinzui said softly. He padded over to Hollow, sitting down beside him. “And I don’t think making amends will be easy. But you need to try. Beings change. Circumstances and views change. An enemy yesterday could easily become a friend today. You just have to take the first step.” The wolf glanced up at his friend. “I’m not saying the past will be forgotten and they’ll accept you with open arms. I’m saying you’ll never know unless you give it a chance…as scary as it is.” “I never said I was scared,” Hollow denied a bit too quickly. “You didn’t have to. I have eyes and can see. It helps that I’m your best friend too. I can read your body language and moods better than anyone.”

WC: 562  

[Kaya Wolf Moon]

Shinzui continued to watch Hollow as he spoke. Try as the other might to hide it, he could see the toll the conversation was having on the Shifter. Hollow had always kept his emotions under control and close to the chest. He very rarely showed much openly, choosing to make snarky, witty comments instead. But the incident had been weighing heavily on Hollow’s mind which was making it more difficult for that defense mechanism to do its job. The wolf frowned then sighed. “Would facing that fear be worse than living with the guilt?” There was a long pause. Hollow Tzalmon turned the question over and over in his mind, pitting the two emotions against one another. WOULD facing his fear be worse? Could it somehow be better? It was possible though he doubted it. If he closed his eyes, he could easily picture that place and the angry features of its residents. Sometimes, he swore he still felt the sharp pangs of where the gravel hit true to the mark.

He took another moment to answer. “I don’t know.” Hollow answered truthfully. “It might be.” “Why?” Shinzui was hoping that by digging, the feline might be able to come to terms with what had happened and find the courage to return to the area. “Because it just might be,” Hollow snapped. “That’s not an answer.” “Well it’s all the answer I’ve got! You weren’t there, Shin. You didn’t see their faces or have rocks hurled at you. You didn’t have to deal with the hatred…or worry that you might be killed! And for what reason? Hmm?” He pressed on without waiting for a response. “Because I was born a Shifter. Because of that, and only because of that, they didn’t want to believe it was an accident. They saw the blood and immediately assumed the worst. Never mind that it happened while I was trying to help…that my paw slipped while pulling the foal from the water…None of that appeared to matter. I’d have been better off letting the brat drown.” Hollow’s voice had dropped to merely a whisper as he said the last. Shinzui shook his head. “That’s not who you are, nor will you ever be.”

Hollow gave a snort. “You sound like Dad now.” “You know it’s true. Honestly, it’s probably why the guilt eats so badly at you. All you wanted was to help. An accident happened and they couldn’t see past their prejudices. So, they acted how they did and you were made to deal with it. You- a scared young adult who had barely left foalhood. You’re older now though, which means it’s time you put it to rest once and for all.” The brown and black feline slowly shook his head back and forth, wondering if his bonded had lost his mind. “Older means I’ve gotten bigger too. To them, that’ll mean meaner, more aggressive…scarier. If they wouldn’t listen before, then they certainly won’t listen now.” Shinzui thumped the end of his tail against the ground. An impatient gesture he often did in conversations like these. “I said it already but I’ll say it again- You won’t know unless you try.”

WC: 529  

[Kaya Wolf Moon]

“Now you sound like a broken record,” Hollow griped, briefly glancing at the wolf before turning away. “I seriously doubt they’ll want anything to do with me. Maybe if I’d felt up to going back before, but now…there’s too much time that’s past. I’ve seen what the seeds of hate and anger do when given time to root. It isn’t pretty.” Yes, he could see everything plainly in his mind’s eye. Those eyes like daggers would hold that much more rage. Honestly, he was fairly confident he would be attacked before he could get a word out. If I had some sort of guarantee… He didn’t even bother finishing the thought. There were never any guarantees in life, so he shouldn’t expect to be afforded one here. “Seeds only grow when watered,” Shinzui intoned wisely. “You’re assuming they’ve been harboring those feelings all this time. But who’s to say…they may have seen the error of their ways. It’s not unheard of, you know.” Hollow scoffed. “You’re an optimist, Shin! Here I had you pegged for a pragmatist.” There was the snark the Shifter was so fond of utilizing. Shinzui rolled his eyes. “Hollow, you’ve got to do SOMETHING. Lest the guilt and fear become something even you won’t be able to bear.”

The smaller creature hoped that his friend would heed his words. Living with those sorts of feelings, pent up and unable to reconcile with them, was simply no way to live. Shinzui wished that he could’ve been there when the incident occurred. Perhaps then Hollow wouldn’t have been made to carry the weight alone. Yet, what’s done was done. He was here now and he’d do his best to help the other find his peace. All he needed at the moment, however, was for Hollow to see he needed it. Unfortunately, the big guy could be thickheaded, and Shinzui could only push so far. If Hollow truly didn’t want to confront it, then there was no point in pressing any further. As luck would have it though, something of what he’d said seemed to make it through that thick skull. Hollow Tzalmon drew in a deep breath, exhaling it slowly through his nose. “You’re annoying, you know that?” He cocked his head, peering sideways at the wolf. “Absolutely, positively annoying but…I suppose…it wouldn’t hurt…” His halting speech indicated he was still weighing things out, gathering his thoughts. There was a pause, then another sigh. “Fine then. I’ll TRY…but if I see the first sign of a rock, I’m out of there.” “Fair enough.” Shinzui nodded.

That had been three days ago. Hollow’s anxiety and fear increased with every step closer. And now that he was here, back where it all happened, he wasn’t sure if he could go through with it. On the same token, he didn’t know if he could walk away either. Not with being so close. Sensing his friend’s trepidation, Shinzui placed an encouraging paw on the feline’s leg. “Remember, all it takes is just one step. You’re not alone this time. I’ll be right there with you.” Hollow wanted to make a comment about the touchy-feely stuff but the words died on his tongue. Instead, he closed his eyes, took in a breath, and nodded. “Here goes nothing.” Stepping out into the open, he hesitated a beat then started forward. Forward, he hoped, into a new peace.

FIN

WC: 563