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 Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:41 pm
((dated late December, following this rp)) It was unlike Kam to miss out on Friday nights with her. He was always there, always waiting to open the door with that sexy little smirk… well, almost always. Sometimes the smile was softer, a hint of pain behind his eyes. Those were the nights when his fire was banked and they came together in a different sort of way. She didn’t like to label it… putting a name to it would make it mean something and this was just two people enjoying time together, that was it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
But he was always there. He’d never not been there. Not until yesterday.
It had been concerning to come up to the door like normal, lean sexy and lazy against the door jab, ring the bell… and then nothing. No light or movement, no one opening the door. She’d rung the bell again, figuring maybe she’d caught him sleeping or in the shower… but ten minutes later, still nothing. Worried suddenly about a small blonde woman and a legion of people out to take control of this city, Cinnabar had dropped her glamour behind his house and teleported inside, but the condo had been empty. No note, nothing. She’d finally given up and left, unable to satisfy the questions left behind.
She’d texted him, then when that prompted nothing, called and left a message for him to call her. Still nothing. She worried, then felt stupid for worrying. He was an adult, a big, well-muscled and trained fighter. He had probably just blown her off, lost his phone, something mundane. It was more likely than him being hurt and it was stupid that it made her anxious. She’d pushed it out of her mind and focused on her work instead, but the thoughts had kept coming back.
Her boots snapped against the frozen concrete as Cin paced up to Kam’s door for a second time, her bike cooling at the curb behind her. At the door itself, she hit the bell a little harder than necessary, holding it for a beat before releasing.
God damn, he had better be home. This s**t is ridiculous. I don’t know why I’m even worried about it. Alkaid would keep him safe, she said as much.
She could hope, anyway.
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Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:49 pm
The doorbell chimed inside of the apartment and somewhere among the darkness, the hulking brute stirred.
There were no lights on apart from what appeared to be the stove light in the kitchen and the alternating blares of color from the television, both of which cast their respective areas in ghostly, eerie glows. For someone that had just accepted a new roommate into his life, Kam had spent the last twenty-four hours oddly alone and wallowing in his own despair.
If whoever it was hadn’t been so persistent on the other side of the door, he might not have roused himself from beneath the blanket stretched over his couch. Apart from getting up to relieve himself and drink the occasional sip of water, his eyes had been glued to the TV, mindlessly watching a series of shows he didn’t care about apart from their ability to distract him. The bell was like a mosquito, tickling his thoughts, drawing him out of the zombie-like state he had assumed following a night that he would never remember fondly. When he tossed the covers off of him and stood, it was like his betrayal of Ida had put the final weight atop his shoulders - it was the last burden he could carry and even if he could support the weight, he was crumbling under it.
Even in the dim lighting of the flashing TV lights, it was easy to see the way his eyes had sunken and the deep, tired circles that ringed them and stood out against even his dark skin. He was hunched a little into himself and his stride, normally proud and defiant, was little more than a slink across the floor.
When he finally grabbed the handle and pulled the door open, his exhausted expression remained for a single moment - until realization dawned on him. In all that had happened over the last week, Ariel’s Friday visit had been forgotten.
“s**t, what day is it?”
His eyes shifted sideways to the hall that led to his bedroom, where he knew he had left the cellphone among a pile of other things. He brought a hand to his face and rubbed at his eyes, using the motion to avoid any accusing looks from the woman who looked just as amazing as she always did. He could recognize that, even in the middle of his own self pity.
“I’m sorry, it’s Saturday isn’t it?”
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Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:54 pm
She made sure to ring the bell a few times with pauses between in case he had to make his way to the door. She’d been just working herself up to leave when the portal had finally opened, yawning into darkness. It took a moment for her to see him, the house was so dark inside, and when she did there was rush of sudden relief. It felt like a surge of warmth, but hard on the heels of that came irritation, blooming into anger.
She had been worried about him. And here he was. Fine. Or mostly so.
Her brows drew together in a sharp frown as she gave him a once over. She didn’t miss the haggard look, the way his eyes looked sunken and his shoulders slumped. He looked even worse than that other time, back in september, when the anniversary of his brother’s disappearance came around. Was it the same now? Is that what this was? What had sparked the sudden disappearance and strung out look.
“You look like s**t.” Cinnabar said as she leaned back on her heels, her hands shoving deep into the pockets of her leather coat. She didn’t remark on what day it was. He knew well enough. “I just came by to check on you. Make sure you made it home safely.”
The tall woman didn’t drop her eyes away from him, but neither was her posture open and welcoming as normal. Guarded was probably the best word. Reserved.
“When you didn’t answer me, I wasn’t sure what happened.” It was hard not to slip into Passive Aggressive like some kind of possessive girlfriend as she watched him rub his eyes and that only increased her irritation.
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Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:54 pm
Despite the obvious irritation that was bubbling under the surface of the tall brunette, a very small, weak smile pulled at Kam’s lips. He leaned a little against the door, resting his over-warm cheek against the cool metal face as he considered her.
“Are you getting possessive, kitten?”
Yet even that playful banter was a sign - there was no fire in him to be offended by her accusations, no fight. If she had truly been angry in that moment, Kamboja Vaiphei would have simply accepted it, so few were the spoons he had left to offer other people. That tiny bit of mirth was enough, though, to make him step aside and offer her entrance - if she wanted it. Ariel’s company was the only suitable upgrade from no company at all. Anyone else would have likely gotten a door shut in their face.
If he had been in any other state of mind, he would have questioned that thought and the feeling that accompanied it. Now? Now he just wanted the easiness of her company, even if she was irritated. He had a million apologies to make already and no idea how to make them - at least with Ariel, it could be easier. It was an apology he could make and mean because he would have preferred to have been wrapped in her arms like any other typical Friday night instead of out..
He squashed the thought.
“I’m alright. I just had some things to take care of last night that I’d been putting off.” Things he couldn’t explain - things he didn’t want to explain. “It was kind of an emergency, I’m sorry I didn’t think to text you first.”
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Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:56 pm
His words echoed her thoughts and her anger sparked hotter, merging with offense at the way he seemed to laugh off her concern as something far more petty. Like she had so little care for him all that mattered was claiming his time… Cin took one long step forward into his space, her face thunderous, and her hands clenched as she dropped them by her hips.
“I'm not Sana, Kam.” She snapped. It almost startled her there wasn't the usual base growl in the words. She felt like her tail was lashing under whatever magic kept it safely hidden from the man in the doorway.
“You of all people know what it feels like when someone suddenly goes missing in this city.”
The words held hurt, and realizing it, she pulled back, her eyes shuttering even as they held his gaze, refusing to back down from him. The worrying had hurt and that bothered her. She wasn't supposed to hurt. This wasn't supposed to be like that and she was supposed to be stronger.
General Cinnabar was the lion of the Negaverse. A monster. She had to be that, because to not be that was to be weak… To hurt. To want things she couldn't have any more. Usually, it came without thought. She simply was, and she felt powerful and complete. But not with Kam. She… Felt things, with him. More and more lately.
She shouldn't have come here. Not now, not after that night in September. Not after dancing in the club and having sex in the back room. Not after driving him home when she found him drunk on the street. She should have kept going straight when the light went green. She should never have turned down that street…
“You don't owe me anything, Kam.” Cin said, losing her heat. “You don't have to tell me where you go or what you do or why. I don't own you.”
It hurt and that, more than anything, was a big ******** red flag. And red flags scared her down to her core. He’d been gone for one day and suddenly everything felt dangerously precarious.
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Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 5:00 pm
Ariel stepped forward and Kam, despite himself, found that he had to steel his resolve to keep himself from backing down to all the might and fury that radiated from her. In that moment he realized that all the strength and fire that he adored about her was also something to be feared. She wasn’t Sana, she didn’t have to accept his mistakes and blunders with a sigh and pout.
She could just make him eat his words.
But as his mouth opened to apologize, hers continued to work, layering the guilt of her worry with a measure of hurt. He didn’t need to be reminded of Khal to know what horrors a missing person in this city could endure, but she’d done it for him anyway, and for a split second he felt his anger stir within him. It felt like a lazy, old dragon trying to spit flames beneath the ocean that was swallowing him whole. Ariel could rouse it, but even she couldn’t pull it free of the depths. The look on his face wasn’t stony, but tense, and his eyes smoldered with all the promise of what could have been a screaming match - but the cops wouldn’t be called on them that night.
“I hear what you’re saying, Ariel, but I’m better at reading your body than I am with dealing with whatever lie you’re telling yourself right now.”
The man dipped through the threshold and took the last few steps to close the distance between them, staring intently at the fiery eyes that leveled on his own like fresh, hot coals. He couldn’t find it in him to be rise to her anger, but he could still be defiant, because Ida’s memory was worth more than giving into a spat with his sometimes lover. What he’d been doing had changed a life, maybe several, and even though he would never feel proud of what he’d done, he could at least refuse to wave it off as something trivial.
“So either admit that you’re angry and own up to it, own up to whatever keeps pulling you back here to me,” as he spoke he leaned in as he had done a hundred times before, though this time he didn’t claim her lips as he would have any other night, “or let it go and accept that I have certain things to do that I can’t talk to you about, just like you do every time you slip out of my bedroom before dawn.”
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Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 5:08 pm
She remained stiff and tense as he closed the distance to a breath of space. She could have touched him by shifting her weight the right way, but the space between them was suddenly so charged they felt like magnets turned the wrong way.
Cin met his eyes as he called her the name that wasn't her name any more and blatantly called her out on what she had only just discovered for herself. Had he known this whole time? She didn't know how long she’d been lying to herself, but somehow, he knew.
But… Now that it was out in the open, that meant she couldn't pretend any more. She couldn't say this was just a fun fling and it was okay to indulge in it. She couldn't say it was okay to be here, pretending to be something she wasn't, so she could taste a little of something she couldn't have.
He leaned and her head tilted automatically, her lips parted for him. But he stopped short and she pressed her lips together, a muscle jumping in her jaw as she clenched it.
This had gone on long enough. It had to happen eventually. She just hadn't thought it would be so soon. Cin knew what she needed to say, what she needed to do, but that didn't make her want to do it, or not mourn that she had to. Alkaid was right to give her a hard time. She wasn't anything that belonged here with Kam, even looking past all the normal, human insecurities she had about relationships. She didn't like insecurities, but at least they weren't the only thing holding her back.
He might even understand, if she could have shared the truth with him, but there wasn't even anything she could tell him. She couldn't explain this… It just had to be. At Least, by doing this, she was at last cutting the last tie to the woman she used to be. She could forget. Fully be the General she was supposed to be. That was something… right?
“Like I said.” Cin pulled back, tucking her hands into her pockets. She pushed down everything until she just felt… Hard. And cold. “I don't own you and you don't owe me anything.”
She turned away from him and, had her grip been less iron, she might have felt the loss of the warmth radiating off his skin, and mourned it. She wanted to kiss him, just once, but she couldn't even allow that.
“Work is sending me out of town for a while.” She lied, her face turned away from his dark, angry eyes. “I won't be available for the next couple of weeks. I don't know how long. I'll call you when I’m free.”
Free...
Cinnabar forced herself to walk to her bike with steady, even steps, reaching for the helmet she’d left hanging from the handle bar. It was time she put this little diversion behind her and stopped playing make believe.
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Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 5:11 pm
Everything that had ever passed between them was a game of strength, a gamble with their longing hearts. Each time they collided they won a little piece of the other, molded it, reshaped it and devoured it whole. For months they danced in the flames, ignorant and hopeful, until at last they were left standing over nothing but the coals they had left to spare.
As she pulled back away from him, he felt the chill left in the wake of her absence and he watched, powerless, as she retreated behind her fire break. In the pits of his soul he felt the parting, even as his dark eyes stared after her in disbelief.
At last his bluff had been called - who was he, if he didn’t have the fight left in him any longer?
“Ari -” he began, hopeless even as he spoke, but his voice faltered beneath the one at the back of his mind. What did he deserve to ask of her? Nothing.
He was selfish, but he knew it, and he knew that she deserved to be free of his sins before they swallowed everyone in his life whole.
“Alright,” he began again, defeated and cold as he stood alone at last, “you know where to find me.”
He couldn’t stand there and watch her mount the bike - he didn’t want to hear the roar of the engine as it propelled her away from him. He couldn’t say the words to make her stay and so he only retreated, defeated, back into the darkness of his apartment.
Nothing and no one waited there - he was free of burdens.
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