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Aten had barely heard the knock on the door, or even heard the door open. His desk was covered in books, all flipped open to various places with little coloured tabs to mark the important paragraphs he wanted to highlight. His study techniques were pretty intense, and this was why he sometimes lost weeks at a time.

With both clawed hands pressed to his long Imp ears he barely heard a word Cassie said, assuming the voice belong to a friend of one of his roommates. It sounded dull enough with all the fluff clogging his ears that it very well could have been a distant voice. He had no ideas that it was actually Cassie, or that the voice originated from a few feet away from him, let alone drawing nearer.

"Mmph." Aten grunted. It could have been mistaken for a half-present response, had he even glanced in Cassie's direction. Truth was he was lost in all his reading materials. He had been trying to cram in so many classes and courses all at once, and was also studying up on the universities versus the community colleges and how they may help him land a job as a caretaker. Did he even need to go to post-secondary? He was in such good standing with the school for practically running the Big Siblings Program on the side that maybe he would be grandfathered in if he chose to come back.

There was a lot to think about. Far more than one Social Studies project, and Aten's poor mind was cluttered and swamped, trying to processes too many answers all at once.

"Grrrk--!" the sudden jerk on his chair threw Aten back to planet earth, hands slamming down on to the desk and gripping the edge for stability. Had he been leaning back? Wasn't he just leaning forward? But as the chair started to slowly shift back a bit further, inch by inch, it dawned on Aten that it had to be either a magical prank or another Nightmare.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Aten had been about to turn to look over his shoulder, but Cassie's voice reached his long, droopy ears first, and Aten relaxed. He lifted his feet ever so slightly off the floor as he felt his chair start to turn, and as Aten's chair was rotated around there was an apologetic smile waiting for Cassie. "Sorry." The Imp said quietly, folding his hands over one another in his lap. Even sitting, he was almost taller than Cassie. Had he really grown so tall in such a short amount of time?

Blue eyes meeting hers, the boy leaned back against the chair to make himself more comfortable, running a hand down the back of his neck as if trying to smooth out the fur that was standing up on edge from his little scare just a moment ago.

"Up there?" he asked curiously, a little unsure. "You mean ... in my head?"

The Imp's lips quivered a little, Aten's muscles unsure if they should smile or frown, his expression rather ambivalent. He wasn't sure if he should be offended by Cassie's comment, feel guilty, just be happy that she was here, or take what she said with a grain of salt. "Erhm ... " Aten watched as Cassie crossed the room to open his window and pondered her question. To him, that seemed like such a loaded answer.

Well, Cassie, he thought to himself. Seeing as you asked, I'm still grieving over the loss of my first love interest even though I never technically had him, and the only way I can cope is swamping myself in a s**t load of books so I can finally get my brain to go numb and quiet for a little while. I don't know what course of action is best for me at this point, whether I even want to go to post-secondary after the loneliness the academy forced upon me, and -- oh, yeah! I think I might be crushing with my best friend and ex-love interest's girlfriend who I considered an enemy only a month or so ago. Funny how that works, huh? I guess it's true what they say; it's a fine line between love and hate.

Aten sighed heavily, and despite all the thoughts running through his head said simply: "It's complicated ... "

Reaching out, Aten picked up his tepid cup of white ayurvedic chai and sipped at it. Thankfully it was a tea that still tasted good even if it was cooled. "Breathe? I breathe all the time. Now, when was the last time I saw the sun? Fair question ... "

Aten considered her offer for a quiet moment. He was unsure as to whether or not he could openly say what he wanted to without risk of offending her or setting her off. While he had known Cassie for quite some time, he hadn't yet learned in depth how she handled conflict. Aten wasn't entirely ready to find that out, but maybe being open with her was the best chance he had at really getting to know Cassie the way he desired to. Maybe if he could just build some solid trust between them ...

"Indeed they are ... but I'm not sure you'll want to hear what I have going on inside my head. But, if you want me to ... I can certainly tell you ... "

Aten chewed on his lower lip a little. "Possibly." he said bluntly, then heaved a heavy sigh, leaning forward on to his forearms, resting them against his thigh.

"Truthfully, Cassie ... I've been holding on to it for a while. Smolder ... has an idea, I'm sure. But. I guess I have some explaining to do, and you deserve to hear why I wasn't really around until recently. I'm not proud of it, but it was ... something I needed to do for myself." The Imp made a small 'tch' sound at himself. Maybe he just needed the closure. He was doing quite well on his own with everything once he got over the depression hump, but what sort of effect would bringing it up again for himself have on him? He was so close to graduating from the Academy at long last ... so. Why did he want to potentially risk that by bumming himself out again? Maybe Aten new that somewhere, some part of himself was aware he owed that explanation to Cassie. Whether or not Aten wanted to acknowledge it at the time, Cassie had to feel awfully lonely without Smolder around anymore ...

He had been so inconsiderate, and if nothing else, he owed her an apology.

He just had to say it. Aten just had to be out with it. He had to say it. He had to do it. Do it. Just do it. Just do it.

"I was --- am -- was in love with Smolder!" he blurted suddenly, clenching his fists tight, half yelling what had been eating at him for so long. But as the words filled the room, and the silence echoed throughout the room, his body untensed, like a great weight lifting from him.

"I ... told him. Before he left for Asterion. I had spent ... what felt like so long watching you guys get closer. You had him from day one of meeting, and I spent years under his wing. I was so envious of you, Cassie. And I thought ... maybe if I just. Kept myself awkward and feminine that maybe ... if I just told him how I felt that he'd. Like me too. But when I finally gathered the courage to tell him ... he was so in love with you. He was so ... committed and faithful. And I wouldn't have minded any of that ... if I didn't feel so left behind. And ... the way he looked at me when I told him. It was a look of almost ... pity and regret. And he tried to break it to me easy -- but also tried to ask why I let myself fall for him when I've always known he has never had a taste for men ... " Aten sagged a little then, but continued. "So I snapped at him. We argued ... or rather, I yelled at him. He was just trying to be nice to me ... to reassure me it didn't change our friendship. But I was so angry at him for not loving me back, and afterwards when he left ... things were so strained because of me that I became so disgusted with myself ... and I just. Let everything fall apart."

Aten looked up then, teal blue eyes glossy and red from holding back tears. What would she think, he wondered? Hopefully nothing too harsh, but at least he would understand ...

"Cassie, no ... " Aten reached forward, grabbing both of her hands when she pulled away to put some distance between them. "I'm not done ... I still have more to say ... "

The Imp swallowed hard, letting his head droop as he stared at the floor, not able to look her in the eye. Despite this he rubbed his claws over the knuckles of her hands, as if trying to gain encouragement from their connection. "It gets more complicated than that ... " Aten spoke quietly, a little unsure.

"I ... realized. After you and I ... reconnected. That perhaps ... a part of my jealousy was ... because I had unrealized feelings for you too." He swallowed a second time, this time much more of a nervous gulp. "I have been enjoying your company so much. Finally getting alone time with you where it's just you and I, even if we're just studying, has been so lovely. No amount of poetry and prose could ever serve me justice on just how good having you around makes me feel ... and I realized ... it was much the same way Smolder made me feel. I know triads aren't ... uncommon. And I have been harboring some hope perhaps ... that ... maybe one day, maybe Smolder and you ... ?"

Aten let go of Cassie's hands and sat back, letting his head loll back as he stared at the cieling and wiped at his eyes. "I know Smolder will never love me physically. But maybe one day he could at least ... love me emotionally. I would be content with that. I would love to be a part of your guys' lives in a much bigger way, but I feel so ... secluded. You're both fallen -- you both understand one another in a way I never could, and I'm also much younger than the both of you. I know the academy lets us tackle our own education at our own speed, but ... still ... just because we're likely to graduate around the same time doesn't mean it isn't painfully obvious how much younger I am." Aten laughed a little at that, a half-hearted attempt to try and cheer himself up.

"I dunno ... I just. Outside of you two. I've never really made any real friends. I see Chi from time to time ... but she's. Busy with her girlfriend and plushie making. I never really get the chance to hang out with her all that often." He smiled apologetically, finally lowering his head to look at Cassie once more, cheeks a little damp from his tears. "I dunno ... maybe this all sounds stupid ... but. It would be a dream come true for me for all of us ... to be. One. I guess."